Chapter 45: Playing Dress Up
“Freeze!” I watched as the police piled out of the house, guns in their hands.
What are we murderers? Maybe, we were wanted for something we hadn’t even done? Maybe, Kyle had done something awful like sitting on a little doggy or steeling an ice cream form a small child.
Me and Kyle looked at each other; we both pointed at the same time.
“He did it!”
“She did it!” we both shouted at the same time.
How dare he blame it on me, whatever he has done!
“Me, I haven’t done anything!” I shouted looking at him.
“Well, never have I!” he shouted back and I let out a long sigh.
“Then why did you point at me?” I asked annoyed.
This guy better have a good explanation or I am going to make him eat his costume. Yeah, Kyle how do you feel about that, suck it small man!
“What! I only pointed at you because I knew you were going to point at me.” He said and I frowned.
“Put your hands behind your head.” Someone shouted and we both turned to glare at the police around us.
“Uh, can’t you see this is a private conversation?” I asked annoyed. “So rude.” I turned to Kyle ready to finish the argument.
“If you don’t surrender I will be forced to shoot you.” He threatened and Kyle and I turned to look at him.
“Who’s this clown?” I asked Kyle.
“We got a circus clown right here.” Kyle finished for me, looking the man up and down.
“I'm not a clown; I'm an officer of the law.” He announced and the other officers around him glanced at one another.
“Well, Mr. Officer of the law, what are you doing here?” I asked and Kyle and I nodded as if we had won a prize.
He swallowed and raised his gun up to my head “I am here to arrest you for trespassing.” He said and was cut off when Taylor walked out of the door in his glory. He glanced at us and looked away. He looked back at us and his eyes went from Kyle to me. He did this for at least six times, his mouth open like a fish as he pointed at us.
“Phaaaaaa!” he slapped his thigh and took deep breaths to control his laughter.
When he stopped laughing, he looked at us his face serious. I folded my hands across my chest waiting for him to start shouting. “What the hell are you two doing?” he asked.
“Bipolar or what?” Kyle whispered in my ear.
“You can talk.” I muttered back, he pouted looking away.
“Coming from a mad woman.” He said and I looked at Taylor.
“It’s not assault if I slap him right?” what? I didn’t want to get arrested for two assaults. Wow hold up! I'm being arrested. No, I'm not getting arrested.
Maybe, I should play dead. Yeah, that would work.
“Now, will one of you please explain why you are trespassing in someone’s garden,” he paused looking us up and down a slight smile on his face “dressed like that.” He finished holding his hand over his mouth to hide the smile.
The police around us had lowered their guns, their eyes watching us like hawks.
“Oh my god! It is the longest story ever, are you ready for this, here it comes; we were being chased.” I said shrugging.
“That’s it, your whole story.” He asked annoyed with me.
“No, Kyle thought it would be funny for my punishment to be dressed up as a hotdog in a café. Come on, who does that? Apart from you sweetie.” I tapped Kyle's cheek and he smiled. “And then he tried to calm the girl that was going to eat me, since she had teeth like a piranha. And bam we were both in costumes. At first we were like what the fuck is going on and then bam Leon came in. Then we were like double what the fuck because Leon entered and he stole are clothes. Also, when we left the whole firkin school was there to take photos of us. Kyle got his fat ass stuck in the alley and I had to use my superman muscles to get him out. And you will never guess what happened next, a dinosaur came running out of nowhere and we were like “oh no”, so we ran to the nearest garden, which can I add a smurff pointed us in this direction.” I said nodding the whole time. Okay maybe I did tell some small, teeny lies.
I was going to add that there was a whole film crew, but I think he would have guessed I was lying. Even though I said dinosaur and a film crew is a lot more reasonable.
Oh well.
“Oh really and what did this dinosaur look like?” he asked raising an eyebrow.
“Well it was green and it had short arms.” I said nodding.
In the corner of my eye, I could see Kyle slowly inching away from me.
I'm not mad, I'm creative!
“And where is this dinosaur right now?”
“Well…it fell over and it couldn’t get itself up because of its short arms.” I said flapping my arms around like a dinosaur and showing them that if it did fall over it wouldn’t be able to get up unless it had some cool freestyle moves (I highly doubt that).
