~~
I wasn't even sure what to call her. She was my mother but, right now, it didn't feel like it.
"What are you doing here?" Anger rose in me, she thought she could just come back and act like everything was normal.
"Avery, I'm sorry for not saying anything sooner. It's just--"
I looked back at my dad, he looked shocked and overwhelmed but he was trying to hide it. My mother had no colored contacts in. She must've told him everything. Her golden brown eyes looked right at me, she was pleading.
"Why are you even here?" I asked. I just wanted answers at that point.
"I actually first came here about three days ago. I was trying to find the right time to talk to you. I kept worrying and not confronting you. Then earlier, I had to do something. That wasn't meant to be the way I greeted you again but..." She shrugged her shoulders slightly.
I pursed my lips and held back tears. I loved my mother, and reuniting with her was emotional. It was also overwhelming, and there was so much to say and explain. I realized I had never thanked her, so I decided to then. Even though my mother leaving years ago angered and frustrated me, it was because of her that I was alive right now.
"Thank you." I let out silently. The tears, uncontrollablely, came out as well. It was a few tears but, they all had their own emotion.
"Avery..." My mother reached out hesitantly, at first. Then she stood to envelop me in a hug.
My arms didn't move. In fact, no part of my body moved. I was frozen with emotion. Yet, underneath all that emotion I could feel happiness. I knew it wasn't temporary, this happiness was completely real and pure. It was a rare happiness to have your mother's arms around you again.
...
For the time being, my mother was staying at a nearby hotel. She wanted to give my father and I some space. She was always considerate like that.
I had returned to school from my suspension. I wasn't exactly excited about it and nothing much had changed. The only thing that was different was Jasper. He was with me as much as he could be during the school day. It was like he was more lively when he was with me. Somehow, by that one kiss, we had grown closer. But we were still friends, and neither of us had intentions to go beyond that.
During our history class, Jasper had asked me if I was busy that weekend. Alice was having a graduation party.
Alice had never apologized for what she did; I never apologized either. Even with that tension between us, I said I would think about it. He also did try heavily to convince me to go. I didn't want to see Alice and I doubt she wants to see me. But the idea of going anyway never left my head.
...
Bella had met up with me in the parking lot after school. It was once a daily thing but over time it had become less common. Today, she was only with me because Edward was a bit little late in getting out the door. I happened to see her first. That was usually the reason I saw her after school nowadays. But I don't blame her, she's in love, what can she do about it?
I could still feel her emotions, and there was rarely anything to worry about. I still cared about her, yet sometimes I wondered if she still cared about me.
"Are you going to Alice's graduation party?" I asked Bella.
"You know I don't really like parties, but she's been bugging me about it. I might just have to force myself to go."
I let out a light laugh. Bella's personality, love it or hate it, was still somewhat funny.
"Are you going?" Bella questioned. She said it in an odd tone, almost as if it was a dumb question.
At first, I was going to mention Jasper but thought better of it. "I'm not sure. I won't exactly be putting myself in the best position if I go."
"I understand," She paused as an idea ran through her head. "Why not bring one of the pack as your plus one? It might not help, in terms of awkwardness, but it'll be nice to have a friend with you."
I guess Bella didn't know I hadn't talked to the pack in awhile, except for Paul. But maybe she was right. It would be good to have an ally with me; someone I could depend on.
"I'll think about it." I said.
Bella nodded and left as she caught sight of Edward.
Paul. Maybe he's actually be willing to go.
...
For some reason, it took a good amount of courage to call Paul. Maybe it was because I was worried he'd say no. Why would he say yes anyway? I did ignore him and walk away the one day I saw him. But I wanted to go to this party.
For the first time, I wanted to go to a party. I wanted to go because of Bella and Jasper but, I also just wanted to get out of my house. Not in the most basic definition though. I wanted to go back into the world and not let my emotions keep me indoors anymore. I wanted to see what life without Jacob by my side would be. I wanted to face it because I was already living it.
So, I stopped my pacing and grabbed my phone. I dialed Paul's number without a second thought.
"Hey Paul," I greeted.
"Hey Avery, did you need something? You haven't called or talked to me in awhile."
"Well sort of, I was wondering if you wanted to go to a party with me? It's at the Cullens house though."
"The Cullens? Why are you even going?" Paul joked.
"Yeah," I laughed. "But it's a graduation party so I thought I might as well go. I'm only graduating once, and why not bring a friend along."
"Are you sure you want to bring me? Because if you and Alice get into it again, I can only defend you if another guy steps in."
"I'll try to prevent that from happening. If it does happen though, you know I can defend myself."
"Yeah," Paul paused. "Alright then, I'll go."
Paul and I had set up the time and then a solemn mood fell over the conversation.
"Can I ask you something else though, Avery?" Paul said. The question made me apprehensive but I let him ask it anyway.
"Yeah, sure."
"That day in the parking lot; was something wrong? You just kinda left before saying bye."
I wanted to say no. I wanted Paul to think everything was alright and not worry. I told myself I was done holding back my feelings just to please others, and I was going to keep that promise.
"Yeah." I said softly.
