Juliet Hardwin, 4 days before the accident
I run my hand through my hair and let out a big sigh. I glance over the dining table I'm sitting at, there isn't even a speck of wood that reveals itself from underneath all my papers, notebooks and laptop. Exams are going to be hell, and though I like to think I'm prepared, I know I should've started studying earlier – knowing this makes me hate myself even more.
My little brother, Casper, comes in through the backdoor. He kicks of his shoes and breathes heavy, as if he just got off his bike. His backpack, which contains his guitar, slides of his shoulders and softly lands on the floor behind him.
"Hey, slacker." He greeted me as I stare at his back, the guy has just arrived home and he's already grabbing a bag of Lays and canned soda.
"Hi, Cas. Aren't you forgetting something?" I gestured to his shoes, backpack and coat lying on the floor by the backdoor.
"I'll get it in a minute."
I stood up and walked towards him, "Mom and dad will be home – in a minute."
He nodded, "yeah, yeah."
He breaks open the can of soda and sits down at the table. I do the same, back to my torture, math.
"So when is your gig?"
His whole presence is distracting me from doing my work.
"Saturday, upcoming."
"Do you still need me to convince mom and dad to come see you?"
He stretches his arms up in the air, "I dunno." He let out a breath, "it's our first paid gig, but no big deal."
"I can tell it's a big deal to you, Cas. Let me do this for you."
His eyebrows knit together and he stares at the papers sprawled around the table.
"Aren't you supposed to be focusing on something else?"
"I can manage." I lied.
A dirty smirk is plastered on his face, "Okay, sis. Please get them to come. I'll pay for the tickets."
Casper stood up and started towards the staircase. With a pencil leaning against my lip, I try to focus on my math equations.
"Oh, by the way, I can't help you backstage Saturday, because I promised mom to help her out with painting the living room, so I'll just come with mom and dad."
"Okey-dokey."
Casper and I freeze when we hear the car driving up the driveway. I look at the clock in the kitchen.
"I told you they'd be back in a minute." I scolded my brother.
"I didn't know that minute of yours passed so quickly." He stressed.
"Get your things and go upstairs, you still have time. Now!"
Casper grabs his stuff and cradles it as he runs up the stairs.
"Stay up there, Cas. I'm trying something."
A single nod, and my brother is up in his bedroom. I wait until he's going to jam on his guitar, but I think him and I both know it's better he's quiet.
"Hi, dear." Mom comes in through the front door and dad follows.
They took the cold inside with them and my body trembles. Partly from the cold, partly from trying to convince my way-too-strict-on-my-brother parents to go to something he likes to do.
"Can I pour you a cup of tea? Or coffee, dad?"
"That'd be nice, honey." Mom showed her sweet smile.
I regain my focus in the kitchen while I turn on the coffee pot. My hands tremble a little, and I am irritated with myself for being afraid to ask them.
It's sucks for Casper, but we both know I'm dad's favorite. I'm the one that gets the good grades, mingles with town's folk and, in his words, is 'making something of my life'. Dad is totally not on board with Casper's band.
Mom and dad plant themselves on the couch. I know they like to drink coffee by the dining table, but that is still full of my stuff. Shit, I'm already losing points here.
"How was your day?" I asked mom while I rock back and forth on my feet.
"Oh fine, honey. Work was busy and everyone keeps on complaining about the stormy weather that's coming up." Mom laid her hand on dad's leg, "I'm just glad your father could pick me up."
I sit down on the chair opposite to the couch.
"Listen, I have a question."
Dad's face is already buried in the newspaper that came in this morning.
"Go on." Dad said, sometimes he's like an owl, he doesn't even move his face.
"So, okay, something really important is coming up for Casper, and I really, really want you guys to give him an chance."
"This probably involves his band?" Dad asked through his teeth. He almost can't get the word to roll of his tongue.
"Yeah, it does."
"We've given him enough chances, Juliet. He keeps testing our patience and breaking our rules, our simple rules."
"I know, that's why it's hard for him to ask this of you-"
"He's not even the one asking," Dad interrupted, "if he wants to get something done, he has to be a man and come to us ourselves."
Mom eyes the backdoor, probably to try and figure out if Casper is home yet.
"He tries to do better. I have lectured him about it the other day, I know he'll be good. He just needs that. . . little push. He really needs support from you, mom. And you too, dad."
"He ought to show us some respect before we can respect him."
"Dad, lose the newspaper and look at me, I'm trying to have a conversation with you. What you're saying is so lame, we're a family, are we not? In a family it isn't 'I'll do this for you if you do this for me.'."
"I suppose you're the expert now? There is a lot you don't know Juliet, so stay out of it!" Dad snarled.
"Let's not discuss this any further. I see everyone is getting a little tense," mom softly recovered.
"He just wants you to see him play on Saturday, it would make him so happy."
"Casper isn't even allowed to leave the house on Saturday nights." Dad reminded me.
"You can't expect a guy that is 16 years old to stay at home on Saturdays, dad. Besides, he is really passionate, he has talent. Why aren't you encouraging him to pursue his dreams?"
"Because, Juliet, with his dreams he can't get a career. A real career."
"Nonsense! He really has the determination and discipline to go for it, he just needs your encouragement, it's important to him."
"Juliet, you're acting like you're a mother yourself. The answer is no, and it will stay no. There is absolutely no way we are going to his concert. If we do, he will think he can go on with his shenanigans."
