Chapter Twenty-Eight
As I woke up, I felt disappointed. My hand instantly went to my stomach at feeling the loss of my baby. As, not even twenty-four hours ago, we were told that, I was pregnant and now our baby is dead. Feeling totally crushed broken and empty inside, my mind began to wonder, as visions of Damon’s unconscious injured body flashed before me.
For the first time since I had woken up, I started taking in my surrounding’s. Realising I was in hospital I felt a little relieved. As I was finally far away from the car and that boulder that had nearly taken our lives, I thought to myself. Leaning over to the side table, I pressed the nurses call button and within seconds, a little old nurse walked into my room.
”Hello Dear,” she greeted me, while giving me a warming smile. Hoping my voice would not fail me, I asked the question that I have been dying to ask but also fearing. “Do you know where Damon is?” she looked at me with so much sadness that I automatically started thinking the worst. She glanced down at my clipboard and then back up at me. “Sheena, he has a bad case of concussion and a few deep cuts but nothing too life threatening” she replied, but before she could even say anything else I cut her off. “Please take me to see him?” I asked, feeling relieved and excited knowing that he was alive.
She studied me for a while before she left out a big breath “Ok, but only for a few minutes, other wise you will have me sacked” She told me. “Thank you” I replied, giving her a grateful smile, as excitement bubbled up inside of me.
Helping me out of the bed, the nurse placed me into a wheel chair that she had already gotten for me. So many emotions where running through my head, as she started to push me out of the room. However, knowing Damon was alive had me on such a high, that no one or nothing could take this happiness away from me.
As we turned a corner, seeing Cherelle, Lee, and Alisha standing there talking brought a sick feeling to the pit of my stomach, as I wasn’t ready to face any of them yet, I thought to myself. Nevertheless, I swallowed down the sick feeling, as I needed to see Damon. Even if facing those means seeing Damon, then facing them I will. I told myself sternly.
The nurse stopped out side Damon’s room, as she opened the door she went and put a wedge under it to hold it open. Keeping my eyes on my lap, I began playing with my hands nervously, as I was dreading the look that I knew, that on their faces. I felt a hand giving my shoulder a light squeeze before the nurse was back and pushing me into the room.
Seeing Damon sitting up in the bed wide-awake calmed me. Our eyes locked, and seeing his eyes all red and puffy, I knew someone had told him. My eyes began to water as the reality of the loss of our baby really started to sink in. Damon almost leaped out of the bed, at the same time as I tried to get up, his arms wrapped around me as he hugged me like never before. Hugging him back, we both started to cry; it was like a part of us was missing and we were both desperately trying to get it back.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that for, but my legs were starting to give way. Damon managed to lift me onto his bed, and I could tell he was struggling, as he was wobbling a little bit.
As we, both laid down in his bed, we wrapped our bodies as close together as we possibly could. We just laid like that for ages, taking as much comfort as we could from each other.
Even though we had not said one word to each other, it was perfect, as much as I thought of our loss; I just did not want to have to say it aloud. As I knew by saying aloud I was actually accepting it, and I was no way ready for that yet and I could see that Damon was feeling the same.
He placed a soft kiss on my forehead before he buried his face into the crook of my neck. I felt my eyes droop as they started to feel heavy, I wanted to just fall asleep but remembering the nurse telling me that I wouldn’t have long had me forcing myself to keep my eyes open.
Snapping out of my own thoughts, by feeling his body shaking up against me, I knew he was crying. However, I kept quite, as I just snuggled my body closer into him leaving him to cry.
We must have dozed off, as the nurse was leaning over me and had just woken me up. “Sorry Sheena, but I need to get you back to your room, as the doctor will be coming by to check on you soon,” she said while giving me a sympathetic look. I gave her a sleepy smile “ok, thank you” I replied gratefully, as I thought of how she had put her job on the line for me. As much as I wanted to stay, I didn’t want to be the one to get her in trouble. Rolling over on to my side, I felt Damon’s, hold on me tighten. I slowly tried loosening Damon’s tight grip on me, only causing him to hold on to me even tighter. ”Damon” I called him softly, as I did not want to awaken him.
He started mumbling some thing, but I could not understand any of what he was saying. I tried again only this time he had woke up, “Stay here with me, please?” he asked almost desperately. Tears started welling up in my eyes, as hearing how broken and desperate he was, I knew he was feeling the exact same way as me. Gazing over at the nurse I could see her eyes where watering up. “I’m so sorry dear, but I promise I will bring you back as soon as possible, and you never know the doctor might even discharge you and then you would be able to stay here with him as much as you want,” she said. I could see the smile she was giving me was a forced one, but I appreciated it so much, as she has never once mentioned anything about the baby, or how sorry she was, and for that I was grateful.
I turned my face and locked eyes with Damon, “I will be back as soon as I can ok?” I replied just above a whisper and placed a loving gentle kiss on his lips. Damon never replied, he just nodded his head and kissed me. “Don’t be long please,” he said as he curled his body back up on the bed. I could see his body shaking, knowing he was sobbing quietly to him self as we left the room. My heart felt like it was shattering into a million pieces, I was so far away within my own thoughts that I didn’t even realise that we had stopped. Cherelle, Lee and Alisha were standing in front of me, giving me a pitiful look. “Please don’t,” I said, my voice breaking. I could see the small smiles creeping on their faces, and even though I knew they were fake it still felt better then having to see there pity. As that was one thing about me, I hated and that was to be pitied, as there are loads of people out there that was a lot worse off than I was, I thought to myself. “Thank you, I will see you all in a while,” I told them. The nurse took that as her cue to move.