“Alright enough of your bazaar answers, get in the car I'm taking you both home.” He said turning around.
“You are lucky I don’t press charges and arrest you both.”
“But you love me so you won’t.” I said and he grunted.
He’s so nice!
“Before you leave you have to go and apologies to the owner of this property for scaring him half to death.” I groaned and followed Kyle into the house to apologize.
Well, as soon as he saw it was Kyle Reece the man was more than okay to drop the charges. When he had asked why thee Kyle Reece was in his house I had replied ‘to grow money trees’ and he had actually looked shocked and asked ‘can you do that now to?’. I had laughed my head off which earned me a slap from Taylor. My biscuit had flown out of my hand and landed into the old man’s cup, splashing him with hot tea.
Taylor blamed it all on me the little butt whole.
“THIS IS ILLEGAL!” I screamed for the hundredth time. My voice muffled by the floor that smelt of dogs poop.
Wait, dogs have been here.
I was in the back of the car (in the boot) with my legs hanging out.
All because I refused to get in the car. What? It wasn’t as if I could fit. So what did they do? They shove me in the boot and drive. I know it’s not that far from our house, but I'm pretty sure it’s illegal.
“Gwen you’re strapped down! Now shut up.” Taylor shouted making me gasp, sending the stench of wet dog into my mouth and up my nose.
Yeah, I was strapped down, with DOG LEADS!
I know I'm a hot dog but aren’t they just taking this a little too far? Plus, there is a strong breeze blowing up my costume making my bum go cold with numb.
“Can you get frost bite on your bum?” I asked allowed to no one in particular.
“Yeah and it falls off.” Kyle replied.
“Well in that case I'm going to stick your nice juicy bum into the Atlantic.” I replied.
“I got a nice juicy bum?” he asked happy.
“Yeah, it’s as big as Beyoncé. Go on Kyle shake that booty!”
“Hey Taylor, would it be too much to ask for you to swerve real quick?” Kyle asked making me gasp.
“With pleasure!” he shouted and swerved to the left. My body seemed to roll and my head smacked against something metal.
“You asshole! Assault, somebody help; call the FBI! The swat team, I have just been assaulted by the police of chief. I'm writing to your layer and the government and whatever shit is out there. I'm taking you down!” I vowed angrily.
“When your big enough.” He said and my mouth opened.
“What are you on about I'm Hench, I'm so big I make the magic school bus look like a mushroom!” I said proudly.
“Okay Gwen, okay.”
**
“Aunt June! Aunt June!” I shouted and waddled through the front room Kyle and Taylor hot on my heels.
As soon as I opened the door. Taylor, Kyle and I screamed looking at each other.
“Ahhhhhh it’s a yawning hippo!” I screamed pointing to my Aunt’s bum.
My Aunt, had stolen the maids outfit that was hidden away and was wearing it with thongs. Unfortunately, when we walked in she was bending over giving us the sight of a yawning hippo.
My aunt had straightened and smiled at us widely.
“What do you think; I'm doing a spot of cleaning.” She smiled happily giving us a twirl.
“Yeah, well I think you lost your pants on the way.” I told her holding my hands up.
“Don’t be silly there yours!” she said pointing the feather duster at me.
My mouth flopped open like a fish.
“M…mine they are not mine…there Taylor's!” I said elbowing Taylor.
“Ohhh, Taylor didn’t think you were so kinky.” She pureed and we all glanced at one another.
“Horny woman inside my Aunt leave at once.” I clicked my fingers hopping my aunt would pop back into herself.
“I assure you they are not mine.” Taylor said holding his hands up.
“Nope they are now mine.” My aunt sang.
I glance at Taylor and Kyle and shrugged “It could be worse, she could be wearing a piece of string.” I stated looking at my aunt. The two guys seemed to shudder making me smile.
“Oh, I must try that.” She said and glanced at all of us. “Can I ask why are we all dressed up?”
“Aliens.” I told her, she smiled and turned around.
My aunt totally understands.
“June June! I have arrived!” a voice boomed and I turned around shocked to see no other than Ben, Kyle's father.
He glanced at us all.
“Will someone explain to me why my son is dressed as a burger and my secretary is a skimpy maid?”
Well, crap he did not look impressed!
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