I was bruised. Boy was I bruised. I felt like a walking dark half of the rainbow. My muscles felt like liquid and my bones felt like rubber. Luke set me up in the living room with a pint of ice cream and a Julia Roberts romantic comedy. By the time my family came back the movie was over and the ice cream was half gone and melted.
“Hey,” I said. “How did the second round go?”
My mother smiled. “I think they all did very well. Except Chloe has a sprained ankle and Tommy broke his pinkie.”
“Whoa, really?”
My father nodded. “It was fairly interesting.”
“You could hear the snap reverberate through the arena,” Sebastis said grinning. “It was awesome.”
“Good lord, Bast.”
“How are you?” my mother asked.
“Oh you know…beaten, bruised, and not bloody coincidently.”
“Oh honey, I’m sorry. Jamie was completely out of line doing what he did.”
“Yeah but he got what he deserved. I don’t think that guy is ever going to have kids,” my brother said laughing. “You dealt him a hearty blow, sister. I think all the men in the seats cringed when you did that. Blunt testicular trauma.”
I shrugged. “Guy should learn not to manhandle girls.”
“That’s right,” my mother said, sitting down next to me, “It doesn’t matter if it was just for show. He shouldn’t have gone off script.”
“He was just trying to display his awesome skills,” I said. “He was tired of being beaten up by a girl.”
“Should’ve requested a partner change then,” my brother said as he went to his room. “Everyone knows they’re liable to receive a beating if they’re paired with you.”
“He will be reprimanded,” my father said. “Hektor will see to that.”
“He doesn’t have to do that,” I said. “I’m sure it was just heat of the moment, nothing personal.”
My father just gave me an icy stare. “The boy tried to choke you, Georgiana. That wasn’t in the script and he knew it. You’re lucky you don’t have a crushed larynx.”
I sighed. “I think I’m going to take a walk. The mood has gone sour.”
“Georgiana,” my mother said.
I ignored her and grabbed my light jacket, boots and keys. I went out into the hall and slammed the door. Was it so hard for them just to say good job Georgiana? Or you did great Georgiana? No, my parents had to worry over my “injuries” and seek punishment for the hand shaped bruise wrapped around my throat like a choker.
I paused in the lobby to put my boots and jacket on. No one followed me thank god. I didn’t think I could take any of their encouraging pep talks. I loved my family, even though the relationship was a bit strained at the moment, but sometimes they were suffocating.
My iPod was shoved in my pocket and I put the ear buds in and cranked up Aerosmith’s Jaded. I took a walk around campus, mulling over the demonstration and what I could’ve done differently, done better.
I settled on one of the metal bleachers that sat in constant vigil over the football field and stared up at the stars. The good thing about Nebraska was there was always a light show at night. There were tons of stars and if you knew your constellations you could spend hours outside naming them all. Unfortunately I didn’t know any, nor did I want to. I just liked looking at them, letting the stars go nameless and sparkly.
Hootie was in the middle of singing about letting her cry when I felt reverberations in the bleachers. I snapped my head to the side and squinted in the darkness.
Aidan was climbing the stairs in my direction.
I sighed. “Go away,” I said out loud.
I looked back up, insistent on ignoring him. There was nothing he could say that I could possibly want to hear. He’d broken my heart after all, what could he say that could fix that?
He sat on the bench above mine and looked down at me. His lips started to move but I couldn’t hear him thank god. I didn’t look at him and I tried not to breathe in, afraid I might catch a whiff of him.
After five minutes of his lips moving and me unable to hear him, I got up and started to walk away. He must’ve pulled one of my ear buds out because I was accosted with the chirping crickets and the hoots from the owls.
“Ana, you’re going to have to talk to me eventually.”
“Actually no, I don’t.”
I continued walking down the bleachers, hoping off one seat to the next until I was at the bottom. When I looked up Aidan stood in front of me.
“I want to talk to you.”
“Well I don’t want to talk to you. Or didn’t you get that from talking to my friends and all the ignored phone calls and texts?”
“They’re my friends too.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.” I tried to push past him but he grabbed my arm and held me in place. I looked down at his hand and then up into his eyes. That deep down tickle I used to feel when looking at him came back with a traitorous intensity. I had to put so much effort into my voice when I said, “Let go of me.” My voice was oddly steady and cold.
He released my arm like I’d burned him. I continued to stare at him for a moment before starting off again.
“Are you coming tomorrow night?” he asked.
“Wasn’t invited.”
I put my ear bud back in and went straight home where I knew he couldn’t follow. I decided to climb the tree outside my window to avoid talking to my parents. I moved my iPod to the dock and OneRepublic’s Good Life filled the room.
I was in the middle of changing my shirt when someone started tapping on my window. I knew who it was without having to ask. I went over and pulled the curtain to the side. Aidan sat on the branch, feet dangling and hands clasped in his lap.
“What?” I said.
“I told you I wanted to talk to you.”
“And I told you I didn’t want to talk to you. Why can’t you just let it go?”
“I’m trying to fix things, Ana. You can at least give me a chance…”
“I don’t owe you jack shit, Aidan. Go away.”
I moved to let the curtain fall when his voice stopped me. “I’m sorry, Ana.”
I looked at him. “And that’s supposed to make it all better?”
“No. It’s not. I’m sure nothing I say will fix anything but I can try.”
“Look.” I sighed. “I think everything that needed to be said was left out in the open in New York. There’s nothing else to say. You don’t love me. You don’t want me. You’re finished with me. There’s nothing you can say that can balm that chapped skin.” I hoped he recognized that reference.
He sighed and looked down at his hands. “I’m sorry. For hurting you but you and I both know…”
“Oh shove it, Aidan. I’m tired of people doing things they think are the best for me. I’m a big girl. I control my own…well that’s technically not true. It’s my life. The parts of it that I can control I will.”
“I just want us to be friends again.”
“I don’t.”
“I miss you, Ana. I miss talking to you. I miss the easiness that came with just being around you. Why can’t we go back to that?”
I rested my elbows on the window sill and placed my head in my hands.
“Remember what I said to you before we started dating? I didn’t want to even try because it would completely ruin our friendship. I didn’t want to risk it. And do you remember what you said to me?”
His eyes were pleading with me. “Please don’t, Ana.”
“You said ‘What if we never break up?’ but guess what Aidan, we broke up. You played Russian roulette and you lost. We both lost. You got what you wanted. You blew me away. I’m gone. You can’t get me back. Not in any way, shape, or form.”
“That can’t be true. There has to be something I can do.”
I thought about it, giving him some false hope. It wasn’t like me to be cruel but I wanted to hurt him as much as he’d hurt me.
“There is. Leave me alone.”
I closed the curtain, blocking him out.
“I’m not giving up,” he called.
“Then you’re a fool,” I whispered, hoping Sister Hazel covered up my voice.
I went over to the nightstand and flipped off the light. I pulled off my pj bottoms and crawled into bed. I waited and prayed for sleep.
~ * ~
Music Selection: Jaded by Aerosmith, Let Her Cry by Hootie and the Blowfish, Good Life by One Republic, Change Your Mind by Sister Hazel.