Hey guys!
I know this chapter is actually extremely short haha but I really liked how it went so I just decided to leave it where it was, I hope that's alright?
That and I know you're always happy with an update, yeah?
I hope you like! I know we've been having some good times with the latest chapters! Yay! I'm so glad! Thank you so much for all the comments and the stars! I really appreciate it! It really helps me want to continue this writing! So thank you so much! :) <3
As always...
Enjoy~
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What the hell just came out of my mouth?
Did I just tell her I still loved her?
I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen the absolutely surprised look on (Y/n)'s face as she lied there still holding to my arms after pushing them away from her to resist my tickling only a moment ago.
A moment ago.
Before I ruined everything by just blurting out a random string of feelings. Overwhelming feelings, yes, but still just feelings. Feelings I probably could've kept to myself if I had better try.
The silence was even worse now than it had been earlier and it began to make me nervous when she wasn't saying anything. What on earth could she have been thinking? (Y/n) was going to refuse to see me, yet again. Our friendship was over and I ruined it all over again, just like I had years ago.
Why was I so stupid? Why couldn't I have just kept my mouth shut?
"Wh-What?..." Her voice brought me out of my spiraling worry and I focused on her again. She looked less scared and more confused now than when I had said it. What did she expect? Me to repeat it? If that was so, she was mistaken, I was not going to re-make the blunder that just occurred. Though after a short time of me not answering, (Y/n) sat up slowly, watching my face the entire time, "Di-Did you just tell me that you...loved me?" I heard the uncertainty in her tone and it nearly made me sick to my stomach as I sat up to join her.
Wanting to deny my entire existence in that exact moment though knowing that wasn't quite an option, I stumbled over my words for a moment, "W-Well, what I believe I said was 'I was STILL in love with you'...actually." Then I noticed that wasn't as diverting as I had thought it seemed in my head and I sighed nervously, lowering my gaze. "Yeah....yes. I-I suppose I did, yes." I answered quietly with a nod, rubbing the back of my neck embarrassedly as my cheeks started to burn brightly. "I...uh-listen, maybe we could-perhaps-just ignore that and-"
"Say it again." She interrupted me, her words hitting me with bewilderment and I snapped my eyes to look directly at her. This time it was my turn to be utterly perplexed. Did she really just ask me to tell her again how I felt?
Was I hearing things?
Was she mocking me?
No, she wouldn't do that.
Then what was this?
Taking a moment to recapture my thoughts, I shook my head slightly then cleared my throat. My eyes came to rest on her face again, fixing my glasses, "Huh?" I muttered in confusion and (Y/n) didn't even miss a beat as she repeated herself with the same tone. I was at a loss as to why she was making me tell her again. Was it some kind of joke? Did she think I was kidding?
Why did I care?
When did (Y/n) asking for me to tell her how I felt scare me so much? When did I actually become scared of how I felt for her? Was I really going to deny the woman I loved her request? Especially if her request was to hear me tell her how much I absolutely loved her. Had I gone insane? I'd been dying to tell her for so long how I felt and when she finally asks me to tell her, I choke up?
Finally, I blinked for a long moment, took a deep breath, then sat up straight, looking her directly in the eyes after I opened mine. With all the determination I could muster, I told her "I'm still madly in love with you, (Y/n)."
Alright...perhaps the use of the word 'madly' wasn't the smartest plan in my book. But it was already out. No turning back now, I suppose.
Taking another deep breath, I deflated a bit and looked away from her face embarrassedly. "Look, I'm really, truly sorry (Y/n). It's not what I wanted to say, I know that this isn't what you wanted...and I understand that." I began to explain, my heart growing weary and my lung feeling as if they were being constricted by the nerves, yet I continued, "Though, you must understand my side, as well. It's so difficult to act like there's nothing in my heart for you. Everything is different for you, I know, but I can't keep this pain inside me anymore, (Y/n). Nothing is different for me, I can't keep acting like it's different for me. I may seem willed, but my resistance is not that strong. I've been holding back these feelings for so long." My voice began to break more than I had wished, making me sound so weak, "I-I'm tired of pretending that I don't love you anymore. There's honestly no one else on this earth that holds a candle to you. They can't make me feel the way you use to, they can't fill the hole that was left after what happened. My heart can't take this yearning anymore, it's so difficult to go on day after day, not having you to hold." I wondered if my words were getting through to her at all, or if they were all too much for her, but I couldn't risk the idea of looking up and seeing her facial expression as I continued, practically desperate at this point. If I started this and it was going to make an issue in the friendship we had rebuilt, I may as well make it worthwhile. I can't expect to move on without explaining everything that I never got the chance to say before. "My mind can't imagine my life with anyone else, I can only recreate this future with you alone. And I'm sorry, (Y/n), but I can't hide it anymore." Then the courage welled within me and I looked up, "So, please, let me make this one last appeal, I promise to show you that you're all I've ever wanted. The only thing I care about. If you can't take that, I understand and I'll leave you alone, but please at least let me try." The words came from a more daring and frantic place inside my heart than I expected, but there they were, finally. The only thing more terrifying than the fact that I had actually said them was waiting for (Y/n)'s response.
