She never said so, but I suspected it was an aspiration of Liz's to be an FBI agent one day. If all the spy movies she loved so dearly weren't good enough hints, the fact that she set up really good interrogations for me when she wanted to was a good give away. Liz always seemed to know something was up when something was up and it was no surprise that she noticed that something was definitely up. She stared me down across the small kitchen table, each of us holding our own bag of Cheetos, and she was waiting for me to say something I wasn't sure I was quite ready to say.
"You know you can tell me anything, right?"
Please, I told Liz everything since there was no one else willing to listen to my problems, rants or feelings.
"I don't know what you're trying to get me to admit."
"Well, I've got to say, I'm a bit jealous you're spending more of our best friend time with him instead of me and every time I call you, you're with Austin. So tell me what's up."
"Nothing," I insisted. "There's nothing going on. We're just friends."
"Do you like him?"
It sounded like one but it wasn't even a question. She didn't stutter or hesitate as if it was merely common knowledge.
"He's not as bad as I thought."
Liz flicked my forehead in disbelief before taking another chip from her pack.
"I don't–"
"I didn't believe it at first," Liz said. "But I know you better than anyone. You've totally fallen for the enemy." Then her face brightened as she strayed away from topic momentarily. "Isn't there a movie about that?"
I pursed my lips. "He's not the enemy; not anymore." At that, Liz raised her eyebrows and started giggling. "And please stop saying that I like him. It's stressing me out."
"But you do. There's no use denying it." Liz wiped her cheesy hands with tissue before continuing. "Be real with me, Ko. I've known you since forever. We're practically sisters. I probably know you better than you know yourself. So I think I can tell when I see my best friend in lo–"
My hand flew across the table to cover her mouth as I shook my head in dismay. "Don't. Please don't say that."
Maybe she was right and maybe she wasn't. Either way, I wasn't going to argue anymore because it was insanely difficult to form arguments against someone who knew you so well that they already knew the arguments you were going to make.
"But he's kissed you, right? And he's always around. He wants to spend time with you even when he doesn't have to. If I'm being honest, I think he feels the same way."
I shook my head. "He doesn't."
"How do you know? If you tell him how you feel, maybe he'll tell you that he feels the same way. What have you got to lose?"
"Uh– everything! Let's see, bragging rights, my dignity, my pride," my heart, "the bet! That's what I have to lose and I think that's plenty to lose. My life would be over."
"Not if he likes you back." My phone, which sat on the corner of the table, vibrated. Austin. Liz looked at me as if she just proved her point. "I'm thinking he does."
"I'm getting something to eat with your bro. Want me to pick you up and we can get something after? :)" It read.
I was such a sucker for guys who actually tolerated my annoying little brother. And the way he suggested picking me up and grabbing something to eat made me feel like we'd been this way– this close since forever. The way he said it made me feel so cared for and special and important. I looked forward to seeing him because we actually talked. We really talked about things that actually mattered like on that night on the rooftop. Our conversations weren't meaningless wastes of time– not the small talk boys and girls did just to keep silence away. When the silence did come, there was nothing uncomfortable about it.
He was funny, too. I got his jokes, he tried to get mine despite them being mildly corny and he didn't make me feel like some insufficient Barbie doll that boys always assumed I was because of the cheer skirt I owned or the blonde hair my mom gave me. He respected me like I respected him and he spoke to me like I was one of his best friends and he was one of mine.
Liz was right and I was outright denying it. Not entirely because I was afraid he'd reject me but more so because I was afraid of what would happen after. What would happen after one of us won the bet? Would we still be friends? Would things be awkward and weird between us? Would he stop coming over and spending time with me and my brothers? Would things go back to the way they were– us fighting all the time?
Maybe I was in love with him and even if he didn't love me back, I wasn't ready to lose him.
"I like him," I said out loud in realization. I buried my fingers in my hair and dragged my hands up and down my face. "What do I do, Liz?"
"Just tell him before this bet thing goes too far. This game you're playing, I think it's getting out of line."
"I know," I nodded. "It's just– I'm scared. He's going to laugh at me and then he's going to leave. He's going to leave," I repeated softly.
"Why would he do that? He cares about you. If he leaves, then he isn't worth it. If he stays, you'll get your happily ever after. You want that, don't you?" It was sappy to the max.
I shrugged and bit my lip before things got too sentimental. "I don't know. I guess I never really thought about it." All my life it had been me against Austin. I had never imagined anything like Austin and I against the world or anything of that sort but for the first time, it was actually a possibility. "I never thought that I'd be in this position. It's scary."
"Do you love him?"
I couldn't answer that question even if I wanted to. "How did you know you were in love with Clay?"
"Felt right," she said. I was unconvinced. "He makes me happy. I think about him all the time when he's not around. He's always there for me. I know I can count on him and I want him to be able to count on me. It just feels right."
