#ABNQ08 Chapter 08
I still needed to meet with one of my professors, but I was still crying inconsolably. Agad na nagtext ako sa driver para sunduin ako. I didn't think it was a good idea to meet with my prof while I was crying like this. And I didn't think that it was a good idea to walk around the campus looking like this.
Naglakad ako papunta sa may puno, at saka naupo doon. Niyakap ko 'yung binti ko habang nakayuko. My phone kept on vibrating, but I had no heart to answer it. Pagpinuntahan nila ako dito, iiyakan ko lang sila. Hindi ako makapagsalita. Mas masakit 'yung dibdib ko ngayon kaysa nung sabi ni Steele na ayaw niya na.
"There you are."
I didn't need to raise my head to know who was in front of me.
"Been looking everywhere," he said. I felt him crouching in front of me. Nakikita ko iyong binti niya sa harap ko. Sumilip din siya sa pagitan ng mga braso ko kaya nakita ko 'yung mala-broccoli niyang buhok.
I remained silent. I really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. I was emotional as heck. And I didn't like talking when I was full of emotion kasi baka kung ano 'yung masabi ko. Hindi na kasi nababawi 'yung salita kapag nasabi mo na. Nandyan na 'yan. Naka-sakit na 'yan.
"Still in the mood for Tagaytay?" he asked. I felt him now sitting beside me. "Though it's only the two of us. Matt and Simon's with Anj." Biglang napaangat iyong ulo ko. "Jesus, you're all red," sabi ni Psalm sabay bukas ng bag, at abot ng Gatorade.
"K-kasama niya si Anj?" I asked, stuttering because tears were still falling. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako matatapos umiyak. Iyong kapag akala ko tapos na, pero kapag nagsalita ako, biglang tutulo na lang sila.
He nodded, then opened the cap for me. "Yeah. We tossed a coin. I was assigned to look for you."
"What?"
"Nothing," sabi niya. "Are you alright?"
Uminom muna ako ng Gatorade bago tumango. "Nasabi ko na kay Anj."
He nodded. "Yeah, I figured. She was also crying."
"Puntahan mo na lang din kaya si Anj? Iniisip kasi nun na puro ako—"
"You don't think you need someone?" he asked. I shrugged; he wrinkled his nose.
"Hindi naman sa ganon—"
"There's no shame in asking for help."
I sighed. "Thanks pala na nandito ka."
He nodded. "Of course, we're friends," he said. "So, you alright with Anj?"
Umiling ako. "Di ko alam. Nag-usap naman kami. Nagsorry kami. Pero alam mo 'yun? Hindi na kagaya ng dati. May nagbago na."
Hindi ko masabi kung ano iyong eksakto na nararamdaman ko. Basta alam ko na may iba na. Parang biglang may harang na. Parang biglang may pader na.
"It's alright," he said, patting the top of my head. "You know what they say... When people grow, they grow apart."
I smiled sadly. He was right; but for some reasons, I didn't want him to be right. Kasi nasasayangan ako sa memories. Ang tagal ng pinagsamahan namin tapos biglang wala na lang... pero hindi rin naman kasi pwedeng pilitin. Nakakailang. Iba sa pakiramdam.
"This sucks," I said, groaning.
"It's alright," he repeated, then kept on patting the top of my head na feeling ko aso na ako.
* * *
Psalm volunteered to go to the professor on my behalf para sabihin na may 'emergency' kaya hindi ako makakarating. Dumiretso na ako sa bahay. Mabuti na lang wala pa iyong parents ko kaya hindi nila ako masa-psychoanalyze.
Kinabukasan, hindi ko alam kung bakit pero bigla akong nilagnat. My dad told me to just drink plenty of water—hindi na ako nagtaka dahil ito naman lagi niyang sinasabi sa akin. 'Wag ko raw kasi sanayin iyong katawan ko sa gamot kung pwede namang tubig lang.
"Joey, nandyan e mga kaibigan mo," sabi ni yaya habang naka-higa lang ako sa kama. "Papaakyatin ko ba?"
I groaned. Bawal magpapasok ng mga lalaki sa kwarto ko, pero may sakit ako. Alangan namang gumulong ako pababa?
"Okay po," I said while my head was pounding like hell. I closed my eyes until I heard them talking so loud. Nandito na nga sila.
"So... you're really sick," sabi ni Simon habang naka-tingin sa akin.
"Bakit naman ako magpapanggap?"
He shrugged. "Alam mo kasing may test ngayon."
I was too weak, but I managed to glare at him. "Wag mong ipasa sa 'kin 'yung ginagawa mo," sabi ko sa kanya. Doctor din kasi 'yung nanay niya kaya palagi niyang pinapagawa ng medical certificate kapag 'di siya nakapag-aral. Mga style nito. Si Psalm naman, puro certificate na kailangan siya sa official function sa palace. Daming dahilan kapag tamad mag-aral.
