TRIGGER WARNING
I gazed at the light beaming out of my window. I couldn't sleep, I tossed and turned throughout the whole night.
Useless, that's what I am.
Just doing nothing productive as if I calmly failed all my classes. Everyone hates me. There's no point in denying it. So I went to school, covering myself in my large black hoodie. Like usual.
Nothing new, I thought. My baby brother was dying, I was being thrashed on a daily basis, i can't help my family with an income because I'm only 15, no big deal. Oh, and I had no friends. Talk about a loser life.
The classes flew past in a blur. I didn't see Zeke or Mikayla, it was one of the worst best days ever. I sighed, doing my homework as soon as I got home. My boring day was the usual.
The second the twins came home, Hana came up to me and shouted, "You're not even part of this family!"
Hana shouted. She never shouts. It's always Hailey, who would do such a thing. But she was right. I wasn't truly part of the family. A tear slipped down my cold face, I promised I wouldn't cry. I broke a promise. Wow, I'm a horrible person.
I sprinted up to my room. Sobs burst through me, being held in for days. I curled up into fetal position on my bed. The tears erupted through me as if I was about to break. My head hurt, while dizziness consumed me. Was I really that bad? Yes. My tears left a sticky residue on my face, slowly fading me away.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I couldn't feel anything. Nothing, zero, zilch, nada. I woke up, went to school, came back, did homework, spoke to no one, and did nothing else. For several days, I continued this process.
I needed some control. Peace. Calmness. I stopped eating other than those one or two meals, occasionally. I could control a part of my life. I administered the amounts I put into me. Of course, I didn't starve myself.
But the power of choosing, enthralled me. I had the choice. I never had the choice.
I quit. I grabbed a pair of scissors off my desk. I held the blades in my hands, ready to inflict pain upon myself. I deserved it anyways. I slid up my leggings so nobody would find out.
As the blade touched my skin, I felt a sense of relief. It was calming. I liked it. The chill of the metal gave me freedom and ecstasy. I had just made the hole deeper for myself. Oh well.
Who cares? I don't. No one else does. You are not worthy to be cared. I wasn't.
My mind was made up. I climbed out of the window, scraping myself along the tree, jabbing the branches into my wounds. Crimson liquid poured out, but I didn't feel anything. I jumped into the road, lying down in the darkness. Wishing a car would run
over me. I guess my plan failed. Oh well I'm just a failure, nothing new there.
Headlights blinded me, peace was close.