Lexa and I had been scurrying through these trees for about half an hour now, still in search of the sniper that was taking out our friends. I couldn't help but feel an immense amount of worry at the thought of people I knew being hurt... or even dead.
The sound of the sniper was growing louder from the few times it would go off – this was our only lead on finding the disgusting excuse of a human before they could do any more damage.
"Y/N, let's stop here for a moment," Lexa said, holding my arm to slow down my walking. Her eyes were glazed over with concern as she peered up at me. "You need a break."
I didn't have the energy to fight, so I only nodded in response. We were getting further and further away from Tondc on our trek, closer into the hills now, and dawn was breaking on us. As lovely as the horizon looked with the orange skies and white hills, I wanted everything to be done with. I just wanted to go home and sleep forever.
"We're close," Lexa spoke aloud, though her voice was lighter than usual. I watched as the cold fog blew from her lips with every word she uttered, reminding me of how chilly it was out here. "The marksman is hiding somewhere in these hills. We still have the element of surprise on our side."
A dreary sigh escaped my mouth. "This is so unfair," I spat out with a sharp tone. "Those people didn't deserve death."
Lexa pursed her lips as her eyes darted between me and the ground. "Y/N, I–"
"I'm not blaming you," I murmured, less harshly, knowing she was about to apologise. "We couldn't have told anyone. For Bellamy's safety and the greater good. I got it."
Lexa tensed up at the mention of the other Blake sibling and I wondered if she was thinking about Octavia. What would Bellamy do if he discovered his sister was (possibly) dead? And it was our fault?
The sound of a sniper being shot rang loud and clear and so suddenly that it took me a moment to realise how close it was. I jumped at the sound and immediately looked around, trying to figure out where it came from. The 'click' of the gun being cocked and loaded was distant, but close enough for me to realise that the marksman was nearby.
"We need to get out of here!" I yelled, my eyes widening as I settled them on Lexa. "Come o–"
But my voice was cut off at the 'whish' of a bullet speeding past me and towards Lexa. The force knocked her onto the ground, and as I focused more closely, I saw that the bullet merely grazed her arm. Nothing too serious. She gritted her teeth in annoyance and looked down to the dribble of blood leaking from her newly-inflicted wound, but otherwise she seemed unaffected by the shot.
Another shot went off, this time missing her by a few centimetres, and I felt my heart clench at the realisation that if I didn't move now, she would die.
"Lexa!"
I raced forward, being sure to keep my head low so that the sniper couldn't get a clear shot. It seemed to work as the bullet missed me entirely and instead hit a tree.
I made it to Lexa, but she wasn't making any effort to move away. Only staring at me in astonishment.
"Stand up!" I yelled, holding out my hand for her to take, but she seemed completely out of it. Her eyes were bright in contrast with the white snow surrounding us, and I would have appreciated her beauty at that moment, but the small red stain forming from her grazed arm pulled me from my own daze.
That and another shot that skidded nearby.
"Come on!" I said urgently, deciding to just grab her and pull her onto her feet.
I managed to yank her up and drag her along as the two of us left that area. We raced deeper into the trees, using them for cover and hopefully losing the marksman and their gun. By the time I decided we had come far enough, I was too full of anger to even think before speaking.
"What the hell were you thinking?!" I whisper-yelled, not wanting to draw attention but still wanting to express my frustration at the Commander.
My head was beginning to ache at this point, but I pushed that pain aside for a moment as I stared at Lexa, awaiting an answer.
Realisation dawned on her and her once confused expression transformed into a guilt-ridden one.
"I– I don't– oh my–"
It was one of the few times I had seen her at a loss for words. She usually knew exactly what to say, but for whatever reason, she was baffled.
"Are you going to answer me?!" I questioned, my voice low but dangerous.
I clutched my head as the pain grew stronger, but I didn't need that right now. I needed an answer from Lexa.
"You could've died! You were just laying there, frozen!" I reminded her, wondering why she wasn't bloody speaking.
I clenched my eyes shut as my hands grasped my head again. I didn't fucking need this right now!
