Life.
Me and Jah were in his room looking through his baby album, it was cute, his mum was really beautiful, and his dad looked like a family man, a bit dodgy, but someone who protected his family, I don't know what happened, but "Snakesz" is a fucked up boy. He was happy going through it, he really loved his mum, we spoke about her through out.
"I'll take you to see her, she'll love you." He smiled. I nodded and he put his album on the side and hugged me, through out the whole day he had held this shank and it was touching my thigh as he held me.
"Jah."
"Yeah..."
"You're holding an a shank."
"Yeah, I keep thinking someone's gonna come in here."
"No one's gonna come in here, give it to me." I sat up, he gave it to me and I put it on the table and lay back down. He was thinking, and closed his eyes for abit. I watched him carefully, it was silent and it just felt really weird. He sat up immediately and looked at me
"Someone owes me money, come we go get it." I nodded and wore a skirt, he came up behind me and aggreviely pulled it down.
"JAH! GET THE FUCK OFF-"
"CHANGE! DON'T WEAR THAT SHIT TO FOLLOW ME!" He shouted, I jumped and barged past him, "I don't want mandem looking at you, you know they target you when they see you with me, so act more, you know. Can you just wear tracksuit bottoms"
"Fuck off!" I screwed him, he took a deep breath.
"Zoe don't chat to me like that."
"Fuck off." I smiled. He was getting mad, he was coming closer, I shrugged.
"Dickhead." I muttered, I got up and tried to get to the door. He smacked it shut and pushed me effortlessly and I flew onto the bed.
"DON'T CHAT TO ME LIKE I COME DOWN TO YOUR LEVEL!" He shouted.
"Don't tell me what to do!"
"I was asking you Zoe," He picked up the skirt and threw it at me face.
"Wear it, go out there and look like a fucking sket. Nastiness man." I threw it back on the floor.
"Snakesz, yeah that's what I'll call you, killer, you probably rape girls too. I know how desperate you get for pussy. Nasty killer." I laughed, I wanted to wind him up, see if he'd hit me. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat.
"Please be qui-"
"SHUT UP! Why you talking, you can't even speak properly, always get angry, you carry sti's on your dick, shit!! I need to get tested. You beat that fucking bitch Mary. Someone needs to kill her," I laughed, he looked up to the ceiling and his face was literally changing colour, and this guy's black. I burst out laughing.
"Cunt." I muttered. He just walked out of the room and I heard the front door slam, wow he actually didn't hit me, amazing. He always gets mad when people chat like that about "Mary". Bollocks, move on, she's a bitch, when I get her, I'll bury her alive. I think he went to get the money alone, I went through his stuff, and ate his favourite biscuits he eats, and walked around playing with his weapons, they were fun. I don't get why he makes me carry some of these things, their literally dangerous. I fixed up this big one, and pointed it at his poster of Beyonce on his wall.
"Bitch about you ain't black!" I laughed and looked at it. I put it back to normal, and decided to cheer Jahmiah up, because I think I touched a nerve, I feel sorry for the guy who don't have his money ready, because he'll take it out on him, with his fists, I'd rather him shank me, his punches are the killers, he keeps going till you need surgery, so woop woop, go Zoe. I laughed and moved his bed, took me half an hour, so heavy. I cleaned his room and hoovered up the whole house, and went back to his room and got out all the stuff I bought when I went out with Beth. I wasn't really sure about the underwear, it was really uncomfortable when I wore it, I don't do thongs, fucking wedge! I covered my self with his big t-shirt, and wore lacy stockings. I put out the candles from tesco.
"Argh Zoe wtf, he's not romantic." I said to myself. Now I was contemplating whether or not this was a good idea, he's more likely to get angry, and this time hit me, or tell me to fuck off. He hates stuff like this. I sat on the bed with a match and lit up the candles, and placed them around, I lay the bed. I stood back and put the light off and closed the curtains, it looks so romantic, I smiled and took his dirty clothes to the kitchen, I put them in the washing machine and cleared the kitchen and made him spaghetti. I heard the door slam half way through, and my eyes widened, and I continued doing my shit. Footsteps came into the kitchen, he said nothing and went into the freezer and got ice cubes, his knuckles looked sore, yep he took it out on someone else, he got his alcohol from the cupboard and a glass, he walked out. I sighed and all of a sudden the living room was filled with heavy music smacking into my ears, I closed the kitchen door an sat on the window seal, and looked out, all his boys were right at the bottom, it was way down, but I could see them, they were moving girls, urghh. Some of them have baby mothers and don't care. I sighed and looked beyond the estate, wow, building upon buildings, so many lights, looked nice, kinda, flats and everything. Them Turkish people own those parts. I moved away from the window and put the cooker off and dished out his food, I got a tray and opened the door and went through. He was sitting there staring at the wall, and boppin his head, I put it on the table and went to him. I tapped him and he slowly looked at me. I pointed at his dinner, he went back to staring at the wall. I sat there and played with my fingers and said nothing. He got up and went and ate it after 5 minutes. I put the music down and went to his room and put in a CD, with slow jamz, and put his favourite song on. I took his top off and sat there singing the words. I was still wondering why I never ever get pregnant, but then again when we did it, it was near the middle of the month and I go on them times. I sighed and realised I could this time, I bit my lip and just didn't think about it, whatever really. The music in the living room was put off, it was quiet. I heard his footsteps, and he went to the bathroom, and the shower went on. I lay back on the bed, and thought about all this romantic shit, maybe I should blow out the candles, and for get about it, I pissed him off too much, and now I'll piss him off more with all this. I closed my eyes and hummed the song, the door opened and I opened my eyes and sat up, he looked at me and around the room.