Paul didn't make a sound and I knew he was listening. I wanted to stop and hang up. I felt as though Paul wouldn't care but, he's my friend, of course he cares. I knew I could confide in him. The only real thing that held me back was the realization that I didn't talk about my feelings often. So, talking about them now was odd. Odd wasn't normal, and I liked normal things. Nothing about my life was normal. But naybe if I did this more often it would begin to feel normal.
"You can talk to me." Paul reassured.
"I feel like I don't belong anymore, with you or the rest of the pack, because of Jacob and I breaking up. It took me so long to work up the nerve to talk to you. I know you're my friend but, still--And I still feel like I can't face any one of them after everything I put them through--"
"We don't care about that, Avery. The pack-- we all are worried about you, and we miss you. We want things to go back to normal just as much as you do." His words were sincere as ever. I knew every single word was filled with the truth.
"Really?" I breathed.
"Of course." I exhaled slowly as Paul's words repeated in my head. "We need you back with us. Jacob needs you."
No. Jacob wouldn't want me back. After everything that's happened, how could he want me back.
"Jacob wouldn't want that."
"Avery, he hasn't been doing well. The only reason he broke up with you was--I shouldn't even be telling you this but he thought you wanted to be with Jasper. He'd rather let you go and be happy with someone else than make you feel like you have to be with him. Jacob didn't want you to feel trapped. He's always wanted you to be happy. He just thought that you could only be happy with Jasper."
This whole time, that's what Jacob assumed? "Wait, really, that's what Jacob thought?"
"Yes," Paul continued explaining but I lost my focus on him as guilt consumed me. "We tried to tell him to just let go of his feelings for you but, you're his imprint how could he?"
Paul's last sentence snapped me back into reality. Did none of them realize I never wanted to be with Jasper?
I relaxed my tight grip on my phone. I needed to calm down. I needed to collect my thoughts. I wasn't exactly sure what to do with this new information. I wanted to immediately clear this up. But would Jacob believe me?
"Is it true?" Paul asked. He must've been talking the whole time and I only heard him just then.
If I was going to clear this up, it had to start somewhere, even if it was one person at a time. "No, it never was. I never--I never wanted to be with Jasper."
"Oh, good." He thought I was lying. He wasn't completely convinced. "Well I'll see you on Saturday then."
"Okay, see you then."
With that, he hung up. I wasn't sure if there was an even worse way that could've ended. But I would convince Paul. I would convince everyone eventually because feelings can't lie. And I don't have feelings for Jasper.
...
By the time Paul and I had arrived, the house was full. The music was blaring and lights illuminated some of the outside as well.
We went inside and as soon as we entered I received glances. Some of them intrigued, some of them bad, and some confused. Paul and I ignored them all and proceeded to the dance floor.
Paul never seemed like one to dance and he wasn't exactly. He never actually danced, he either swayed to the music or just sat and enjoyed it. Paul had a simple attitude he was never too much or too little. But he still made time enjoyable. Maybe we got along so well because Paul was what I've always wanted to be. Never too much or never too little. I've always wanted to be just right.
Paul's phone rang and he was slow to get it out of his pocket. As he read the caller ID, he became more urgent.
"I'll be right back, Avery." He said quickly, and walked off to somewhere quieter.
I decided to go get something to drink while Paul was gone. As I poured some punch into my cup, I heard someone call out my name. I turned around and saw Jasper.
"Oh, hey!" I tried to say over the music.
"I didn't think you would come, but I'm glad you did." He said with a small smile.
"I'm glad too. I never thought the Cullens would go all out like this."
"Well, you know Alice, she likes parties and she rarely gets to have them."
"She did a good job with this one. I'm pretty impressed, and I'm a harsh critic." I joked.
"I'll be sure to let her know." Jasper laughed.
Paul came around from behind me suddenly. "Avery, can we talk for a second? It's important."
From his tone, it seemed urgent. Even Jasper seemed concerned.
"Yeah," I began to follow Paul as he lead me somewhere else. "I'll catch up with you later!" I shouted towards Jasper before he went out of view.
He waved at me with an open hand and a half smile. It seemed as if, for Jasper, I was never too much or too little. To him, it appeared as though I was just right.
"What is it?" I asked as Paul finally stopped.
We were in front of the stairs, it wasn't private by any means, so I was confused.
"Bella and I thought that you both needed to talk to each other." Paul said.
I was even more confused now. "Paul what are you talking--"
Bella came into view and there he was, following right behind her. I wasn't sure which emotion hit me first. Panic or excitement. Either way, it felt like a jolt of energy. I wanted to run away but also, I wanted to run right for him.
Paul stepped to the side and he saw me too. He stopped in his tracks and looked over me.
Paul grabbed my wrist and dragged me over to him. I was at loss of everything. Thoughts, words, feelings. And so was he.
We weren't far but weren't close either. Bella pushed him towards me and closed the space between us.
Everything became white noise, except for him. The lights danced across his face and body like they were made just to be on him. I looked into his brown eyes and it felt like nothing hurt anymore. It felt like comfort was within arms reach.
"Avery..." He said gently. It was like he was getting fresh air for the first time in months.
"Jacob..." I said. And it really did feel like breathing fresh air again.