Simon sat on the beanbag habang pinapakailaman iyong TV ko. Si Matt naman, pinakailaman iyong ref ko na puro chocolate lang ang laman. Si Psalm iyong umupo ng medyo malayo sa akin.
"What?" he asked while I was looking at him. "I can't be sick. May game bukas."
"Wow," I said. "Bakit pumunta pa kayo dito?"
"Bored," they all replied. "Early cut. May meeting yata admin," Matt continued.
I closed my eyes as I was feeling really tired. Pagdilat ng mga mata ko, tutuk na tutok si Matt at Simon sa pinapanood nila sa Netflix habang si Psalm naman, mas lumayo sa akin. Grabe, nakaka-offend! Lagnat lang naman ang meron ako, hindi naman nakakahawa... yata.
"Sent the screenshot of the homework," Psalm said.
"Thanks."
"Also, there's a pair work. Tayo partners, okay lang?"
"Si Steele?" I asked. Usually kasi, sila ni Steele magkapartner tapos kami naman ni Anj... pero syempre iba na ngayon.
He shrugged. "He's not talking to me."
"Magsorry ka na lang. Hobby mo naman, 'di ba?"
Kinunutan niya ako ng noo. Biglang may lumipad na unan sa mukha ni Psalm na binato pala ni Matt. "Hoy, baka may ma-develop."
Binato pabalik ni Psalm iyong unan, pero mas malakas kaya napa-mura si Matt. Malakas siguro nga kasi minsan napanood ko si Psalm na binato 'yung bola mula dulo pa-dulo ng court, e.
"Sinasabi ko lang," Matt said after recovering. "Fragile 'yang si Joey."
"Ugh. Kadiri kayo."
"Hey!" Psalm said, sounding offended.
"No offense, 'di kita type," I honestly said. Gwapo siya, oo. Matalino, oo. Pero alam mo 'yun? Ang tagal na kasi naming magkaibigan kaya nakita ko na lahat ng kalokohan nito. Nung una, oo medyo naging crush ko siya, pero immuned na siguro ako kasi araw-araw kong nakikita, e.
"Ang harsh talaga nitong tao na 'to," tawa nang tawa na sabi ni Matt. "Magulat ka, isang araw, binabasag mo na rin windshield ni Psalm."
"O kaya may GDL merch ka na rin," tawa nang tawa na sabi ni Simon sabay nag-appear pa silang dalawa ni Matt. Legit kasi na maraming fans iyong magkakapatid sa school. As in minsan medyo weird kasi alam mo 'yun? Kaibigan mo lang si Psalm na nakikita mo palagi tapos pagdating sa ibang tao, kinikilig makita lang sila?
It's so bizarre.
"Ha-ha," I faked laugh. "Bakit nga kasi kayo nandito?"
"Gusto mong malaman? Baka kiligin ka," Matt said.
"Mukha mo," sagot ko.
"Pupunta kasi si Psalm dito, kaya sumabit kami."
"I was just gonna bring her noodle soup!" Psalm said, sounding defensive.
"Nasaan na 'yung noodle soup?" tanong ko.
"These asshole ate it," Psalm said.
"What? Traffic papunta dito, Joey! Nagutom kami sa daan!" Matt said, sounding defensive, too. "Ubos na 'yung laman ng bag ni Psalm, so no choice kami."
God, they're so noisy! Paano ako makakapagpahinga kung ang ingay nila?
"Ang ingay," I groaned.
"San ka pupunta?" Matt asked when Simon stood up.
"Hihinging pagkain," sabi ni Simon. Iba talaga kapag feel at home na mga kaibigan mo. Ang kapal manghingi ng pagkain. Hula ko magpapaluto pa sila kay Manang, e.
"Sama!" Matt said.
"Iiwan mo 'yung dalawa?" Simon said, pointing at Psalm and me.
"Kadiri kayo!" sigaw ko.
"Ayun, oh. Kapag kay Psalm, nagkaka-energy agad," Matt teased.
I pulled the pillow, and placed it over my face, then groaned. Ang gulo nila! Narinig ko na tawa lang sila nang tawa hanggang sa wala na akong marinig. Pagtanggal ko ng unan sa mukha, nakita ko si Psalm na nandun pa rin sa beanbag. I swear, mas malayo na siya ngayon! Takot na takot lang mahawa!
"Hoy, hindi kita crush," paglilinaw ko lang.
"Same," he replied.
"Baka kasi magfeeling ka."
Kumunot ang noo niya. "Crush mo ba ko?"
Ugh! Bakit ba siya nagsasalita ng Tagalog?! Dapat Englishero lang siya lagi.
"Asa," I said, scoffing.
