Chapter Twenty-Two
"So, this was supposed to be the quickest way to get me to open up before the Titans attacked? Whose idiotic idea was this?" I asked aloud, tilting my head back against the wall as I sitting against.
"It'd be quicker if you just complied," Raven offered with a shrug, "It's not easy. I'm not pretending it is. I actually don't even think it's a good idea, this whole locking you up and forcing you to talk thing. If they did it to me, there'd be hell to pay." I narrowed my eyes at him, raking my hand through my hair and pushing it off to the side, but it fell over part of my face anyway.
"Then let me out." I told him coldly. Raven shook his head.
"This method is better than the method that was forced upon me." He answered. I said nothing. I'd heard all about the trick Julius sprung on Raven, taking a video of Raven's attack, then broadcasting it to a meeting room that was in the middle of, well, a meeting. It was how his secrets had been revealed, and if I had known where Julius was, I'd have ripped him a new one. But of course, I didn't know where Julius was. The bastard was slimy, and now he was rotting where he belonged-- unless the Titans let him out.
Then whoops, oh shit.
I said nothing more to Raven, because I had nothing to say. I wasn't going to spill out things no one else knew. Well, aside from Nemesis, and a part of her being a goddess of vengeance was being loyal and that meant keeping my secret. She was the only one who knew the gooey details of everything about everyone. Even Persephone didn't know the details about what Zeus had done to me, and sometimes, I wondered if she even believed me when I'd told her about Zeus. She hated Zeus with a equal passion, but she hated with logic and my whining and bitching when we first met wasn't logic to her. Just the words coming out of a whore's mouth.
Not that it was totally my fault she hated me from time to time. I had lied to her about who I was. I'd told her my name was Marcus, because the last person I introduced myself to as Hades had cringed in disgust. And Persephone was so beautiful. I didn't want to see her sneering at me like everyone else. I'd stupidly given her a false name, and when she asked if we could make love, I'd never happier.
And it all came crashing down into pieces when she'd whispered my fake name, and like an idiot, I'd corrected her. And in all honesty, she had every right to be angry with me, every right to scream with rage. But I'd been terrified of being caught by Zeus. I was raw from what he'd done the first time, so desperate to avoid it, I'd dragged Persephone down into the underworld with me and fed her from my pomegranate tree.
Trapping her there had only infuriated her further, and Persephone wasn't a pretty woman when she was angry. She was almost as bad as Hera when she was angry.
"What're you thinking about?" Raven asked, cutting into my thoughts. I curled my lip at him.
"Fucking your corpse." I replied. Raven grimaced.
"Let's talk about something that doesn't make my stomach churn."
"Here's a better idea. Let's not talk at all." I answered bitterly, glancing sideways at the projection screen that revealed Lucifer had fallen asleep on the sofa with Thorn and Jaques keeping watch. My sons had probably all gone off to go drinking and partying now that I wasn't there to bitch at them, not that I did it often. I'd given them plenty of wiggle room all these centuries.
I could've easily locked them up tight like a bunch of other parents. Sheltered them completely and hidden them from the darkness in the world. Instead, I'd allowed them to make their own decisions, grow up at their own pace. And they'd already saved the world twice now, was it? The only shitty decisions they made had to do with their damned lovers.
Adrian had molded Malachi's darkness and bitterness into tenderness and kindness. Even worse, he was the worst kind of demigod. He was half-god, half-Titan. A rotten half-breed god comprised of the two most disgusting creatures I'd ever had the displeasure of knowing. Even imps and fae were above them in my books.
And Noe? He was a mouthy brat that stepped all over my decisions and had tried to comfort the punishment I'd managed to dish out to Zelios for betraying my trust. Even worse, Noe was now Apollo's little watchdog. I had no doubt that even now, while we were in Hell, Apollo could watch us do everything through Noe and something in me told me Zeus knew all about this.
Sept was just impossible. He was an ex-Egyptian god of battle. He was supposed to be a stone cold bastard that would keep Theo from hurting himself, but all he did was cause my son more pain.
Don't even get me started on the relationship between Cain and Abel. I don't care that it's incest, or that they're both men, but the fact that Abel forgave Cain for being an overall shitbag was something I would never get over. Even worse was that I couldn't hate Cain for it either, no matter how much I wanted to. I should've never slept with Eve. It had been a one night thing to throw into a certain someone's face, and now it was biting me ass twice as hard.
Blaine? Jesus Christ. I have never met a more obnoxious creature in my entire life. He swore enough to make a sailor weep, would probably make Jesus go into cardiac arrest, and ever since Persephone freed him from his slavery, he's been an overall pain in the ass. He's even be spreading it to his son, Ayo, the adopted fire daemon he'd picked up in Styx.
