Chapter 29
Last Kiss
I took a deep breath habang hatak hatak ang maleta palabas ng airport where I know Red and my friends are waiting for me. The hot breeze that welcomed me made me smile.
Philippines, I missed you.
Napa-ngiti ako when I saw Red's figure from a far. Mas lumaki siya ngayon, I guess nag-gym siya. He's wearing a red hoodie and a camou shorts with black sneakers. Naka wayfarers din siya. I can't deny the fact that my brother's handsome. I waved at their direction.
"OMG!!! RIAAAA!!" My friends shouted. Tumayo ako at inantay sila dahil tumakbo sila papunta saakin. They hugged me agad and I felt home.
I looked at Cassie at nabigla sa nakita ko. Her hair is now short! Super short because she got a pixie cut. Pero bagay sakanya though because payat ang mukha niya and payat rin ang built niya. She smiled at me at napansin kong mas gumanda siya.
Jane and Vee looked the same pero mas nag-mature na ang mga mukha nila. They changed their hairstyles, too. Vee got some bangs and Jane grew out her hair. Mas mahaba na ito kesa sa usual length dati.
"Oh my, ano nangyari sayo? Pumuti ka!" Vee said. They looked at me and observed me with shocked eyes. Tumawa lang ako sakanila. I'm currently wearing a black and white plaid and a white shirt inside. Naka jeans ako and boots since malamig sa NYC before I left.
"Malamig kasi sa New York eh," I replied.
Tumawa sila dahil sa pag-sasalita ko. I guess staying there for 5 years will really change your accent.
Jane and Cassie held my hair. It's shorter now dahil nasa taas lang ito ng collarbone ko. Nagulat din sila sakin because of it. Alam kasi nila ayaw ko nagpapagupit pero isang pilit lang ni June saakin, pumayag na ako.
"You look so pretty! Mas bagay pala sayo ang short hair," Cassie commented. Hinawakan ko rin ang buhok niya pabalik kaya mukha kaming tanga naghahawakan ng buhok sa gitna ng airport.
"Look at you! Ang ikli na rin ng hair mo!" I told her. Ngumiti siya sakin and she told me na nasa phase siya na gusto niya ng maraming pagbabago. I nodded dahil ganoon din ako.
We walked papunta kay Red na nag-aantay sa may pick-up niya. I ran to him and hug him kaagad. He looks so mature now! Kuyang kuya ko na talaga siya. I'm so proud of him for taking care of our business here kaya lalo ito lumago.
"I missed you!" sabi ko sakanya while we're hugging. Tumawa naman siya.
After our short hugging session, lahat kami ay pumasok na sa car ni Red. Umupo ako sa front seat at lahat naman sila ay nasa likod.
Dinaldal nila ako endlessly. Lahat na ata ng pwedeng itanong, tinanong na nila saakin. My job, my school, my apartment, my new friends... at hindi maiiwasan, Si Yuan.
"I stalked him on IG because he tagged you! He took cute pictures of you together.." sabi ni Cassie. Tumawa naman ako.
I was aware that Yuan posts pictures of us. Minsan din kasi ginagawa ko din yun. But it was all out of friendship. Nilinaw ko rin naman lahat sakanya before and hindi na siya umaasa although he was vocal with his feelings for me.
"Wala yun. Walang malisya yun, ano ba. We're best friends. He helped me there in NYC kasama si June and Mandy," I replied while smiling dahil evident sa face nila ang curiosity.
Red cleared his throat sa tabi ko. Napatingin ako sakanya. His side profile is surely 10/10! Mas defined ang jawline niya dahil sa pag-laki ng katawan niya. Mas tumangkad din siya. I wonder if he has a girl friend?
"Who's Yuan?" Sabi niya. Tumawa naman kaming lahat. He's still the same old protective Red.
I told them everything. Kwinento ko lahat pero ang mga part na umiiyak ako sa club kasama si June at Mandy pati na rin ang pagkabaliw ko sa apartment dahil sa hirap ng pagm-move on ay hindi ko na sinabi pa. Syempre at nandon si Red, at hanggang ngayon ay wala pa rin siyang alam.
