Emotions [Dazai x Reader]

A Colorful Gift

Dazai
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I sighed as I sat down on my desk looked at my phone. I still had a few hours to kill before I had to go do a small job. [Y/N] and I hadn't spent nearly as much time together as we used to. I thought it would be a good time to go and see what was up and hang out.

I decided to message [Y/N].

To: [Y/N]
Are you busy? Let's go do something. I was thinking of going to the ferris wheel.

I closed my phone and waited for a response. I do have to admit, she's pretty entertaining. Whenever we were hanging out, I treated her more like a friend then a girlfriend. I didn't like giving her too much affection. It was usually a kiss and a hug. Other than that, nothing else.

A good 20 minutes passed before she responded. She had been doing this for the past few days.

From: [Y/N]
Yes. Sorry.

I frowned a little bit. You'd think that when someone texts you late after asking them if they're busy they would say something like, 'oh sorry! I was doing something. I'm free now though.' But no. It's just to tell you that they're still busy.

To: [Y/N]
What are you doing?

I waited another 10 minutes for her to respond. Something was off.

From: [Y/N]
Stuff. I can't talk right now. Later.

I furrowed my eyebrows. She was being so vague lately and it pissed me off. Thoughts about Odasaku telling [Y/N] about my plans started crossing my mind. I started panicking a little as I start calling her and then Odasaku.

Both of them didn't pick up. I attempted to call Chuuya but of course, he didn't pick up.

For the rest of the time, I sat in my desk slightly stressing and worrying. When Chuuya came to my office, he didn't have an idea of [Y/N]'s whereabouts. He also had no idea about me and [Y/N]'s relationship. I knew he'd freak out and actually kill me.

-

Later on when Chuuya and I finished our mission, I went straight to [Y/N]'s office. I bursted the door open to see her quickly hide something. She looked at me with fear for a second before calming down.

"What are you doing?" She asked quietly.

"No, what are you doing? Did you talk to Odasaku today?" I asked, slightly irritated.

"Something. And no. Could you please leave? I'm in the middle of something.." she coughed.

"No. I'm your partner. You should be able to show me whatever you're hiding." I sighed, crossing my arms.

"I can't-" as she began speaking, I walked over to her desk and grabbed what she was hiding.

She sighed, obviously upset. I saw a very realistic looking drawing of me, smiling. On the bottom there was beautiful calligraphy that read:

I want you to be happy and I want to see you smile. I want to see you grow and keep you from looking blue. I want to let you know that I love you ♡

I stared at the last three words for a long time. I looked down at the back of her head. This was a lie. There was no way she could love me. No one could. I set it down on her desk.

"Thank you." I said, quietly.

[Y/N] got up, still not looking at me. She grabbed the drawing and studied it for a moment. You could tell she put so much work into it. All the colors and shading were just perfect. It was almost like a photo. I wondered or not if she had actually taken a photo of me while I wasn't looking or if she did it by memory.

As I kept looking at the drawing, [Y/N] ripped it. My eyes widened a little and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Why the hell did you rip it for?!" I shouted angrily.

"It wasn't good enough." She mumbled, proceeding to crumple it up and walk over to the trash can to throw it away.

"I'll see you later." She walked out the door and closed it gently.

I stood there in some sort of disbelief for a few moments.

Was that the reason she wasn't talking or seeing me? She was drawing. This whole time.

I shook my head and walked out of her office. She was in the elevator and the doors were beginning to slowly close. Our eyes met each other's. Her were a little watery and she looked away. I stood there and didn't bother to go after her.

'I love you ♡'

Thump thump

I ignored the feeling in my chest and laughed a little bit- as I figured my heart was confused. The tear that so desperately want to come out of her eyes finally did. I realized that it probably looked like I was making fun of her and stopped.

The doors finally closed and I frowned. Why would she think an art piece like that, isn't 'good enough?' I honestly liked it. I was pretty amazed. But why was she so hard on herself?

I want you to be happy and I want to see you smile.

I sighed angrily as a blissful but awful feeling gradually became more intense in my chest. I walked back to my office and tried shaking off the words I had read earlier, but I just couldn't.

I leaned back in my chair as I couldn't stop thinking about it. No matter how hard I tried, the drawing and the paragraph came back to me. I didn't understand why it wouldn't leave my mind. Why this annoying feeling wouldn't leave.

I want to see you grow and keep you from looking blue.

My heart beat sped up and I slammed my fist on the table, as I still couldn't understand what the hell this was. I knew it wasn't anger. Nor was it happiness. I unclenched my fist as my hand started shaking. I looked at my hand in horror.

This was different.

It's love.

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yikes that stuff is scary stay away from it