Alexion was a nightmare. The god-killer, of all the rotten scum, Charon had to choose the god-killer to be his lover. I had depended on Charon and his maturity, his unbiased nature, to stay beside me for eternity and instead, he'd ditched me for that bastard god-killer.
And Hannibal? The bastard who'd laid hands on Abel got away too, because if I had killed Akin right then and there, Lucifer would have destroyed me, balance or no balance. I'd known that and was cornered into protecting my sons, by letting Akin take off with that friggin' pervert. I didn't give two shits that Abel was all okay with the situation, because it wasn't okay.
"You know what I missed when I was at Julius's camp?" Raven asked after the longest time. I blinked, then scowled at him.
"Not being fucked in the ass by hundreds of men?" It was crude and it was insensitive, but so was their locking me in a room. Much to my surprise, though, Raven simply shrugged.
"Well, aside from that."
"Cheeseburgers."
"And that."
"Oh, I dunno, Buddha, what?"
"The sunlight," Raven said, making me frown slowly in confusion, "I really missed the sunlight. Before the war, I never really noticed it before. It was always there and I always took it for granted. When I came back, I realized the sunlight was what I missed most. The feel of it on my skin, even the way it heated up the floors in my room to an almost unbearable temperature. The way it glinted off the Black Sea, making it look like gold. Now I savor every moment of it." I averted my eyes, running a hand through my hair and eyeing the projection screen warily. I wasn't going to spout off the same emotional bullshit with those pieces of crap listening in. I wasn't some episode of Maury where I was going to reveal my secrets to a room of idiots, who just "ooh" and "ahh".
Raven moved and I snapped my head to watch him as he rose to his feet and walked across the room. No one was actually looking at the camera until Thorn caught sight of Raven and his eyes widened.
"Raven, don't you dare." He warned. Raven walked up to the projection on the wall, staring up at what I assumed was the camera.
"This isn't right," He told Thorn sternly as Jaques rushed to wake Lucifer, "He's not a lab rat. We aren't lab rats. Just because you don't understand someone doesn't give you the right to do this. And to be honest, even if he did, by some miracle, spew what's making him insane, you probably still won't understand. Because as much as you guys try to help me, it doesn't matter. You won't understand. You can't even pretend to understand. In fact, don't try to understand. Bask in the ignorance that you have no idea what it's like to have everything suddenly ripped out from under your feet like a rug."
"Raven, don't do this," Jaques warned, stepping away from Lucifer, who was blinking himself awake, "It's not safe. You and Hades are nothing alike. He can, and will, kill you. He's a murderous psycho. You're nothing like that. You're... Well, to be blunt, you're an angel."
"Thanks," Raven said dryly, "I like to be reminded of that."
"Raven," Lucifer started, moving toward the camera, "Don't. Leave the camera on. He needs to learn a little humiliation for once." Raven frowned.
"Whoever you're quoting was an asshole. See you guys in a few hours." He answered, then reached up and slammed his hand against the wall, cutting the connection. I narrowed my eyes, slowly getting to my feet as Raven dusted his hands off before turning to look at me.
"If you think by disabling the camera, I'm more likely to profess my horrible miserable past, you're wrong." I told him sternly. Raven nodded.
"I know. They were just annoying me and there are some things I don't want to tell them that I feel more comfortable telling you."
"You're more comfortable telling me about what happened to you than you are with your family?"
"Not necessarily," Raven admitted, making me roll my eyes as he walked over to the pile of debris, frowning, "But I think you're more likely not to tell me it's okay. I'm kind of tired of the same old thing every time. I want to see what you have to say."
"That you're stupid and you should've never gone to war with us?"
"Would you have stayed home when you were my age?"
"Probably not," I said dryly, "But I'm a god. I have shit to do. You're a spoilt little prince."
"It's not that simple," Raven replied flatly, then started to walk around the room, my eyes following him, "Let's do this. I'll tell you something about myself, then you can tell me something about you. If you play this game for an hour, I'll let you go on a homicidal rampage." I laughed, folding my arms over my chest and leaning back against the wall.
"No, you won't."
"I'm saying that because I'm confident that you won't go on a homicidal rampage."
"That's the problem with blind faith. It's blind." I scoffed. Raven shrugged, then paused to look at me as he stood across the room from me.
"So, what's it gonna be? A game of twenty questions for an hour, then you're home free, or stay locked in here for weeks... maybe months?" He offered. I glared at him warily, then glanced around the room.
"How do I know the audio recording isn't still on?" I asked. Raven rolled his eyes.
"I wasn't kidding when I said I was tired of them worrying about me. I'm fine."