But I'm glad that I'm okay now. Hindi ko na siya naiisip pa because I push away the thought of him everytime. I always keep myself busy.
I kinda feel sad whenever I think about Yuan. Yuan is much more of a cold person to others pero if kilala mo siya ng mabuti, he's really sweet.
Namimiss ko rin kasi siya. Although he's a proof of my selfishness. I admit that sumagi rin naman sa isip ko na hayaan siyang tulungan akong makalimot. After all, I can make myself believe na katulad siya ni Max because he was sweet, gentle and caring to me.
But still, the guy I loved is different. Hindi lang sa ugali kundi pati sa lahat.
Kahit na san anggulo ko tignan. Hindi talaga. Max is still different. Iba yung pagka-gentle niya, iba yung pagka genuine niya. Maybe it was just me forcing myself to believe na ganon din si Yuan.. but he's not.
I hate comparing. Kaya I stopped comparing him to Max and just appreciated him for who he is. Pero dahil dun, never akong nainlove sakanya. It's kinda selfish to think that I got close to someone because he reminds me of someone who used to be so important to me.
But I stopped when I realize how selfish I am. Masyadong siyang mabait.. and I can't fall in love with him just for the idea that he reminds me of Max.
"Paano kayo naging close? In fairness, he's gwapo!" Jane said behind me giving me a thumbs-up. Nasa kanila kasi ang phone ko right now at ineexplore ang camera roll ko. I got busy back in NYC that hindi ko sila nauupdate when it comes to my whereabouts.
"Well. Nung una nag-paturo lang siya sakin sa pag paint because he's an Engineer and his artworks are mostly sketches pero interested siya sa Painting. So ayun, tinuruan ko siya and we got close because of it," I told them.
After our short discussion about Yuan and my life in NYC, naging tahimik ang byahe pauwi because naka-idlip ako. Hindi na nila ako ginising pa dahil alam nilang masakit pa ang ulo ko from the flight.
I woke up with an extreme headache ng gisingin ako ni Red dahil nandito na kami sa apartment. Tumingin ako sa likod at nakitang wala na ang mga kaibigan ko.
"Hinatid ko na sila. They said they will come back tomorrow. Magpahinga ka muna daw," Red said habang binuksan ang pinto para kunin ang mga bag ko. Nag-unat ako at saka bumaba na rin.
I looked at the apartment complex at agad na bumalik sakin lahat. Lahat ng kinakalimutan ko for the past five years. Lahat ito ay bumalik lang saakin, pero hindi na ganon kasakit. I smiled bitterly.
I sighed as I walked papasok sa loob. I have to distract myself.. hindi dapat maalala ko ito ulit. It took me 5 years to move on. Hindi ko dapat hayaan ang isang minutong pag-alala sa lahat ng nangyare sirain ang lahat ng yun.
But then again, hindi naman masama maalala ang memories diba? Maybe hindi pa ako nakakamove on sa memories... but with Max... wala na. Tanggap ko na. I've accepted the fact that our paths will never cross again. At mas mabuti ng ganon.
It took me awhile to forget about everything and ayaw ko ma-question yun pag nakita ko siya.
"I never touched your room. Pinalinis ko lang sa room service.." Red said as we entered the apartment. Wala ngang masyadong nag-bago. But Red moved around some furnitures dahil napansin kong iba na ang ayos ng sofa set at ng flat screen.
"I'll sleep first.." sabi ko sakanya at saka pumasok pabalik sa room ko. Pero bago ko isara ang pinto, bigla ko siyang tinawag ulit ng may maalala ako.
"Oo nga pala! It's your birthday tomorrow.." I called. He stopped fixing my bag at saka ngumiti saakin.
Kaya rin ako umuwi dahil birthday niya bukas and I want to join him because it's his 28th birthday. Time flies. Parang kailan lang, bata pa siya. Ngayon super tanda na niya. But hindi naman halata yun sakanya because he still looks 23. I'm sure he's still a playboy.
"Yeah. I'll host a party, sinabay ko na rin sa pag-uwi mo. I told our friends na uuwi kana. Sila Cass na ang nag-sabi sa iba mo pang kaibigan. They are preparing everything for tomorrow so go ahead and catch some sleep," sabi niya sakin.