"Y/N, I didn't–"
"I don't want to hear it," I cut her off, though I was extremely curious to what she was going to respond. Instead, my vision was getting blurry and I needed her to be quiet so I could sort myself out. But that seemed impossible.
"Y/N, are you okay? Can you hear me?"
I heard her, vaguely. Her voice was growing distant, just as she was in my eyes. I so badly wanted her to stop this. Stop me from blacking out again. But it was too late.
"Lexa..."
I opened my eyes desperately, but instead of waking up to a frost-covered grassland with a worried Lexa hovering above me, I awoke to the sun shining high in the sky, kissing my skin with its heat. I moved my hands and felt another hand intertwined in mine. Somehow, I knew it was Lexa.
"So, you think I would run for presidency?" Her voice sounded around us, and I laughed on cue. Another memory.
"Well, obviously," I stated in a matter-of-fact tone. I tilted my head to the right, meeting her glistening green eyes. "You're like, the leader of twelve clans, Lex. A mere presidency in high school would've been a piece of cake for you."
We were laying in the grass, on a break from my archery training, and somehow got onto the topic of what Lexa would be like if she went to my high school. It was peaceful and lovely and nostalgic memory for me to experience all over again.
"And what would I be in charge of in your 'high school'?" she asked, a hint of amusement in her voice. She loved learning about where I was from, just as I did with Grounder culture, so we regularly had conversations like this when we could.
I mirrored her smile as I said, "Well, you'd be able to give privileges to us seniors, that's for sure. Like first dibs in the dinner queue?" She chuckled at this and I continued. "We could request things and you would try to make them happen. Like getting more chocolate bars in the vending machines."
Her smile remained, but her eyebrows furrowed with confusion. "Vending machines?"
A grin formed on my lips. It was expected of her to discover these "new" things when I told her of my old life, and I adored explaining to her because she would get this twinkle in her eyes whenever she learnt something new.
"It was a large machine with food in it, like bars of chocolate or crips and such, and we would put money in it to get food out. There were drinks in some, too," I explained, and she nodded in realisation, her eyes widening.
"Oh! I remember now. You explained you had one of these in your medics rooms, didn't you?"
I chuckled. "The hospital waiting rooms, yes."
She smiled proudly to herself before looking up to the sky. I admired her side profile as she did, aiming to remember every curve and dimple in her face. As I thought back now, it was almost ironic.
"What else would I do as a president then?" she asked curiously, and just from her expression, I could see her imagining all of this playing out in her head. Like a story. She loved stories.
I chewed on my lower lip as I looked back up to the sky, thinking. Suddenly, though, I remembered, "You would help organise prom! Oh my god..."
I was in a daze momentarily, a warmth spreading all over me as I imagined the process of prom with Lexa. I would have asked her in a super cringey yet cute way, and we would be able to buy our dresses (or suit, if she preferred) together, then we would rock up together and blow everyone away with how awesome we were. She would make everyone drool over how beautiful she looked, and I would be crying at how lucky I was to have someone like her by my side...
"What's prom?" she asked, and for once, I felt myself reluctant to respond. It was silly, really. But because I took part in the cryopreservation experiment with my parents, I missed my prom, and I guess I only really realised that I missed a lot of things because of this.
"It was a dance," I clarified, my voice quieter than usual. "At the end of the year, to celebrate finishing high school. It's like a major deal and everyone has the experience of going to one in their lifetime..."
"Did you?"
I pursed my lips. "Erm, not really... I was too busy getting frozen in time," I joked, though it only made me feel sad.
"Are you feeling okay, Y/N?" Lexa was sat up now, looking down at me and squeezing my hand with concern. "I didn't mean to bring this up..."
I shook my head and sat up, too. "It's fine, Lex, I'm fine... It's just one of those days, I guess." She knew what I meant instantly and moved closer to my side. I felt her wrap her arms around me and I leaned into her chest, appreciating the present.
Every now and then, I would feel a sense of loneliness, despite not being alone. It happened at the randomest of times, but I would suddenly miss my old life and everything about it. I knew what I had now was perfect, too, but I couldn't help it.
"I'm really lucky to have you," I mumbled into Lexa's chest. "Thanks for being with me."
