It's October 18th
That's the day I met my former friend, Vlad. 2011. He killed himself a year after we had met. It wasn't long that I got to know him, but we became so close. I just wanted everyone to know that I didn't make this story to start a psychology debate. A lot of people have had their negative opinions of this story. It's okay though, I'm not mad.
My point of the story when it comes to those feelings I describe, and cutting. All of that is real. Some of those emotions were Vlads, and some were even his actions as well as mine. I don't want to start a debate with this story. I wanted to show awareness. I did this for Vlad, hoping that some people could understand how their words can affect others daily. How many people aren't alone as they think. How many people reading this can relate.
The sad truth is that suicide comes to the mind unexpectedly for some, not all. And it came to Vlad out of nowhere. I mean, he was depressed but if you guys heard him like I did the last time I talked to him.. he was full of so much joy. I never thought I would lose him that night. We talked about Skrillex and pocorn! XD We were so random and we even song to dubstep! You can't really even SING to dubstep. Before hanging up he had told me he loved me. We weren't dating or anything like that because he was gay. But we were like siblings. The hard part about all of this is that I was the one that had to go that night. He wanted to stay on the phone with me and I couldn't.
I couldn't stay on the phone that night and we hung up. I had no thoughts that was going to be our last conversation. Part of me constantly wonders what would have happened if I didn't hang up.
I haven't talked about this in years so it really shakes me. It bothers me a lot that I was the last person he supposedly talked to on the phone with. If only I knew what he was going through.
I thought about Vlad for a long time after that. That's where this story idea came from.
My goal was to show my readers that they weren't alone in fighting their battles. They don't have to be. Don't be afraid to ask for help either. No matter how bad you think the world is against you, someone out there cares even if you don't feel like they do. Vlad isn't the only friend I lost to suicide either. I lost a fan to it back in January as well. I didn't even know her but I cried because I knew she had so much ahead of her.
I'm asking you all, weak or strong, to hold on. It'll get better even if now life feels like a pile of horse shit. And for the bullies out there harrasing others, it's not too late to stop. Trust me, a lot of deal with so much shit at home so give us a break. We've all hurt someone before, but we really need to be careful. Lives are delicate.
Life may be hard. You may deal with abusive parents, drugs, family issues, having no money, living in a poor environment, weight, mental illness...
Depression and suicide sucks, okay? But YOU guys are fucking awesome. And if I had a chance to talk to each of you I'd tell you that. Any mistake you've made in life, I'd tell you that you can become a better person. You have potential.
And if you're really lonely, and need a friend, someone reading this book right here would love to talk to you. I'd love to as well!
Vlad, and to all the other lovely suicide children (adults too), this is for you xoxo
You're not alone. You matter.
Btw
To all the band references I've made in the story, those were Vald's favourite xD Mcr, ptv, slipknot. But skrillex, omg he was obsessed. I hated skrillex before I met him lol!
I really miss that jelly bean. Sorry if I sound super emotional. It's really hard, like rn after writing this I can barely breathe. I just miss his life. I miss my buddy. He thought he meant nothing to no one and he left this hole in my heart. That's why he's alive in my story <3 I love remembering his life, his jokes, his love, his obsession with solving mysteries like the Bermuda triangle and illuminati stuff haha. He was that kind of friend:) I'm happy to share some of his personality with you all. *Takes deep breath* I wish he was here, telling me how cliche I am c:
NEXT CHAPTER COMING TOMORROW!