"Okay," ngumiti ako sakanya at saka pumasok sa kwarto ko. Pag-sara ko ng pinto ay kakaibang feeling ang bumalot saakin.
I missed this. Wala pa ring nagbago sa room ko, kung pano ko siya iniwan 5 years ago ganon pa rin siya pagbalik ko.
Nilapag ko ang bag ko sa table at saka humiga sa kama. The comfort of being in your old room... kakaiba sa feeling. Medyo nasanay na rin kasi ako sa apartment ko back in NYC. Pero iba pa rin talaga ito.
Sandali ako umikot sa buong room to familiarize myself again. I don't want to miss my apartment back in NYC kahit na it was too painful for me to leave for good lalo na super dami kong memories na nagawa doon.
Tumayo ako ng may maalala. Hindi ko alam kung andon pa rin siya but I'm hoping na oo. It's because I deleted all our pictures sa phone ko. Hirap na hirap ako mag-move on dati that's why binura ko ang lahat hoping it would ease the pain. Ngayon pinagsisisihan ko na.
I guess I need kahit isang evidence to prove that it happened. That we happened.
I opened the last drawer of my table at nakita dun ang maliit na box. Dito nakalagay ang necklace na binigay niya saakin back then. Tinanggal ko yun at iniwan dito kasama ang isang picture namin inside his car before leaving for NYC.
I opened the box at nakita dun ang Yuanfen necklace. It still looks good as if it's new. Pagbukas ko ay nahulog ang picture namin. Pinulot ko ito at nakitang medyo nagfafade na ang paper and I don't know if it's because of the dirt. It's taken from my polaroid back then.
I wonder... asan na kaya siya ngayon? Is he successful? Is he married? May anak na kaya siya?
Pinatong ko ito sa table ko at saka nahiga because bigla nanaman bumalik ang pain sa chest ko. I guess this is what I get for reminiscing too much. Sabi ng wag na aalalahanin pa eh.
I sighed. Naka-move on na nga pala ako. It's just the memories, Euphoria. He gave you too much to remember kaya hayaan mo na. At least you won't see him anymore, diba?
I guess I slept too much dahil nagising ako kinabukasan na and it's already 12 in the afternoon. Tirik na tirik ang araw sa labas at nagising ako dahil dito. I was so tired from the flight kaya halos isang buong araw na rin ang tulog ko.
"Good morning!" Bati ni Red when he came in to my room. Nagunat ako saglit at saka siya tinignan.
"Morning," I yawned.
"Your friends will come here soon. I'll leave first because may mga papers akong aayusin.. I'll meet you sa Privé.." sabi niya habang nilapag niya ang tray na may breakfast sa bedside table.
"Doon ka mag-paparty?" I asked him. He nodded at saka umupo sa bed ko. Inabot ko ang orange juice at ininom ito.
I looked at him again. He's wearing a polo which is very unusual. Hinawakan ko ang buhok niya na pina-clean cut niya. Before it was usually always undercut. Yung badboy haircut... ngayon he looks like a professional.
"Why are you so busy?" Tanong ko.
"It's because I'm handling our business now. Mom and Dad gave me a big responsibility and I'm done running away from it," natatawa niyang sinabi before he stood up.
"Do you have a girlfriend now?" I asked and wiggled my eyebrows at him. Nararamdaman ko kasing meron.
Tumawa siya at umiling. "Don't have. I'm still waiting for the girl I want. She doesn't like me yet.."
"Siya ba yung dati?" Tanong ko. Naalala ko kasi dati may sinabi siya sakin na babae na hindi siya gusto. Is it still her? Super swerte naman niya.. it's been years at siya pa rin.
Hindi siya sumagot pero he gave me a smirk before leaving the room. I wonder sino yun? Maybe I should do a background check.
After resting for an hour, I took a bath in preparation for later dahil in a few minutes darating na rin ang mga kaibigan ko. They told me through text na we should wear something semi formal so sinuot ko ang cropped black halter top ko and a short black pencil skirt.
