Song - Holding On and Letting Go - Ross Copperman
***
I quickly reciprocated Samuel's smile. I couldn't help it. In that moment, a weight I'd been carrying for years was finally taken away. It was liberating. It was freeing. It made it seem as if everything would eventually be okay.
"They really mean a lot to you, don't they?" Samuel suddenly questioned.
I turned again to look at him. I'd been staring at the wall for the past few minutes, relishing in my small reprieve from reality. "They're all I have. They're everything," I answered simply.
"I understand." He gave me a small grin, though it was laced with an emotion other than joy. I tried to catch it, but as soon as it came, it was gone.
I furrowed my eyebrows, speaking before I knew what I was saying. "What about you?"
"What about me?" He looked at me with curiosity and amusement.
I bit my lip. "Well, I mean, do you have a family?"
Samuel was surprised at my sudden forwardness, and to be frank, so was I. The question and my curiosity slipped out before I could stop them. My initial instinct was to retract my question and apologize, but I resisted the urge, letting the question linger heavy in the air. Emotions ran across Samuel's face, disappearing the minute they surfaced. He was quiet for a few moments, deep in thought and contemplating something weighing heavy on his mind. He stole a glance my way every few seconds, as if reassuring himself I was still there.
When he finally did answer, his face was devoid of any emotion. "The pack is my family."
"Oh," I breathed.
"Why the sudden interest?" He gave me a sideways glance.
I let out a long sigh. "I don't know. I was just curious."
He laughed once. "The pack is all I have," he told me, though his voice was slightly strained. "Riley's always been there for me and I hope I can always be there for him and the pack."
At Riley's name, thoughts, memories, and threats flashed through my mind. My mood was instantly dampened. I didn't let that reach my face but gave Samuel a small smile. "That's nice. I'm glad you have him."
Samuel raised one eyebrow at me. I broke his gaze and stared once more at the wall. Just as he was about to say something else, there was a small and timid knock on the door. We both whipped our gazes to it, Samuel tensing slightly.
After the third knock sounded, the light wooden door began to slowly open. A woman peeked her head through, glancing at Samuel as she did. He nodded once and that was enough for her to fully enter the room. When she was fully in view, I was able to recognize her as the woman from before who helped in sedating me. It was her voice that ultimately lulled me into what seemed to be a neverending sleep.
She spoke softly as she walked slowly forward. "How are you feeling today?" Her gaze darted between Samuel and me.
"Tired," I trailed off, suspicious of her intentions. Under no circumstances would I be sedated again.
"That's to be expected." She smiled sweetly, tucking away a piece of blonde hair into her ponytail. It was then I realized the bags under her eyes and the permanent face of exhaustion she seemed to brand. She was older than me, probably middle-aged, with a petite frame that was heavily weighed down.
The woman continued her way across the room and came to stand on the opposite side of the bed of Samuel. She looked over the monitors, writing a few thing down here and there. No one in the room breathed and the sound of silence was deafening.
"How is your pain?" She suddenly questioned, not looking up from what she was writing.
I paused, realizing it was practically nonexistent. "Great, actually."
She smiled again, nodding to herself. "We'd like to take a look at your stitches and change your dressings before we move forward with anything else."
"You're not going to sedate me again, are you?"
The woman laughed lightly and I saw a small smile creep across Samuel's face. "No," she clarified, "we're not."
I nodded and smiled back at the woman, relief flooding me. Though I wasn't intent on being sedated, I doubted I could have fought them off.
"I'm going to grab some supplies and I will be right back." The woman nodded to us before exiting the room.
Samuel stood up from the bed, stretching his arms high above him. He sighed heavily as he moved away from me, retreating to the arm-chair in the corner of the room.
"You don't have to stay, you know," I told him, watching the door for the nurses to come back in.
He shrugged. "I'm not leaving."
The next hour was a blur. The woman brought in two other nurses to assist her and they all worked quietly and quickly. As they peeled back bandages and rubbed cream around my wound, the pain started creeping in once more. I promptly ignored it, knowing additional pain medicine would only add to my current state of exhaustion. So, I gritted my teeth and kept my face impassive.
As they worked, they explained to me what they were doing and how my healing was progressing, but I didn't really pay attention. Most of their words were foreign, anyway. All I could gather was that it would take longer than preferable before I was fully functioning again. Though that knowledge was frustrating, it didn't surprise me. Traversing through the woods with two species out to kill you wasn't exactly a walk in the park. I realized too that the longer I stayed in the hospital, the longer I could postpone being locked away.
Eventually, the nurses left. After they were gone, my wounds were cleaned, and various foods were forced down my throat, I was finally left on my own. Samuel, of course, stayed with me, but it was hard to pay him any attention.
I leaned back on my bed once more, closing my eyes and drifting in and out of consciousness. Now that I wasn't moving, my pain was once again non-existent and I was left with a comfortable numbness. A calming silence filled each and every crack in the room, only adding to my relief. Samuel didn't attempt to speak to me but allowed me solace in my small reprieve.
