Happy reading!
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Soha
Ro ro ankhiyan suk gaiyan ve
Dil de athro sukde nai
Muk jande ae jeevan
Ishq de pende mukde nai...
Hum dastan apni sunaein
To sunaein kese
Ye dard dil ko
Jo rula rehe hain
Wo bataein kese
The words of song rang through my ears tearing my soul apart.
Every wound of him was still bleeding..... in the wish of being repaired but couldn't.
Dil k zakham bohat deep hoty han.
Koi dekh nahi pata in ko, ye bas mehsos kiye jaty han.
Ye kesa rog mila
Karein ye kis se gila
Koi faryad yahan
Kahein sunta kahan jaein
Haye rabba ve rabba
Jindri kiun hoi sada
Kiun sadein kiun sadein
Haye rabba ve rabba
Sun le tu ye iltija
Iltija....
I wrapped the shawl around my shoulder as the cold wind meet me.
Cold weather...
Cold behaviour...
old thoughts....
Never ending conversations....
And and endless fight of your soul and body...
The fight of brain and heart....
*flashback*
"Bhabi ek dafa meri baat sun lai us k baad ap jo faisla karai gi mujhe manzor ho ga. Just once. " haarib hold my hand and made me stop from running out of orphanage.
I yanked my hand away.
"Kiu sunu mai tumhari baat? Huh!
Because all you have is the sympathy for your friend who is a pathetic person! Jissay itna tak khayal nahi k mai zinda hun ya mar gai?" Tears scrolled down my eye but I didn't care to wipe them.
Ifra came beside haarib and looked at me with pleading eyes.
"Tum ne bhi toh jaane ki koshish nahi ki k WOH zinda hai ya mar gaya...." his words made me look instantly towards him.
His eyes were telling me HIS condition. But I didn't wanted to hear that.... that would make me weak.
So I shook my head as 'no' and started to walk away.
As I turned my back towards him he spoke the words that my heart was dying to hear....
About His condition... About him...
"He have locked up himself in the farmhouse in that particular room where you had planned all the surprise for him. "
I stood there like a statue not turning around not even moving.
"He haven't been meeting anyone...
He have been coughing blood since past week and he isn't ready to be examined by any doctor.
He always says 'maine to apni doctor biwi ko hi apne hatho se moat k muu mai dhakel dia tha... ab bhala itna zalim insan kisi bhi elaj k qabil hai kia?"
I pinched closed my eyes as never-ending tears keep running over my cheeks.
" He have just locked in there with lots of cigarettes ,the memories of yours and just illusion of you being there with him. "
"Soha! We are not asking you to forgive him or be with him again.... but for the sake of humanity...
Ek dafa mil le Sheharyar se... not as a wife or friend. But as a patient and a doctor. " this was ifra who placed her hand over my shoulder.
*end of flashback*
Kho gai har khushi
Ham ye jate nahi
Koi faryad yahan
Kahein sunta kahan jaein
Haye rabba ve rabba
Jindri kiun hoi sada
Kiun sadein kiun sadein
Haye rabba ve rabba
Sun le tu ye iltija
"don't you ever think that nobody will see your this greedy face. I know who you are and all the girls of your type always need money and fame. I know all the gold diggers like you."
"Wifey! You didn't want to world to know about our love moments na.... hmmm... then now we are all alone.... away from this world....what else do you want...."
"Come on I'll make you my wife today"
"DON'T YOU DARE! Yeh bhi kisi aur ka gunnah hai ko mere sar dal rahi ho? DO you really THINK I would accept someone's filth that's in your body?"
I pinched closed my eyes as the song continued.
Hum ne chup sahi hain
Sari jafaein ae dil..
Raas aai hi nahi
Ye ham ko wafaein
Ae dil...
Ye jo ha sans hum to
Ban ke saza mili hai
Kiya karein
Aisi konsi hoi hain
Ham se khataein
Ae dil...
Koi faryad yahan
Kahein sunta kahan jaein
Haye rabba ve rabba
Jindri kiun hoi sada
Kiun sadein kiun sadein
Haye rabba ve rabba
Sun le tu ye iltija....
"Mera piyara Beta! Yaha akeli khari kia kar rahi ho sardi mai?" Baba came and placed his hand over my head as a blessing.
I smiled weakly and turned the music off.
"Kuch bhi nahi baba wase hi .... akele waqat guzarne ka dil kar raha tha bas... toh upar chat par chali ai.."
There was a bench placed at the corner of our roof top area. We both sat there and baba hugged me from side and I placed my head over his chest.
"Aur akele rehne ka dil kiu kar raha tha meri guriya ka?" Baba asked and I couldn't answer.
After a long silence I asked,
"Baba ek baat puchu ap se?"
"Meri guriya ko mujh se baat karne k liye ijazat ki kab se zarorat parne lagi?" He asked and I smiled.
"Baba! Agar koi apka dost ap k sath business mai bohat bura karai aur ap ko dhoka bhi day aur family ko bhi nuksan de... toh kia ap apne us dost ko maaf kar day gay?"
"Han! " his answer made me look at his face and he made an understanding look.
"Beta ap din mai kitnay gunnah karty ho na.... insan ki zindagi kabhi bhi gunnaho se pak nahi hoti. Par is k bawajud Allah maaf kar deta hai ap ko. Ap k gunnaho ko. Kiu?