Her silence made me nauseous, it was as if I could tell she was thinking I was insane. At some point, I didn't care what she said as long as she broke the silence before it destroyed me. Then her mouth began to open and my heart felt as if it were going to stop, "Okay." Then my whole world stopped spinning.
I merely stared at her. I had no response to what she replied with and I felt her hands reach toward mine, taking them hesitantly. Still, no coherent response was available.
Then she nodded in resolve as if she were convincing herself this time of her own answer. "Yes, okay." The relieved breath she released, her comforting smile following suit, then her shining eyes brought me the feeling of reality that I needed to understand that what had just happened was real.
That familiar warmth ran down my cheek again, my heart racing when (Y/n) giggled and wiped the tear away. "Re-Really?" I whispered in utter disbelief then she nodded and my shaking breath became evident to me.
She said okay.
My vision became blurry as the tears welled up in my eyes and I tried to hold it together but failed miserably. My arms were around her quicker than I could have imagined and I buried my face in her shoulder. "Thank you." I told her and I felt her shake slightly as she giggled again, her arms around my back, tears staining the shoulder of her pajama shirt.
"But listen," (Y/n) said warily, pulling back just a bit to look me in the face, wiping the tears again, "we have to go slow, okay? I can't go rushing into this like we were before...it-it's just not going to happen that way. I don't recall everything anyway, so we're just going to have to start this from the very beginning. Like this friendship." Her words were everything thing to me in that moment so I nodded and agreed to everything. Whatever the circumstances, I didn't care, I wasn't going to be choosy. I was just happy she was willing to try this again with me.
"Of course, (Y/n). Whatever you need. This means everything to me, I'm willing to do whatever you need of me. Anything at all. You name it, I'll do it, buy it, sell it, wear it. I promise, I'll treat you like the princess you are and I won't ever let anything hurt you." Then I hugged her again, my left hand tight in the middle of her back while my right hand cradled the back of her head. "Ever again. I'll be everything I was supposed to be before." My voice lower than a few moments ago.
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After we had gotten gathered up and cleared the living room of the remnants of the blanket fort we had previously enjoyed, (Y/n) thought it would be a wonderful idea to walk around the area again to see some old sights. So, after bundling up in our winter coats- me helping her slide a red one onto her shoulders we eased out into the cold wind and noticed a couple of white flakes falling. "Snow? I wasn't excepting it this early..." I mumbled a bit dejected and (Y/n) nudged me.
"Don't be a Debby Downer! It's snowing!" She announced with a bright smile toward me, in that moment I realized, right then I had everything. I didn't care what could go wrong tomorrow because everything was perfect right then. "Just enjoy the snow, Rei. Don't worry so much about things, you'll worry yourself to death and you'll shorten your life." She added in a more serious tone as she began to walk ahead of me then looked back with a playful smile, "Are you coming, or what?"
We walked in silence for a while, passing some old familiar sights, reminiscing every now and then and when there was a small detail I'd remember that she wouldn't, (Y/n) would want it in full detail so she could always remember it. Then we'd walk in a comfortable silence once again. It was refreshing and comforting to be with her again like this.
As we walked, (Y/n) stayed close by my side which I was hyper-aware of and it made me so happy I felt like I could shout. "It's been so long since I've just walked around this little town like this and actually, ya know, remembered these things." I heard her voice say as she looked around at the little family-owned shops that had barely a handful of people visiting.
Chuckling fondly, I fixed my glasses and smiled, "Yeah, it has been quite a while since we've done this, hasn't it?" I replied, a feeling of nostalgia washing over me as well. "Ya know, now that I think about it," I started, placing my hand on my chin as I thought aloud while we walked down the street, "I haven't done this either since we were last together." Apparently, my sudden information surprised (Y/n) because she made a confused sound and looked at me as if she'd seen a strange creature. "What?" I inquired oddly. "Was I suppose to go on these outings by myself? You know I'm not much for these things anyhow. I only do them because you enjoy them." As I said this, ever so casually, I stuck my cold hands back into my coat pockets and looked ahead, continuing the walk.
(Y/n) was silent for a moment then I felt an immense warmth on my left hand and it was clear what it was since I knew what was on my left. Looking over at her curiously, I raised a brow at her. "Are you quite certain?" I asked warily, cautious to wrap my hand around her smaller one, but my insides begging to revel in the warmth her hand possessed. I hadn't held her hand for so many years, it had been far too long and the butterflies were all new as if they had never been there in high school.
"Absolutely certain." Was the only answer she gave, but that was the only response I needed and I wrapped her hand up into mine protectively. Nobody could break that hold, they'd have to separate my arm from my body because I wasn't letting go of her. Not this time. Not again. I was going to make this work.