"Mom! What the heck happened out there in San Francisco?"
"What do you mean? I had a fantastic time and got to spend an hour or so with my musical heroes. I sent you a text about it." Elaina responded to Emily's impassioned inquiry.
"You failed to mention that you met Norman Reedus, for one thing."
"Oh yeah, that man. Emily, I know you may be a fan, but he's an odius asshole."
"Mom!" Emily exclaimed with feigned outrage over her mother's language.
"How'd you know I met him, anyway?"
"Because, he's been posting about you on his Instagram account," she responded and Elaina knew something was up when Emily's voice changed. "He posted a picture of you and is asking if anyone knows you because you stole his Neil Peart drumstick after the concert."
"WHAT?!?!?"
"Yeah, he says you must have taken it to get back at him for spilling his wine on your shirt. He's asking for you to get in touch with him so he can, and I quote, 'buy you another damn shirt so you'll give his priceless piece of memorabilia back'. "
Elaina didn't know whether to laugh or scream. "Oh lord, that guy... he's a real piece of work. I called Shane, the band's manager, the next morning as soon as I realized both drumsticks were in my jacket pocket."
"So you do have it?" Emily asked and then started laughing. "I thought he must have lost it and was just trying to blame someone else."
"Can you just answer him back and give him my phone number?"
"No, god Mom, that's the worst idea ever. His fans are the most insane women ever. They are ripping you apart on social media; if I post your phone number they'd blow it up with their hateful messages."
"Well, that's pretty silly. I didn't do anything wrong. He or his friend, Yaniv, must have accidentally slipped the drumstick into my jacket by mistake. They were hanging right next to one another."
"Well, these people are not rational. They know your name, so it's just a matter of time before someone tracks you down. It'll be a lot harder because you don't have any social media accounts, but you do have LinkedIn and email accounts."
"Sheesh, this is sounding ominous. Is it really that bad? How can this man have that much power?"
Mom, he has millions of fans who hang on his every word. He's one of the hottest celebrities out there right now. You had to have noticed how sexy he is."
"He's got nice eyes, but other than that I thought he was a shaggy mess." Elaina responded and then sighed. "What do I need to do to get off these crazy women's hit list?"
"You're at the plantation, right?"
"Yes, I'm here permanently now."
"Is it in the company's name or yours?" After her retirement and subsequent increase in income, Elaina had started a trust and LLC, named E Squared.
"The company, but the New Orleans property is still in my name."
"That's actually good. That's where any of the crazier fans will show up and you won't be there." Emily hummed as she thought things through. "So, I think you should call this Shane guy back and tell him that he needs to get in touch with Norman and give him your number. That way you can straighten all this out and get his drumstick back to him. In the meantime, I'll send him a direct private message and tell him that this Shane guy has your information."
"Thank you, Emily. I don't know what I'd do without you watching my back. I'll never be able to make it up to you that you have such a lame, nerdy mom."
"Stop it, Momma. You're the very best kind of mom... but, if you want to do something for me... get his autograph for me."
Elaina was the one to laugh this time. "I have a feeling that he'd love it if I asked for his autograph!"
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Later that afternoon, Elaina was in the greenhouse behind the plantation house transferring germinated seeds from their trays into larger containers. She was happy to see the progress the various tree seeds were showing. Soon, she'd be able to plant another acre of orange, lemon, and avocado trees. She'd already planted a plot with some pear, apple, and cherry trees.
Her phone started ringing and she quickly wiped her hands on the canvas apron she was wearing before she tapped the green circle followed by the speaker button. After a quick greeting, Shane identified himself.
"Elaina, I'm so sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I heard your message and then dropped the ball on getting in touch with Reedus. I feel so bad about what's happened... all the crap he's rained down on you. It's my fault."
"Hey now, Shane, you are not responsible for that man's bad behaviour."
"I wish I could agree with you, but if I'd called sooner he'd have known that you were trying to get it back to him. Anyway, he knows now and he wants to contact you. Is it okay for me to give him your number?"
"Of course, I'd like to get this all straightened out as soon as possible and then get back to my very ordinary, non-celebrity spotlight, life."
"You got it, Elaina. I apologize again; you're a really cool lady and I'm glad I got to meet you."
"Same here. You're a sweet guy, Shane."