It was so tight and the top is exposing my tummy. Buti nalang I have abs na because In NYC, I worked out a lot and my trainer is pretty good kaya gumanda rin ang shape ng katawan ko. Wala rin akong ginawa kundi mag workout there, that's why.
"So siya pa rin ba?" Cassie asked. We are now currently applying make-up habang si Jane at Vee ay nag-aayos pa ng kanilang buhok.
I looked at Cassie and gave her a puzzled look.
"Si Max pa rin ba?" She asked again. This time it was serious, as if she demands for answers.
"Hindi na, Cass. It's been 5 years. Nakalimot na rin ako," I said. Nilagyan ko ng eyeliner ang mata ko at ang eyebrows ko naman ay mas na enhance due to the make-up. I don't need to put contour anymore since my cheekbones are naturally high and my jawline is already defined.
"Tama yan, Ria.. besides madami ako naririnig about sakanila ni Chantelle. Mukhang hindi ka na talaga pinaalala sakanya ng family niya," Vee said behind us.
I smiled at them. Mas gusto kong pinag-uusapan kesa ibaon nalang sa hukay ang mga nangyari dati. Although there's a little spark of pain inside my chest. Pero I pushed it away.
"Besides! Hindi naman na ata siya babalik dito so you'll move on talaga. Not that hindi kapa nakakamove on but I'm sure not having him around will really help a lot," sabi naman ni Jane.
Tumango ako as I finished applying a brown lipstick sa face ko.
Out of nowhere, I hugged Cassie since she's beside me. I wonder what's going on to their lives right now? Si Jane wala pa ring boyfriend, si Vee sila pa rin ni Brian.
"How's your lovelife?" I asked Cassie at bahagya siyang nagulat sa tanong ko.
"I don't have! Gabi gabi pa rin ako nag-paparty. Boys don't deserve me," sabi naman niya.
When it was already time to go, umalis na kami ng apartment. We'll eat first sa Applebee's before heading to Privé kasi 9 PM pa ang simula ng party.
I wonder sino ang mga ininvite ni Red? Would Chantelle's friends be there? Alam kong wala si Chantelle dahil kasama nito ni Max sa china.
After dinner, pumunta na kami sa Privé because it was already starting. Red rented the whole bar for tonight para sa birthday niya. Pumasok kami at marami na agad tao. Some of them are my friends as well.
We were welcomed by Lany's song as we entered the club. It's only 10PM but the people inside were already dancing and having fun. My eyes searched the crowd to look for my brother because ibibigay ko sakanya ang gift ko.
"If this is love, I don't want it!" I turned around and I saw Cassie jumping on to the song. Tumawa ako at hinatak siya paakyat sa table namin. Jane and Vee went to find Brian at sabi ko naman mauuna na kami sa table.
Pag-akyat namin, a lot of friends came to me para batiin at kamustahin ako. I saw familar faces.. at masaya akong makita sila. I told them that I stayed sa NYC at dun nagtrabaho for 5 years.
"Gosh, Ria. Ibang iba kana. Pati katawan mo, nag-mature!" Sabi ng iba. I smiled to them at bumalik sa table namin ni Cassie after saying hi.
"Oh, san si Brian?" I asked ng makita si Vee, Jane and Cassie sa table na umiinom na.
"M-May sinundo daw," sabi ni Vee and she looked pale all of a sudden. I was about to ask sino pero bigla ko nakita si Red at sa likod niya ay si Zac and Wade.
Oh gosh, I missed them!
Tumakbo ako papunta sakanila at niyakap ang dalawa sa likod ni Red. The three of us laughed.
"Dalagang dalaga kana, Ria!" Zac exclaimed ng makita niya ako.
"Indeed! You changed a lot," sabi naman ni Wade. Ngumiti ako sakanilang dalawa at nagkamustahan kami. After our short talk, umupo sila sa table sa harap namin. Hinatak ko naman si Red.
My brother is undeniably handsome right now, wearing a dark blue polo at black fitted jeans. Lumaki ang katawan niya kaya hulmang hulma ito.