The remainder of the day proceeded like that. Easy silence with countless naps. The blonde woman would come in every few hours to check on me, but that was the only anomaly in an uneventful day. When the clock read well into the evening, I voiced a thought that had been lingering in my mind.
"Can I see Will?" I questioned Samuel, lifting myself to face him.
He was currently sitting in his chair, though now it was now pulled obnoxiously close to my bed. Between that and the medical equipment, there wasn't much room. Samuel didn't seem to mind though, and he wasn't planning on moving his chair back anytime soon.
"Hm?" Samuel opened one of his eyes. His arms were folded across his chest and he was leaning back, his head falling against the back of the chair. To anyone else, it would have looked like he was sleeping. I, however, knew he never slept unless I did.
"I asked if I could see Will," I repeated in an even tone. My hands fidgeted with the blanket resting on my waist. I knew that he'd agreed to let me see my brother previously, but that was before I had a slight mental breakdown and had to be sedated.
Samuel shifted his weight, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "I don't have anything against that." He then paused, mulling over his thoughts. My heart sank, recognizing the uncertain expression he now wore. "But, I want to check with the doctors."
I let out a heavy breath and tried to resist rolling my eyes. "I just want to go sit with him. I'm not running across town or anything."
"I know. I just don't want to take any chances." He gave me a pointed look. "You were shot, Samantha."
"So you keep reminding me," I grumbled.
Samuel laughed and rose from his chair, pushing it back. He then stepped towards the door, leaving it half open as he called to the nearest nurse on duty. He lingered just outside of my earshot, speaking with whoever it was in a low tone. I tried desperately to hear what they were saying, but he made sure that was impossible.
Soon enough, he eventually came back through the door and walked over to me. I was surprised, however, to see someone trailing closely behind him. When I saw what they carted, it was impossible to hold back a scoff.
"A wheelchair? Really?"
Samuel shrugged, turning around and dismissing the nurse while grabbing the black chair. He placed it directly next to my bed so that I could easily maneuver onto it if needed. When it was locked in place, his hand reached out towards me, gesturing for me to take my place in the horrifying chair.
I vehemently shook my head. "I don't need a wheelchair."
"I figured you'd say that." Samuel looked as if he wanted to be annoyed, but a smile tugged at his lips. "The nurses said that you shouldn't be moving around a lot. It could tear your stitches. Plus, you have a lot of medicine running through you. I'm not exactly sure I trust you to walk on your own."
"I'm fine," I insisted, narrowing my eyes. "And I'm not sitting in that thing."
"What, you don't trust me?" Samuel pouted.
I rolled my eyes at his childish gesture. "Pouting does not look good on you, wolf boy."
He barked a laugh. "I'm wolf boy, again? We're back to that?"
"We never left," I grumbled, folding my arms across my chest.
Samuel continued laughing, shaking his head. "Look," he paused, moving closer to me and placing a large hand on my folded arms. "I'm ready to take you to see your brother, but my one condition is the chair. It's not that bad, really."
I looked at it warily, treating it more as a snake than a simple piece of furniture. Having Samuel wheel me around the hospital was the last thing I desired, but on the other hand, I desperately wanted to see Will. I hadn't heard anything about him since I left, and I wasn't sure what state he was in.
"I'd really be fine to walk." I tried one last time, pushing my chances and playing on Samuel's sympathies.
He sighed. "And I'd really be fine to let you stay in bed all day."
I glared at him. When I knew he wasn't going to budge, I let out a frustrated breath and the expression melted away. "Fine."
He smiled, moving quickly to the side to allow me full access to the chair. I braced my muscles, swinging my legs over the edge of my bed. Though I tried to do so gracefully and without pain, it didn't go according to plan. I got tangled in blankets and twisted my hips a bit too much, causing a sharp burning to shoot up my side. My breathing hitched in my throat as I held back a gasp, waiting for it to subside. Of course, Samuel was next to me in an instant, holding my hand tightly.
"I'm fine," I quickly told him, seeing the look of concern cross his features. "I just moved a bit too quickly."
Samuel nodded silently and started untangling the blankets from around my legs, causing me to shiver from the sudden exposure. Not a moment later was he helping me off the bed to sit in the uncomfortable chair, gracefully and with minimal effort. When I was situated, he placed an extra blanket in my lap. I quickly tucked it around my legs while Samuel grabbed whatever machine I was connected to and pulled it beside the chair. When everything was settled, he unlocked the wheels and began carting me out of the room and across the hospital floors.
It was humiliating.
I avoided the glances from the hospital workers, though I knew they didn't linger on me for long. From this alone, I knew most of the workers had to be human. They skirted far around the edges of Samuel and me, some even turning the opposite direction when they saw us coming their way. Samuel didn't seem to notice this, nor did he seem to mind.
