Graduation was a week away. Due to spending most of my time with Stanza and being in the hospital, my final senior semester had flown away from me. It seem like it was just yesterday that Calvin and I was sharing a dorm room, getting on each other nerves. Now here I was getting ready to put the dreams I had then into motion.
My new beginning was here and I was here for it. Even though, the people I wanted here weren't physically present for it.
With Stanza visiting his mother, and Calvin ignoring my every call, I was doing any and everything to keep myself busy. Unfortunately that only worked for a little while. It's was like every single thing around me was constant reminders of the two. I could barely stay in the apartment without inhaling Stanza's cologne, and every time I stepped outside, I saw Calvin's face in a cloud. I had it bad.
Hanging up the phone for the sixtieth time, I slammed the phone down into my mattress's cushion. I wasn't use to Calvin ignoring me to this capacity. Whem we weren't talking, Calvin was still always there. Even if it was just to argue. Him not being here felt foreign.
I laid back down in the bed and decided to send a message... to them both.
I really miss you.
I heard a phone ding in the apartment and immediately my eyes flickered open. It was like four in the morning and the only light that was in the apartment was my phone illuminating the bedroom. My heart started to beat in my chest as I heard footsteps approached me. The hairs on my skin stood up once I felt the other side of the bed dipped and someone's hand wrap around my waist.
"I missed you too baby." He sang in my ear. He snickered when he saw the startled expression on my face. Both of fear and excitement. "What you heart beating like that for?"
Calming my senses down, I digested the irresistible sight of Stanza. It had been a long, full week since I laid eyes on him.
"What's good baby?" He asked before placing the familiar kiss on my lips.
Straddling his lap while deepening the kiss, I responded. Nothing much. Chillin. Ready to cross that stage."
"How we turning up?" He whispered.
I crossed my arms as I pondered on the different ways I could celebrate with him. I was thinking of all the places I planned on visiting once I graduated. Plans that Calvin and I made.
I cleared my throat. "I don't know. I was thinking maybe we could keep it low key."
He raised his eyebrow in curiosity. "You good."
"Yeah I'm fine."
That you are."
"I swear you so damn corny." I laughed, as I attempted to get off of his waist only to be pulled back down. I rolled my eyes as I felt his member hardening under me.
"No sir." I shook my head. "I used my hand these last couple of days. You gotta do the same."
"Didn't nobody even say nothing about all that. I can't be happy just to see you." He muttered, kissing his teeth.
"Mmhmm. I missed you too." I teased.
"What?" I asked feel uncomfortable with his stare.
"You heard about Pierre." He questioned as I looked away from his eyes. I didn't mean to but the question caught me off guard.
"Nah wassup." I lied.
"He was found dead. Shot and killed in his home."
I swallowed hard. I knew now what Calvin meant about taking care of it. He looks back at me again. This time the look was more intense. His face softened once he saw I wasn't backing down. He licked his lips before sucking his teeth.
"I don't care what your boy out here doing but be real careful when you're with him, Kareem. For real."
I nodded my head before changing the subject. "How is your mother?"
The room got silent. For a second, I didn't think he was going to answer my question.
"She's doing alright, better than how I thought she was going to be."He stated in a harsh but gentle voice. "Hurted me to see her in that hospital bed though."
I ran my hand across his face in response while he let out a long exhale.
"Yeah I'm good, we talked about any and everything under the sun. Told me the next time I lie in one of my songs like I grew up without food, she gone beat my ass.
"Mom's a gangsta." I said as we both burst out in laughter.
He swallowed his Adam's apple nervously in the next moment. He stared up at me like he was in deep thought about something. "I told her about you...well about us."
I squinted my eyes in confusion. "Wait a minute, you told your mother you were ...umm...gay"
He confirmed it for me in his dark yet hopeful eyes. "Yeah."
I bit my lip in nervousness. Stanza had basically admitted to his mother that he was gay. I was intrigued. I wanted to know all of the details. "What did she say?"
He licked his bottom lips as his hands ran up and down against my back. "She didn't say anything at first. I was scared as hell, felt like I had let her down on some real shit." He paused. I was about to console him before he let out a little laugh, confusing me. "Next thing you know she started to fuss at me asking why did I wait til she was about to die to tell her. She was real mad I didn't bring you with me."
Relief floated off my chest only for nervousness to set back in. "She wants to meet me?"
"Yeah." He stated boldly. "In her own words, she wants to meet the man that got her son's heart. "I got off of Stanza's lap only to lay on his chest. "Is that a problem?"
I sucked my breath in. "Just nervous that's all.
"What for? She likes you already."
"Yeah but still."
"But nothing, there's nothing nobody can say or do to make me love you any less."
My mind immediately went to the tape. I couldn't help but to think that if his words would have been the same if he would have laid eyes on the tape. I was unsure about the whole thing but my heart wanted confirmation.
