My breathing hitches slightly when I see him in the hallway. He is just opening his door, walking out. I change my glance quickly and head towards the elevator as quickly as possible.
The elevator doors slide open and I slip inside. I'm startled when Leven walks in right after me.
I know she didn't do anything, or know about anything between Xander and I, but I can't bring myself to look at her.
Xander. My thoughts go back to him. He's the only thing that has been on my thoughts since last night. After I just told him to go away, I slammed the door in his face and went to bed. He might have still been outside the door. He could have been there all night and I wouldn't have known.
I feel uneasy at the thought of seeing him. Everything just feels so wrong. We weren't even a couple, yet I feel like I've been cheated on. It's the worst feeling imaginable.
I swallow hard and concentrate on the flashing numbers as the elevator descends. Floor by floor, we climb down.
"Is everything alright?" I hear Leven's voice.
I bring myself to look at her. Her blond hair is curled back and sweeping over her shoulder. Her dress is absolutely gorgeous.
I nod, and look back at the floor. I take a deep sigh and try to calm down. Everything will be alright. If I don't want to talk to Alexander, I don't have to. But I can't help seeing him...
"It's the premiere." Leven tells me. "You can't be upset for the premiere."
"I'm not upset." I reply quickly. I lied, though. And she seems to know this, even though she has no idea what has happened.
We reach the lobby and I quickly rush out of the elevator. The end of my dress sweeps across the ground, but I pick it up and keep walking.
There are fans and flashing cameras outside the hotel, but I blow them off and walk outside. I get in the nearest vehicle and let them drive me to the premiere.
The whole way, traffic is terrible. There must be tons of people coming to this.
When we arrive, people come to help me out of the car and I am led over to the red carpet. I have to pose for several camera pictures. I wave over to Jennifer and Josh, taking pictures together.
I also see Amandla, Dayo, and Jack taking pictures together. I suck in a deep breath and walk over to them.
"Hey." I say as I walk up.
"Hi!" Amandla says. "You look so great!"
I bend down to hug her. "Thank you."
Jack whistles jokingly and I laugh at him. He and Dayo both look formal in their black suits and ties.
I see another car pull up at the end of the carpet, Leven and Jackie stepping out of it. I know that he will be arriving any minute now. He was leaving just as I was.
Dayo puts his arm around me and we walk down the red carpet, taking pictures together as well as with Amandla and Jack. We walk down until we are in a huge screening area.
There are reserved seats up near the front of the stage, and we go to take our seats. I take a seat in between Amandla and Josh. Everything should be starting in about twenty minutes.
I'm listening to one of Jack's jokes when I see him walk up. He looks amazing in a near matching suit as Jack and Dayo. He smiles when he walks up to everyone, shaking hands and laughing.
His eyes barely catch mine before fluttering away. In them, I saw just a slight hint of pain.
More people file into the large screening area. The screen cuts on, showing the mockingjay pin.
I see Gary stride out on the stage and hit the microphone, testing to see if it would work. He smiles when he picks it up and begins to talk.
"Welcome everyone to coming to the first showing of The Hunger Games! We have all worked so hard on this film and I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed making it. I would like to thank everyone who has put an effort into this film. Without you guys, this wouldn't be happening. Thank you to the amazing cast, because you guys rock. And I hope everyone enjoys it!" he says. All the people in the screening area cheer and Gary walks off stage.
The screen cuts black and I can hear music beginning to play. It changes to some of the logos of producers, and then I see the words show up on screen about the uprising stuff.
Claps form throughout the room when the movie title appears. Then, it changes to Seneca Crane talking with Caesar.
I watch intently through the scenes in District 12 and the reaping scenes. The movie is...amazing. I can't believe how well it all came together.
I smile when I see myself on screen for the training scenes. This is awesome. It finally hits that I am a part of this film.
We laugh at ourselves when we remember some of the things during certain scenes. We remember all of the funny jokes and stuff that we had on set. It's sad that it is all over.
I'm on the edge of my seat during the whole footage in the arena. They did great on the bloodbath scene. The tracker jacker scene is also great.
I find myself almost in tears during Rue's death scene. It's surprisingly sad.
And, my death scene is pretty epic I guess.
I watch all through Alexander's big scene, but find my throat feeling tight when I see him on screen. The events of the night before return to my mind...
I blow them out and watch the rest of the movie. When it is over, bursts of claps and whistles come throughout the large room. I clap myself. It was really good. I'm so happy to be a part of it.
The rest of the cast stands in appreciation and I do as well. I'm so proud of us for doing that.
There's a huge after party after the film, but I'm too young to get in, even being part of the cast. I get in a cab and go back to the hotel.
When I get to the hotel, I begin packing my bags. I call my mom to pick me up, ready to go back home. I guess this is it.
I said goodbye to everyone after the film ended. Most of them can get into the party.
When my bags are packed, I take them and walk out my door. When I walk out, I get into the elevator.
I head down to the lobby and see Jackie is waiting by the elevator. She pulls me in for a quick hug before getting into the elevator.
"Stay in touch." She says.
"I will. I promise." I tell her. She waves her hand just as the doors close.
I sigh. I really am going to miss everyone.
There are no longer any crowds outside the hotel. I guess they decided to sneak into the party.
I step outside and wait for mom's car. I lean back against the brick walk and watch all the cars passing by.
"Need a ride?" I hear a familiar voice beside me.
My throat tightens and I feel my eyes start to burn. I know that voice immediately. The cool, smooth voice that just always seems so calm. The voice that now sounds a little pained.
I don't look at him. I just shake my head.
We are both silent for several moments.
"I know apologizing won't do me any good. But I am so, so sorry." He says after a while.
This time, tears do sting my eyes. I still refuse to look at him. "You said that you cared about me and that you had feelings for me."
"I do." He says, sounding a little choked. "How many times will it take for you to believe me?"
"Until you are worthy of my trust." I tell him.
"When I will I be that?" he asks.
"I don't know, Alexander, I guess when I am worthy of yours." I say.
I hear him start to breathe deeply. "Don't you know that you are worth everything to me?"
I look at him now, tears almost spilling over my eyes. His eyes are watery too, and he holds his tie in his hand. He doesn't say anything, just looks at me, anxious for a reply.
I hear a car pull up and honk the horn, and I know it's for me.
"Stop lying to me, Xander, and maybe I can trust you." I say before walking to the car.
He stands speechless behind me, and I throw my bags in the trunk before getting in the passenger seat.
Instead of mom, it is Madeline. She smiles widely when I open the door, but it quickly goes away when she looks at me.
"What's wrong?" she asks, her voice full of concern.
"Everything." I say before becoming a sobbing mess right in front of her.