The green concoction bubbled serenely under his gentle steering. It had to be gentle, or the next ingredient was going to make a big impact on the room's decoration, and sooty grey had never been his thing. Severus was more of a pure black.
Artemis, his so called assistant, danced lazily around in the background, supposedly taking notes.
Bah, notes. She was dancing. Ari was supposed to be just a sarcastic and cynical woman. Not a lovey-dovey little girl.
Ever since she and Malfoy made up she had been nothing but a pain. More of a pain than usual that was.
The nagging blond had even begun to make little remarks about Granger.
...Hermione.
He hadn't even seen that girl for almost two weeks. Except at meal times of course. Not that he looked for her in the milling maroon crowd of Gryffindors.
She didn't even attend the Head's meetings. Malfoy came alone and just handed him the sheets of parchment with Hermione's report. Which was a good thing. The less he saw of her, the more it quelled those scandalous rumours.
It wasn't that he missed her. No, not at all. But these days Advanced Potions was getting unnervingly droll.
The knuckleheads left in there were just so stupid. Hermione's annoying mannerisms and impudent answers made, in retrospect, the class seem semi-intelligent. Nowadays only idiocy remained.
He had found himself glancing over towards her now empty seat. Especially after the entire room had failed to answer one of his simpler questions.
He reached for the purple bottle containing the liquidised Manticore mane.
A strand of hair fell over his face and he jerked his head to remove the nuisance. The rest of the black oily revulsion had been tied back, so to minimalise the risk of it falling into his brew.
The gesture made him glimpse himself in the mirror standing in a corner to his left side.
His eyes met the eyes of the same horrible man as always. The small black eyes peering back at him with disdain. The greasy hair that had caused him ridicule for decades. Yet the hair had nothing on the beak of a nose. His father's main legacy to his face. Most of his features he'd inherited from that wretched man, but the crocked nose was the most predominant one. Then there were the Spider-web thin lines running all over the face, declaring the age of this old evil man.
Him, this shell of a broken, but cruel and aged man. This man a young, a lush girl claimed to care for.
With the unbidden assistance, his minds-eye changed the image in the mirror to feature her.
Her brown amber eyes looked up into his. She lifted her smooth and delicate hand to caress his cheek.
"You are the only one here who thinks of you as evil." The memory told him in her bell-like voice. Her entire being had radiated a warmth and love that had scared him. How could such a flower look at a monster like him in such a way?
Sluuuuurp
Severus turned form the mirror to look in to his cauldron. The green liquid had turned purple, as it should. It was also creating a whirlpool and devouring itself, as it should not.
Severus stumbled backwards.
Artemis who was flipping through a book looked up.
The slurping sound was replaced by a whooshing sound as the cauldron's content exploded upwards in a pillar of purple fluid.
Most of the descending mass managed to return to the cauldron. Most... good thing there were house-elves to deal with the rest.
"What the fuck did you do?" Ari asked, breaking the stunned silence.
Severus didn't answer; he walked cautiously forward, avoiding getting any of the goo on to his person.
The part of the brew that had found itself back to the cauldron bubbled innocently away and pretended it had not just exploded enthusiastically all over the place.
"Morlock essence?" Artemis asked, she had silently snuck up alongside him. The girl was holding a purple bottle tentatively between thumb and forefinger; it had not been spared the goo rain.
Her questioning eyes looked up at him. "I thought it was Manticore mane we needed in this stage of the process...?"
Severus grumbled. He should have looked at the damned flask before pouring its contents into the concoction. But his mind had been else were. An unwise place for it to be at a time like that.
Ari looked down at the innocent bubbling liquid.
"We should find a guinea pig and force feed this to it to see what happens," the sadistic girl suggested eagerly.
"Ari, cruelty to animals is the first sign of a sociopath."
"Well can't we borrow a Weasley then? They seem to be of abundance around here."
Severus smiled humoured.
"Tempting notion, but alas, even rodents are animals."
The pair decided with a look that they would not resume or start over on the potion tonight.
They magically cleaned up the worst of the splattered brew.
"You were thinking of her weren't you." It wasn't really a question. And Severus didn't dignify it with an answer.
"HA! You were!"
Damned brat. He should flog her and send her on her way.
"I can't believe you like Miss Colonial Prudence."
"I believe Miss Prudence called you a whore in front of the entire school. Using many very colourful words and head-butting you."
"Got ya! You confessed!"
Severus rolled his eyes
"I was merely pointing out the flaw in you calling Miss Granger prude."
Artemis stuck her nose in the air.
"Not that I need a confession, your actions speak for themselves."
Little girls... the only thing they ever did was give him headaches. He massaged his temples.
"Still you are choosing to be pig-headed and miserably alone instead to having a, well pretty is a stretch, but young woman by your side and finally having a bit of happiness in your life."
"I have no feelings for Miss G..."
"Oh shut up Severus. She likes you, you like her. What on earth, apart for your humongous self-hatred is keeping you form snogging her brains out?"
He gave Ari a warning look. It didn't stop her babbling.
"Ah yes propriety." The blond started to count on her fingers. "She is no longer your student. She is of age. She likes you. Having a younger woman is actually seen as a status symbol. And you have never cared of what other people think about anything else, why would this be different?"
Severus turned walked over to the fire place and threw in some floo powder. He pointed in to the green flames.
"LEAVE!"
Artemis strode by him.
"Touchy," she tuttered and disappeared in to the fire.
He turned from the fireplace and walked over to his old sagging armchair. It greeted him like an old friend as he fell in to it.
At first he reached over his coffee table towards his whisky canister, but his hand haltered.
"More whisky?" he asked himself. "What are we drowning out old friend?" With a sigh of regret he let the hand fall.
He knew too well what he wanted to drown out.
The truth.
Severus leaned forward and let his head fall in to his hands.
Hermione Granger. No matter how much he lied to Ari, to Minerva, to the school, to her, or even to himself, he knew the truth.
She consumed him.
He leaned back in his chair again, letting the red fire in front of him fill his vision.
Silly girl. Claiming to love him. She was too young to know what she felt.
It was hard admitting it to himself that he was an old pervert who had, despite his best efforts fallen for his student. But it had been inevitable. Her intriguing mind, her stubborn nature and her wittiness had charmed him. He had hoped it was just a fleeting twinge of loneliness, but alas, she was imprinted in his cranium, in his heart....
He glanced longingly at the golden drink resting on his coffee table.
Hermione didn't think he had a heart, and just as well.
His memory painted the scene from the great hall, Hermione's face twisted with indignation, rage and loss. "...Cuz he's never going to love you! 'Cuz he doesn't have a heart and neither do you!"
He still wished he could erase that whole sequence from existence. It would simplify a lot of things. And it would put Hermione back into his path.
He scowled. What good would that do?
Yes, he would see her, hear her voice as she answered his questions. Correct him., unlike the other dimwits.
But it would just be torture being near her everyday. Knowing that if he made a move she would give herself to him, but knowing that he couldn't let her make such a mistake.
He would never condemn her with his love. Never incarcerate her in a relationship with him.
No could never do that to her, he loved her too much.