"You're not."
"I'm not," Raven agreed, making me frown and turn to look at him again to see him staring at me, a flicker of pain glinting in his eyes, "I'm really not. But I rather them not know that. Because then they'll just keep saying it's okay. And I'm not okay." His words sent a chill down my spine as I suddenly remembered that first night Lucifer and I had sex. He kept saying that same thing over and over again, that I was okay and I'd stupidly told him I wasn't. That must have been what triggered this whole intervention idea.
"God, I'm an idiot," I groaned aloud, making Raven raise an eyebrow and I shot him a dirty look, "Fine. I'll play your game up to an extent. Then it's off. There are lines that people don't cross, and I have a line." Raven shrugged.
"Sure. There are some things I don't want you to know either. Do you want to start?"
"Ladies first."
"Hilarious," Raven drawled, then shrugged again as he continued to walk around the room, making me narrow my eyes, "Okay. My favorite color is hazel." I screwed up my face and gave him an odd look, making him laugh.
"What? First off, stupid fact of the day. Second off, hazel? Really?"
"It's an important color."
"That's not even a color."
"Kay, then what's yours, Mighty Color God?" Raven asked. I rolled my eyes before looking away. This was a stupid game. Why did I agree to do this? What could I possibly gain from this, except maybe blackmail material I'd never use? I sighed in frustration, wiping a hand down my face before smacking my thigh.
"Green." I said at last. Raven arched a brow and I scowled.
"Green. My favorite color is green. We're starting out small, right? There you go. The root of all my pain and suffering. My favorite color is green."
"Why green?"
"Why hazel?"
"Because it's the color of Dev's eyes," Raven admitted, looking sheepish and I snorted in disapproval, but Raven offered me a smile, "It's the first thing I see in the morning, and the last thing I see at night. It's the last color I'll see. And what about you? What makes green so special?" I frowned thoughtfully for a moment. There wasn't anything that deep about the color. I'd just always liked the color, especially when Persephone had shown me the shades of green in the Aurora Borealis.
"The Aurora Borealis," I said after a moment, making Raven tilt his head in question, "Someone showed it to me one time and I just like the green. So green."
"My favorite thing to read are the Sherlock Holmes stories." Raven replied after a while. I slumped against the wall and slid down.
"Stephen King."
"Good author. What's special about him?"
"I like sick twisted freaks. His stories please me. What's special about Sherlock Holmes?"
"Only everything ever," Raven scoffed, as if my ignorance of the series was unfathomable and it was almost enough to make me smirk-- almost, "I really like my dad. But my mom's a mega bitch and I only met her once."
"Lucky you," I exclaimed sarcastically, "Mine won't leave me alone, and she's a mega bitch. Wanna trade?" Raven chuckled and came over to slide down the wall beside me so he was seated on the floor. We were silent for a new more minutes before Raven spoke.
"Sometimes, I feel like maybe I deserved what I got." He said. I stared at him. Why would anyone think such a thing? I loathed everything with heartbeat, hell, even things beyond such, but I would never wish what happened to him, or myself, upon anyone. It was why I'd been so adamant about torturing Hannibal for what he'd done to Abel. Abel had to experience that kind of humiliation, degradation, and he didn't deserve it. Even Hannibal, as much as the bastard pisses me off, did not deserve the so-called justice that the city of Styx had thrust upon him. Sexual assault was sickening, no matter how it was used. To punish, to torture, to humiliate, to relieve an itch. It was foul.
"That's stupid," I said after a moment, making Raven glance at me with an arched brow, "No one deserves it." Raven frowned.
"But I was stupid. Jaques told me not to go to war--"
"That's even stupider. You're not just a prince. You're the general of Lucifer's army. It's your job. Unfortunately, a job that comes with risks. That's like telling a cop that it's his fault for getting shot because he was doing his job. Don't try to pin logic on it."
"Then what do I do with it?"
"Forget it," I scoffed, making Raven's expression twist in confusion, "So what? You can't go back in time and change it. You can't sit there and think about the what ifs. It's over. Done with. You're screwed. Literally. But you have that weirdo, right? Lust. You have him there to catch you on the days when you're tired of standing up." Raven's expression softened.
"And you have no one."
"Because I don't need anyone."
"That's a lie. If I didn't have Dev, I would have been trampled into the ground by now, too tired to stand up on my own."
"Some people don't need another people. In fact, other people probably make it worse." I muttered, getting to my feet and moving away from him. Raven's eyes followed me as he rested his chin in his palm, elbow on his knee as he sat cross-legged while I paced the room now, eyeing the area where the projection had been.
