After the constant talk about that date, I had finally agreed to have dinner with Alex. He had been down my throat about it, questioning me why I would say no to such thing considering it would be free for me. In other words, he didn't think I had anything to lose.
The whole view he made it seem as got me even more hesitant but for some reason, I had now promised him to go out tonight. It was just one dinner, nothing that I would die by.
Don't get me wrong, I really like Alex but not in that way and he's trying to get a little intimate with me which I'm not really looking for. I only wanted to be friends but for some reason, he doesn't seem to be able to accept that.
But if one date was what was needed for him to shut up, then I guess it wouldn't do any harm. At the end of the day, I did get free enjoyable food from it.
"You look great," I heard Lucas say as he popped his head in the doorframe, the smile very apparent on his face as if he was proud of me.
I had forced him to come over as quickly as possible to help me pick out a dress. Lucas had a very feminine side to him that he refused to agree with me on but deep inside, he knew I was right. His style was incredible, especially when it came to women. No one could pick out a female outfit as well as he could, it almost made me laugh at how stupid I must look to him whenever I wear my own outfits. I'm a mess compared to him.
I smiled back, my hands roamed over the dress to tighten any fabric that was out of place, "Thank you."
Lucas shrugged and a little grin was tugging at the end of his lips, "He's going to question himself what he did to deserve a date with you."
"Well, do you do that?" I wiggled my eyebrows as I made my joke. Although, apparently, he didn't find it as funny as I did consider his face stayed the same.
"I'm always questioning myself what I did to deserve you," His gaze was deep, an emotion very unlikely him that for a second I thought he was telling me something I didn't want to hear from him, but as always, within a few seconds he chuckled quietly to himself and overplayed his own sayings, "Then again, that might be for different reasons than your beauty."
"Don't scare me like that," I walked up to him only to push his chest slightly so that he took two or three steps back. I felt a relief that he was joking because sometimes I do tend to think he has a little bit of a crush on me, by that I mean more than just attraction, "I hate you. Gosh."
He laughed some more, making me roll my eyes at him as I told him to get out of here so that I could fix the rest of myself before my date arrived. We had decided to meet at eight. Alex would come here and pick me up. Lucas complained, said that nothing that I was to do required him to actually leave.
I laughed at his statement, "You're so stupid. I don't mean because I'm going to get dressed-"
"Of course not," A quick little chuckle was heard from his mouth before he finished the sentence I already knew he would use against me, "I've already seen you naked."
"Just because you've seen me naked once doesn't mean you always have a free card," I complained, another roll of my eyes being seen as the flashbacks of our drunken night shot through my memory sharply, it was a night shared between the two of us for over a long time ago.
I've heard the rumours that it's impossible for a girl and a boy to stay best friend without some sort of tension between them and I would be lying if I said that wasn't true. I don't look at Lucas in any other way than us being friends but of course, if we both get a lot to drink and we're alone, I wasn't surprised that it happened. I think everyone in our surroundings was waiting for it to happen too, maybe that's why we've chosen to be only us now. We let go off most people.
But it only happened once, though, and it was such a long time ago that I can now barely remember it anymore.
"Whatever." Lucas left the room, some sort of annoying steps leaving and I giggled quietly to myself. We were always very flirtatious around each other, we've always been like that, and it's nothing I don't like. I love having him close, he gives me the exact amount of attention that I need. It's an everyday confidence boost. I think we all need someone like that in our lives and since we are that for each other, we never really needed anyone else.
Although, he does have guy friends too. I'm just really bad at keeping friends.
I finished getting ready, spending some extra time with blending my eyeshadow together. I had decided to go with a bit of a softer pink look with a touch of brown. To tie it all together I made a quite dramatic winged eyeliner, that obviously didn't come out even but I wasn't bothered enough to fix that, and a glossy natural lip. Basically just enhancing the features that I liked on my face.
It all came together pretty well and I smiled at myself in the mirror, seeing a confident woman staring back at me. After all, I was only going to be out with Alex and I didn't care about impressing on him since I'm still not interested but it's always nice to look good for a date. And as for right now, I was killing it.
