Have you ever felt like a robot? As if you have no feelings, no heart, no thoughts or wonders, no questions or answers? Not able to even think by yourself, only capable of doing what you're told to do? And then all of a sudden you're starting to feel? And you get so scared because you didn't know what to do with such feelings? Well I didn't know to recognize those feelings, let alone deal with them. But I had one person who could help me. Maybe that's the reason I liked him and trusted him that much.
I didn't tell him everything, I couldn't. I only told him what was really important.
"I was kidnapped, back when I was about three years old, by a man and a woman, who took me to some kind of a basement, where I grew up with many other people, there were kids my age, there were older, there were teenagers and over 20's. I made friends with many kids back there, and they became very close and important to me, like a family, because after a while I didn't quite remember my own family. For about 14 years I had quite the normal life, except for a few prohibitions like no TV, no music, no pictures, such things, that obviously weren't normal for the kids in our school and stuff.
"And well, when I was 14 and a half, I... ummm... reached sexual maturity... I guess you can call it that, and I had no doubt I was gay, and it wasn't just because I figured out I was gay, that I was sent to work at gay clubs, and later as a manwhore, it's just the way it worked, it was depending on what the people were asking for. And that's why you found me there."
"Wait, wait." Louis said, obviously having a hard time comprehending all that I said, "And the people who were asking for stuff, didn't know that the people they'd get are basically kidnapped children?"
I shook my head "They knew nothing about that."
"That's just sick." He stated the obvious, and I nodded.
"Indeed, it is."
He sighed, "See? Now I understand you much better. You must miss your friends, don't you?"
I nodded and wiped my eyes "You have no idea how..."
Next thing I knew I was wrapped up in a hug, and my heart started pounding harder in my chest and honestly, I wasn't sure why, all I was sure of was that I hoped Louis wouldn't notice and that it isn't a symptom of something not good. And yes, I was that naive back then, and I never knew if it was because I really didn't know what it was or because I didn't want to believe that that's what it was.
But I let myself cry. The embrace was so warm and comforting, that I knew I could fall apart and trust him to not panic or anything, just to be there, holding me together while I'm falling to pieces. He held me tighter and closer and I wrapped my arms around him, clinging desperately onto him.
"It's alright, Harry," He soothed, rubbing up and down my back, "I'm here for you, it's alright, you're not alone, I'm here."
I sobbed out, then said with a weak voice: "Help me..."
I felt as if I was falling down a black hole, clinging tightly onto Louis, trying to grip hard enough not to fall down. He didn't respond to my request, instead started caressing my hair.
"Help..." I let out weakly.
"Shh..." He whispered, "I'm here, Harry, rest a little, go to sleep for a while, you need that." I nodded and he helped me lie down and I closed my eyes. "I'm right here, Harry, I'm not going anywhere." I nodded one last time before letting myself fall asleep, while Louis kept stroking my hair, and I knew I was positioning him in front of a hard task, to help me, but I really needed help, and I believed that he was able to help me.
-*-
When I woke up the sun was rising, and I tried to recall, when I talked to Louis, wasn't it starting to get dark? Did I really sleep that long?
I groaned as I lifted myself up, leaning back on my elbows, only to feel a pair of arms wrapped around my waist. I lied back down, shooting up once again when I was met with his sky-blue eyes. My heart started beating fast again, and I felt somewhat mad at myself when I saw the smile he grew on his face turn into a concerned lip-biting. It was almost obvious that he was wondering if he'd done something wrong.
"S...sorry.. I didn't know you were awake.." He chuckled.
"It's okay, I guess you didn't even think I'd stay here, did ya?" I shook my head and he sighed.
"I should probably start getting ready, I have to go to work soon. I'm going to take a shower, you can get in after I get out if you wanna." For some odd reason I couldn't stop looking at his body and thinking how good he looked as he slowly stood up from my bed.
When I went downstairs after I took yet another tearful shower, I got into the kitchen, my footsteps making Louis turn around and smile at me, and my heart skipped a beat, I tried to stop myself from thinking of how gorgeous his smile was.
"Hungry?" His sweet voice snapped me back from my fantasies about his angelic smile, and I nodded.
"Good, take a seat." He said and I followed his invitation as if I'm a solider and this is an order from my commander. We ate silently when he served the food.
"How did you sleep?" He asked when it started to get boring, I nodded.
"Good. I feel a little better after last night. Maybe I needed to break a little..."
He nodded. "Everyone need to let everything out once in a while. What you need is someone to be next to you. I'm willing to take that spot if you'd like that." My heart skipped yet another beat and warmed up in front of that enchanting smile, which made me smile back.
"I'd love that."
-*-
For the next few days it started to get really boring being all day in the house, but I was a bit afraid to leave the house, for now at least. So Louis really did his best for me to not get too bored. While I waited for him to come back from work I'd usually play on the computer at the other side of the living room or watch TV, and when Louis would finally get home we'd sit down and talk. We got to know each other a bit better, even though I still didn't tell him my whole story. For some reason, with every time he told me about himself or taught me something I would've known if I would've had a normal life, I felt more and more as if I've known him for this whole time.
"Harry?" I saw his head at the entrance to my room while I was playing some stupid game on my phone as I was really bored. I looked at him.
"Yeah?" He entered the room.
"Do you like reading books?" He asked.
I thought a little. "I didn't have many chances to read but when I had the chance then yeah, I guess kinda liked it."
He nodded and sat next to me on the bed as I sat up. "I can give you a book or a few to read if you'd like it. I read a lot and I have many great books for you, like this one for example." He handed me the book he was holding in his hands and I looked at it and nodded.
"Thanks, I'll read it and give it back to you once I'll finish it." He smiled.
"Okay great, and if you want anything else to read I can always give you something, let you choose or anything, or we can buy. This will also give you something to do"
I nodded "Thank you, just let me start and finish this one before and we'll see, okay?" He nodded with a chuckle.
"You wanna go to the mall? Y'know, just for shopping, and I can show you where I work and stuff. I think it'd be good for you to go out a little bit."
Eventually I agreed, and for some reason the whole time we were there I wondered if this was a date.
When Louis stopped at the store he worked at to talk to that friend of his, Liam, I stood a few steps away from him, and no matter how much I tried looking at other things, my eyes always went back to Louis' perfection, and when I noticed Liam looked at me for a brief second and then after a few words he said, Louis did the same, I blushed like mad.
"Louis?" I went down to the living room about two days since we were at the mall, to talk to him.
"Yeah?" He turned around to look at me.
"I have something a bit personal to ask you..." I tried to fight back the blush.
"Go ahead." He gestured me to come closer, but I remained where I was, at the bottom of the stairs, the entrance to the living room.
"W-what does it mean if I can't stop thinking how good you look, and when we come in touch or when you just smile at me my heart starts beating fast and loud in my chest, and I feel like butterflies in my stomach when I think about you... and your smile... and your eyes... what is it Louis? What causes it? Because I hate to feel this way when I don't know what it is that I'm feeling..."
I watched as his beautiful smile spread big on his face.