Reflections are horrid...
All the scars along my flesh from neck to toes...
I want to stop...
But whenever I think about it, it's like my mind tells me to do otherwise...
I hate myself..
I hated stick...
Everyday I smell of blood and red..
Red....
That crimson color that only Chris is allowed to mention..
That crimson color that showed up on myself
the color that Chris didn't like on my flesh..
I hated myself because of that color..
But in the end I always follow it..
Again I sit in a room with a blade making incisions into myself...
I tell myself that this is ok..
But it's not..
305...
Blood pours..
I see black..
-----
I wake up in red blankets and bandages...
his colored arms were around my scarred stomach...
He was crying...
"P-please s-stop.... it hurts me so much..
Please.... I-I love you.... I-I l-love you.... I love you so much axel.. you remind me so much of purple and blue, yet you see red.. please axel.. please.."
he cried into my shoulder for what seemed like hours..
I'm a monster..
He was never the villain...
He was a prophet and I was a ghost..
For the first time, I cried with him today...
Entry 13
Sincerely,
Axel