"You don't trust me," Raven said after a while, making me glance sideways at him, "You think the audio's still on and your children can still hear you." I rolled my eyes and turned to face him, placing a hand on my hip and looking down my nose at him.
"No. I just don't care to tell you what you think you know." I replied defiantly. Raven nodded and sat back against the wall again, reaching up to ruffle his curly black hair before lying on his side, propping his head up with his hand.
"What I think I know? And what do you think I may know?"
"That waffle cones aren't actually waffles." I answered. Raven accepted that with ease as he laid down on his back and for a moment, I was confused until I realized he was getting adjusted to sleep.
"Are you seriously going to sleep? What happened to that pathetic game? Does this mean I can leave?"
"No way," Raven laughed, tilting his head back to look at me upside down, making me narrow my eyes at him, "You stopped playing first."
"I don't remember that happening."
"I do. If you won't give me an honest to god fact about you, well, then..."
"I told you my favorite color, an author I read, and more parents! What more do you want from me?"
"I want to know if what Thorn told me was true," Raven said, sitting up to stare at me, "No, maybe a better question is... How many times has it happened? Is that an easy enough question for you?" I glared at him.
"I don't like to count."
"But you do. Even though you don't want to," Raven replied, frowning slowly, "You like to guestimate somewhere between once or twice, or if you really want to torment yourself, you'll say ten and that's all."
"How many times did it happen to you?" I sneered. Raven stared at me unflinchingly.
"Let's see. 365 days in a year. Twenty clients a night. If my math is correct, that's definitely over a thousand."
I said nothing. Raven frowned.
"It's not really about the number of times, though, is it? Someone once told me that just because it happened once doesn't mean it doesn't feel like eternity. You can tell yourself you're okay, that you're just fine on your own, but you can't resist looking over your shoulder everywhere you go. You can't help, but wish someone was there to catch you when you fell, so you won't have to climb pantlegs to get to your knees. You're not okay, Hades."
"I'm not okay," I said at last, narrowing my eyes at him, "And talking about it won't make it okay. It'd be nice to take lazy days off and have someone there, but you're forgetting who I am... I'm Hades, bitch. I was rejected by my mother, devoured by my father, saved by my brother, betrayed by the same brother, and now I'm here. I did all of this by myself. As you can see, I don't need an overbearing family, piece of shit sons, and certainly not a horny sack of shit comprising my judgement. So you can tell your father to stop trying to get in my pants. It'd be super weird if I became your step-father, right?"
"Oh, please," Raven deadpanned, "You're a Greek god. You're married to your niece. You becoming my step-father is hardly weird. If you need further incestual examples, I have a few that include your sons, Cain and Abel--"
"And that is a relationship destined for failure," I scoffed, "Cain is a possessive maniac with psychopathic tendencies. Abel is pathetic because all he sees is this puppy needing to be healed. Lord, he's more like Persephone than he could ever know."
"And it bothers you," Raven said slowly, making me frown down at him, "You want to hate Cain for hurting Abel, but you can't. They're both your sons. You love them."
"They hate me."
"They love you enough to try and stage an intervention so they can know why you hate them."
"I don't..." My voice trailed as I jammed my teeth into my bottom lip to keep from finishing that sentence. Not that it mattered because Raven heard the unspoken hate them at all. He just stared at me in silence. I didn't want to talk anymore. It was a waste of time. This was a waste of time.
"We're done talking. We can play your game in the morning. I'm going to bed." I snapped impatiently, moving to the other side of the room. Raven nodded and laid down on the floor, but he waved his hand at the ceiling, causing the lights to flicker out and stars to scatter across the ceiling. A moment later, a streak of green rippled across the scenery.
"The Aurora Borealis," I murmured, then smirked and closed my eyes before turning my head to look across the room at Raven, "If you're trying to suck up to me, it's not working." Raven shrugged.
"Nah. I just like the way it looks too." He replied. I shook my head at him, then returned to laying on my back. Raven was still awake, but he wouldn't be for long. After a couple hours, he drifted off, and I let myself open my eyes to stare up at the streaks of green, pink, blue. All of it combined in an artistic slash across the ceiling of glittering stars. I felt like I was staring at it for hours, and much to my relief, Raven didn't seem to be suffering any nightmares.
Had the Titans picked up on our knowing?
Or had they intended for us to do so?
Why?
The sooner I got out of here, the sooner I'd find out. But in order to do that, I'd have to let my guard down in front of people I didn't trust as far as I could throw them. This was idiotic. Stupid. A waste of time. We had Titans to fight, and yet, they were locking me up because I was insane? I'd been insane, and I always would be. I savored it. Nothing they could do would heal the damage done. I'd learned that a long time ago.
Now it was time to get up and move on.