[Y/N]
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"A true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other."
I woke up in a dark room. A wave of confusion had struck me before memories started flooding from the events that had occurred up to this moment.
I listened quietly to the beeping of the heart monitor. I looked at the ceiling for a few moments before sitting up and reading my emotions.
Only to realize I didn't have any.
I got off of the bed and left the room, I decided to go to my office. It was about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I called Odasaku once I got into my office and briefly told him to come over before hanging up.
I worked on a few things while I waited for Odasaku to come to my office.
My door quickly opened after a few minutes. Odasaku sighed as he saw me.
"Hello, Odasaku."
I gazed at him until he sat down. He looked at me oddly as he responded.
"It's nice to see you, [Y/N]. How are you feeling?"
I briefly looked at my hand before responding. Forgetting that I no longer had my ability anymore.
"Neutral, I think."
Odasaku leaned forward on my desk, clasping his hands.
"[Y/N], I think you should take a break from this. Go out into the world and.. try to feel anything since they're.. permanently gone now. So once you come back, you aren't so inhuman." He said in a low voice.
Odasaku looked at me with.. something as I looked at him absentmindedly.
"This isn't fair to you. This is all mine and Dazai's fault." He admitted in a sad tone, "If I just would have stopped him from the start you wouldn't be this way. I'm sorry."
I tilted my heard and furrowed my eyebrows.
"What do you mean? What's wrong with me now? I'm not sad, angry, uh.. upset? I'm okay, So what's the issue? I don't know how I was feeling before this, but from my memories it seemed like I was... uh.." I paused, trying to think of a word to describe my emotion, "Not- happy? Which is not a good thing from what it looks like.. screaming and crying means not good so I would assume.."
I starting mumbling my thoughts, trying to figure out if "not happy" was the correct thing to say. Odasaku let out a quiet laugh and I stopped.
"That, that is laughter, which is happiness. So I am correct." I said.
We sat in silence. Odasaku seemed to have a hard time coming up with something to debate my logic.
"Odasaku."
"Yes?"
"Will you help me figure out which emotions are which?"
Odasaku looked at me weirdly before agreeing.
"I know what the names are, but I don't know what they feel like. Right now, I have 5 categories. I haven't felt those, but I know what they look like so I just separate emotions into one of those." I explained.
"Odasaku, I am hungry. Let's eat." I suggested, getting up.
"[Y/N] I would love to, but unfortunately I've already ate and I need to finish some more work. Why don't you go with Chuuya?"
I nodded my head and thanked him for his help. As he left, I went across the hall to Chuuya's office. I heard bickering become louder as I got closer. I knocked, causing the bickering to stop completely.
"What is it?" Chuuya called.
I opened the door slightly, popping my head into the room so that only my eyes were seen.
"Hello Chuuya. Are you busy? I am hungry and would like someone to accompany me to get food." I stated bluntly.
Chuuya's eyes widened as he saw me. I looked over to see Dazai sitting in front of Chuuya's desk. He had the same expression as Chuuya.
They both got up at the same time, Chuuya walked over to me first, Dazai followed behind him. Chuuya opened the door to reveal me fully.
"[Y/N]? When did you awake? How are you feeling?" Chuuya asked frantically.
"Yes that is my name. I woke up about 15 minutes ago. I am hungry." I responded, waiting for him to answer my question.
"[Y/N], do you still love me?" Dazai asked, pulling Chuuya away, his eyes held something other than sadness and happiness.
"From your use of past tense, I assume I did love you. To answer your question, No. I don't even know what love is or what it feels like." I stated.
Dazai's eyes went wide. He furrowed his eyebrows, like he couldn't believe what I told him. Shock? I moved away from him and looked back at Chuuya.
"Chuuya, you still haven't answered my question. Please decide quickly, my stomach is hurting." I said.
Dazai stood in front of me again and looked at me, he looked.. panicked. He pressed his hands against my cheeks and kissed me for a few moments.
"Oi, Dazai!" Chuuya yelled.
Once he pulled away, I looked at him with confusion.
"What did you feel?" He asked frantically.
"Your lips on mine. They were soft. Are mine soft?" I asked, touching my lips.
Dazai's face turned into some sort of sadness when I replied. Before I could analyze his face, he was pulled away from me. Chuuya looked at him in.. anger, and pulled me away and into the elevator.
I looked back at Dazai, he gazed at me with the same expression on his face. His expression triggered a story that I had written and read to Odasaku one time. I decided that I would tell Dazai later about it, and see if he agreed with it, if he felt the same way the man in my story did.
Lunch with Chuuya wasn't long. He asked me many questions, mostly about my emotions. I asked him to help me with identifying emotions, the same thing I had asked Odasaku. I was lucky enough to have such a nice superior that agreed as well.
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[Dazai's POV]
So I was breaking her heart.
Even through the pain, she still loved me.
She was someone who would try, even when things got rough.
She was someone who was honest, even if it caused pain.
She was someone who would love me for the way I was.
She was someone who felt the loneliness that I did.
She was someone who could make me happy.
She was someone who I could actually love.
She was the only source of light that I had.
And she was gone.
I walked into [Y/N]'s office after an hour, I just wanted to see her. It hurt to do so, but it was impossible not to.
I just talked to her normally. A simple conversation with simple questions and answers. She seemed really freaky mainly because her irises were almost pure black. My heart was breaking every second I realized that I had just lost her. She wouldn't be the same even if I tried to get her to love me.
She wasn't my [Y/N] anymore.
"Dazai, it's time for me to leave, but before I do, I just wanted to tell you that I didn't quite know what you were feeling when I saw you earlier today. But your expression reminded me of a story I wrote a long while ago. I was wondering if you were feeling the same way as the man did in my poem. Would you like to read it?
I nodded and she pulled out a folded piece of paper from one of her books. [Y/N] got up and gathered her stuff before giving it to me. She placed her hand on my shoulder before leaving.
"Goodbye Dazai. Take care." She said softly.
She peered into my eyes for a few moments before removing her hand and leaving.
I sat there and felt nothing but pain.
I slowly opened up the note and read her poem:
-
The unfortunate event had left the man hopeless.
His only source of light, was gone.
The path he took now, lead him no where.
A road only a person who has fallen, walks.
To his fortune, he slowly became emotionless.
The man did not crave or fear deaths presence.
Rather, he welcomed it with open arms.
-
Goodbye, [Y/N]
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The End.
Yeah, not too happy.
i wrote that little thing at the end in math class cause i was super sad and that's just how i felt :/
But hey, I got a Chuuya x reader that should be posted right now :) So please check that out!
OH AND CHECK OUT MY ONE SHOT BSD BOOK PLS REQUEST SOMETHING I WANT TO ACTUALLY WRITE SOMETHING IN IT
pls.
thank you.