"What the fuck." He said in a low tone. I stood up and he looked at what I was wearing.
"Sorry for pissing you off, I wanted to see if I could piss you off..." He didn't say nothing.
"What is this shit?"
"I bought it for you know, make it special a bit," I smiled. He looked away and I got hold of the towel and he grabbed my hair and pushed me to the bed. He pushed me aggressively.
"Jah be gentle man." He kissed his teeth and removed the towel and unclapsed my bra, and threw it somewhere then my knickers. He looked to his side and eyes up my legs.
"Nah fuck that." He muttered, he weren't gonna take off the stockings, he didn't even foreplay just forced himself in me. I couldn't make a sound.
"I'ma show you how pissed off I was." He looked straight in my eyes and moved slightly out then pushed against my inside, so hard I felt the pain in my stomach.
"Jah please, oww owww owww!" I said.
"Your lucky you ain't getting it in a fucked up position, I would have destroyed your pussy, why you pissing me off Zoe." He breathed heavily as he opened my legs wider and went harder.
"ARGHH!" He shouted.
"Jah your killing me." I gasped. He just did it that way for what felt like hours, when he came he got off me and stood in front of me watching me, my legs were gone.
"Don't piss me off Zoe, I hate taking it out on other people, fucker should of gave me my money." He kissed his teeth and walked off mumbling shit. I lay there moaning in pain.
"SHUT UP FAM! You pissed me off, how the fuck can I have STI's when I watch who I fucked, this whole year guess how many people I've fucked." He said.
"Owwwwwwww."
"Answer."
"20, 30.. who knows!" I groaned.
"Two. TWO PEOPLE! You and that bitch Mary, I took both your virginities, and that's it, I don't allow skets in this house, and you got the nerve to tell me I got Sexually transmitted diseases, come on Zoe, my dick smells nice, I got traces of you written all over it. About I rape gals, I don't even look at them." He laughed to himself and lit up a cigarette, and sat next to me and watched me, I was in so much pain, tears fell from my eyes, he laughed.
"Hard init. It's good for your pum," He exhaled. I punched his back.
"That wasn't romantic, you just did it like I'm anyone." He creased.
"I gave it to you right when it was your first time, what more do you want, whatever you wear don't excite me, up your game b."
"Fuck you."
"Where did you get that shit anyways?"
"Anne Summers." He started creasing.
"That shit don't work on me, every time I used to get with someone, I never fucked them because they wore that shit. Should I tell you something?" I shrugged. He looked down at my body and sighed happily.
"Bondage. That's it. Now work out how your gonna please me the next time, come back and I'll show you heaven and hell." He winked and put out the cigarette. I bit my lip and thought, I don't fucking know. I tried to get up but I couldn't.
"Your bleeding." He laughed. I sniffed and punched him again.
"It looks really nice." He was getting a bonar. I struggled but got up and had to get away from him.
"How many fucking times you gonna fuck me up." I screwed him and walked out, I heard him laughing, I kissed my teeth and had a quick shower, when I was done, I went back in the room with a towel around me, holding it close, he got up and grinned coming close to me.
"Jahmiah, I'm sick." I faked.
"Come man."
"I'm sore." I begged him, but he was not seeing my point of view. He pulled the towel and threw it on the floor and looked at my body and smiled. He held my waist and whispered.
"Come ride me."
"No, I can't." I moaned.
"Ite suck my dick." I shook my head, he threw me in the corner of the room and came for me, he grabbed me and did nasty unbearable things to me, when he is horny, he fucking does damage, he kept me up till 3, and finally let me lay down in bed....
Next few days, I was recovering, he was doing dirty work so I rarely saw him, and I was so bored and didn't have much to do. I had the choice of following him, but watching him hurt people was traumatizing, and I really don't know how he sleeps, but he sleeps soundly, like a baby, and had that nasty grin on his face with his eyes closed. I hadn't seen Beth in time, she weren't at Inksz, so I had to go all the way to hers, kmt. I wore my playsuit, and these beautiful sandals Jahmiah got me in Westfields. I put on a bit of make up and my hoops in, and got my stuff and some money. I left the yard and took the bus, everyone knew me, and just stared, especially some of the youngers, didn't look twice, ain't my fault, I live with serial killers. Funny thing is, they know what "Snakesz" does, but who's snitch on him? People talk a lot, so the person who would snitch would get their own visit, in their house, with fire. It's sad really. I got off at the station and they all watched, top and bottom deck. I shrugged and went and got the tube.
