I was pulled to my make-believe scenery the moment my eyes had closed. What stood before me was my mother, and I was almost shocked to see her.
"Osoroshi," she began, looking distraught. "I told you to stop using Dream Walker, didn't I?"
"Oh, so that was you," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. "I don't really trust the voices I hear anymore."
"I can understand why, but you wouldn't be here and in so much pain if you had listened to me."
"Since when are you keen on mothering me?" I spat, eyes narrowing.
My mother merely sighed and leaned to one side. "He was speaking to you, wasn't he?"
"Who's 'he?'" I questioned.
"Dream Walker," my mother replied like it was obvious. "He was talking to you, yes?"
I blinked a few times before nodding hesitantly. Mom sighed again and pressed her fingers against her forehead as she thought.
"Mom.." I said finally, catching her attention instantly by the unsure tone that I had used. "What's been going on? You called it 'he' like it was a person. Is it a person?"
"I already explained to you that Dream Walker is like a virus," my mother repeated, though the look on her face told me that that isn't what she wants to tell me.
"You aren't being honest with me," I accused and her shoulders sagged. "You have to tell me."
I quickly walked up to her and took her by the arms, a look of urgent desperation crossing my face. "Please. I can't keep going on like I'm a puppet for this quirk. I can't keep hurting Tenya. If you've changed at all you'd at least tell me what I'm supposed to do."
"Osoroshi," she said painfully, squinting her eyes before squeezing them shut. "I can't."
"Can't what?"
"I can't tell you," she clarified. "I've already told you too much."
"No, you haven't told me enough!" I justified, giving her a firm shake. "You're leaving too many gaps, Mother! It's like you're purposefully leading me into a wild goose chase!"
"You don't understand," she uttered shakily, unsteadily raising her hands to pull me into her embrace. I tensed at the contact. "I'm so sorry, Osoroshi."
"Why're you acting like this?" I inquired breathlessly. "Why're you apologizing?"
"You won't believe me," she began almost too quietly for me to hear. "But I never wanted this life for you."
I didn't say anything to that. She was right, I didn't believe her for a second, no matter how sincere her tone sounded or how tightly her grip around me strengthened. I couldn't trust the woman who took my father away from me, but she was also the only outlet I had to get the information I needed in what the hell was happening with my quirk.
"Mom," I whispered. "If you mean that, you'd tell me what I need to know."
"Don't do that to me," she begged helplessly. "I can't."
"What're you so afraid of?" I asked coldly. "You're already dead."
"Torture is still liable, even in death."
I breathed deeply at that, and instead of arguing anymore, I snaked my arms loosely around her waist. The feeling of hugging my mother was foreign, but strangely moving. I felt emotional within her grasp, like this is what I've been needing for years. I closed my eyes and took the moment in, not knowing if I'd ever be able to hug someone like this with my mind as quiet as it was just then.
"I'm sorry," she apologized again. "Everything will be clear in time. You just have to be patient and hopeful that you're strong enough to endure it until then."
As expected, I didn't know what she meant by that at all, but I knew trying to argue with her wouldn't get me anywhere, so I stayed quiet. I just let her hold me, even as this facade began to fade.
I opened my eyes to the fluorescent light of Recovery Girl's standby office. My mind felt dull, though the static was still there in the back of my head. I slowly arose from the mattress I was laying on, and immediately frowned at the sight of Yamamoto Chiyo sitting in the chair beside the bed.
"Good to see that you're okay," he greeted, disregarding my displeased look. "How're you feeling?"
"I'd be better if you weren't here." I grumbled, though he only smiled.
"None of your classmates know you passed out after your match with Hattori," he told me. "You slept through a few others, too."
"Then how did you know that I was in here?" I questioned, kicking my legs over the side of the bed.
"I told you that I could pick you out of the crowd," Yamamoto said. "So I just followed your noisy head."
"Are you obsessed with me or something?" I inquired incredulously, prompting the boy to laugh.
"No, no, nothing like that," he waved his hand. "Just... intrigued, is all."
I made an 'ah' sound of acknowledgement before standing up and walking into the hall, and to my dismay, how followed right behind me.
"I wanted to talk to you about something," Yamamoto told me as we walked. "Will you listen?"
"It doesn't seem like I have much of a choice, does it?" I shot back.
"Good," Yamamoto grabbed me by the arm and proceeded in leading me down a stray hallway.
"Where're you taking me?"
"Somewhere we won't get eavesdropped on." He replied simply, dragging me into the 1-B changing room.
He sat me down quickly, and before giving me another glance, grabbed a chair and set it in front of me.
"I heard your argument with that Iida fellow." He began and my face immediately scrunched uncomfortably at the memory. I had almost forgotten about that entirely.
"What of it?" I questioned bluntly, slumping in my seat.
"I don't know what's going on with your head or your quirks since Nightmare's death," he continued, giving me a warm smile. "But he's only trying to help you."