"Wow," I heard Lucas mumble as I finally walked past him, heading for the door to make sure Alex wasn't already waiting. It was only five minutes left until time stroke eight and I was beginning to wonder when he would show up. Usually, I'm used to being early whenever I make appointments for something (unless traffick's on my ass) because I hate leaving people waiting, "You look good," I heard him call after me, "Like, really good."
"Thank you!" I called back, not bothering to give him my eye contact as I stared out the window, seeing a car just pulling up as I did so, "He's here," I shouted to make sure Lucas could hear me, "Have a great night!"
I didn't leave him a chance to reply before I shut the door behind me. When I had called him over, Lucas complained about the distance he had to go to show up at my doorstep within the time limit I was suggestion so therefore, I had promised him that he could stay the night whilst I was gone. At first, he had seemed hesitant but when I mentioned that he could take whatever he wanted out of my kitchen, he eagerly agreed.
Jokes on him, though, because what he doesn't know, is that the fridge was pretty much empty. I suck at food.
"Hey," I smiled, seeing a priceless face on Alex as he checked me up and down multiple times. Almost to the point where I felt disgusting, which is not how I intend to feel tonight so I quickly tried to save the situation for him, "How about a hello back?"
Alex cleared his throat and awkwardly scratched his neck with his left hand, "Sorry, I was just so shocked. You look... stunning."
"Thank you," I smiled but considering I was trying to be friends with him and nothing else, I tried to crack a joke, "Don't I always."
"You do," Alex was quicker than I was and the words had already emptied his mouth before I had any chance of interrupting him. I swallowed, knowing that tonight was going to take a lot of signals to get him to understand.
He suggested that we would take his car since apparently, the restaurant, was a bit further away which I had no problem in doing. I was about to open the door when I heard him clear his throat behind me and I realised what I was doing wrong. A little part of me got annoyed because let's be honest, I know how to open a car door myself but then the other part also knew that it's tradition and I shouldn't get bothered by it.
It took us about twenty minutes before he stopped the car and informed me that we were here. Looking out my window, I was met with a huge brick building that was covered in lights. It looked fancy, expensive. Knowing Alex and his family (damn it, now I'm thinking of Justin) I knew that they had a lot of money and from earlier experiences, I've also learnt that they don't mind wasting it. Or showing it off.
Alex, surprisingly, took my arm and hooked it in his and since I knew that we were at a very fancy dinner place, I didn't dare to remove it. This is how people behave here and although I wasn't used to it, I had seen it all in movies.
This was no place to fool around in.
Suddenly, I felt extremely undressed. I was wearing a beautiful dress, sure, but the people here looked like the definition of a million dollar. I had no idea how to behave in places like this and I would lie if I said that I wasn't feeling really uncomfortable.
"In what name may your reservation be in, sir?"
I looked up, realising that I had been unaware of the surroundings for the past few seconds. I heard the name Bieber slip out of Alex's mouth and I hated myself for closing my eyes and imagining Justin standing next to me instead. All I could see in front of me was him and how the name easily slipped out of his mouth when he introduced himself to me.
Gosh, what was happening to me?
"Yes," The waiter said and pointed to another colleague of his, "Please, follow him to your table, sir."
I noticed how the two waiters barely gave me so much of just a glance, clearly not noticing my presence which irritated me. They were only speaking to Alex as if he would be the important one, only to make me feel like the loser. It was probably just in my head but I could've sworn I saw every person I passed looked at me as if they knew I didn't belong here, with the rich people.
The dinner in itself started out pretty good. We talked about him, then about me, then back to him again. We discussed everything from the glasshouse, our job to how we think the future would look like and what sort of robots there would be. It was an easy going conversation... Until he began to ask me in depth about myself.
I avoided almost every single question, coming up with answers that didn't really fit his questions but still made him let go of it. I think he noticed, though, that I wasn't interested in letting him know stuff about my private life. He asked about my ex-boyfriend, which I denied and lied by saying I didn't have one, my past job, which I shrugged and said it was no big deal and when he asked about my family and parents, I said I barely talk to them anymore. Which, to be fair, wasn't all lies. Well, the list goes on.
After a while, he started to give up in getting me to open up and the table died slightly more. It was only then that I realised how awkward this really was for us. We were two co-workers, one who had a huge interest in the other, and we would have to face each other tomorrow morning at work again. Knowing all this new information about each other. Now, we would also have to live with the fact that our conversation completely died.
