ABHINAV'S POV
Class X, 29 June 2015
"You do" she replied in a barely audible tone. And then I saw her shrink her body awkwardly.
"I do, the most?" I questioned again immediately moving forward.
She still had her back towards me and her face on opposite side. If Krrish and Tanay were weren't present here I would have just turned her to make her face me. Grabbed her hand to pull her closer and get my answer. I needed answer to not only this question but another zillion of them running in my mind.
But I resisted the temptations my mind were forging in front of me.
She moved enough to face me.
"You all matter to me equally." She said those words so awkwardly that I was almost too sceptical about it. I didn't even wanted to believe them.
But then why will she lie, huh. I just looked around Tanay and Krrish to avoid my heart from shattering. Did she just say that I almost mattered equally as Tanay and Krrish to her? Nothing more. One more look into her eyes and I would have given to my earlier temptations.
So I tried looking away a little. I don't know why she did this to me everytime. I gazed faces of other two boys.
Krrish had this blank feeling on his face. He really didn't care much. He knew the questionnaire was supposed to be a joke. But sadly to me it wasn't feeling like one. Her every word felt like sting on my body.
Tanay, that boy had a huge grin across his face. I don't even know how he could manage to be so cocky all the time.
"Not even me?" Tanay just hopped in between us gaining a startled reaction from Zara accompanying a backward step.
"Ughh, yeah."
Yeah, what did she even mean! The thought that she meant it as him being the most important too her made me feel betrayed. I didn't even felt the need to consider the other half, where she might have said it in annoyance.
She replied in quite distaste and weirdly made a face putting her both hands up.
"Sometimes you people irritate me to death. I'll do all your homework, all of yours... happy!" she returned to her seat and started scribbling.
Zara this wasn't about a pity homework. You are driving me mad. Don't you get it, Zar! I wanted to scream all these words at her. Make her see the evident connection between us. I wanted her to acknowledge our connection. But then maybe I had no right to ask her to do so. Maybe she never saw them.
"I think you should date Tanay." In order to avoid my emotional breakdown I said something that I immediately regretted. What the hell! What I was doing was even worse.
There was enough silence between all of us to hear the mockery plus anger in my statement. Krrish just gave me a weird face. Maybe he wanted me to stop.
But Zara, she gave me a dead look. Almost like she didn't even process it.
This made all those incident from morning rush back to my head. The way Tanay was so close to Zara and packed her hair behind her ear. The way she laughed when he was around him. This made my anger rise one more level. And I continued even when I clearly shouldn't have.
"Yes, I think you two will be lovely. Isn't he more than your friend...?"
She now was beyond startled. She had pursed her lips all this while. She got out of her seat to stand.
"Nooooo!"
There still was a weary silence.
"Where is this coming from Abhi?"
I hadn't even started to answer her back yet Tanay bugged in between us once again.
"Whatever we have right now, is on the Friends stage Abhinav. I mean we people can always turn to find new things beyond but as in for now, She's my friend."
Wrong Answer. I didn't like his answer, his justification or whatever he was trying to make. For one dumb-ass conversation can't he keep his mouth shut. And what point was he highlighting that he had a chance to be Zara's someone. Huh, he was so freaking wrong. Zara never liked guys like him, her choices were way contrary to what this boy was. And he thinks there can be something between them! He doesn't even deserve a 0.5 percent of hers.
I realised I had tried to make the very same point to Zara. I registered I had made a huge mistake. She had this withdrawn expression now. She didn't hesitate now to break our eye contact immediately. And I just felt pangs of pain going through my body.
I had hurt her. I felt my body tense up. I tried to let go of the tension that was building inside me but this time I couldn't. I realised I was finally going to give way to my temptations. I was about to reach her.
"Can I have Zara?" Sam asked totally huffing.
"Why are you asking them for permission? If you have to talk to me, please ask me!" Zara's voice was evidently stern while she replied. She frivolously walked out immediately.
"What happened to her? Did you guys do something?"
Tanay just raised his eyebrows at Sam as if all of this didn't have him as a part.
"Whatever, guys. Move over, find some chicks you three. Zara needs time to heal. She already had Arsh and some few others on her plate. GET IT."
The other two boys just moved their heads in agreement. I just couldn't move. I didn't even process half of Sam's words. What had I done? I shouldn't have said all those things to Zar. She already was so broke inside. The least she needed was her friend to turn up on her like this.
I immediately left the classroom without even uttering a single syllable to the guys.
___
Class X, 7 July 2015
I hadn't talked to Zara for a week after that day. I just couldn't gather enough of my courage to do so. I had several times changed my routes in order to avoid her. I just felt like I lost the friend in her that day.
She still made attempts to reach me and I still exceeded in finding ways to avoid her. She had done my homework as promised and submitted it already without even telling. Then again how would have she managed to when I am hiding out.
This morning I had seen Krrish and her talk in school. I even witnessed Tanay bobbling around her as usual.
They were all back to normal. Zara was a little bits and pieces. That made me want to go up and talk to her. But I, wasn't I the main culprit in hurting her. I decided she wanted more time. But in reality it was me who wanted a little more time to hide.
I also decided that I needed to put my love for her on the backseat for sometimes. This wasn't working. I was very sure it will get her hurt even more next time if I let my love and anger control me simultaneously.
Moreover it was me getting hurt. This is the reason I never showed emotions to people. Everybody has tendency to hurt me but her... She didn't love me. She didn't even like me. But that wasn't the point now.
I reached my tuition class that mother had made me join. And I voluntarily agreed to join tuitions in order to let Zara escape my mind. Today was my first day. I parked my bike somewhere the students couldn't see it. And walked in.
"Abhinav! You here?"
"Afreen..."
Afreen was Zara's benchmate and I could see my plans of avoiding thoughts of Zara going into trash bin. Shit! That girl has got me smitten so badly.
"Yes, you joined new I guess." She replied.
"Hmm"
Well, she was pretty at least that will help me to get engaged on her and less on...
Stop it, Abhi. Look what's in front of you and stop going back. Pretty helps.
***
Guys, one more chapter coming today. ♥
My heart is literally in pieces to write something so weary for Zarav.
Do remember to write in your reactions in comments. Please let me know!