We were both silent all the way back to my room but it was comfortable, well it was for me anyway.
As we reached inside my room, the doctor was standing there waiting with the clipboard in his hands, my heart pounded against my chest. Then looking up at his face, calmed my pounding heart down, he had a heart-warming smile across his face. Giving him a smile in return, he then motioned with his hand for me to take a seat back on the bed. “Well I must say Sheena, I thought I had lost a patient there for a minute,” he said while laughing. I giggled a little at how funny he sounded. “Well lets just say I’m glad your back”. I didn’t know whether to respond to him or not, so I decided not to.
“Well how are you feeling?” he asked. “I have been better; however I’m feeling a lot better now”, I replied. He gave me a giddy smirk, making me feel like a naughty little girl who had been caught sneaking out. I laughed at the cheeky grin he was giving me. “Well that’s good to hear, I just need to check you over and if every thing is good, then you will be free to go back to wherever you had sneaked off too” he said giving me a playful wink. The nurse who I had forgotten was still in the room burst out laughing making the doctor and I laugh along with her.
After the doctor, finished checking me over, he discharged me, but not before he handed me some leaflets on miscarriages and a list of groups who offer support. Knowing I would never attend them, I still thanked him. He had made an appointment for six weeks time for my cast to come off and told me it was better if didn’t have any sexual intercourse for at least a few weeks, well at least until I felt ready. I was so embarrassed but was also relieved, as he had given me answers to questions I wanted to ask. However, I really did not want to have to ask him.
After the doctor left, the nurse helped me to get dressed. My legs were getting stronger, nevertheless, the feeling of my insides pressing down on my bladder made me feel uncomfortable, as it felt like my insides where going to end up on the floor with every step I took.
Excitement started to bubble up inside me as the closer I got to Damon’s room. I stopped outside and took in a deep breath knowing that we will have to be strong for each other, as the next few weeks’ even months no years were not going to be easy. However, knowing that I would be able to conceive again, gave me hope for our future. Not that I would ever forget the baby we had just lost, but it was just the knowing that helped me cope.
As I placed my hand on the door handle, a hand placed on top of mine. Looking up at the whom it belonged to I seen a teary eyed Cherelle, wrapping me in her arms she held onto me to me, making the strength that had taken so long for me to gain come crashing down, leaving me an emotional wreck.
Feeling another two set of arms joining us, I knew automatically who they where. None of us spoke as we all just stood there cuddling and letting all our emotions of our loss flow freely. After some time we were all startled by Damon’s voice.” He looked at the four of us “Hey what about me I need a cuddle” he said as he scoop me off the floor and started to lead me away from the others, only the others were following us. I could tell Damon was trying to run but he was still too weak to be able to escape them, which made me laugh my head off. I always loved the way he managed to cheer me up no matter how bad I was feeling, I thought to myself. As we reached his bed, Alisha; Cherelle and Lee were right beside us all laughing as well.
It was that moment I realised how lucky I was, and that Damon and I where going to get through this.
The next day Damon was discharged from the hospital, but only on the conditions, that someone was going to be with him at all times. As where he had a serve case of concussion, there was a chance that he could relapsed however, he was now out of the danger stage.
Alisha decided that she was going to stay with us until we were both better. Although deep down inside I wanted Damon and me to be alone, I agreed, as I knew if anything did happen to Damon ,I wouldn’t be able to help him. As my arm was in a cast and I was not allowed to lift anything heavy yet, as it cause me to hemorrhage.
Later that evening we were all sitting in the front room watching a chick flick, with popcorn and loads of junk food. Cherelle and Lee came around as well and to be honest it felt good. I know everyone was hurting as much as me inside, but I was grateful that no one spoke of it, as I just wanted a little bit of normality after every thing that had happened.
After the second movie, I was fighting so hard to stay awake, and I could see Damon was too. “Damon I need to go to bed” I whispered to him, “me too” he replied, before he told everyone that we were going to bed. After we all said our goodnights Damon and I headed up the stairs. As soon as we got ourselves into bed we both snuggled close, as we took much needed comfort from each other. “Night Damon, love you” I said, and as soon as my head snuggled into his chest, I fell into a deep peaceful slumber by the soothing beat of his heart.
I woke up screaming from a nightmare; Damon jumped up and grabbed hold of me as he soothed me, trying to calm me down. The nightmare felt so real it scared the life out of me. I was reliving us in the car only this time we went over the edge, and died. I could feel the sweat on my forehead and my body shaking. The bedroom door swung open revealing a very sleepy and worried looking Alisha. “Mother its ok, she has just had a bad nightmare” he tried to reassure her. Damon tried to get me to go back to sleep but I was just to scared to sleep, as I kept thinking what if it wasn’t a dream and I was dreaming now and if I slept I would be really waking up to us dead. I had been thinking so much to myself that I was even starting to confuse myself. However, hearing my phone’s alarm go off helped ease my mind, as I knew then, that I was not dreaming no more and that Damon and I was alive. Snuggling myself, back into Damon I took in his warmth and placed a kiss on his chest feeling relieved and grateful that I still had him here with me.
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All my <3 Mel xx