I could almost taste the thickness of the air that engulfed us all after I said those words. Gasps and murmurs started arising from the crowd and Xerxes' face was hard, his eyes giving away nothing neither his expression.
But I know what he might be thinking. The same thoughts must be going around in his head-the thoughts that were now circulating around the pack members.
He must be thinking how pathetic I am.
It was always the same. The same shocked reaction, the same murmurings, the same incredulous looks thrown my same and some even disgusted. All of these just because I can't heal like how a normal werewolf should heal, in fact, I don't have that ability at all. I heal like a human.
But that's not fault, is it? How was I suppose to control something I don't have any control over?!
It's all in the hands of the Moon Goddess. She made me this way, so was it all my fault?
Xerxes' grip on my hand didn't loosen but I had enough, I couldn't stand the murmurs, I couldn't always take it all in and stay quiet. I had been doing that for years.
Daddy says, I am special and that's why I am the way I am.
But I don't think so.
How was I suppose to be special when I was not even like a normal she wolf?
I tried to free my hand from Xerxes grip but his grip on my hand was like a steel band I couldn't break free from.
I tried again but to no avail.
The murmurings were getting worst, and it was getting to me.
I hate this.
'Why can't she heal?'
'Is she even normal?'
'Is she fit to rule over us all?'
'She's so small.'
'She looks like a kid.'
All these comments cut me deep. I was always the one to blame but I didn't choose it. I never asked Xerxes' to be my mate, I never even thought about it. I never wanted to be a Luna, I never wanted to be away from my pack but I didn't have any say in it. My opinions, my wishes weren't asked so how come I am the one to be blamed for all of this?
I wanted to yell, but words got stuck in my throat and I felt my eyes burn with tears.
I wouldn't cry. No here, not in front of everyone and give them all the satisfaction of their doubts about how weak and unfit I was.
I just wished to run away somewhere far from here, anywhere but away from this stares and murmurs. But that was not gonna happen with Xerxes around so his house was the next best thing to escape into but he wasn't even letting me do that.
I tired to pry my hand free from his hold again but then again, I was weak, I was unfit., I was small and couldn't even compare to his strength.
I jumped at the harshness of his voice when I bellowed out, "Silence." Which successfully subsidised the murmurs and then there was a pin drop silence.
The pack members looked scared out of their wits when Xerxes threw a harsh, stony and cold glare their way. I gulped at the power and authority in his voice. He was someone to be not messed with, never.
"She's your Luna and no one disrespects her." Xerxes words were loud and clear, with a hint of challenge in it as if daring anyone to stand or say something against him, which I doubt anyone had the guts to.
"The ritual is done here. You're all dismissed." With that said, he pulled me towards the house.
He didn't say anything. His shoulders were stiff and his jaw clenched.
He was angry. With me? With the pack members?
I didn't dare utter a word with the fear of making him more pissed than he already was.
Once we were in the house, he let go of my hand slowly and held it up by placing his palm at the back of my hand. He held the cloth with other hand and pressed it on the cut so it would absorb and stop the blood from oozing out.
It sting and I hissed at the pain that shot through my whole arm. I was looking at my injured palm and not anywhere else but I felt his stare, and I felt like he would soon bore a hole on my head.
"Look at me." Xerxes' voice was gruff.
Slowly, I raised my head and looked up at him. His eyes were no longer hard yet they were empty.
"Whatever they say, you're still the Luna of this pack, of my pack." His eyes lingered on my face and I felt the sudden urge to touch him, and touch him was what I did.
I stood on my tip toes, reached my other uninjured hand around his neck to pull him down a little and pressed my lips on his lightly.
I didn't know what made me do that, or what had possessed me to do that, maybe because his words made me actually feel somehow wanted no matter what or how I was.
Or Maybe because he gave me reassurance that he doesn't care what people say, he still very much wanted me to be by his side.
Or maybe just him in general.
He felt him whole form grew stiff and rigid as my lips touched his.
I wasn't really an expert in the art of kissing or anything that was related to intimacy so I pulled back slowly, thinking I crossed my line and perhaps he didn't like it.
But before I could even move my face an inch away from his, he gripped the back of my neck and crashed his lips on mine, hard and demanding.
It wasn't slow or shy like mine had been. It was fast, demanding and possessive that made my legs go weak but before anything embarrassing could happen to me-like me falling because of the intensity of his kiss, his other hand snaked around my waist and hold me in place.
Our bodies touching and I melted into his kiss. My cut palm long forgotten, even the pain wasn't on my mind. My hand formed into a fist gripping the cloth tightly and circled that hand around his neck.