"Then just brush it off if it's not true," he said, shrugging. Palibasa sanay na sanay na siya makarinig na may nagkaka-crush sa kanya. Mas nakaka-panibago yata sa pandinig niya kapag walang reaksyon sa kanya ang babae, e.
I just stared at the ceiling while Psalm's busy with his phone. "Ano'ng ginagawa mo?" I asked him when I noticed that he's busy fiddling with his phone.
"Saint," he replied. "He's making a bet."
"Tungkol saan?" I asked. One thing about Psalm, he couldn't resist placing a bet.
"Don't know yet. But if I lose, I have to add Kath in facebook," he said, his eyes still on the screen.
"Kath?" I asked, my eyebrow arching.
"Imo's friend," he simply replied. "You little fucker," bulong niya habang naka-tingin pa rin sa phone niya. Bigla siyang tumayo. "Gotta go, Jo."
"Pupuntahan mo si Kath?" I teased.
"Jealous?" he asked.
"Hindi nga kasi!" sabi ko sa kanya. "Sige na, bye!"
Psalm laughed. "A'ight. Bye, Jo! See you tomorrow, hopefully!" he said before almost running towards the door. Paglabas niya, biglang pasok ni Matt at Simon na parehong may dalang bowl na may laman na Koko crunch. Pareho silang umiiling.
"Hindi nga kasi!" sigaw ko sa kanila.
"Fragile," sabay nilang sagot habang umiiling.
* * *
Pagbalik ko sa school, medyo kinakabahan ako. I mean, paano ako gagalaw? Friends pa rin ba kami? Normal pa rin ba? Paano?!
I was so confused that I texted Psalm if pwede bang sabay kami pumasok.
"Sorry," I said. "Kinakabahan kasi ako, e."
"It's alright," he said, shrugging. Nagsimula na kaming maglakad. Mabuti nga hindi siya natitisod kasi panay ang tingin niya sa phone niya, e. "Aww fu—" sabi niya nung muntik na siyang ma-out of balance dahil nagtetext habang naglalakad.
"Sino ba kasi 'yang kausap mo?"
"Saint," he said again. "He's driving me crazy."
"Bakit?"
"The fucker took a picture of me while I was sleeping, then sent it to Kath!" sabi niya.
Napaawang ang labi ko. 'Di ko alam kung matatawa ba ako o matatakot? Ang creepy naman kasi!
"Pakita naman nung Kath!"
"Why?" he asked. "Jealous?"
Tinignan ko siya nang masama. "Alam mo, kaka-jealous mo niyan sa 'kin, baka ma-develop ka."
Natawa na lang si Psalm sabay pakita sa akin nung picture nung Kath. Oh, wow! Seryoso na fangirl 'to ni Psalm? Ang ganda, e!
"Baka naka-drugs ka or ilusyon mo lang 'to?" tanong ko habang nagsscroll ng pictures niya sa profile niya. In fairness, ang dami niyang selfie. Parang meron kada araw. Pero ang ganda niya talaga kaya parang ang hirap na maniwala na magpapaka-creepy siya para lang sa picture ni Psalm.
"You really know how to offend a guy," he said, taking his phone from me.
"Ang ganda naman. 'Di mo gusto?" I asked, placing my hands inside my pocket. Medyo malapit na kami sa room. Medyo bumibilis na iyong tibok ng puso ko.
"I don't really know her," he said.
"Sabihin mo kay Saint pakilala ka."
"I just don't want to date someone who's friends with someone close to me. Hassle."
"Bakit naman?" I asked though I already shared the same sentiment. I just wanted to get his perspective. Minsan kasi, nakaka-gulat mga iniisip niya. He seemed so mature for his age. At saka ang contradicting niyang tao. Minsan magulo siya, pero kapag seryosong bagay, ang seryoso niya rin.
"What if it doesn't work out? I don't want people taking sides."
I shrugged. "I don't know. Ikaw, 'di ka naman nagtake sides, 'di ba?" Nung tinanong ko siya, kaibigan pa rin naman daw niya si Steele. Hinihintay niya lang na matauhan at ma-realize iyong kasalanan niya.
"Well, people are different, Joey. You can't expect the same reaction from everyone."
I nodded. "Yeah, but if... what if she's the one? Ayaw mo lang kasi hassle? Ganon lang?"
He just shrugged, then put his phone inside his pocket. "If she's the one, it'll happen. You know those shits about destiny? I kinda believe in them."
"Ang cheesy mo!"
Natawa siya. "I'm serious, tho! I'll meet her when it's time. I'm not rushing into anything."
"Sayang panahon."
"I don't think so. I'm thinking of this as me working on myself. Para kapag kilala ko na siya, mas maayos na akong tao."
Napaawang ang labi ko. I just... wow. This broccoli head's one deep vegetable.