"Don't you think I know that?"
"I do," he nodded. "But something won't let you close to him, right? I noticed tension between you and that color girl, she really admires you, you know."
"What point are you trying to make?" I spat, squinting at him.
"You need to talk to someone," Yamamoto urged me, snatching up one of my hands before I could rip it away. "Whatever's going on is eating at you from the inside. You're being hurtful and mean and I know that that isn't the real you. I saw you around school before USJ, I saw the way you smiled. I don't know what happened, but I want to because I think I can help you."
"You don't know anything about me." I looked away from him irritably.
"I know what you're thinking," he justified. "I know how you feel and I know that you love Iida and Karafuru and that the last thing you want to do is hurt them. That's why you're pushing them away. I think that's knowing enough."
I breathed out sharply and squeezed my eyes closed. Who does this kid think he is? He didn't know me, not really. He may 'feel' how I'm feeling, but he couldn't understand. He hasn't been through what I have. He didn't lose his parents and he didn't live a life of relentless ridicule and bullshit just because my mom just so happened to be a psychopath. He didn't know how deafening this voice was, or how helpless I felt when it spoke directly to me and told me to kill my friends, my boyfriend. It wasn't fair.
"Yuki," Yamamoto said softly, squeezing my hand. "Please... talk to me."
But maybe I could make him understand.
I needed a stability like that again, like how I felt with Iida when I first told him what was happening before USJ. Though, this feeling of want was different. The idea of telling a near stranger who didn't make the voices pop my ears was something I hungered for. After this, I didn't even have to speak to him again. Or see him again. So, with that thought in mind, I told him everything. Everything from my childhood, to meeting Iida and starting at U.A., the USJ incident, the fight with Nightmare and Hattori... and all the way down to the voices in my head and how they all started after I 'fused' with Nightmare.
He was quiet while contemplating everything I told him, and I assumed that the silence was a way his quirk worked. Yamamoto's already cloudy eyes seemed to be glazed over and his expression was stiff.
"I see," he finally spoke, squeezing my hand again. "I think the best thing you can do for yourself is get your rock back."
"My rock?"
"Iida," he clarified, finally focusing his gaze on me. "The voices became constant after you pushed him away that night, right? Maybe he's what you need."
"Whenever I get close to him it's like he's screaming..."
"'He?' Iida screamed?"
"No," I shook my head. "My mother and I have a strange connection that allows us to speak to each other when I'm unconscious. I was talking to her before I woke up in Recovery Girl's infirmary. She called Dream Walker a 'he' like it was some kind of person, but when I asked her about it, she contradicted herself and called it a virus. He was screaming at me to get away from him."
"I've never heard of a quirk doing anything like that before," Yamamoto said concernedly. "Why did your mom say it was a virus?"
"I... I don't know," I looked down at my lap. "She said she couldn't tell me anything more than when she already had. She said torture was still liable after death, but I don't know what she meant by that."
"Have you thought of researching Dream Walker? Maybe you could find something." He suggested with little hope in his tone.
"It would be a dead end," I said doubtfully. "My mom was the first person to ever develop something like Dream Walker."
"I don't know..." he trailed off. "From how you explained it, it sounds like Nightmare was scared of it."
"What're you implying?"
"What if you're possessed or something?"
"You mean by a ghost?" I scoffed. "Nows not really the time to joke about stuff like that."
"Your mom is technically a ghost and you talk to her all the time," Yamamoto tried to explain. "So what if something similar happened between Nightmare and Dream Walker? Like he's inside her head and is now connected to you because you fused with her."
I pursed my lips at the prediction, but it didn't sound too far off to be true... what was she keeping from me?
"But back to Iida," Yamamoto changed the subject and waved his hands in the air. "You should tell him all the things you told me, or at least the things you haven't told him yet. I think pushing him away the way you did is hurting him more than you think it's helping you..."
"It's not that easy..." I replied, feeling the itching heat in my ears again. "Not only because of Dream Walker... but because of what I said to him."
"You heard yourself that he knows you aren't acting like you usually do," he pointed out. "He'll understand, it's like you said, he was the only person that ever could, right? What would make this any different?"
I didn't reply to that, but instead hugged him gingerly. "Thank you."
Yamamoto hummed and swiftly hugged me back before pushing me away quickly. "Now go, your damsel is waiting for you."
I felt a smile slither across my lips, but before I left the now open doorway, I turned over my shoulder. "Hey.."
He looked up, seemingly surprised.
"Would it be too much to ask for us to stay in touch?"
A wide grin ran across his face and he let out a light laugh. "It's not a problem! I'll reach out to you again, definitely."
I nodded in agreement and turned into the hallway with a racing heart, and despite Dream Walker's angry protests, I forced myself down the hall in search for Iida.
I was nervous and a little embarrassed at the thought of Iida thinking that I'm crazy, but absolutely nothing was going to stop me from righting this wrong.