Your words comfort me deeply during this time. As you know, my mother is incredibly busy with her work as a senator in the New Republic and my father is gone as usual. He has been giving me piloting lessons, but I haven't seen him or my mother in months. I've become lonely without you here. No one else wants to talk with me or be around me. Perhaps I intimidate them? Am I intimidating?
You never bore me. I am more than happy to relive old memories with you rather than sit alone and dwell on the thoughts that plague me. I understand the idea of things not falling neatly into categories and it is easy for me to simply state that as a fact, however everyone around me seemingly acts as if the world is black and white. It can be incredibly frustrating. I speak to my mother when I see her about my worries and she panics, as if feeling some pull from the Dark Side is taboo.
I can't help but agree with you about love. Love to me is not wanting to share the other person anymore. Wanting to devote yourself solely to them. It may sound silly to you as you write it, but I completely understand you. I always feel like we understand each other. Why can you not come back to me?
I know why you cannot come back. But my heart calls out to you. Perhaps, if you were to feel any part of the Force, it would be that. And perhaps the Force is what makes orange influence your hunger, who are we to know?
Please do not be scared, my best friend. I think soon I shall simply come and protect you. The Sith does seem incredibly frightening; he is often portrayed as a living nightmare. But he will never hurt you. I will make sure of that with every fiber of my being. And not just him. I would protect you from anyone, regardless of which side they have been assigned.
Soon enough, I believe I will be sent away to my Uncle's. I shall write the address to which you can send letters to. It isn't the exact address, but it will get to someone who will ensure I receive them. They are what keeps me living and breathing.
Please, continue to remember that time we spent together in the rain. If you will allow me to say such sappy things, I cannot help but admit the feelings that have been building within me for you. As I continue to beg you throughout this letter, I ask just one last thing from you. If it is not a burden on you, maybe you would allow me to be the next person to kiss you.
If you are going to the Sith's ships, it means I will not be able to visit you any time soon. You would have to come to me. You understand how my parents are, as well as the danger I would be in. But I will find a way for us to meet and when I do, I shall let you know the extent of my feelings.
Always,
Ben Solo