"Happy birthday brother, thank you for everything!" Sabi ko sakanya at inabot ang TAG heuer na paperbag. I bought him a watch as gift at galing pa itong NYC.
"You don't have to.. but thank you little sis. I'm so proud of you and all you've accomplished," sabi naman ni Red. Niyakap niya ako ulit.
Pagkatapos nun ay umikot na siya para i-entertain ang guests niya. Nagsimula na mag-inuman ang lahat. Kahit ako ay naka 10 shots na dito sa table namin nila Cassie.
I looked at Vee at medyo mukha pa rin siyang problemado. Cassie and Jane are busy calling the shots at nagtatawanan. I laughed with them, pero agad akong lumapit kay Vee.
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
"R-Ria, he's---" she was about to say something pero naputol ang pag-bulong niya dahil nawala ang malakas na music. Lahat kami ay napatingin sa stage.
Andon si Red, dahil yung iba niyang kaibigan ay nasa baba. Pumunta siya sa stage at nag-salita sa mic. Napatigil kaming dalawa ni Vee para makinig.
"Thank you everyone, for coming to my birthday party!" Sabi niya at lahat naman nag-hiyawan.
"... in light of the celebration, before we go to the dancing and all of us getting wasted part, I would like to call on my sister who just came home from NYC to go down here..."
Napatingin ang lahat sakin. Huh? What is happening?
"... and sing one song for me," he finished. Pumalakpak ang lahat at ako naman ay bumaba galing sa taas. Hinampas ko siya ng marating ko ang stage.
"What's this all about?" I asked him while laughing.
"We all missed your voice eh, they requested you to sing," sabi niya at tinuro ang mga guests. Tumawa siya at umalis ng stage. Umupo ako sa bar stool na malapit sa mike at saka nag-search ng kanta.
I've always listened to this song while in NYC because it brings so much memories. Naalala ko rin siya, dahil dito. It wouldn't hurt to sing it now that I'm okay right?
Ngayon na naka-move on nako at tanggap ko ng he's out of my life at hindi na siya makakabalik pa because we have no means of communication.
Pinakita ko sa katabi kong guitarist ang chords at nag-simula siyang tumugtog. The sad melody from the guitar filled the dark walls of the bar. Only the light from the entrance door can be seen, at ang ilaw naman sa stage ang nag-iilluminate sa lahat. I can see everyone because of it, kahit madilim.
"I'm sorry for choosing a sad one, but I love this song. Just enjoy the feels then party hard after?" Natatawa kong sabi. The guests laughed as well.
Tinignan ko ang phone sa kamay at nag-simulang kumanta.
(PLAY THE SONG ON THE MEDIA SECTION)
"I still remember the look on your face, lit through the darkness at 1:58..." when I started to sing, I was lost in my own thoughts because bumalik sakin lahat.
The nights we spent watching movies. The nights wherein he was putting face mask to me as an excuse to not make him leave, the nights he slowed dance with me under the dimly lit stars..
"The words that you whispered for just us to know, You told me you loved me so why did you go away?" I smiled as there was a short break for the guitar.
Naalala ko when the times that I need him the most, lagi siyang andon. When my prom date stood me up, I called him at pagtalikod ko he was there holding a bouquet of flowers.
"The beat of your heart, It jumps through your shirt.. I can still feel your arms," I continued. Scrolling my phone for the lyrics as I go along.
Maybe it's the alcohol in my system, making me wanna curl up and cry again. It's been 5 years.. pero masakit pa rin. It hurts because of the fact that he doesn't even know that I exist now.
Of all things that he could forget, why does it have to be me?
"All that I know is, I don't know how to be something you miss, I never thought we'd have a last kiss.. Never imagined we'd end like this," I sang along.
I avoided eye contact with people because I have expressive eyes. It will clearly tell you if I'm in pain or not. If masaya ba talaga ako, or I'm just faking it.
Now hindi ko na din alam. Maybe I moved on because wala akong choice. Hindi ko alam ano bang kailangan ko. Closure?
No. Okay ka, Euphoria. It's just a sad song.
"Your name, forever the name on my lips," I sang and there was a short break again. I mentally prepared myself for the saddest part, which is the bridge part of the song.