"So..." Alex bit his lip nervously and I could tell that he was struggling to come up with a subject. It was slightly my fault because, throughout this entire dinner, I hadn't engaged in giving out one single topic to talk about. He had been the one to roll the conversation and I had simply just engaged in answering my perspective on some of them, not even all of them.
Suddenly, I heard the vibrations in my purse which I knew came from my phone, so I accused myself as I reached for it, a little relief washing through me that something was happening instead of the dead silence that had begun to show up all too much now.
Alex seemed a little annoyed by the interruption but I wasn't bothered, once again, no part of me was trying to impress on him tonight. I was simply just having a dinner with a friend which by now had also become slightly boring.
Lucas: when you said I could eat from your kitchen, I expected there to be food in the kitchen. this is bs, trust cancelled.
I laughed at his text, accidentally laughing a bit too loud which made Alex raise his eyebrows at me suspiciously, "It's a friend, he's funny," I don't know why I said that last phrase because, judging from the look on Alex's face, it was clearly not the right thing to say. Awkwardly, I ignored the tension between us as I began to type a quick message back.
Jessica: Order in, you'll find some cash in the mattress in my bedroom. Leave at least hundred though, you don't need all that for a pizza.
I hit sent and was about to lay my phone back in my purse when it vibrated in my hand, leaving me to look at it first.
Lucas: pfft, you can't stop me now. too late.
Putting down my phone again with a bit of a giggle, I put it in night mode so that the vibration wouldn't be heard in case something else happened. God, I loved that effect on the phone. It's like shutting it off but without having to click the PIN code and everything. The perfect setting for a person who is impossible with remembering numbers.
"You wanna talk about something else?"
"Sure."
I smiled but it was obvious that it was fake and it made him a little uncomfortable. Usually, I would feel bad for making a person feel that way but currently, I was almost enjoying the tension. Perhaps it would make him less attracted to me, less interested.
The rest of the dinner was just as messy. We talked a bit more about completely irrelevant and superficial things, not really letting him get to know me on a deeper level. I think once I decide something, I stick to it. I barely recognised myself at how cold I was actually being and there was no real reason for it, I just didn't want to give him the wrong impression because I hate letting guys down.
Leading someone on just to let them down later is one of the biggest heartbreaks you can give a person. I didn't want to be that person. But I did want us to be friends, but seeing how cold I was being and how I couldn't talk deeply with him, I don't think he would continue to bother me after tonight. Maybe I could talk to him another day about it when all of this has calmed down slightly. I don't want him to think I'm interested and if this is the only way to get him to realise, then so let it be it.
When I returned back home, Lucas was already asleep in my bed. I had told him to sleep on the couch but I had sort of figured out that he wouldn't listen to that.
I crawled down beside him after I had finished my nightly skincare routine and taken off my clothes to put on some sort of pyjamas instead. The warmth of the bed had never felt so great in my entire life and I was more than thankful to be home again.
The night had definitely been a struggle to get through and in a way, it was really painful to think about. The awkward tension that had been in the air between us, practically the entire dinner, was tough to think about but at least I had given him the impression that I wasn't interested.
So, I assume my goal is accomplished.
//
gUESS wHAT dAY iT iS tODAY????????
JANUARY 17
WHICH MEANS
MY BIRTHDAY!!!
YOUR GIRL IS FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, WTF. and I still write like a little baby, that's so cute, omg. I need help. Anyways, thank you for all the birthday wishes and cute messages and dms omg I love you all, it literally makes my day!!!!
I wanted to update a few nights ago but Wattpad wouldn't let me???? Wattpad has been struggling these past few days, if you hadn't noticed, and goddamn has that been bothering me (and other authors) we haven't even been able to write and save and LITERALLY they deleted my new 48 HOURS chapter!!! Like what!!! Why!!! Fuck!!!!
So now I have to re-write that but I've been working on it lately and it's soon done! Maybe I'll get it up tonight and if not, maybe tomorrow! If not that, then definitely on Friday haha!
Also, Justin was barely in this chapter I'm sorry to disappoint but this is still a very important chapter for the next one ;))) which definitely will include Justin ;)))) an angry one at that ;)))) So stay tuuuuuuned for that!
Okay, thx for my birthday wishes I'm gonna go have some bday sex now, byeeeee