Michael wasn't talking to me, and that was bad. He wasn't sullen, like Justin got from time to time; he was just thoughtful. That made the drive uneasily quiet. It was fully dark out, not that I could see through the window tinting anyway.
The world didn't seem real to me anymore, and my head ached.
"This is the deal you made with Amelie," Michael said. "To work for him."
"No. I made the deal with Amelie, then she told me to work for him. Or learn from him."
"Is there a difference?"
I smiled. "Yeah. I don't get paid."
"Brilliant plan, genius. Is anybody paying you?"
Actually, I had no idea. The thought hadn't occurred to me, to ask Amelie for money. Was that normal, to get paid for a thing like this? I supposed it was, if I was supposed to risk my life with Myrnin on a regular basis. "I'll ask," I offered.
"No," Michael said grimly. "I'll ask. I want to talk to Amelie about this whole thing anyway."
"Don't get all older-brother on me, Michael. It's not safe. You may be one of them now, but you're not -- "
" -- one of them? Yeah, I know that. But you're way too young for this, Ana, and you don't know what you're doing. You didn't grow up in this town, you don't understand the risks."
"What, death? I understand that one pretty well already." I was feeling tired and achy, but also strangely annoyed with Michael's protectiveness. "Look, I'm fine, okay? Besides, I learned a lot today. She'll be happy, trust me."
"Amelie's mood isn't what bothers me," Michael said. "It's you. You're changing, Ana."
I looked straight at him. "Like you haven't?"
"Cheap shot."
"You made the choice."
"Yeah, I made the choice, and it was the only one I could make. Look, I'm sick of having to tiptoe around Justin. Don't make me do it with you, too." Ah, now Michael was annoyed too. Great.
"Tell you what? I'll stop nagging you about your life if you'll stay out of mine. You're not my brother, you're not my dad -- "
"No," he interrupted. "I'm the guy who says if you get to stay in the house."
He wouldn't. He wouldn't. "Michael -- "
"You made a deal with Amelie without talking to anyone, and then you covered it up. Look, the only reason you even came clean was because I saw the bracelet. If I hadn't you'd still be lying to us. That doesn't exactly make you the ideal housemate." Michael paused for a second. "And then there's Justin."
"How am I to blame for Justin?"
"You're not. But I can't deal with both of you, not now. So just straighten up, Ana. No more lying, and no more risk-taking, all right? I'll convince Amelie to let you out of these sessions with Myrnin. You're too young to be doing this, she ought to know that."
No more lying. No more risk-taking. I shifted and felt the bottle in my pocket, and had a flash of that perfect clarity again. I wondered what Michael would have to say about me letting Myrnin give me the crystals. Probably nothing. He was talking about throwing me out of the house, right? So he probably didn't care at all.
The car slowed and turned, bumped down a rutted drive. Home.
I bolted before Michael could say anything else to her.
Justin was in the kitchen, pouring himself a beer. He toasted me silently, took a sip and nodded toward a pot on the stove. "Chili," he said. "Extra garlic."
Michael was closing the kitchen door, and he sighed. "When is this going to stop?"
"When you quit sucking blood?"
"Justin-- "
"Don't get pissy. I made yours garlic-free." Justin looked at me again, and frowned a little. "You okay?"
"Sure. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Just -- I don't know. Whatever." He slung an arm over my shoulders and kissed me on the forehead. "Bad day, probably."
Let's see, I'd been threatened by Eve's brother, had my wrist cut, and then played keep-away with Myrnin for hours. Did that qualify as a bad day in Morganville? Probably not. No body count.
Not yet, anyway.
Michael pushed past us and through the door into the living room. I pulled free of Justin's arm and went to the stove to ladle myself a bowl of chili. It smelled hot and delicious. But mostly hot. I tasted a drop and nearly choked; was it usually this molten-lava wicked spicy? Everything felt raw to me right now. I supposed that was a side effect of the crystals.
"I thought I heard you," Justin said. "Weirdest thing, I heard your voice today. Right out of the air. I thought you -- I kept thinking about Michael, how he used to be during the daytime ..."
When he was a ghost. "You thought I was -- ?"
"I thought maybe something happened," he said. "I called your cell number, the new one."
I'd left it in my backpack. I reached down and unzipped the pocket, then checked the phone. Three calls, all from Justin. With voicemails. "Sorry," I said. "I didn't hear it. Guess I need to turn the ringer up."
He looked at me very steadily, and I felt the cold spot in the center of me, the place that had chilled while I'd been with Myrnin, slowly warm. "You worry me," he said, and put his hand on my cheek. "You know that, right?"
I nodded, and hugged him. Unlike Myrnin, he was warm and solid and his body just molded right into mine, perfect and sweet. When he kissed me I tasted beer and chili, but only for a second. After that, it was pure Justin, and I forgot all about Myrnin, and any kind of physics except friction. Justin backed me up against the stove. I felt the low heat of the burner at my back, but I was too preoccupied to worry much about bursting into flames from outside sources. Justin just had that effect on me.
"I missed you," he whispered, brushing my damp lips with his. "Want to go upstairs?"
"What about my chili?"
"Get it to go."
There were good things about the way I felt tonight, I decided; my nerves might be raw, but that only made his touch all the sweeter. I would have felt awkward, usually, and uncertain, and scared, but it seemed like the afternoon that had started with Jason and ended with Myrnin's snarl had burned all that out of me.
"Not hungry," I said breathlessly. "Come on."
I felt as wild and free as a little kid, running up the steps with Justin in hot pursuit, and when he grabbed me around the waist and spun me around into his room and kicked the door shut, I squealed in delight. And wiggled to fit myself against his warm, hard body as I kissed him again, breathless and flying.
He kissed like our lives depended on it. Like it was an Olympic event and he intended to earn a medal. Somewhere in the back of my head I was chattering to herself, warning that this was going to go too far, that I was just making things worse for us both, but I couldn't help it. Before long we were stretched out together on Justin's bed, and his big, warm hands were teasing under the hem of my shirt, stroking the fluttering skin of my stomach and stealing my breath. I lost it all when he spread his fingers out, pressing his palm flat against me, and I felt an almost irresistible impulse to feel those hands all over. Everywhere. My heart was hammering hard enough to make me dizzy, and it was all just so ...
Perfect.
I reached down and pulled up my shirt. Slowly, feeling the cool air slip over tender skin.
Up, to the bottom line of my bra. Then up.
Justin stopped.
"I want to," I whispered against his mouth. "Please, Justin. I want to." I sat up and reached for the clasp on my bra, and unhooked it. "Please."
He pulled back from me and sat up, head down. When he looked up he licked his lips, and his eyes were wide and dark and I could fall into them, fall forever.
"I know," he said. "Me too. But I made promises, and I'm going to keep them. Especially the one to your parents, because your dad said he'd hunt me down like a dog." Justin gave her a wild, bitter smile. "Sucks to be me."
"But -- " I felt my bra slipping, and quickly grabbed to hold it in place. I felt ridiculous now, and wounded.
He sighed. "Don't, Ana. It's not like I'm a saint or anything, I'm not, and trust me, for you, a saint would buy a condom and go to confession. But it's not about that. It's about keeping my word, and around here, my word is all I've got."
I wanted him with a red fury that was all out of character for me, but somehow, the way he said it, the way he looked me straight in the eyes, I felt all that fall away and the fury turn into something pure, hot and silver.
"Besides," Justin said, "I'm all out of condoms, and I hate confession."
He put his arms around me and hooked my bra with an ease that showed he had plenty of practice.
I threw a pillow at him.