"Don't say that if you don't mean it Stanza. Anything can happen and you wou—
"Stop doing that baby. You got to start thinking about the worst things that could happen and focus on what's going on right now. Right now, I have you and you have me. Nothing anybody could do can threaten what we have.I love you more than life itself. Living it without you is out of the question.
I nodded my head and laid back against his chest. In that moment he could have told me that the sky was green and I would have believed it with every ounce of fiber in me. I was willing to walk through hell for him. Little did I know, I would see if he was willing to do the same for me the next day.
👶🏼👶🏻👶🏿
The sun beamed across my forehead as I banged on Calvin's door like the cops. His neighbors started peeking out of their doors when I started to kick the door. I didn't care though. I didn't care I looked like the baby mother who was trying to to get the father of his kids to watch his kids. The only thing I cared about was him not ignoring me like I was a walking plague.
I wanted to talk to him. No I needed to talk to him. There was so much on my mind. From our current situation to the murdering of Pierre, I needed to make sure he was okay.
"Calvin, I know you're in there, Open up the door." I yelled while banging on the door once again. "If you're going to ignore me, the least you can do is talk to me."
I heard shuffling behind the door which only pissed me off more than it should have. I kicked the door once more. "I hear you hiding behind the door."
"The dick can't be that good." I heard someone say. Before I could even respond to their comment, an frustrated, disoriented Calvin open the door. I immediately barged into his apartment before he could even protest me being here
"Really Calvin?"
"I wasn't trying to talk to you pa." He stated with bags under his eyes. It appeared that he hadn't got a lick of sleep since I last left his apartment. He plopped down on his couch while sucking his teeth. "I know you came over here to argue but I really don't feel like it."
His tone was so hostile. There's no sound in the living room except a rerun of the fresh prince playing in the background. Every time I try to catch the gaze in his brown eyes, he averts them to something else. The whirlwind of emotions that I felt the last time we talk is swirling through me like a hurricane right now. He's mad at me and that's making me mad at him.
He kissed his teeth while pretending to be interested in anything else. All the signs of him wanting me to respond. It was all in his countenance. He wanted me to curse him out. He wanted me to scream. He wanted me to react in any way to show him that I still cared. The Calvin and Kareem show was always the same.
But this time I wasn't going to react. I wasn't going to be the one to fix the situation. Well that was my intention until I've seen this light-skinned dude walked from his bedroom.
I would be lying if I said he was was ugly. His tan skin was neatly inked and and the freckles on his face had him reminiscent of Keith Powers. I stated at his naked chest and torso mesmerized on how fit he was.
I watch him slide his shirt on while
fighting back the vomit that was bubbling in my throat. I was disgusted. I was angry. I was hurt. But most of all I was disappointed.
"What's all the noise for C-Murda?" The dude asked with a sly grin. I didn't know if she was trying to be shady if not but I took it as that. I could feel the rage boiling inside of me. I couldn't stand the the thought of him even being in the same bed with Calvin. The dude lifted his head to say wassup to me. I ignored him as I turned back to Calvin. Dude let out an low laugh at my gesture"
"Calvin Imma head out, I enjoyed last—
Before I knew the sound of a bottlerocket firecracker popping sounded throughout the apartment. Vibrations roared throughout the palm of my hand as it made contact with the dude's face. Once I saw his mouth hung open and the bright red hand print on his face, I realized that I slapped the hell out of dude for no reason at all.
I didn't even remember walking up to him.
His mouth hung open as he held his cheek surprised. Calvin quickly stepped in front of the guy and I. For a second, I thought I saw a hint of a smile on Calvin's face. Dude, on the other hand, was scrambling trying to get to me. I wasn't the biggest fighter but as the image of the two of them together replayed in my head, I felt like I was Mike Tyson.
"Yo, Chill out Will."
"That nigga just slapped me." He cried, trying to get pass Calvin's arms.
"Okay-And?" Calvin boasted. "Chill out and let me talk to my guy man.
"Fuck that." He said trying to get out of Calvin's hands.
"Yo, Will chill out, don't get yo ass beat in here." Calvin warned as the dude seemed to calm down. The dude shot me one more scowl before walking out, slamming the door.
Calvin looked at me like a black mother scolding her child. "Why you walking up in here slapping niggas?"
"Why is he even in your spot?" I snapped. I felt like breaking anything I could get my hands on.
"That's none of your business. You questioning me like we together or something. He plopped back down on his couch with an annoyed expression. "Do that shit with Stanza not me?"
"Did you fuck him?"
"What?" He asked looking at me like I spoke a different language.
"I asked did you fuck him Calvin?"
"Man Kareem, do you hear yourself? Why you not with your man?" He said in a way like he was teasing me.
Truth was I should have been with Stanza. Stanza wanted me to come with him to see his mother. I was all game for that, but I chose to check on Calvin before we left the city. A choice I was now regretting. I had even lied to Stanza like I was handling some business for graduation.
"I'm here because I was trying to check up on you." I scowled. But now I see why you weren't picking up the phone."