She planted a kiss on the top of my head and her warmth was lulling me into a small nap. "Always."
Unlike the many other times I had blacked out because of an intense memory, I was feeling heavy this time. Like so much weight had suddenly been placed on my shoulders. I opened my eyes and saw Lexa, though she was frowning and worried and everything but what I remembered.
"Good," she breathed out in relief as she helped me sit up. "You blacked out for a few minutes there..."
I chewed on my lower lip as I looked around, trying to remember what was happening. We were running from the marksman, Lexa got shot, she wouldn't get up...
"Your arm," I blurted out, suddenly looking towards her forearm. There was a piece of cloth wrapped around it now, and there was no blood soaking through it, which was a good sign.
"I'm fine," she promised. "How about you?"
Her hand was resting on my leg still – an innocent move, really, yet it made my heart drop to my stomach.
"You froze," I recalled, reluctantly meeting her eyes. "I told you to get up and run, but you froze. Why?"
I wasn't sure if it was the chilly weather or embarrassment, but her cheeks were dusted with a red glow. An apologetic smile was on her lips.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, avoiding my eyes. "It's just, you..." She paused and took a deep breath before mumbling, "...you called me Lexa and I was thrown off..."
I realised that I had only ever been calling her 'Commander' until now. I didn't even realise I hadn't called her by her name when I told myself I would.
"I didn't mean to endanger you like that," she said, more confidently this time. Her eyes flickered to mine, and she wavered before saying, "Sorry."
I closed my eyes momentarily, internally attacking myself with every possible insult I knew of. When I opened them, I only felt my guilt eating away at me.
"I'm sorry," I said, though I knew it would never be enough. "Lexa."
She was unsure how to respond, that much was evident, but she needn't say anything.
Instead, I felt a sharp pain cross my mind, quite literally, and bent down in frustration, trying to wait for it to leave. I felt Lexa rest a hand on my back as she waited to see if I were okay. I thought back to what I could remember of the brunette before me and it only made me hate myself. She was perfect and I was an absolute bitch that didn't deserve her.
"I'm okay," I finally got out as I sat back up. "I'm good."
"Y/N, we can go back if you need to," she reassured me, and once again, she was putting me before her people. I couldn't let her do that.
"We need to find this asshole and be done with this," I said as I recalled how angry I was because of our current situation. "I'm okay, Lexa. I promise."
She refused to look away or let me stand up until she found whatever she was looking for when she searched my eyes. All I hoped was that she couldn't see the desperation and guilt lurking in there. I didn't want to make her feel worse about us.
"Okay." She finally nodded. "Let's go."
***
Lexa and I had been walking for a while, still following the sound of gunshots, when Lexa thought we found the marksman.
"Wait," Lexa whispered, pulling my arm back, forcing me into a crouch. "There's something up ahead."
I followed her line of sight and saw a shadowed figured in the bushes ahead. It was suspicious to say the least, but I didn't think it was who we were looking for. Something just didn't seem right...
"I don't think they know we are here," Lexa spoke quietly, her mouth close to my ear so I could hear her, but in reality, I could feel shivers down my spine at the feeling of her breath tickling my ear.
All I could do was hum in response for I was afraid to turn around and find myself within close proximity of the green-eyed leader. Instead, I continued to look ahead, waiting for an indication of who was there.
"Clarke, wait," a familiar voice said, in an effort to sound quiet. "I think there's someone up ahead..."
"Did you hear that?" I whispered to Lexa, looking over my shoulder to meet her pools of green. Big mistake, because I was so sure I was frozen in place.
Lexa nodded, causing me to gulp awkwardly and look away.
"Linkon, ste bilaik yu? (Lincoln, is that you?)," she suddenly raised her voice, making me widen my eyes in surprise. I trusted Lexa, but come on, what if that wasn't Lincoln?
"Heda?"
The shadowed figures ahead soon came into focus as both Lincoln and Clarke stepped forward, confused expressions on their face. Lexa squeezed my shoulder reassuringly before standing up and stepping forward. I followed suit and the two of us made ourselves visible to the grounder and Sky Person.
"I'm glad to see you're both okay," Lexa began, and even if she didn't let on, I knew she was genuinely relieved to see they were okay, as was I, "but what are you both doing here?"