Not soon enough were we finally in a hallway I recognized. From here, I knew the exact room Will was resting in. Somehow Samuel knew this too, as he brought me right outside the correct door. When he reached forward to turn the handle, my heart started racing with anxiety. For all I knew, Will could be on the brink of death and there would be nothing I could do about it. In my current state, there was no way I could continue to provide for his treatment.
When the door opened and Samuel wheeled me inside, I took in a sharp breath. The scene before me was enough to send my mind into a frenzy.
Will was still laying in a hospital bed in the center of the room. However, that was the only similarity to the room I'd been in so many times before today. This room used to hold the rejected equipment, the overused bed, and monitors that seemed as if they were ready to fall apart. Those were the only things we could afford and the only things James would allow. Now, Will was laying in a bed that seemed twice the size of any normal hospital bed. Brand new equipment lined the wall behind him and fresh, up to date x-rays littered the opposite. For a fleeting moment, I thought we were in the wrong place.
Samuel had paused as soon as we stepped foot in the room, allowing time for me to adjust. I took countless deep breaths, my hand finding its way to my heart while my eyes scanned everything over again and again. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
"What happened?" I let out a whisper.
Samuel didn't explain but pushed me forward until I was sitting next to Will. "I talked with his doctor," he spoke slowly, dancing around my earlier question. "She said his surgery went well and he's slowly improving."
For the first time, I allowed my eyes to wholly rest on my brother. Compared to the last time I saw him, he looked almost like a different person. His legs were no longer bandaged and elevated, but resting underneath mounds of knitted blankets. The bruises were long gone, leaving his normally rough and dry skin spotless. Though wires were still attached to multiple parts of his body, there were much less than last time. When I looked at him I could almost imagine he was only sleeping and would wake with a brush of my hand.
Tears welled in my eyes, though they weren't tears of sadness. I never thought my brother would recover from what James did to him, but here I was, staring at the evidence of just that. Though he was still asleep and there were parts of his body that still needed healing, it was a far cry from being on the verge of death. It seemed almost a miracle that he'd improved this much in the short amount of time since I last saw him.
"How?" I asked, shaking my head.
Samuel moved from behind me to stand at my side. He looked at Will with interest. "The doctors have been working hard on him."
"Apparently," I trailed off, my eyes scanning the new equipment behind Will. "Where did all of this come from?"
"Where did all of what come from?"
I gestured to the walls. "This. All of it. I can't afford any of it."
Samuel shrugged, avoiding my gaze. His peculiar behavior was slowly starting to make sense, and I stared at him in disbelief.
"It was you?" I questioned, but it was more of a statement. When Samuel shrugged again, I grabbed his arm and attention. My eyes bore into his own, demanding an answer.
"I might have called the hospital," he ultimately sighed.
My hand released his arm and absently came back to rest in my lap. I furrowed my brows, searching my mind for a reason as to why Samuel was suddenly acting this way. Up to this point, nothing I wanted or cared about mattered. Now, suddenly, Samuel was straining his neck to take care of those I loved. I was beyond grateful knowing these things were no longer a constant concern, but his actions were perplexing. The minute I thought I had Samuel pinned down, he did something to defy my expectations.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked him softly.
Samuel turned my chair to face him as he crouched down to my level. We were staring at each other, face to face, when he spoke. "Because I want you to be happy."
I refused to look at him, knowing if I did I would fall into what I always thought was false sympathy. Confusion swam thick in my mind and I needed all of my senses in order to try and understand it.
"That didn't seem to matter before," I eventually told him.
He sighed, resting his hands on mine in my lap. "It's always mattered." Samuel must have noticed something lingering on my face because he softly continued. "I know I've messed up, Samantha. Trust me, I know." He ran a hand through his dark hair. "I'm just trying to fix this."
His words swam slowly through my mind, tumbling over one another until I couldn't analyze them any longer. From the tone of his voice and the desperation on his face, I knew he was telling the truth. However, that terrified me.
"Can I have a minute?" I looked at Samuel briefly before flicking my gaze to remain on Will. I needed time to process what Samuel was telling me, and I couldn't do that with him kneeling in front of me.
He hesitated, searching my features. "Of course." His tone was defeated and I didn't have to look at him to see the strain etched into his features.
I didn't watch him walk out of the room, but I listened for the click of the door. Only when I knew he was gone did I allow my composure to falter. I bent forward, resting my head in my hands. I didn't cry though, as I knew Samuel would be back the moment he heard a tear fall. Instead, I breathed heavily and curled into myself as much as the stitches on my side would allow.
***
Another long chapter! Why? Cause y'alls patience is aMaZiNg!! Seriously, thank you so much. I know it's been a bit of a wait. But, the semester is over and my life is back!
What do you think of the chapter? Will Samantha believe/trust Samuel? Is Samuel being kosher? Will he keep it up?
Aaaaalso...here's a little light reading until I update again :D It's a short story I wrote for one of my classes. Feedback is appreciated!!
https://www.wattpad.com/503073222-shot
You guys are great! Don't forget it! Thanks for all the amazing comments and votes!
Mquistey