"I'm good bruh. Thanks for checking up on me. You can go now."
I gritted my teeth. "Why you acting like a lil bitch?"
He stood up from the couch and walked up to my face." Yo Kareem, watch how you talk to me for real. Don't be calling me no bitch."
"I didn't call you a bitch. I responded in a voice above a whisper. I said you acting like one."
"How am I acting like a bitch?"Cause I'm not kissing your ass begging for your attention. I told you I'm done with this back and forth between us. Imma do me while you doing you."
"And that includes you doing other people?"
"Like you doing Stanza."
I clicked my tongue against my mouth in annoyance. "Stop being petty Calvin. I was just trying to make sure you was okay."
"I'm straight Pa." He said not looking at me. I knew he was still mad. I expected him tone but to just cut me off like I was nothing to him was a little extreme.
I sighed and rubbed my eyes though. I had to at least try to make things right. I wanted our friendship.
"Just because I love Stanza doesn't mean I don't love you Calvin."
"But you're with him and not me." I remained silent at his words. He was right. I opened my mouth to form words but none would come out.There was no need badgering around the question.
You can't be following up behind me like this. Anybody can walk up in here? You're going to out yourself."
"No you're going to out me. Can't you see that I'm trying? I'm trying Kareem."
"I've never ask you to.".
"You never ask me not to. All I'm asking for is one chance man."
"Yo, what the fuck? Is that you?" Calvin fumed, grabbing the remote. My eyes averted to the television screen. My mouth became dry as the Sahara as soon as I seen Stanza and I on Calvin's tv screen. This wasn't suppose to be happening. Someone had still leaked the tape. I immediately bolted out of the door without thinking.
"Kareem! Kareem!" Calvin yelled behind me. It was too late though. I was long gone.
👶🏻👶🏼👶🏾
Twenty minutes later, I arrived back to my apartment to see Melinda waiting at the doorstep. From the look on her face, I could tell that she already saw what was trending on the news. The tape was now being broadcasted on every gossip news outlet.
"Have he seen it yet?" She asked disregarding proper greetings.
"I don't know. I thought you said this was handled." I complained opening my apartment door.
"It was. I didn't think any one of them were dumb enough to break the contract." She said with an icy stare. "Well at least you got an lawsuit on your hands."
"Melinda, it's not about that." My lips quivered at every word. "He's been outed."
She gave me a descending look. That was the moment I knew we were at a standstill. If Melinda couldn't fix it, nobody could fix it. I silenced my phone as messages from Marcellius came flying in.
I started breathing in and out rapidly. Did this mean everything was over?
Melinda was pecking in her phone as I tried to calm myself down.
"My source says that the tape was bought for two hundred thousand dollars."
"How does that help us?" I responded harshly.
In that moment, Stanza had walked in the living room. He was yawning while wiping the sleep out of his eyes. He looked at me first then back to Melinda. Then back to me. He was confused and clueless. Confused that Melinda was here. Clueless that a tape about us was now in the public eye.
"Baby, what's going on? Didn't I fire you Melinda? What are you even doing here? He asked badgering me with questions about Melinda. The look on my face was a worried one so I guess he automatically assumed it was Melinda fault. There was a time where I would have appreciated that. However this wasn't the time. " Did Melinda do something else to you? I swear to God, Melinda if you even breathed at him wrong—
"Honey when you find out what's going on, you're going to be hiring me with a raise." She interrupted.
I even shot daggers at her this time. I had to tell him.
"Stanza." My voice cracked.
"What's wrong baby?"
He was holding my hand now. I was still speechless. I was now wishing that I told him when I had the chance. I was now out of money and the tape was still out. Stanza was still exposed.
Before I could even get the courage to open my mouth, his phone rang. I knew it was somebody telling him about the tape. I watch him decline the call before turning his attention back to me. "What's wrong Kareem?" His phone rang once again, annoying me. I knew it had to be someone letting him know about the tape.
"Answer it. I'm sure they'll tell you better than I can." I still was too much of a coward to tell him. Just like that the dream was now over.
I watch him squint his eyes at me before answering the phone. Whoever was on the phone was loud, but I couldn't make out the words they were saying. To make matters worse, Stanza wasn't responding to the person. I wanted him to scream or curse but he was just standing there. And that scared me. He hung the phone up without saying anything much to my dismay.
When I heard his phone crashing against the door, Melinda and I both nearly jumped out of our skins. The phone was now shattered all over the floor due to him throwing it. He sank down to the ground with a defeated look on his face.
"It's going to be okay Stanza, we can fix this. This is nothing. Gay is the new black in entertainment. Melinda uttered.
Stanza didn't respond. He just looked out into space. I expected him to be punching walls and throwing fits but he was just sitting there. Something else was wrong. It had nothing to do with the tape. I could just tell.
I sank down to the ground beside him. "B-baby, whats wrong."
"My mom..she just died."
***
Excuse errors