"Because my whole life is a lie." I laughed at my own statement.
I heard Jaemin sighed.
It's been weeks, since, after that thing happened. The confession of him, the lies, the hurt. I am still in my deepest grave of unmoving, because it's all that occupies my shitty brain.
I am still living with the same dorm i used to live on, because now, i do not feel what's the feeling of being beaten by their lies and being a fool into their eyes.
In short, i don't care anymore.
I do not know any Haechan. Nor even Jeno and Koeun.
I just only a Mark, myself, a fool, a bastard- whatsoever.
"You still have me, Mark. I dont want this seeing you really sad and stressed." Jaemin said concerned.
"I know. I ain't sad. Aren't at all." I lied.
"But you are torturing yourself." He said in contrary.
I didnt speak back. And i heard him sighing again.
"I think, Haechan has some good points to reason out why did he did that." He said.
"He is still a devil." I said.
"Is that it, really? I think, there is something else." He smiled a bit making me crumple my forehead.
"Stop acting like that, Jaemin. You're weird." I said.
"Nah." He chuckled. "Answer my question. Is it really about of him being a devil or is it about you, afraid of getting hurt about his possible lies again?"
I told you, he is weird.
"I dont get it." I lied again.
"Argh." I saw him rolling his eyes on me.
"Tell me, do you still miss him?" He asked.
I stopped in there, and badly wanna say yes.
But, no. I dont want him hearing me say how i badly want to see him back again.
Haechan lied, and he is a devil. I had already made up of my mind. Im not going to see him.
"Not anymore." I said.
I saw how he stared at me.
"I dont believe you, Mark." He laughed.
"Then, dont." I said trying to sound rude but he just laughed more.
"Dont hide your feelings on me, Mark." He said.
"I dont have feelings for you." I joked.
"Hey!" He suddenly slap me in my shoulder , and its my turn to laugh at him.
"I didn't mean that way!" He yelled at me.
But i just laughed at him.
"Im making fun of you, you dont get it." I said. I saw him rolling his eyes again.
"But anyway .." he stopped.
"Let's not talk about him." I seriously said.
He looked at me.
Then, he sighed. "Fine."
After my class, i went over but didnt find my way to my dorm. I managed to put all of my things in my locker room, and walked alone getting of the University ground until i reached the exit gate.
"What am i doing?" I talked to myself.
Then, i felt a tap in my shoulder. I looked back to see a familiar face, Herin Seo.
And the image of her transforming into Haechan like last time flashed into my brain so i took her hand off my shoulder.
"I-i know, Haechan uses my formation last time scaring you but, Mark this is me. It's Herin." She said biting her lip shyly.
"You sure?" I asked.
She smiled as she put her hand underneath her hair and showed a hawk feathers, reminding me her sort.
"Then, you are one of his creation too." I said bored.
She sadly nodded.
"Are you mad at us?" She asked.
Then, i felt guilty in all of a sudden.
Why would i hate these birds if they didnt mean to go with their creator's ideas? They're just here to serve for him, because he created them. And that should not be an issue to me
"No." I smiled.
"But you are mad at him." She said back. My smile falls back.
"I aint mad. I already moved on." I said lying.
"Lying is bad for humans." She smiled.
"But your God lied to me. It is so unfair right?" I chuckled sarcastically.
She didn't speak.
"He just did it .." i looked at her as she stopped saying the whole sentence.
Then she looked up at me. "Because he tried forgetting about you. He tried getting a way far away from you. He tried everything just to stop the fate about the two of you. But fate was a bitch. Mark, he is on his darkest fate right now. All of the devils in our place hates him, and he had no one around but us. You dont know how he tried everything. He might be a devil in his soul and body, but his heart and head wasn't. That is because how love tortured him." She explained.
I remained speechless.
By this time, i dont know if i will believe her or not. They have lied, they are fonds of dark things, but there is something inside of me that wants me to believe her.
Then, i caught her stared at me.
"Mark, i know it's hard to believe us. It's hard to believe this world full of lies. But its not going to make sense if you'll forever believe no one." She said.
"And besides, Haechan did that for a cause." She continued.
I just stared back at her.
"Thank you." I said and starting walking off, getting on the street, before crossing the lane. I just stopped when i saw a red car coming.
"Mark .." i heard her but i didnt looked back, i need to cross the lane after the red car so i should focus on the street.
When the car already passed, i started walking few steps into the other lane.
But then, i stopped when i heard her shouted.
"HE JUST HAD DAYS LEFT ON EARTH!"
That basically stopped my world from revolving in. Literally, my feet stop walking and i became naive by that moment because i forget, i was in the middle of the street.
As she said it, i know he is referring to Haechan.
And my body is shaking as that idea came disturbing my mind.
"Beep! Beep!"
I didnt knew a huge ten wheeler-truck is coming into our way and as i looked at it, it was only a meter away.
And it is running fast.
Goddamn.
"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaark!" A scream came from Herin but my feet didnt move. I stayed looking at this big thing come crushing me sooner.
But everything came like a flash.
As i covered my eyes with my bare hands, closes it as i am waiting the truck to crushed me down. I aint ready but i cant move!
But then, nothing happened to me. And the truck didnt touch any of my parts.
So i opened my eyes as i put my hands down and that foggy vision infront of me was seen. Smoke from its engine, underneath its head was the fog and i saw the bottom part of its front was kinda wrecked with it's metals folded in the middle. Just like Thor hammered it to its fullest force.
Then i saw a familiar man nearby, his left fist was balled, while blood were coming out.
"Mark!" Herin had the ability to caught me in my arm and pulled me but i didnt look at her. She stopped as she saw this guy in front of us too.
"H-how did you do that, Haechan?" I asked as he stared back at me.
He faked a smile. "Its because ..."
"..... I dont wanna see you dead."
For the very first time around, my heart beats fast and loud all over again.