Everything flashed back to my mind. All the memories I chose to forget, bumalik lahat dahil sa isang simpleng kanta.
But maybe, hindi ko rin sila kinalimutan. Because I couldn't.. and I wouldn't.
It's not wrong to love someone even though hindi ka niya kilala right? Maybe I need just a little more time.
Love is needed to build a particular relationship.. maybe back then I was too young to realize that kaya I gave him up. I thought everything will be alright if I set him free.
"So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep.... And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe," I sang with all my heart hoping he would hear it, kung nasan man siya.
"... I hope it's nice where you are.."
I promised myself I'll be okay even though malaman ko na kasal na siya with Chantelle. I promised myself that I would be very happy for him.
It's been 5 years, after all. Kung saakin maraming nangyare I'm sure sakanya marami rin.
"And I hope the sun shines... And it's a beautiful day and something reminds you.. you wish you had stayed," I sang softly as I was approaching the last chorus.
I can't hold on to the idea that his love for me will make him remember everything. That is stupid... and idealistic. I should stop hoping.
That's why I moved on.
"Just like our last kiss...Forever the name on my lips.." I was singing the last few lyrics of the song when it happened.
The entrance door opened and there... I saw him. I saw the guy I longed for, for almost 5 years. It felt like the world stopped when he walked in.
I lost my sense of time and space because my eyes are focused on him. It's really him.
Not the one I saw inside the club sa NYC that looks a lot like him.. not some guys whom I constantly compared to him.. not just any guy na maaring maging kamukha niya.
But it's him. It's Max.
Seeing him broke my reverie. I was so shocked I couldn't even utter any word. Good thing the song already ended when he came in. I was at the stage... at napatingin siya sakin.
It was good for only a second before he looked away. As if I'm not deserving to be looked at.
What do you expect, Ria? He doesn't remember you. I looked at him again, confirming kung nanaginip lang ba ako.
But nang salubungin siya ni Red para yakapin, dun ko narealize na hindi. I almost forgot how to breathe.
Nakita kong nag-bago na siya. Dati, wala siyang piercing sa left ear pero ngayon meron na. Nilagyan niya pa ngayon ng maliit na silver earring that sparkled pag tagilid niya upang umakyat.
He's wearing a black polo and a black pants. The first two buttons of his polo were unbuttoned. Tumangkad lalo siya.. I think he's 6'3 aready. Lumaki rin ang katawan niya, as if wala siyang ginawa ng 5 years kundi mag-workout.
His chinky eyes turned a little darker. Mas lalo itong pumungay, it looks like as if naglagay siya ng eyeliner. His red lips... lalo ito pumula. His messy hair dati... is now gone. Ang buhok niya ay undercut ngayon and it fits him well. It was brushed back and the sides were not that shaved kaya hindi siya panget tignan.
It's like the cherry on top of his new bad boy look. He bit his lower lip habang kinakamusta ang mga kaibigan niya.
Despite all the changes in him, his mysterious and intimidating aura remained kasama ng kanyang mukha na gentle pa rin at genuine. Nakita kong ngumiti siya sa mga kakilala ng mapatingin ito sakanya.
Those chinky eyes.. I missed that smile.
He was so busy saying hi to his friends, hindi na niya ako nakita kahit na asa stage ako.. at nasa akin lang ang ilaw. Tumingin lang siya sakin when our eyes met pag-pasok niya.. after that, hindi na siya tumingin pa sa gawi ko.
I felt like crying. Parang bumalik lahat ng kinain at ininom ko at gusto ko lahat isuka. Gusto ko siya yakapin. I want him to bring me home again and take care of me.
Tumayo ako paalis ng stage at lumabas ng bar. Para akong nakahinga ng maluwag dahil seeing him suffocated me inside there.
I couldn't stop the tears anymore. Ito na nga ba ang kinakatakutan ko... ang makita siya ulit at i-question ang sarili ko kung naka move on nga ba talaga ako.
5 years, Ria. Bakit ganito pa rin?
One thing's for sure, Max Limjuaco came back from china. And he changed a lot.