There was a pep rally going on today. All seniors were supposed to meet on the dock, but I was hoping to find Jordan and get her to spend the day with me. I was positive she wouldn't want to go to a pep rally anyway.
I didn't want to spend the day with her just because I didn't want to attend the rally, but this may be the last day I ever see her, and I need to spend every moment with her.
I was standing in the shadows, waiting for her to come by so I could get her to come with me and skip the stupid pep rally. I'm sure plenty of people were going to skip, so it wouldn't be a big deal. When I saw her walk by, I didn't waste a second before I extended my arm and grabbed her arm, pulling her with me. I covered her mouth with my hand before she could scream and dragged her into the shadows and behind a cabin. She raised her arm to elbow me in the stomach, but I grabbed it and turned her around before she could do so. Her eyes met mine, and she let out a sigh of relief.
"You scared me," Jordan let out a breath, straightening out her shirt as I let her go. I had a cocky grin on my face as I watched her carefully. "I thought you were Hunter or something."
My smile dropped as she mentioned his name. He was the reason I had to leave. I didn't want to think about him at all, today. "Hunter can't get in here, Jordan."
"He's gotten in here before, remember?" She pointed out. "The prom and the senior carnival–"
Jordan cut herself off by biting her lip, but I still heard what I needed to. She saw him? I furrowed my eyebrows. "He was at the senior fair? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't want you to freak out, like you're probably going to do now," She tried assuring by by grabbing my forearms and holding me tightly. "It wasn't even that big of a deal."
"What did he do?" I demanded, getting to the point.
Jordan looked to the ground, and I felt myself getting angrier by the second. I was ready to go kill Hunter, and I didn't care about any of the consequences.
"He... kissed me," she blurted without meaning to, trying to look at anything else but me. I felt my fists clench, but she continued to try and reassure me. "But it was because I was running the kissing booth! He wouldn't have done that if it wasn't for that! Please don't get angry. Please."
Hearing her beg made me remember what I was doing. Why would I be angry today when I won't be here tomorrow? The thought of leaving still made me feel anxious and scared, but I couldn't stay. Not here.
Instead of saying anything else, I leaned over and pressed my lips against hers. She kissed me back immediately, and I could feel myself smiling into the kiss. My mind travelled to the horrible thoughts about how I'd never be able to kiss her again, and I pulled away.
"Why don't we ditch this lame pep rally?" I couldn't look away from her eyes. Today, I was going to spend every second with her, even if she got sick of me. My nose brushed against hers, "and go have some fun on our own?"
"I would," Jordan answered with a grin, standing on her toes and kissing me again. "But I need to go to this stupid pep rally with my friends. I barely spend any time with them anymore."
Even though I tried to look like it didn't bother me, it did, and I'm sure I looked upset as well. "I was kind of hoping to spend the day with you," I admitted, looking to the ground.
"You spent pretty much every day with me in the hospital," she reminded me, kissing me once more. "You stayed with me until I was all better. I seriously can't feel any pain in these bruises anymore. But anyway, we can spend the day together tomorrow."
I forced a smile, feeling myself crumble on the inside. "Yeah... Tomorrow."
"Is something wrong?" Jordan asked, looking at me in concern. "You've been kind of out of it for awhile. You just haven't... been yourself lately."
Right then would've been a perfect time to tell her that I was leaving. That I was going off to fake my death to keep her safe. That it was killing me on the inside, but I had to do it. Of course, I didn't. "I'm kind of shaken up," I lied, shoving my hands into my pockets and looking away. "Especially after what happened with you and Hunter in the hospital. I mean, I'm just worried about you, that's all."
"Well, that's very sweet of you," she smiled brightly, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me once again. "But I'm fine. Honestly. The bruises don't even hurt anymore. I wouldn't even know that they're there unless I look at them."
"That's good," I faked another smile, trying to look as though everything was normal.
"Jordan?" A new voice asked, and I stayed completely still. If I made a noise and we were caught, it would just make everything even more complicated than it already is.
"I don't think she's over here, Lexi," another voice said, which I identified as Alex. I could faintly see his face as he spotted Jordan, making kissy faces to her. I rolled my eyes as Lexi continued to groan.
"She has to be here somewhere! I can't believe we lost her so easily!"
"Maybe you should look closer to the dock," Alex suggested to his girlfriend, and I let out a breath. "I'll keep looking over here."
I could hear footsteps begin to walk away, but I didn't make a sound until Alex stood in front of us, tsk'ing. "You're getting closer and closer to getting caught. I wouldn't risk everything for little make-out sessions."
"We weren't making out," Jordan snapped, walking away from me. "We were just talking."