Clarke and Lincoln both exchanged looks before settling their gaze upon the two of us.
"There's a spotter, trying to take the rest of us out," Clarke spoke for them both. "We've come to take them out... What are you two doing?"
"Same thing," I responded shortly after, earning an unsure glance from Clarke. Did she not trust me or something?
"You've been out here this whole time?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows, and I wasn't sure I liked the accusing tone in her voice. She had no right to be suspicious of anything when she wanted to run away and leave her people not long ago.
I nodded. "Yeah." I looked to Lexa and said, "Right, Lexa?"
"It's Lexa now?" Clarke asked, surprised. "I thought you didn't trust her."
I tried not to show offence at Clarke's comment. "And I thought you wanted to let the Mountain Men do what they want earlier on, yet here we are."
Clarke's jaw clenched with annoyance, but I continued to hold her challenging stare. Why was she suddenly so pissed at me?
A shot rang out in the air suddenly, breaking both of our staring contest. We were close.
"As nice as this is, I think we should work together and take this guy out," Lincoln suggested, looking between Clarke and I, then to Lexa. "Heda, do you wish to take lead?"
Lexa seemed as confused as I was at Clarke's outburst, but nonetheless, she nodded and met my eyes. "Stay close."
The four of us set off once again, an awkward tension between Clarke and I, as well as Lexa and I. Heck, even Lincoln and I couldn't stand together without me feeling awkward in his presence because I only knew portions of who he was based on my memories and what Octavia had told me. This whole trek was an awkward mess, but we all had one similar motive, so that's what got us through.
It was deeper into the hills when we spotted the sniper from Mount Weather, hiding in between some rocks as he took his aim on Tondc in the valleys below. Just seeing him made me angry, but I didn't do anything rash. I wished the same could have been said for Clarke.
She tried to run forward as soon as we saw him, but Lincoln held her back, causing quite the commotion and noise, which unfortunately attracted our unwanted guest. The Mountain Man suddenly started firing his gun at us, forcing us all into hiding behind a large boulder.
"So much for the element of surprise," Lexa breathed out as she pressed her back against the boulder.
"Hold here, I'll fire," Lincoln said, ready to move forward with a pistol in his hand, however, before he could go anywhere, Clarke rested a hand on his chest and pushed him back in place.
"I'll do it," she said sternly, already making herself visible to the Mountain Man.
I could hear her firing her pistol at him, and soon saw Lincoln run forward, towards the sniper. The two were getting into a fist-filled fight, though I couldn't tell who was winning. All I knew was things were happening extremely fast and suddenly a high-pitched frequency was being emitted from some sort of device in the Mountain Man's hand, and I was covering my ears from the noise.
I attempted to move forward and do something, since Lincoln was now distracted by the noise, but I felt Lexa pull back on my arm, stopping me from going anywhere. I frowned as I saw the sniper take Lincoln and hold him in place, a knife to his throat. He disarmed the tone generator, but now we were stuck.
"Drop the weapon," he ordered, an arrogant smirk on his lips.
"Just let him kill me then take him out," Lincoln urged the blonde, unaffected by his position. Clarke was hesitating though, I could see it in her trembling hands. "Clarke, please, your people need you," Lincoln added, begging through his eyes.
After what felt like forever, Clarke replied with, "You are my people," before shooting the marksman through Lincoln's shoulder.
Everything was silent as the Mountain Man fell to the ground, dead, and Lincoln clutched his shoulder. I looked between Clarke and the dead man, and took in the scene before me.
This is where we were at now.
//
Boom, another chapter iS hEre wHoOp.
Okay sooooo I'm finding time to write whenever I can so I hope that's okay with you guys in terms of me updating this book! Alsoooo, this is following a similar plot to the series however many things are different and some scenes have been omitted to fit the plot, but as a whole, it'll all make sense so don't worry! Just in case y'all were wondering when things happen aha
Also, totally forgot to mention buT YA GIRL IS 18 AND OFFICIALLY AN ADULT WHOOOOOO though that means nothing bc I look 10 buT STILLLLL
okay bye