WORTH EVERY SECOND
The clouds are turning orange and pink by the time Ryden and I finally get out of Aunt Dedree's apartment. Out on the path outside the building, I look up at Ryden and draw in my brow.
"I'm really sorry about that," I say, rubbing the back of my neck. He shrugs, with a casual smile.
"It wasn't so bad. You're family seems a least slightly sane," he tells me.
"Ha! You should see the Christmas dinners. You'll take that back in an instant," I laugh dryly.
"Pfft. I doubt it. I mean you should have seen the Christmas dinner's my family had. Absolutely barking mad they were. I had cousins playing with fire, cousins out on their dirt bikes in the fields of my grandad's farm and then cousins who just sat around on their phones the whole time," Ryden says, a smile on his face.
We start walking slowly down the street, and I smile to myself as I try to imagine Ryden and his family at a Christmas dinner table.
"And where were you?" I ask him, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jacket.
"I had a shot at everything. One year I set the Christmas tree on fire. Another year I broke an arm when I rode my older cousin’s dirt bike into a tree. And then there was the year I got a big telling off from my mum in front of everyone for being unsociable at the dinner table 'cause I was on my phone. I wasn't even cool enough to be texting friends; I was just playing a dinosaur hunting game," Ryden replies. I look up at him as I see the nostalgia of it all bring a smile to his face.
"You're so strange," I find myself saying before I can help it. He glances towards me, an eyebrow raised.
"What? And you're completely normal? It takes one strange person to know another," he says with a dry laugh.
"I meant it in a good way," I tell him, looking back down at the snow. I kick it as we walk.
"So did I."
* * *
Ryden and I arrive before the London Eye just as the sun has finished setting. I look at my phone and see that it's only four o'clock. It always took forever for me to get used to the really ultra-short days.
I'm about to go and walk up to by myself a ticket, when I'm stopped. I look back and see that Ryden is gripping my forearm. He stares up at the wheel with a frown. Confused, I step back towards him, taking his hand off of my arm.
"Ryden? C'mon, let's go," I say. His eyes shoot down to look at me. There's fear in his eyes. For a second he just stares at me, before he shakes his head and suddenly smiles.
"Sorry. You're right, let's go," he says.
After lining up for a little while, we finally get into one of the capsules, finding ourselves sharing it with a few other people. Inside, there's a bench down the middle, where an older couple quickly waddle over to and sit down.
Not really sure of where to go, I walk over to one of the windows. It would be a little while before we actually got to the top, so I sit down on the cold ground and Ryden sits down next to me, crossing his legs.
I smile to myself as I see Ryden's legs jittering, wishing that I could be just as excited and nervous. I had been on the London Eye several times as a kid, but I guess it would be fun to be able to see London at night. Looking around the capsule, my eyes land on the older couple sitting on the bench. It's cute how they sit so close to each other, one leaning on the other.
They remind me of my grandparents on my dad's side, and how they used to sit in their tatty old couch, my Nan’s homemade quilt over their legs, surrounded by end tables covered in doilies. I still remember sitting there in front of their fireplace, probably not even five years old yet, and listening to pa's stories of how he had fought in World War II. After pa had had his turn, Nan would then start talking to me about how she met pa and how I should find a nice boy one day.
Glancing at Ryden, I snicker to myself; I guess Nan wouldn't have thought that my nice boy would be a dead boy.
Also in the capsule is family; a young looking couple who look like they're struggling to control the very young children and play and run around the area. A little boy runs past me with a paper plane in his hand. He holds it above his head and makes engine noises as he zooms past me and Ryden again and again. An even younger boy tries to keep up with him, also holding a paper aeroplane (only his looks like he might have gotten some help from dad to make it).
Standing by her parents, a girl watches her brothers before she looks over at me and our eyes meet for a split second. Her eyes are a deep green, like the fields of home and when I manage to look away, I notice that she's smiling. She gives me a little wave and I return it, shooting her a smile.
Ryden and I look over the city, lit up by a million lights. We stand at the window, subtly holding hands, while everyone else in the capsule stands next to us. In the distance St. Pauls Cathedral stands out from the other buildings and Ryden points out Tower Bridge.