"I'll believe it when I see it," I could hear the smirk in his voice, making me roll my eyes.
"There you are! I was seriously just here searching for you! Looks like Alex found you!" Lexi sounded very excited to go to the rally, and I still wished that Jordan and I could spend the day together.
"Yeah, I guess he did," she replied, sounding the complete opposite of her blonde friend.
"They're letting the seniors in now," Lexi continued. "All the other grades are going to be cheering for us! I didn't think they'd do anything like that! Isn't that cool? Come on, we're going to miss it all!"
After they left, I wasn't surprised when Alex found me and practically dragged me to the rally behind him. I didn't want to go, but this was the closest I could get to Jordan in these circumstances. I decided against telling Alex that I was leaving, because I knew he'd probably do something to stop me.
We walked to the front entrance of the gym, standing with a bunch of other seniors who were waiting to go inside. There was some sort of muffled talk on the other side of the door, but I didn't pay much attention to it. All that I did was look for Jordan, but I couldn't find her.
Soon, everyone was rushing through the doors and cheering. I walked in with my arms crossed as I looked for a seat. Alex and I found two, and my eyes narrowed when I saw that we were sitting right in front of Pete, the junior who ditched Jordan at prom.
When Alex saw me glaring at him, he put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Calm down. You can't beat him up in front of the entire school."
I noticed Jordan sitting on the bleachers surrounded by all her cheering friends, but she looked upset and annoyed. I wanted to go and sit next to her, but I wasn't sure that I could. I just wanted the rally to be over already, so I could be with Jordan.
"Hey, Pete!" Someone called from the ground. I looked at whoever called him, and saw someone I didn't know the name of. He looked less than amused to have to leave his seat, but he did it anyways. I noticed that Jordan was looking at him, and Pete caught her staring. He winked at her, making me a lot more upset than it should've. Once he stood up, I extended my foot.
He only took one step before tripping over my foot and falling down the bleachers. I heard him shout as he fell onto a few people, rolling down until he was on the floor.
Laughter erupted from all over the gym, but I swear I could hear Jordan's over any of them. I smiled at her, even though she couldn't see me. Her laugh was such a sweet sound, and I couldn't think of anything better than listening to it my entire life.
Pete stood up and moved to the other side of the gym. I couldn't see his face too clearly, but I was sure he was embarrassed. I was glad. He deserves it for hurting Jordan.
"Before we begin," someone started talking, "we'd like to recognize a very upsetting loss that we had a few weeks ago. She was a senior, Alexandria Quirk. I'm sure a lot of you knew her..."
He pushed a button, and a big picture of Alexandria, Aimee, and another one of their friends I couldn't identify appeared on the screen.
Why would this be the opening to a pep rally? I was feeling upset and sick, and Alex looked the same. We knew what happened to her, yet no one else knew the truth. I looked at Jordan again, and I could tell that she was probably thinking the exact same thing that I was.
Alex was about to say something, but he brushed it off before I could ask what it was. I tried listening to the rest of the speech about her. After a few more minutes of people talking about Alexandria, I turned around to see Jordan again, but she wasn't in her seat.
I was already starting to miss her, even though it had just been a few minutes. What would happen if I never saw her again?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I left the cabin after I was sure everyone was asleep. Pulling my jacket tigher around my body, I walked up to Cabin C's door and picked the lock with ease. Being as careful as I possibly could, I made my way over to Jordan's bed and sat down.
"Hey, hey... Jordan," I whispered, trying to get her attention. She shuffled in her bed before checking the clock on her bedside. It was two in the morning, but I had to wait until I was sure no one would stop me.
I could only make out her figure, but I heard her let out a shaky breath as she pressed her back against the headboard of her bed. It took a second, but she soon figured out that it was me.
"Why are you here?" She asked, scooting closer to me. I smiled to myself. "Do you know how risky this is? One of the girls could wake up and catch us."
I grinned, trying to stop myself from thinking about how I would break the news to Jordan. "I'll take that chance."
My mouth brushed against hers before she leaned in and pressed her lips against mine. If we weren't in a cabin full of a bunch of sleeping girls, I'd be doing a lot more than just kissing her.
We broke away from lack of oxygen, making the both of us start to breathe heavily. I could see her smile through the darkness, making me smile as well. "I love you," I let out a breath.
"I love you, too," she smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck. "But, why are you risking getting caught by coming in here?"
"Would you marry me right now if you could?" I blurted out without meaning to. "Like, right here. If I got a priest or something, would you marry me right here in front of your sleeping friends?"
"Of course I would," Jordan answered, tightening her hold around my neck. She answered quickly, making me smile broadly. "I'd marry you absolutely anywhere, at any time, and at any place. I love you, Jesse."