Austin made me happy. He made smile and laugh without much effort. I thought about the night he defended me from Blake and comforted me when no one else could or would.
"I don't know if I love him," I told Liz, unsure of my honesty. "But I think I could."
-
"Who're you going to Prom with?" Clay asked innocently as he sat down next to Liz at the lunch table. "Are you still going stag?"
For the record, I hadn't planned on going stag. If no one asked me, I would've asked Max or Jimmy and if I was really desperate, I would go to my brothers for help. Going stag wasn't fun if your best friend was going to be making googley-eyes at her boyfriend the whole night.
"Austin doesn't have a date," Liz pointed out. "Just imagine everyone's faces when you show up with him. Oh my gosh! You're going to win Prom Queen for sure if you show up with him. Well, you're probably going to win without him but you'll win even more with him."
"But I don't want to win Prom Queen," I said.
"Really?" Jimmy asked.
"I'm already head cheerleader. Why do I need a plastic crown? And why would I want to be queen of Prom? I'd rather be the queen of England."
"I'll be the king," Jimmy suggested.
I laughed and shook my head.
"What's so funny? Jake asked, taking his seat. Austin wedged himself between his best friend and me and took some of my food from my plate.
"We were just talking about the dance," Liz said. "Kody doesn't have a date."
"Oh," Jake said, elbowing Austin in the ribs. Hard. I almost felt it.
"What the hell, man?" Austin said. Jake gave him a hard look and Austin rolled his eyes. "Taylor, you're going to the dance with me."
"No."
"You weren't grand enough, dude."
"Why?" Austin demanded.
"I don't want to win Prom Queen!" There was no one else I'd rather go to prom with.
"Whatever, you're still going with me. You know why?"
"Why?"
Austin nodded at Jimmy, who then stood up on his chair. "Austin is taking Kody to Prom!"
-
"Five, six, seven, eight," dreadful words that signaled the start of the routine that we were performing in about ten minutes after two other school teams. Peeking was incredibly tempting but a peek could mean the destruction of the structure that we'd been building for months. The thing about sports and competitions was that everything was mainly a mind game. If you were too confident, you could mess up and if you were too under confident, you could choke up. The mind had always been the toughest obstacle of the game. The key was to be able to block all external factors on focus on the routine– on every jump, flip or stunt.
I was nervous and that was totally okay because everyone got nervous. All I had to do was jump up and down a few times, maybe do a little bit of stretching, in order to shake of the major nerves that had the power to affect me badly.
I glanced at the audience to look for the sea of red that had always been so evident on the football field. Here, not so much.
Here was the major difference between the football team and the cheerleading squad of Northwood high school: houses all around town were empty when there was a live, home football game going on but people didn't even know there were such things as cheer competitions.
My brothers were one of the only regular cheerleaders of the cheerleading team along with some other supportive families and a minimal number of friends. The friends usually came from the fresh, new additions to the cheerleading team because around that time, they were still excited about getting to see a cheerleading competition with cool stunts and pretty girls in shorts skirts. But people didn't really realize how long cheerleading competitions were. If you weren't very interested in cheerleading, attending these things was a total waste of time; hours spent in a boring wait, only to watch a three-minute, fast paced performance of the team you were supporting. I mean cheerleading was impressive and all, but it didn't give other people the same rush as other sports like football, baseball, soccer or basketball. People didn't get up from their seats to chant 'defense' or a single person's name in the middle of the routine.
Today, my brothers couldn't make it. It was like the second time in my life that it had ever happened. The first time, Keith got the flu and I guess since they were so unhygienic, everyone else got it except me because I was out of the house most of the time, practicing for the big day. It was unlike my brothers to miss a competition that I was participating in, mostly because I had a competition only once or twice a year. Compared to their once a week high school, football games, I'd say that they were really lucky with my annual competitions.
I wasn't drowning in my own tears of self-pity or anything. I was only slightly disappointed. My family made up my steady support system but they were making up for their absence with the texts from my dad and older brothers pre-performance. It was a breath of relief from the negativity and nerves radiating from the other girls. As for Kyle, it wasn't like he could walk all the way to the venue and it wasn't like he even used his phone for anything other than playing mindless, yet very addicting games.
Honestly, it just sucked that most people didn't care about the cheerleading team unless they were actually cheering for an 'actual team'.
I hadn't even realized that we were being called to get ready for front stage. My head was somewhere else for a second there but that was good. Distraction was good for the nerves.
"Ready?" Liz asked, giving my wrist an anxious squeeze.
I nodded.
When the announcer's voice colored the name of our school, the Northwood tigers cheerleading team came running out of their hiding spot, ready to catch their prey: the title of state cheerleading champions.
