"Stop! Stop! Stop!" My coach's voice is practically a screech as he slams his clipboard down onto the field. "What the hell are you doing Shills?"
All of us stutter to a stop, abandoning the drill partially completed. I suck in breath after breath, bracing my hands on my knees as I wait for whatever harsh words my coach has for me. But I'm not expecting large hands to yank me upright and pull me forward.
My coach's hands are gripping my jersey tightly as he nearly holds me off the ground so that I am nose to nose with his 6 foot 2 frame. "What the hell do you think you're doing kid?"
I sputter out an answer, used to his anger but not used to it being directed at me. But it feels like its been aimed my way more and more often over the past few weeks.
"First you forgot your gear at home so you had to borrow from a freshman. Then you've dropped the ball every goddamn time someone passes it to you!" His face nearly turns red as he continues to scream into my face. "I say right, you go left! I say pass to center middie; you skip to left attackman! Are you just trying to piss me off?"
My teammates pretend they aren't listening to me get reamed out by coach, but I'm sure they feel as awkward as I do. Or maybe they're happy that I'm getting knocked down a few pegs. I don't even know what's wrong with me. It's like...like I don't have any control over my body, or anything else in my life for that matter.
Coach takes a deep breath before he sets me back on the ground and lets go of my jersey. He places a hand on my shoulder and starts to walk me off the field, yelling for the rest of the players to start the drill over as we walk over to the bench on the sideline. He gestures for me to take a seat and I do so gratefully, slumping down onto the bench and burying my face in my hands.
"What's going on, Jude?" He asks as quietly as he sits beside me.
"Nothing Coach," I insist, dragging my hands over my face before I look up to stare out at the field. "I guess I'm just distracted."
"Well I can't have the captain of my team messing up like this." He leans back to stare up at the grisly sky, shaking his head back and forth. "What kind of example are you to the rest of the team? So I don't know what you need to do to stop being this distracted, but you need to take care of it."
"You're a solid player, Jude. But the season opener is in 6 weeks and I can't afford to change my line up last minute." He stands up, stretching his arms above his head as he frowns down at me. "So I'll give you until Monday to get yourself together. If you aren't back to normal by then..."
Coach doesn't even finish the threat, letting his sentence trail off as he looks at me with eyes full of pity. I watch him walk back onto the field, blowing his whistle as he starts to direct the team to run a different formation. I yank off my helmet angrily as I start to walk back to the locker room, knowing there's no point in sticking around to watch them run around the field.
I push into the cold and empty room, unlocking my locker before I change out of this borrowed practice jersey and into the grey sweatpants and black hoodie I brought from home. I drop the jersey onto the bench, knowing the freshman will grab it after practice. Then I grab my backpack and slide it onto my shoulders before I follow it with me Nike gym bag, and leave the locker room, walking back to my car.
Once I toss my bags into the trunk I just sit in the driver's seat, trying to figure out what the hell to do. I can't let Coach take me off the starting line up. Lacrosse is pretty much all I have left. It's one of the few things that I'm actually good at, that wasn't handed to me just by being the son of Nathaniel Shills. I can't fuck this up too.
I bang my fist against the wheel once before I lean my head back against the headrest, trying to figure out what the hell to do. Is there even anything I can do? Not wanting to sit here in this parking lot anymore I turn on the car. I zone out as I drive out of the parking lot and onto the main street, thinking of the different things I can do before Monday to make sure I don't get demoted.
Coach won't really demote me, right? I mean, what kind of Captain doesn't start with the team? What, am I going to be second string? Is he going to put those fucking freshmen in before me?
I angrily screech to a stop in front of the house, getting out of the car and slamming it behind me before I bound up the front path and ring the doorbell multiple times. Coach wouldn't really bench me. I'm one of the best players on the team, even on my off days. He's just trying to scare me.
I switch from foot to foot as I stare at the green door, but it takes me more than a second to realize I'm not at my house. I look around, recognizing the middle-class neighborhood and beat-up van parked on the far left of the three-car driveway.
Oh shit. I wasn't supposed to come here!
I turn around to start running back to my car but before I can even take a step I hear the door creak open behind me.
"Shills?" An all too familiar voice asks from behind me.
I wince and pause, turning slowly to face Killer. Her head is cocked to the side as she looks me up and down in confusion. I shove my hands in my pockets as I rock back on my heels. I try to think of something to say to break the awkward silence but so many things are racing through my mind.
"What're you doing here?" She asks as she leans against the door jam.
"I actually don't know," I reply sheepishly. "I kinda zoned out on my way home and ended up here."
"Hmmm," she hums with a smile. "Well lucky me then, huh?"
I don't know how to respond to that so I don't, instead looking down at the welcome mat beneath my feet or one of the brick pillars to my left or anywhere but those warm brown eyes. The silence stretches out for a few more seconds before I finally summon the courage to say something.
"I should go."
"No!" She blurts out, reaching out to grab my arm and stop me from leaving. I freeze at the touch, my eyes darting back to lock onto her. She doesn't jerk her hand away like I expect, her fingers flexing on my arm as she looks away from me.
"I mean," she laughs awkwardly, "you can't stay for dinner? I made macaroni and cheese."
"I don't think I could come up with 30 seconds right now if someone held a gun to my head."
She laughs again as she shakes her head, pulling me closer to her. I follow the tugging of her hand, stepping forward so that I'm just a breath away from her.
"My parents aren't here." She smiles hopefully, finally looking up at me." We can eat together on the couch, and maybe then you can tell me what's going on with you."
I shouldn't.
I should politely decline and go back to my house, where I can lock myself in my room and sleep all of my troubles away. And then I'll skip school tomorrow so I don't have to see her there. Maybe I'll drop out completely and never leave my room again. I can do all of that, any of that, if I leave right now.
But her hand on my arm begs me to stay. And the way she's looking at me tells me there's nowhere else I should be right now. That there's nowhere else I want to be right now.
But I can't help but pull away slightly, echoes of Alan and Connor's words drifting through my mind. I shouldn't.
"Please don't go." She finally says after a few more seconds of silence, her fingers tightening around my arm.
I couldn't move even if I wanted to. At that second I forget about everything that Alan and Connor told me yesterday. I don't care about possibly getting benched in Lacrosse and I can't spend any more energy worrying about what I should or shouldn't be doing.
So I just follow my instincts. I step back to her, breathing in deeply as she looks up at me with those knowing eyes. But right now those normally sarcastic and teasing irises are anything but, taking on an almost vulnerable quality.
I take my free hand and intertwine it with hers, squeezing lightly before I smile down at her. "Did I ever tell you that mac and cheese is my favorite?"
A/N Hey y'all! Another late night posting, but what else would you expect?
So what about this chapter huh? Are y'all starting to get a better peak into Shills mind, and what he's really like? What do you think about his character development? I was just rereading some of the earlier chapters and even I have to admit he is much more than a douchey, self-absorbed jock like he was when he was first introduced!
Do you think Killer is finally opening up? Where do you think their relationship is going from here? Do you think their both finally getting to the point where something might actually happen between them?
Let me know what you think! Comment, like, and follow me!
Much Love,
Naomi