A low growl rumbled from his chest as he continued kissing me like no tomorrow. He bit my lower lip making me gasp involuntarily and he took that as an opportunity to mingle his tongue with mind.
I was getting dizzy, everything was too much. I felt something hard on my tummy, but was too distracted by his mouth on mine to give any heed to it.
I pulled back suddenly when I heard Lucy's voice. "Oh my lord! I didn't mean to invade." She looked so out of place and quickly turned around to walk away.
I was so embarrassed to be caught in such a situation by Lucy, someone I looked up to as a mother figure to me.
Xerxes was breathing heavily, his breathing was ragged but mine was worst. I was gulping air as If I was denied of fresh air for years.
His hold on me didn't loosen and he hid his face on the crook of my neck breathing in deeply before grunting appreciatively. "Mine." He growled nuzzling his nose where he had given me the submissive mark.
Clearing my throat awkwardly I tried to get out of his steel grip which made him hold me more tightly and a low, possessive growl rumbled from his chest.
"Lucy is here." I mumbled shyly.
Xerxes' pulled away slowly and titled his head slightly. I saw Lucy walking back into the room with a box and her face all knowing.
Xerxes' pulled away completely and led to towards Lucy keeping his hand at the lower of my back. We made our way to where Lucy was.
"Sit." Xerxes pushed my shoulders down and i was seated on the couch with him standing beside me.
Lucy kneeled down before me and opened the box, which I now saw clearly, it was a first aid box.
Lucy slowly started cleaning and did all the necessary things she has to do before wrapping a bandage on my hand.
"All done." Lucy smiled warmly at me and I returned back her smile with a quick thank you.
Lucy stood up and gave a nod to Xerxes before walking out of the room.
We were alone in the room once again and what had happened a few minutes ago came rushing back at me and I flushed at the thought.
I never thought I would initiate a kiss first. I never even thought of ever kissing anyone.
I slowly looked up at him through my lashes, nervous and scared at what his expression would be.
He was already looking at me, his eyes determined and his body stiff.
For a long time, he just stared down at me and I was so mesmerized by his angelic yet edgy and dark alluring glance that I couldn't look away either.
"Come with me." He held my wrist and pulled me up before leading me towards the stairs and to his room.
"Um..." I turned around when I heard him close the door behind him.
It didn't quite made sense why we were here or why he was looking at me the way he was looking at me now- as if he was gonna pounce on me any moment.
"I didn't...the kiss...I'm..." I was trying to find the right words to say to him.
Maybe he didn't like the kiss, may be he didn't want me pulling such kind of act again.
But he kissed you back, didn't he? My wolf's ever wise words fell on my ears.
But she was right, he did kissed me back so I don't think he didn't like the kiss.
My cheeks warmed at the mere thought of our kiss.
Xerxes leisurely made his way towards me and held my chin, lifting my head up to meet his eyes.
His eyes resembled that of molten chocolate- warm and sensual. His lips were pink- kissable and soft. His jaw was graced by the 5'O clock shadow which makes him look all the more edgy and appealing.
"What are you doing to me." Xerxes mumbled under his breath but before I could utter any word his mouth came crashing down on mine.
I gasped at his sudden action which gave him the opportunity to slip his tongue and do what he wanted to.
My hands gripped at his shirt and I raised myself on the tip toes to kiss him back. His hand circled around my waist and he lifted me up, my legs were dangling in the air. My arms went around his neck and I wind my legs around his waist, holding myself in place.
His one hand on the back of my neck while the other around my waist.
His mouth was on mine - hot and demanding and I couldn't do anything but give him what he want because deep down I wanted this too.
His mouth left mine and started kissing my jaw, then my neck before making his way back to my ear, biting it lightly before whispering huskily, his voice thick with raw emotions, "You want me."
An involuntary moan escaped from my lips and I shivered at his words, my body feeling light and tingly after his torturous and sinful mouth did their work on mine. "I..." I didn't know what I was trying to say but he didn't wait for me to complete my sentence either because he was kissing me again.
He slowly lowered us both on the bed and his hands started roaming around my bare skin leaving a trail of burning sensation wherever his hand touched.
I was moaning mess. Never in my life had I ever experienced such overwhelming emotions and that too all at once.
He started kissing my neck and sucked on it and I writhe under him moaning his name, his hand rubbing my bare thighs before he gripped the back of my knee and threw my leg over his waist.
His hand started making it's way under my dress, rubbing my stomach affectionately before his thumb rubbed teasingly at the skin just below my breast.
I gasped and my breath was uneven. I was feeling dizzy yet so good at the same time.
He pulled back slowly but his hand right were they were a few seconds back, just below my left breast yet doing nothing.
