Okay this is my first real "story" chapter! Enjoy some angst with a side fluff!!
Evan likes Owl City, Connor likes Twenty One Pilots, and "Trees" are the enemy.
Trigger Warnings
-Panic attack
-Thought spirals
-Depression
-Referenced suicide attempt
Evan's POV
"Okay my pick for music this time!" My boyfriend Connor said as he turned his key and started the car.
"Y-you don't like Owl City?" I said in mock surprise.
"I love you!" He said and learn over to kiss my cheek. "Anyway, those songs are too optimistic. It's time you listen to something edgy."
"B-but I listen to you everyday Con."
"Aw, my boyfriend is just sooo cute." He deadpanned, "I'm laughing on the inside, I swear."
He found a playlist on his phone labeled "Depression" and put it on.
"Welcome to Twenty-One Pilots!"
I leaned over to read the name of the song. "Kitchen Sink? Ooh angsty."
He rolled his eyes, "just listen."
***
"Wow, that's so deep Con."
"See!"
"I will never look at a kitchen sink the same way again. I don't know if I should feel happy or sad or just not...?"
"Okay, next is Car Radio."
I got so entranced by the music, I almost forgot Connor was taking me to A La Mode. I was a little surprised when his car stopped in our usual space in their nearly empty parking lot a few songs later.
"J-just one more p-please Con?"
"Sure Love, you can pick." He said handing me his phone.
I scrolled through his list of songs until I found one called "Trees" and pressed the triangle play button.
The intro played and Connor's grin turned into a look of concern. "Oh Trees. Ev do you want to pick a different one, this one's a little depressing."
I shook my head and picked at my cast unconsciously.
***
I managed to hold it together for the whole song.
All four minutes and twenty-seven seconds.
Yes I counted.
I counted as I bit my lip and picked at my cast and tapped my foot and looked at the ground.
Wow Evan, you're such a screw up! Connor probably thinks you're stupid and weak. Wow, someone finally wrote a song about your internship! Why is listening to your actions in musical format so much worse? Stop crying brat! He's going to think to think you're a freak, well a bigger one. He's going to hate you! He's going to dump you! You're going to have to walk home and probably get hit by a car and your mom will-
"Ev, babe breathe with me, okay?"
Connor had his arms rapped around me, grounding me to reality. He started taking long relaxing breaths, which I tried to imitate.
"Better?" He asked after a full minute.
I wiped my eyes on my blue striped polo shirt.
I didn't trust myself to speak in fear of swallowing the large knot that had formed in my throat.
If I did I'd probably choke and I'd annoy Connor and he might yell at me and kick me out of his car and I would suffocate in A La Mode's parking lot because I'm too nervous to go inside and ask for help. So I would die alone and-
"Evan hold on a second."
I couldn't lift my head, so I could only listen as Connor opened his door and left probably for forever because I'm being such a stupid and selfish boyfriend and I'm ugly and-
I heard my door open and felt as Connor gently lifted me up a little so he could climb into my seat and put me down on his lap. He closed the door and then rapped his arms around me again, pulling my head into his chest.
"Shh shh, you're okay. I'm here. I've got you." He whispered, stroking my hair.
When I was finally calm again, he sergested we just go to the drive thru at McDonald's instead.
I nodded and he slid over the center consul to get to the driver's seat.
We pulled out of the parking lot and I put on "Rainbow Veins" by Owl City.
And everything's okay.