We move across the starless sky and I watch as Ryden's face is lit up by sights surrounding him. His mouth hangs slightly open and stretches into a wonky smile.
Definitely worth every penny, I think to myself. If Ryden wasn't my dead boy, but instead my very much so living boy, I would have used such a moment such as this to reach up on my tiptoes and kiss him.
But... I didn't really want to die, well, at least not tonight. Not now.
Ryden notices me staring at him and puts an arm around my shoulder, holding me close.
"I know it's not what you want. But it'll have to do," he says, as if reading my mind once again.
We ride the Eye for its half an hour cycle, and before I know it, everyone is shuffling out of the capsule and back out into the cold night. Snow has started to drift from the sky as Ryden and I begin to make our way back to the hotel.
Dissolving into my scarf, beanie and jacket, I walk the streets until I come across a coffee shop. It's still open so I quickly duck inside, leaving Ryden out in the snow.
At the counter, I look up at the hot drinks menu above the register. When I'm ready I order a large hot chocolate (with marshmallows) from the woman behind the counter. While I wait for them to make it, I look out the window at Ryden who stands out on the footpath facing the road. I notice that he's looking at something on the other side of the road, but I can't tell what it is from where I stand.
Collecting my drink, I join Ryden back outside and walk up next to him.
"Whatcha looking at?" I ask, taking a sip from my hot chocolate. I feel the heat of the drink run down my throat into my stomach, giving me an overall warmth.
"Nothing really. Come on, let's keep going," he says.
He walks past me and I spend a second, trying to look for something that may have caught his attention, but all there is on the other side of the road is a few bookshops and a handful of people.
Taking a few quick steps to catch back up with Ryden, we continue on our little night walk through the streets of London. My hot chocolate doesn't last very long, and soon enough, sadly, I have to throw out the empty cup after using a finger to scrape out left over marshmallow.
Nearing Oxford Street again, Ryden suggests that we detour through Hyde Park. There's a fair few people around, probably due to the carnival, in which we can see the lights from and hear in the distance.
"Oh look, another Ferris wheel. I'm sure this one is shitloads cheaper than the London Eye," I joke as we stray away from the carnival lights. Ryden gives a small snort.
"Come on, look at that little thing, it's nothing compared the Eye," he replies, giving a dismissive wave towards the Ferris wheel in the distance.
"At least in those capsules we wouldn't have to listen to screaming kids the whole time," I mumble into my scarf. Ryden chuckles to himself and I look at him, with an eyebrow raised.
"It wasn't so bad. They were kind of cute," he says, looking at me. I relax my face and give a small smile.
"Yeah. I guess so..." I give in. Ryden smiles next to me, before all of a sudden he steps in to stand in front of me and I walk into him. Blushing as I bump into his chest, I stumble back and frown up at him.
"What the-"
"Thank-you," Ryden interrupts me. I take a second to get over my sudden frustration, but then calm myself down.
"Um, no problem, I guess. What are you thanking me for?" I ask him, biting the inside of my cheek. Ryden shrugs, a slight smile on his face.
"Just, everything, I suppose. Thanks for great day out," he says, rubbing the back of his neck.
I notice that's he's looking at the ground as his arms falls back at his side. Ryden lets out a sigh, before slouching a little.
"You know what happens after this, don't you?" he asks suddenly.
I'm taken a bit aback and at his words, I notice a sudden sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach. I, too, look down at the snow covered path below me. In the snow, I can make out the footprints of my boots, but almost nothing surrounds Ryden, and for some reason, even though I'm well aware that Ryden isn't actually there before me, it hits me hard.
"Yes," I whisper.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to be the killjoy; I just don't want you to forget what I am. I'm just looking out for you," he explains. I quietly snicker.
"You're not the only person who's told me that today..." I mumble, only loud enough for myself to hear.
A hand reaches forward and lifts my chin so that I'm looking directly into Ryden's eyes. He places his other hand on my shoulder and a smile is etched onto his face.
"But there's no need to get worked up over it now. I mean, heck, there's still a little bit of time still left in me. Let's make it worth every second, starting now," he tells me before pulling me into a hug.