I leaned in, kissing her once again. How would I be able to go on living without her? After pulling away, I stood up, holding out my hand for her to take.
"Let's go on a walk."
Even though I was the one who suggested it, we didn't go on a walk. We simply walked about twenty feet outside her cabin, hand-in-hand, toward the dock. I sat down and positioned myself so I'd be lying on my back, propping myself up by my elbows. Jordan's head was resting on my chest. We sat in silence, listening to the soft waves of the water overlapping each other and the crickets that chirped in the distance.
"It's really hot out," Jordan pointed out, looking around. "I'm glad I wore a tank top and shorts to bed."
I didn't say anything right away. I just half-smiled and looked at the beautiful girl lying on top of me.
"So... your bruises don't hurt anymore?" I asked, pulling up the bottom of her shirt to see the bruises. They were light, but I had to make sure.
"Nope," Jordan answered, shaking her head. "Only if you push on them really hard, which no one does. I still get out of gym for the rest of the year though, which I'm sure glad about."
I chuckled. "Well, that's good."
"How many kids do you want?" Jordan asked, changing the subject quickly.
"I'm not really sure," I answered truthfully. "I guess it all depends on the time and the moment, you know?"
Jordan didn't answer for a bit, and I wish I could hear her thoughts. I'd give anything to hear what she was thinking at that very moment.
"I think I want two," she answered, nodding slightly. "A boy and a girl. I know you can't control the gender of the baby or anything, but I definitely want to have a boy and a girl."
Hearing her talk about the future made a mix of emotions erupt inside of me. We've talked about it a few times, but each and every time, I pictured myself being next to her as we went through life together. Now, all I could think about was how Jordan was going to make an amazing wife to a man who would know how to treat her right.
"Sounds like a good plan," I answered, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
"Should it be a boy or a girl first?" Jordan asked, turning her head so she could look at my face. "I'm not really sure which one would be the best. I mean, I think I want a boy and then a girl, but then the boy would probably just pick on the girl all the time. Even though, Austin never picked on me when we were younger... So maybe a girl and then a boy?"
"My older sister picked on me every single day until she went off to college," I told her, thinking about how my actions would affect them. What would Marnie think when she hears that I'm gone? "She's the same age as your brother. Camilla wasn't exactly the best sister a guy could ask for, but I wouldn't trade her for any other."
"So a boy and then a girl," Jordan smiled, leaning over and pecking my lips. "Though we can't control the gender or anything."
I had to force a smile. Even though I loved talking about the future with Jordan, I couldn't stop thinking about how I wouldn't be the one that she started a family with. Jordan would find someone amazing. She'd find someone who would never hurt her, and would protect her from everything bad in this world. She would forget about me and move on with her life, as if I never existed.
"Good plan. Good plan..."
"Jesse?" Jordan looked up at me and let out a breath. She looked at me in concern, and I had a feeling that I knew what was coming.
"Hmm?"
She took her head away from my chest, so she could look at me. I didn't know if I'd be able to look at her. "Is something wrong?"
I blinked, thinking of what I was supposed to say next. Her eyes widened in shock and she looked hurt, as if I had just broken up with her, when I didn't even tell her what was happening yet.
"Please tell me," she begged, holding onto my hand tightly as her frown deepened. "I know something's been bothering you ever since I woke up. I can just tell, Jesse. Something's on your mind. Please tell me what it is... You're worrying me."
"Jordan," I sighed, sitting up and running a hand through my hair. "Jordan... I'm leaving."
"Leaving?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows. "What do you mean, you're leaving? For how long?"
"I'm leaving the camp," I told her, looking away. I couldn't face her, not now. "I'm leaving everything... forever."
"What are you talking about?" Jordan demanded, not understanding what I was saying.
"Hunter said he wouldn't leave you alone until I was dead," I informed her with another sigh. This wouldn't be easy to explain. I was going to say something else, but I decided against it. She could figure it out herself, she was a smart girl.
"You're not going to do what I think you're going to do, are you?" Jordan almost screamed, her eyes widening greatly. "You're not going to get yourself killed just for me, right? You can't do something stupid like that!"
"No, I'm not going to get myself killed," I confirmed, running my hand over the side of her face. "I'm just... leaving. Running away from it all. Protecting you. If I run away and fake my death, Hunter will think I'm dead. He'll think I'm dead, and he'll leave you alone, just like he said he would. Because, even though it doesn't seem like it, Hunter is a man of his word."
"No," Jordan snapped, tears filling her eyes. "You can't leave. You can't leave me!"