Something seemed a bit off with the crowd. They were cheering in big, deep voices, like the kind of cheering you heard watching a MMA fight or a football game even. My brothers were here. They had to be. And they'd brought friends. From the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of big dudes dressed in red. There had to be at least twenty extra guys up there. This was the biggest crowd we'd ever had.
Something about that thought made the adrenaline pump faster in my veins, like I had to put on the performance of my life– like I had to impress.
I positioned myself between two bases to get ready for the first above the ground stunt I was doing. Breathing in and out, I counted the short seconds before the cheer music that Liz had helped coach put together blasted through the large, black speakers that stood on each corner of the arena. I rested my hands on the shoulders of the two bases on either side of me and they bent their knees, crouching lower than me for better momentum to lift me up.
"Kody?"
No one had ever been a big fan of talking seconds before performing. It wasn't a rule; it was just something that I thought everyone had understood. Some people were too shaky to speak, others were a bit snobby about it because they wanted to focus as much as they could and the rest of the girls were just naturally quiet and even more so pre-performance.
Shy, quiet, sophomore Ally was the last person I expected to be opening her mouth seconds before we had to face the music. I could barely get three words out of her on a normal day; much less get her to start a conversation. What was on her mind must've been really urgent.
I spoke through my teeth, which were frozen in a big smile, careful to keep any extra emotion out of my expression. "Yeah?" It wasn't like I could turn around to face her so I settled with tilting my head to the side slightly, not exactly facing her, but enough of a gesture to show that I was listening to what she had to say.
"Isn't that Austin Collins?"
Crazy as it may have sounded, those weren't the most comforting words to hear before a big performance, literally seconds before being thrown up in the air. Ally had only succeeded in making me feel numb and shaky. My heart was having some kind of high school party in my chest, adding to the nerves already piling up in the pit of my stomach.
Ally was probably seeing things. Like, I hadn't even mentioned the competition today to Austin. When he'd asked me if I had any plans on Saturday, I'd told him that I was busy and he'd accused me of avoiding him, which was a fairly reasonable accusation, seeing that I could barely hold a conversation with him without over thinking ever single word.
Last Wednesday morning, he had sent me a morning text and the girly, mushy, hopeful, almost in love part of my brain screamed, he's suspicious of you. But what if he likes you? But the text was something like 'Hey. I left my notebook at your house yesterday. Grab it for me, please.' It was pretty demanding of him, too. Gosh, I was pathetic. He was ordering me around and I was giddy about it? Yeah, I needed some space. A lot of space.
I craned my head, almost ready to turn around the whole hundred eighty degrees until I realized where I was: on the mats, in front of a crowd. I almost didn't bother to check but the curiosity was killing me. Ally never just spoke to me for no reason so why would she say that she saw Austin if she wasn't a hundred percent sure. All I needed was a good three-second peek. I moved my eyes to face the direction of the Northwood audience and I was almost convinced that eyes could lie.
He was here. Austin Collins was here in the flesh, wearing a non-masculine, red school t-shirt, holding up a terribly hand made poster that read, 'Go Northwood Tigers!'
What on earth was he doing here? Surely Austin Collins had better things to do on a Saturday afternoon than watch a cheerleading competition miles from home– a cheerleading competition of someone who was not his girlfriend, no doubt.
But he was here. It was definitely him, standing out in the wave of red. Even with outfits and face paint that made him identical to everyone else, I could point him out easily. When his gaze locked on my dumbfounded one, he grinned. It wasn't smug or obnoxious. His smile was genuine and it was happy with no hint that he didn't want to be here. Austin pointed to his shirt that had a letter 'K' formed with masking tape. I looked to his right where a smaller boy stood, a letter 'O'. Beside Kyle, a two more boys followed along with the suit finishing the 'DY'. I tried to make out who the other two guys were but before I could, the music started. When I got the chance to look up again, I realized that the line of alien boys didn't stop at the end of my name.
Austin was here and he had brought the whole damn football team with him.
If I wasn't losing yet, the game was definitely over now. I was jumping and squealing in the inside while I tried to tumble and stunt on the outside. Adrenaline rushed through my veins like a horse race and there were strange tingles traveling through my hands and my spine and– I was flying.
No, I was literally flying as in above the ground, up in the air flying. I couldn't count how many times I was thrown up in the air but it this time, it felt unusually, amazingly different. I felt weightless as I reached for my toes, splitting mid-air and when I landed safely into my bases' arms, I could've sworn that I never left the sky.
I was alive as I danced. I had no idea feelings like this existed. I had no idea why I was feeling like this in the first place.
We won runner up but the loss was short lived when Austin and my brother met me outside the arena and offered to get something to eat.
When I melted into him as he told me that I was fantastic and he didn't know why we didn't win, I knew for sure I was moving out of bounds.