When I got there I took another bus right to the end, the woman talking every time near the stop was pissing me off, it was hot, and uncomfortable and she said it every moment. I got off and went to her house, her sister let me in and we spoke for a bit.
"She's gone Essex, to see her friends, so she'll be back in a few days." I nodded and we were talking for time.
"I've met this black boy." She said casually. I laughed.
"What happen to that white dude?"
"He was bisexual, he's met some man," she rolled her eyes, I chose not to comment.
"Right."
"Mmm yeah, I met this guy, lives in Lewisham," She said excited.
"Oh." I said bluntly. I don't go down there, Alina showed me boys from there, and I kinda stole from them, so I'm alright.
"Yeah he's really nice but refuses to come down here because of certain people." She frowned. I bit my lip, thought for a bit.
"Are you keen on black boys?"
"Their alright now, kinda... I wanna see why Beth thinks their exciting!" I laughed.
"You should meet mine." I scratched my head. She giggled. "Oh Ruby! I know, you might like Joshua, you don't mind a boy with a big nose?" She gave that uncertainty.
"Okay, okay, he's got nice eyes, nice smile, his nose is just a bit out there, but he's nice and quiet,"
"How old?"
"21."
"I'm only 18, but yes okay!"
"Okay, tomorrow around 4 I think, they won't be doing nothing, they'll be where I'm staying, you can come see if you like them, and learn more about them, how they act, talk, what they talk about, so you can see if you will like them, because I'm telling you, there's some rough bustards out there." I warned, she laughed.
"Don't tell Beth, please! She doesn't know I'm thinking of switching." I laughed and nodded.
"Whatever init."
"Do they give great sex?"
"Erm I don't know, I haven't had a white man, one day I'll compare." I laughed, she giggled. She got excited.
"I can't wait." She smiled.
"They'll love you, you look like something out of vogue,"
"YAY!" She started dancing.
"Black boys, wooo!" I shook my head and got up.
"I'm gone." I laughed, she just ignored me and screamed about them, and put it on MTV and screamed, it was only black boys, well once she goes black, hmph, she ain't going no where! I walked out and walked down the path to the gate. I closed her gate, and some weirdo came round the wall and grinned at me, he looked nuts. I walked off and there was loads of them covering the street.
"Yo baby, let me talk to you for a second." I kept on going. He whistled and it got the attention of the rest and they crossed the road, and I walked faster. They blocked me and he came and stood in front of me looking down at me putting his hands in the air.
"I don't bite, I'm being friendly, that's what the feds want, more friendly hooded boys, so we are, your nice." He winked and touched my face, his friend was staring at me closely.
"You got a man." this weirdo asked.
"Yes."
"WHO IS HE BRUV?"
"Come North you'll see him, he's very friendly he wants to meet more people like you." I smiled.
"You got a lot to say. Your Beth's friend?" This one in front of me said. I looked away.
"She is." One said.
"Ahh where did she get you?" He eyed me up.
"From your dutty batty crack. Fucking psycho! Don't try bring all these people around me, because I don't care. MOVE!" I shouted and barged past him, he laughed like the mad man that he was.
"OI!" I kissed my teeth and turned around.
"I'm watching you."
"Watch your dick, before I get someone to chop it off!" I shouted, they laughed.
"Nah seriously gal, I'm watching you, fuck Beth, You. Next time I see you, init." That was creepy, I walked off quickly and went all the way back home, when I got to the block, Jah was there giving stuff to this bustard, he saw me and smiled, I hadn't seen him properly in ages, I hugged him and we started kissing. The boy just stood there quietly.
"I'm gonna destroy you tonight." He winked.
"Mmmm.." I went for his lips.
"Erm... Snakesz-"
"WHAT MAN CAN'T YOU SEE MAN'S KINDA BUSY YOU DICKHEAD! Take your self and run before I shoot your balls, dickhead, and stop making fatherless babies, you fucker, MOVE!" He shouted, the boys quickly walked off, he looked at me and grinned. He grabbed my waist.
"Let's go upstairs." I laughed and we used the lift, we got back up and hugged me tight.
"Jah love."
"Yeah."
"Beth's older sister Ruby is gonna come jam with us here tomorrow." His face dropped.
"You know I don't like them stupid ass holes in my house."
"Yeah, but she wants to see if Joshua is nice." He rolled his eyes and nodded. I hugged him
"Oh and some b-" I stopped in my tracks, he looked at me.
"What?" I shook my head and smiled, he nodded and walked off, and I thought, should I tell him that psycho Rashaun, Beth's ex was on my case, or should I just stay away from those areas, the last time the look he gave me, I knew he'd say something, and now he had, I better watch out! Should I tell Beth, what do I do now? I can't go back there, he's a fucked up unattended nutter! Jah hugged me from behind.
"I love you Zoe." I smiled and turned around and he carried me.
"Love you too." He was happy for some reason, he smiled and took me to the kitchen and we spent the evening together, in each other's arms, and he made love to me, and it was really good that we were getting closer, talking more, but the psycho south east London dude was in my head! I can't tell Snakesz, Inksz has beef with them already, I can't add to it, it'll kill it, it's just about cooled down....FUCK!