"Why didn't you tell me Hunter wouldn't leave you alone until I was dead?" I asked, reaching up and wiping a tear away from her eye. She looked hurt and betrayed, but I couldn't force myself to look away. "If you told me that right after it happened, everything would be different. You wouldn't be all scratched up and bruised, and people would still be alive."
"But you wouldn't be here," Jordan cried, shaking her head. "You would have done something stupid like this. You would have gotten yourself killed or you would have left, just like now. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd do something like this."
"Because it's for the best," I insisted, shaking my head as I pushed away. Why couldn't all goodbyes be easy to say? "My life isn't as important as yours, Jordan. Even though I'm not going to die just yet, you could have been easily killed that night with Hunter and Alexandria. If Alex and I didn't get there when we did, you would be dead."
"I don't care," Jordan snapped. "Truthfully, I don't really care about anything anymore. Except for you. I've let you get to me so much that I barely spend any time with my friends anymore! I'm always with you or Alex... or even Hunter! I'm not connected with my friends anymore because they don't know what's going on! They don't know how much I love you. You're really all I have anymore."
"No, I'm not, Jordan. You still have your friends," I argued.
"I know I still have my friends," she let out a shaky breath, wiping at her eyes. "I know they're still here for me. But they're not the same as you. They'll never understand what we've been through together and how we feel. They hate you, Jesse! They still think I hate you! You can't leave me!"
"It's for the best, Jordan," I told her softly, leaning closer and pressing my lips against her forehead. "It really is for the best."
She shook her head. "No, it's not."
I took off my leather jacket, draping it over her shoulders. She didn't act like she noticed I put it on her, but I could see that she saw it. I kissed the side of her head before whispering, "Goodbye, Jordan."
Pushing myself up, I stood on my feet and began walking away. Never in my life would I think that I'd actually be doing this, but I also never thought that I'd be dating Jordan, and here I was, walking away from the best thing that ever happened to me.
"No!" I heard her shout, but I didn't turn around. She quickly sprinted so she stood in front of me, blocking my path. My jacket wasn't over her shoulders anymore, and I could see the tears in her eyes. She clutched onto me, burying her face in my chest. "You can't leave me."
"Jordan, I have to go," I told her, blinking away a few tears that formed in my eyes. Gently, I tried pushing her off of me.
"No," Jordan sobbed into my chest, letting the tears roll down her face. "You can't leave, Jesse, you can't leave! We were talking about marriage and kids! We can go off and get married right now! We're both eighteen; we don't need our parents' consent! It's legal. We can go elope right now!"
Hearing her plea made me want to take her with me, but I couldn't. She had so much to live for, while I didn't. She couldn't leave her friends or family behind, and Yale. She worked her whole life for Yale, and I wouldn't let her give it up for me.
"We can't, Jordan," I sighed.
"Take me with you," she cried, curling her fingers into my shirt. "We can fake our deaths together! We'll go off together and start a new life, just you and me!"
"What about your friends?" I asked, still trying to push her away. "What about Yale?"
"They'll get over it!" She sobbed, wiping away a few tears from her face. "And I don't care about Yale anymore! I haven't cared ever since I fell in love with you! All I care about is you!"
"I knew that this was going to happen from the start," I admitted, looking down. "I knew that I was going to have to leave you one day. I knew from the start that I couldn't be with you. That was why I had acted like such a jerk when I first met you. I immediately fell in love with you, but then I knew the gang would never let me get involved with you unless you joined as well. I couldn't drag you into something like that, so I acted like a jerk, I purposely tried to get you to hate me..."
"And it worked," Jordan let out a whimper. "It worked for awhile."
"It did," I nodded. "And I was hoping it would work forever. But it didn't, because you fell in love with me. I wanted you to hate me forever so when I finally left, it wouldn't hurt you. But when you got upset over Aimee and me at the prom... I had to tell you how I felt. I couldn't hold it in any longer."
"Let me go with you," she begged again. "Please let me go with you. My friends will get over it after awhile, and so will my family. I love you too much to let you go, Jesse!"
"You need to go to Yale," I told her again. "You can't pass up that opportunity for scum of the earth like me."
"Scum of the earth?" Jordan repeated, her eyes going wide. Before I could nod, she shook her head. "That isn't what you are, Jesse! You're amazing, sweet, and funny and you shouldn't be throwing your life away like this!"
"I'm not throwing my life away," I smiled at her, even though I wanted to break down. "I'm saving yours."
"This is stupid," she stated, more tears falling down her cheeks. "Don't do something stupid, Jesse! You have friends and family, too. You have people that care about you!"
"But you have more," I told her. "I have my mom, my sister, and Marnie there for me in my family. That's it. And then I have you and Alex, and that's pretty much it."
