(Beam)
Never in my life I feel so frightened of. I'm usually the stubborn one who never backs down at anyone. People know not to mess up with me because once they do, I'll never let them off the hook without a vengeance.
Nonetheless, being in Mr. Jatu's presence, takes away all my boldness as he looks at me with those sharp eyes.
I am all frozen in my place, unable to know what to do. It seems like every nerve of my brain has ceased functioning.
"What are you doing here?" Mr. Jatu repeats his question.
It startles the hell out of me, but I try my best to hide it. So, I wai him instead, and to his wife.
"Sawadee khap..."
It's just that, they seem not to be amused with my greetings, particularly the middle-aged man as his eyebrow lifts up. It's a simple gesture I usually see with my friends and the others. But with him doing it, it feels like I did a grave mistake (Well, technically speaking, I did :( ) and he's about to bury me alive.
I am about to explain my side before I reach his limits when Ree beats me to it.
"Pa! P'Beam brought me here. He was just around the area when I had my allergic attack. He saved me."
"I'm not talking to you, Mayuree." His calm but cold tone shuts the chatty girl without turning his death glare away from me. I guess, if we're not in the hospital or any crowded area, he would surely attack me, and pull the life out of me.
Now, do you get why I can't do what Forth has done to convince my father? His father is a hundredth times scarier than mine.
Then he says, "I heard you're a doctor so it's only natural to save people in need. What I wonder is why you're still sticking your nose at my daughter? I can perfectly recall, I told you to stay away from my family. You've already stolen my son. What more do you want?"
That... pricks to the core, and makes me feel crappier than I already am.
I know how much they hate me since the day they found out about US. But, I have tried to hide their hatred within myself. To pretend it never happened just to be with Forth. Yes, I became selfish as I took him for myself...
because deep inside my heart, I hope... I am hoping that they'll get to understand our love and accept us eventually.
However, it seems like I'm just delusional for in their point of view of this story, I will always be the evil guy who snatches away their precious son, and destroys their perfect family picture.
Hence, when he said that I should go since my presence was not needed and would never be, I follow him like an obedient kid with my eyes fixed on the white floor. I didn't even bother to look at Ree to bid my goodbye because I can feel Mr. Jatu wants me out immediately...
And if it even possible, permanently out of their lives...
Until I am halted on my way by that overly familiar strong yet gentle hand wrapped around my wrist. Followed by that deep baritone voice which soothes away all the crappiness I felt in an instant.
"You're not going anywhere," Forth says.
I look up and meet his tender eyes. He gives me a smile while tightening his grip as if sending me strengths and assurances, before he turns to his father and matches his stern face.
But still, Forth doesn't forget his manner as he puts his palms together (letting go of my hand for a moment then holding it again like he's afraid I would escape) for a wai.
"It's been a while, Pa, Ma. How are you doing?"
I dare not looking back at them. Forth might have chosen me over them, but there isn't a day he doesn't worry about his family. We're just thankful that N'Ree was able to sneak a call to inform us about their condition. When everything seemed not okay, Forth would secretly go to their house to check on them personally and slip some things to help them.
"Forth, my baby," his mother is the first one to speak up with so much longing in her voice.
Forth may not have been saying it, yet his expression shows how much he misses his mother, too. Or should I say, all of them, including his ferocious father. It's just that, both men want to hold their grounds and would never admit their true feelings.
"Don't call him like that. Remember, he has left us," his father interjects, stressing every word of his last sentence.
I admit, I usually have a thick-skin...
But not all the time, especially when I know I am really at fault.
Therefore, I pull away from Forth's grasp. He furrows in protest.
"N'Ree..." I quickly mutter before he could say anything that might worsen this already ugly reunion of the Jatu's mainly because of me. "...I think you have to see her. She misses you terribly."
"What about you?"
"I... have to cook dinner. I'll just wait for you at home."
He seems not convince, so I offer him a smile that says I won't do anything stupid. You know, like being off the radar without a notice which I usually did in the past every time I got so confused with everything, or there's something I wanted to escape from.
Looking straight into my eyes, Forth nods after he's convinced with my words.
(Don't forget your manners) I wai at the family before I walk my way out. I just hope that now, my annoying presence is gone, they could talk out their problem which is basically me.
My conscience has been eating me slowly...
"Beam!"
I stop on my track, unable to believe what my ears have heard. The voice is soft and sing-songy like despite being slightly hoarse. The first time I heard it, it's full of enthusiasm as she warmly greeted me at their aesthetic house and offered me the tastiest cookies I have tasted in my life before she discovered my true relationship with her son,then turned cold.
She was surprised, of course. But one thing I was thankful about her during that time was, she didn't create a scene or went hysterics and roughly pushed me out of their house like in some dramas I watched. Instead, she'd gone quite, then just walked way from us.
She had never talked to me after the incident...
But, right now, I am faced with Forth's mother where he got his endearing smile.
Except, she still has this intimidating aura, though I'm towering over her...
I wonder why she has followed me? And I don't think she will nail me for 'stealing' her son, based from how she quietly approaches me.
"Can we talk?" she asks, and I nod in agreement.