I want to go on and discuss further, but I ultimately decide to give up the fight and let out a big sigh.
"Sorry, honey. This just isn't. . . how it works." Mom made clear.
"You know, I get that his band isn't your thing but Casper is your son, he needs his parents as much as I do. He is working so hard, you should be proud."
Mom and dad gaze at each other.
"He has been busy terrorizing this family for a while now, and I am done showing him my appreciation and not getting the same in return. I know you are always rooting for your little brother, Juliet, but we have to show him this is not how things work in this family."
"He needs to change his behavior if he wants us to come." Mom added.
"And this is the end of the discussion."
"Sorry again, sweetheart. I would love to see your brother perform, but now is not the right time."
"I thought we agreed on this, Francine."
"Ronald, please. He is our son, I want to see him do well. He doesn't even want to bring his guitar home anymore because he is afraid you might break it."
"I would like to discuss this with you alone." Dad glanced at me, to tell me to go upstairs.
"Ron, listen now. I agree with all you are saying, but if we stop putting energy in him, he will certainly not give us any either. If we go Saturday, we might stimulate him to do better."
I nod simultaneously. I finally have mom on my side, she hears what I'm saying.
I mean, the kid is a brat, I agree, but I saw the way his face lit up when he came home just now. He had begged me before to change mom and dad's mind to come watch him play, and after all his hard work, he is finally playing for his first paid gig. He used to spent hours in the music room at school just so he could practice playing the guitar since dad wouldn't let him do it at home.
Dad had always been very opinionated on the whole band idea. He thought it was a rambunctious idea that wouldn't last for more than two weeks until Casper got bored again. No, no, his son needed to get his head in the game and study to get a real job.
"If Casper promises to do better and really excel in school, to help his mom with chores and keeps it up, we will go. Only then." Dad sighed.
"Really?" I chirped.
Dad's forehead is stuck in a frown, yet he nods.
"Only then." He repeated.
"Thank you so much!" I jumped out of my seat and wrapped my arms around dad's neck. He laughed and enclosed me in his arms.
"He'll appreciate it so much. He won't let you down!"
"I will hold you accountable if he doesn't change his behavior!" Dad made very clear.
"You got it!"
--
"Hey, Cas." I said as I stood in the doorway of his bedroom.
No response.
I roll my eyes and walk over to him, his lean body sprawled across his small single bed. Upon reaching him, I saw he was wearing headphones. I yank on the cord and it makes him jerk up.
"Yo!" He rebelled, "oh, it's you."
"It's nice to see you as well." I teased.
"What's up?" Casper sat up straight.
"I have good news."
"You don't say?"
"First, tell me how band practice went this afternoon, we haven't had a chance to talk."
His features soften when I show interest.
"Fantastic, actually so amazing. So, we have this new drummer, right? Daniel Hoff, Alana's little brother. Man, he's great. Much better than Kyle, if I'm honest. He knows so much stuff just from memory and has all these cool tricks and shit. I'm so glad he joined us."
As my brother rambles on, I can't help but smile. When he is really passionate about something, he moves his arms around with these extravagant movements, his eyes light up and he has the biggest smile across his face.
Yes, my brother and his dearly beloved band – where to start. He got the idea in middle school, he was thirteen and confident he was going to be the next big thing. He would constantly tell us, and mom and dad got pretty sick of it. They were so clueless Casper was so passionate about music. When he was fourteen, he had finally saved enough money to buy his first guitar. He had been using on at school the whole time. I paid for his lessons at the time with my babysitting money. I believed in my little brother, he had a dream and needed someone's, anyone's, support. Cas wasn't a learner, he never did excel in school. Other things interested him, creative activities - for being his outlet. He believed school sucked all of that out of you by the time you made it to collage. It made everyone one and the same.
When he met Kyle the next schoolyear, a drummer who was willing to form a band with him, things went pretty quick. Another friend of his, Oliver, is an amazing singer and bassist and could do a few things on the piano. All they needed was their first gig.
School dances, friends' weddings and other small stuff came on their path, and I always joined them. Casper never got sick of doing small stuff, or unpaid stuff. Until a club manager recently noticed them and asked if they were down to play in his club sometime.
"So, about my good news," I said when he was finished.
Casper shuffles on his bed, sitting up even straighter.
"Guess who is coming to your gig?"
"You, you already said that."
"Nope, not just me this time."
My brother's eyes widen.
"No way," he jumped up from the bed, "you got them to agree?"
I nod.
"Juliet, what the fuck!" Casper exclaimed loudly.
I laugh and gesture for him to sit down again.
"I can't believe this, it's actually happening. They're finally going to see me play."
"Play your best performance, Cas. This is your chance to show mom and dad where your ambition really lies."
"Oh, boy." He said under his breath.
"What's up?"
"This is actually making me more anxious. . . This is real shit, Jules."
I laugh again, "I know, but don't be anxious. After all, it's just them."
"Yeah, mom and dad. Also known as the most judgmental people in my life."
"It'll be fine, I'll be there too."
Casper inhales a chunk of air and takes my hand before squeezing hard.
"You're a good sister, Juliet." He mumbled.
"I try."
"You're right, I shouldn't be anxious."
He shakes his body around, as if physically getting the nerves out.
"Make them proud, Cas."
"I love you, Jules."
His sudden show of affection surprises me. He probably hasn't said he loved me since he was like eight years old or something.
"I love you too, Cas."