Prom preparations were in full swing but I was barely excited. I worked for the sake of working and keeping myself busy was my choice. Vidyut was always around trying to cheer me up but I just couldn't fake happiness anymore. Josh had gone zombie like. He barely talked and always had a masked expression on his face. I had started popping more pills which made me extremely drowsy throughout the day but that was the only way for me. Things were not how they were meant to be. I was in a relationship with an almost perfect guy and I was unhappy and I couldn't even make him happy. Getting on terms with my feelings for Josh was so difficult that it took exactly a month to realize that I was seriously hurting Vidyut who was genuinely trying to work things out. So I decided it was time.
Vidyut and I were sitting in a coffee shop sipping on our coffees. I decided to break the silence.
“Vidyut I think it’s time we talk it out, look I’m really sorry but...”
He cut me off, “I know what you're going to say Kalsi, I know.” and he reached out for my hand and gave it a little squeeze.
I teared up, who wouldn't? He was the sweetest person on earth and I was hurting him with my stupid illogical decision.
“I’m sorry.” I blurted out with a few tears escaping my eyes.
“Its okay Kals, it really is, I guess I knew from the start but seeing that you care for me is more than enough. And I do hope you realize you're in love with D’costa.” He said scrunching up his face. I just looked away.
“Its fine, take your time to realize the inevitable but till then I was hoping we could still go to prom together?” He said.
I smiled and said, “Thank you for being you Vidyut and I'd be honored”.
So we broke up subtly without any hatred for one another or drama. Who'd have thought my life would be such a mess? I was mentally drained, School was a torture and I loved school, but not anymore when the populars except for Dan eyed me like I had killed their puppy, and Saloni for one threw daggers all the time. Lekha was in a dilemma whether to support me or be one of the populars. Josh was invisible for most of the lunch breaks and as rumors had it Saloni and josh had broken up. With this rumor going around I thought it was not a good idea to let anyone know that I and Vidyut were not a couple anymore so we sat together like we used to. Yet again I threw myself in studies, prom prep and visited sunflowers more than often. However, I hadn't seen Josh in ages as much as I hated him I missed him. Now I was pretty sure about how Kat felt in 10 things I hate about you, because ‘I really hated the way I did not hate that Asshole.’ I cried for reasons unknown and I was basically a sad depressed person.
Prom was in a few hours and I was in my pajamas crying over a stupid Bollywood flick, was it the movie or something else I don’t know but I wept. Suddenly my phone rang and tried to even my breath,
“Hello.” I said in raspy crying voice.
“I knew it.” I heard Lekha yell
“she’s not Okay didn’t I tell you she'd be bawling her eyes out.” Lekha said to someone while still on call
“Ohmigod does that mean Vidyut is right?”Zarine said.
“Hello, I’m still here.” I said
“We are coming over you fool, couldn't you tell us a little sooner.” Lekha hissed.
“Tell what?” I asked but by then the she'd already hung up.
*******
“Oh God, you look terrible.” Lekha commented as soon as I opened the door.
“Oh shut up, Lekha.” Zarine said and quickly wrapped me in a hug.
I just stood there feeling overwhelmed, I needed this, I so badly needed a hug. I was foolish to have hidden the truth from both my persons. Lekha joined us and I just couldn't help but let go.
After a few minutes of sobbing, I told them each and every thing that had happened, right from the kiss to breaking up with Vidyut to the fact that I was indeed in love with Josh D’costa.
I looked up after talking for what seemed like hours.
They just looked at me with their mouths hanging.
And I cried again. What was this, my hormones were not in control I had cried that whole day and was surprised I still had enough tears to shed.
They snapped out of their trance and quickly took on their roles of comforting and soothing me.
“Kalsi?” Zarine asked
“Hmmm?” I said looking up with a stupid face
“Why are you crying?” She asked
I looked at her and then towards Lekha and we burst out laughing.
We laughed till we fell backwards on my bed with aching stomachs.
“Honestly, Kalsi were you crying because you’re in love with JOSH DCOSTA? Or because you're afraid that you're capable of such feelings? What is it?” Zarine asked.
“I think it’s because he doesn't love me back and probably he never will.” I simply said.
“That's not true.” Zar protested
“I think he more than likes you too, I really think so Kals.” she said.
“What the hell Kals.” Lekha yelled
“Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't but before that we have this last dance together as junior collegiate.”
“Let’s not spoil it?” She said.
We all agreed and decided to dress up.