"Does Alex know what you're doing?" Jordan didn't take her eyes away from me, but she removed her hands. "Does he know that you're doing something horribly stupid?"
I smiled wryly. "Of course not. You know he'd try to stop me."
"Of course he would!" She shouted, grabbing onto my shirt once more. "Because he doesn't want you ruining your life and hurting me like this!"
"This has to happen," I told her now. "It's the only way you'll ever be safe. Once I'm gone, Hunter has to leave you alone. He doesn't go back on his word. He never has, and he never will."
"But what if he does?" Jordan demanded. "What if he lies and comes after me? Who will protect me then?"
"He won't," I assured her, cupping both of her cheeks with my hands. "You only have one more month here. And then you get to go off to Yale and meet so many new people."
"I don't want to go to Yale," she stated. "I just want you."
"And I want you," I whispered, leaning in and planting a kiss against her lips. "You have no idea how hard this is for me to do. I knew that I was going to have to leave you since the start, but I never thought it was going to be this hard. I never thought I could love someone so much."
"How long ago did you plan on leaving this way?" Jordan asked, resting her head on my chest. "How long have you known you were going to go like this?"
"Since after Hunter told me he wouldn't stop until I was dead," I breathed into her hair, wrapping my arms around her waist and squeezing her tightly. "Though I knew I could never be with you and that I was going to have to leave on day, preferably after graduation or when we went off to college, I knew I had to leave sooner after what Hunter had said. I knew I was going to have to either get killed or fake getting killed. I planned on leaving once you got better..."
"And I'm better," she gulped, looking as though she wished she could've taken back her words.
"Promise me something, Jordan," I felt tears pricking my eyes as I tried to blink them away. My hands cupped her face once more. "Please, promise me this."
She nodded. "Anything, Jesse. I'll promise you anything."
"Go to Yale," I began, not breaking eye contact. More tears formed in Jordan's eyes, and I was just about ready to fall to the ground. "Go to Yale and meet someone. Someone who deserves you, someone who's good enough for you... Promise me you'll marry him and start a family. Promise me that you'll forget about me and live your life to the fullest. Promise me that you won't let me hold you back. Promise you'll fall out of love with me."
"Jesse, I..."Jordan started, rubbing at her watering eyes once more. "How can I promise something that isn't possible?"
"Please, Jordan," I begged, bringing her face closer to mine. I didn't want her to live her life waiting on me, I wasn't worth it. "Please promise me."
"I promise," Jordan whimpered, clutching onto my hands that were still cupping her cheeks.
"Thank you," I breathed, resting my forehead against hers. This was it. I was finally letting her go. I wouldn't be a burden for her anymore.
"Are you going to marry another girl?" Jordan asked, looking up at me with her big brown eyes.
"Probably not," I answered truthfully, giving her a sad smile. "I can't imagine being with anyone else but you. I can live a life all alone, Jordan... But you can't. I'm supposed to be dead and you need to live. You need to live your life as if I didn't exist."
I thought about how I was going to say those words to her, but hearing them out loud made it seem real. It made everything real. This was the last time I would ever see Jordan, and I don't know how I'm supposed to survive without her.
"I love you, Jesse," Jordan whispered, squeezing my hands tightly. "Don't ever forget about me, okay? Think about me at least once in awhile, alright?"
More tears formed in my eyes as I said, "I'm going to be thinking about you every single day. I'll never be able to forget you."
She jumped up and wrapped her arms around my neck, crushing her lips to mine. This was our last kiss, our last touch. I never wanted it to end, but it had to.
I pulled away, looking at the tears that were building up in her eyes.
"I love you, Jordan," I swallowed, looking away from her and dropping my hands. "I'll always love you... forever. Stay safe for me. I promise you, Hunter will never bother you again after this. After he gets the news that I died, he can't ever come near you again. But still, stay safe."
She gave me a slight nod. "I will... I will, I promise."
"Goodbye, Jordan," I said the last words that I would ever say to her, and I could feel my heart dropping as she blinked away a few more tears.
"Goodbye... Jesse..."
I gave her one last sad smile, before taking a step away so she was no longer touching me. I was already cold without her touch. Turning myself around, I started walking away. The only sound I could hear was the wind in the background of my breathing. I had to keep telling myself not to look back. If I looked back, I'd collapse.
After I had gotten far enough, I did turn around, but I didn't see her figure. I just hoped she went back into her cabin and stayed warm and safe. That's all I ever wanted. As long as Jordan was still alive and breathing, I was okay.
The second I climbed into my car, I sat in the seat, staring into space. Then I broke down.