I groaned at the distance and tried to pull him back but instead he grabbed my right wrist and pinned them above my head. I tried to pull him back yet again by my other free hand but his hand that was under my dress was no longer at its place and grabbed my wrist pinning it beside my other hand.
His one hand gripped both of my wrist and his other rubbed my cheek with the back of his hand.
I whined trying to free my wrists from his iron grip but he won't let go.
He leaned down and kissed me lightly on the cheek first before claiming my mouth again. I moaned into our kiss and unintentionally I pushed my chest up to his. His palm that was on my cheek moved from there and gripped my waist, keeping me in place.
He pulled back and his eyes was glimmering that bright golden which indicates his wolf was in control. He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened it, it was no longer that alluring golden eyes, it was back to brown, deep molten chocolate colour. He shook his head once as if he clear his thoughts and then looked at me.
In a flash, he was off of me as if I had burnt him. I was on the bed, my back flat on his bed, hair dishevelled, I was sure of that and even my dress was ridden up the thighs and I was sure I might be looking like a mess.
Wordlessly, I sat up on the bed before adjusting my clothes and hair.
Xerxes stood at the end on the bed, his face hard and his jaw tick at the sight of me. I flushed when my eyes met his, his hair was dishevelled yet he still looked so good, his eyes wrinkled yet his face angry.
He breathed in deeply once and gripped my hair with one hand, exhaling audibly.
I bit my lip confused at his sudden change in mood. "Um, i didn't..." I didn't even know what i was gonna say to him.
His expression was loud and clear, he was unhappy, with me or with what went down between us a few minutes ago, i wasn't sure maybe both.
But he clearly initiated what had happened in this room. He kissed me first and that was how we ended up like this.
'Don't forget what you did before coming into the room', my wolf was back, her voice taunting and all knowing.
After my bond with my wolf grew a little stronger than it was before, she never fails to give her snarky comments and let me know about her presence whenever she could.
I don't know how i even got such a snarky wolf.
'I can still her you, you bitch." My wolf snapped at me.
'Bi- we are one so you're calling yourself that word too.' I retorted back lamely.
'Oh please, just-'
I shut her out quickly and I focused back to Xerxes who was staring at me intently.
I bit my lip and folded my hands keeping them on my lap.
He didn't say anything for a long a time and the silence stretched painfully between us.
After a long pause of uncomfortable silence, Xerxes spoke, "We can't do this again."
My head snapped up to meet his cold, giving away nothing expression, he looked composed and held nothing on face.
"I...i am sorry." I whispered meekly, feeling utterly embarrassed for what I did- kissing him.
"It's not your fault." Came his gruff reply. He took a step towards me but stopped and cursed under his breathe.
"I shouldn't have..."
"Meryl." My name rolled off his tongue smoothly and I had to stop myself from shivering at the effect he had on me. "It's not your fault, you hear me." Xerxes almost commanded it.
I gave him a small nod as a terrible feeling settled in my gut- I felt so unwanted.
"I got some things to deal with Damien." He walked out after saying this.
The door shut behind him and with it I fell back on the bed again.
Something was terribly wrong with me to initiate a kiss first. I didn't quite knew what that feeling was when I get whenever I am around him, the constant need to see him, to feel his skin on my finger tips, to feel his lips on my skin and that pull towards him whenever I see him.
Everything was confusing me, I want him almost too desperately and after what happened a few minutes ago, I thought he wanted me too but his reaction didn't show that, it almost looked like he regretted it.
Was I not wanted by him?
Does he not want me as his mate?
Was it because I was weaker and not like the normal wolves?
Was it because I was younger than him?
Too much questions floated my mind and I didn't know what to hang onto anymore.
His constant mood change was confusing me. I don't know anymore which side of his to believe. He sometimes showed like he wants me here while the other times, most of the times, he ignores my whole existence.
This doesn't feel right yet when we are together or when I am with him it felt right, like this was how it was suppose to be.
What was happening to me? I wasn't this crazy for him when I first came here, why was I getting so attached to him all of a sudden.
Months had went by without any contact with my family or my pack members. I should be hating him for this yet I don't. I don't hold anything against him.
It was like it's impossible for me to hate him, no matter how hard I try, I just couldn't bring myself to even think ill of him instead the feeling to be with him always and to be by his side was taking a root in my heart and mind.
'He's your mate.' My wolf whispered.
Was this the mate pull then, that Daisy always used to tell me about.
"The longer you're closer with your mate the stronger the pull gets if you're unmarked." Daisy's voice rang in my head.
Could this be it then? But then, why am I the only one effected by the mate pull?
Or he too was?
***