We choose to talk at the cafeteria of the hospital, to its farther corner, so no other people can hear what she'll be saying about. Obviously, it's regarding his son and I romantic relationship, but I still can't help feeling fidgety since this is our first heart to heart conversation.
Who is really Mrs. Jatu behind her sophisticated look?
I do not know.
I never get a chance to know them personally because of our unfavorable circumstance. What I'm only holding about her is the words of her son who loves her/ them so much, and how Forth grew up as a fine man. (Plus the best cookies) So I suppose, she's really a gentle person inside.
Yet, I'm still scared...
"Thank you for saving my daughter... and I'm sorry for my husband's behavior," she says after a while of silence between us and a cup of coffee I bought for her.
It's just that, I can't believe, she's saying sorry to me... I thought, she'll blame me for the things happening to their family...
"It's nothing, ma'am. N'Ree is like a sister to me, too... And I understand your husband's way of treating me," I reply, giving the best decorum I could muster.
"And I'm also sorry for what I did back then. I never meant to be rude. It's just that ---" she looks at me in the eyes. "---I was shocked. I never expect my Forth, my gentle son, is gay."
"......"
"I just can't believe it.(And I can't believe I'm hearing it from Forth's mother) Do you know how devastating it is for our family? Our relatives haven't learnt it yet, however once they do, I'm frightened of what their reactions will be. Forth has always been adored by everyone, and idolized by his little cousins. I'm afraid everything will change because of it. And you may say, we're already in a modern world where we shouldn't judge anyone based from their gender preferences, It's still couldn't be helped. Let's get real. There are people who will judge the two of you, scorn you for having that kind of love.
"For a year I haven't gotten in touch with you and my son, I tried to convince myself to accept 'this'. To just be happy with my child's decision. However, I fear for his future if he would still be with you... Every mother wants the best for her child."
And that 'best' she wants for her son is to live a 'normal' life.
Sure, we do have an unconventional relationship which maybe ideal to any fictional stories, but not in real world. There might be some people who will appreciate our kind of love, but, there will also be some who will raise their eyebrows for its inappropriateness according to them.
I do understand Mrs. Jatu's worries for Forth. Whose mother would like to see her child being cursed by others? No one.
Nonetheless, my father once told me, he accepted US despite knowing the reactions of some narrow-minded people, because he cared more about my happiness than those loose mouths. They could only gossip, but choosing to get affected by them is our choice.
Hearing from Forth's mother she thinks more of other people's reaction, I can't help but strip down my politeness, and say, "How about Forth's feelings? Have you ever thought of him?"
She tightens her grip on the cup of coffee and drops her gaze on it. When she doesn't comment, I take this chance to continue.
"When I realize that I was falling for your son, Ma'am, I also had the same worries. I even tried to deny these feelings I have for him because I feared of what the other's would be saying. If you didn't know, Ma'am, I was once called a Casanova. Every week, or worst, every day, I was fooling around with different girls, and being in a serious relationship was out of my mind... until I got to know Forth. Never in my life I have this strong desire to be always with somebody else than him. Hence, I have learnt to ignore those people who could only do is judge others based on their personal beliefs. What's more important for me is Forth. If he chose to love and stay with me, I'd do the same. If he chose to leave me, I'd still be loving him, but I'd give him what he wants, because at the end of the day, his happiness is my happiness.
"That's why, Ma'am, if you hate me for turning your son to a 'gay', sorry to be rude, but the feeling is mutual for turning your back on him when he needed you most. Forth never wants an acceptance from others, except his own family. And you have declined him of it..."
Where did I get that courage to rant my mind's off? I don't know. What I only know is, I declared war to Forth's parent. Isn't it, I am supposed to appease her so that she could accept me for her beloved son? Instead, I talked back at her, showing how jerk I could be.
Well, at least, I was able to tell the things bottled up in me, though it would make them think more that I'm not suited for Forth.
On the other hand, Mrs. Jatu is still staring at her cup of coffee with her hand enclosing on to it. She seems expressionless, however when I was talking, I think I saw the corner of her lips slightly lifted up for a nanosecond, I doubt if it really happened or just my imagination...
Before I can blurt another thing that might mess up this already messy situation, I stand up to leave. Forth's mother gazes up at me.
"I'm going to leave, Ma'am," I say. "I still have to cook our dinner."
"You know what, I never thought I would get roasted by the person I considered as a home-wrecker (Ouch!). But I wonder, if you really love my son that much, why haven't you done anything to convince us of your relationship?"
Because I'm scared of you, especially your husband. Honestly, my knees are shaking up right now. I just have to hold my ground for a pretense courage.
"If you really want to give your support to us, there is no need to convince you."
"Then how do we know if you're the right person for our Forth?" Her tone is deadly serious.
Hence, I suddenly reply, "What do you want me to do?"
This time, the smile forms in her lips is not my imagination anymore. She has a lovely smile like Forth and Ree...however, why do I feel like I am falling in a trap...
"No, Beam. What can you do to prove your love for our Forth?"
*****
A/N
Last two chapters, and honestly, I'm so hyped in writing it because of the recent FM. Hence, pardon me for not replying to all your comments...
Love you all!