Kiu k woh RAHEEM han. Toh agar Allah hamaray itnaay sare gunnah maaf kar sakta hai toh hum us k banday ki kuch galatiyan kiu nahi maaf kar sakty?"
"Par baba maaf kar dena itna asan nahi hota jitna yu baato mai kehna...it taked eternity to forgive and forget. " I again placed my head over his chest.
He smiled and started to stroke my hairs.
"Ye jo zindagi ka safar hota ha na beta! Bohat kathin aur mushkil hota ha. Is par chalna aur mazil tak pohnch jana isn't that easy what it looks like.
Is safar mai seedha rasta nahi hota, har mor par anjan log aur anjan dost miltay han. Kabhi kabhi aisay mor bhi aa jaty han k na pata lagta hai right ko jaye ya left ko.
Kabhi bohat se dost yaar is safar mai humare sath hon gay .... Aur kabhi toh hum is safar mai itnay tanha aur akele ho jaty han k na agy koi dekhai deta hai aur na hi peechay koi sath khara hota ha. "
Baba stopped for a while and then continued.
"Par beta pata ha what makes this life beautiful. Apnay rishtay, un ka piyar aur us rishtay ki meethas. Woh sab pal jo ap ne apne piyaro k sath guzare hoty han... har insan ki apni ek khas baat koi apna ek khaas andaz hota ha beta. Aur woh insan apni us khasiyat ki wajah se jana jata hai. Aur mujhe pata ha meri ye beti ki khaas baat us ki himmat aur piyar hai. Hain na?" He rubbed my shoulder and I smiled while nodding.
"Jee baba"
After a while of silence I asked the question that have been constantly disturbing me.
"Baba kia ap ne she....Sheharyar ko maaf kar dia?" I asked while looking down and playing with my fingers.
"Mai isi intezar mai tha k meri beti mujh se ye sawal kab kare gi. " he smiled and I looked up at him with a frown.
If he knew what I am gonna ask then why didn't he answered it right away.
"Khud jawab de deta toh baat ka maza nahi rehna tha na..." he answered my unasked question.
"Sach bolu toh yeh mere liye namumkin tha. Apni beti ko jissay inhi hatho ne pala ho. In hatho mai jis ne hasna bola seekha ho... jin hatho ko pakar k us ne apna pehla qadam rakhna seekha ho.... phir unhi hatho ne usay kisi aur k hawalay kar dia ho... ye soch k keh woh shaks ab meri guriya ka meri hi tarha khayal rakhay ga. Ussay kabhi nahi rulaye ga.
Unhi hatho mai jab waho beti dard ma cheekhti chilati hui aye.... aur phir yu gum sum ho jaye jaisay is ne kabhi bola hi na ho.... yu ek konay mai baithi rahay jaisay us ne kabhi chalna hi na seekha ho....
Toh beta un burhay hatho k liye ye bohat mushkil baat thi..." he was crying but wasn't showing me.
I wiped his tears away. Then he continued to which my every movement stilled.
"But I did beta!" My eyes met his and he nodded his head.
"I did forgave him. "
My eyes were just questioning him one thing.
Why?
"Not because I am on his side or o love him more than you. Its because, agar ap kisi cheez se jaan churwana chahtay ho toh ussay maaf kar do... dil se.
Kiu k nafratain palne se dil ek aisi jagah ban jata hai jaha bas insan khud bhi jalta hai aur apni zindagi mai bhi har ek ko dukh deta hai.
Burai jitni bhi bari kiu na ho...
Gunnah jitna bhu bara kiu na ho...
Achai ki ek jhalak aur maafi ka ek lafaz
Zindagi qamiyab kar deta hai...."
"I have move on baba. I no longer remember him.... I no longer want him or I no longer lov...."
"May be you didn't want to remember him but every time his name comes up, your heart skips a beat ...
May be you no longer want him but you still smile remembering the old times....
May be you no longer love him but you still care for him. " he was right
Why the hell do I still came for him?
Why my heart still have a soft corner for him?
"Because you still love him....." baba's words made me realize what I was trying to bury in myself.
I shook my head as no and stood up to walk down.
"Kafi raat ho gai ha baba. Chalai wapis neechay chalai. " he also stood up and we went downstairs.
I was about to left for my room when he said the same thing that I am fighting with.
"Soha Beta!"
"Jee baba?"
"Dil aur demag ki larai bohat is safar ko bohat mushkil bana deti ha beta.
Demag hamesha sochta hai aur
Dil sirf mehsos karta ha.
Demag logic batata hai toh dil relation samjhata hai.
Mard hamesha demag se sochta hai aur aurat hamesha dil se.
Ek kamiyab insan hamesha dono ki sun k wohi faisla karta hai jo sab k haq mai behtar ho. "
I smiled and nodded at his words.
He really is a blessing for me.
"Ek aur baat mano gi meri?" Baba asked and I nodded.
"Sheharyar ko dil se maaf kar do beta!"
~~~~~~~~
Forgive him?
Really is that this easy?
Well, I know this was a bit boring chapter but this was must!
A father daughter talk is always as effective as the love of mother.
This was a much needed conversation in soha's life.
So, again soha is been on same situation.
Forgive or not?
Well! Lets see what happens next.
And ohh! I forgot:-D
There is a BIIIIGGGGG twist coming up in next chapter.
Be ready!
With love,
Khushi.