"You ready?" I asked her, she looked at me and nodded before giving Gemma a hug. I watched as Gemma gave her a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks for inviting me."She told her. Gemma had this mischievous smile on her lips.
"Of course sweetheart." She told Charlie before she gave her one last kiss on the cheek then did the same to me.
"Guess I'll go back to the hospital." She said as we walked out of the house. Hearing her answer made me stop in my tracks on the lawn and look at her shaking my head at her.
"Charlie, you aren't staying at a damn hospital. You can stay with me or like we agreed earlier you can stay at the club." I told her and she rolled her eyes. I sighed and knew we were about to get into an argument.
"I don't want to stay at the club... Who knows how many people have been fucked on that bed." She told me placing her hands on her hips. She would always do that when thought she was going to win an argument.
"Then that only leaves my house." I narrowed my eyes at her.
After I finally convinced Charlie that she was going home with me. We talked about if she needed anything from her bags that were at the hospital with her dad. She said no that she had some stuff with her in her backpack and that she would be fine with just that stuff. Once we finally got to the house Neeta was sitting on the couch reading a book.
"Mr. Jax." She greeted me with a friendly smile.
"Hey Neeta. They do okay?" I asked her holding the door open for Charlie.
"Yes. They were fine." She looked at Charlie and smiled. Closing the door behind Charlie, I introduced them and opened the door for Neeta when she left. Looking over at Charlie she was standing in the middle of the living room and I smiled. I watched as her eyes looked around the room. It felt natural to have her in my house. I had imagined having her here with me so many times over the years that it was almost surreal seeing her actually standing there.
"Wanna see the boys?" I asked and she nodded so quickly I thought she would give her self whiplash. I chucked and nodded my head towards their rooms as I started to walk. She followed me to the door and I leaned against the door frame. I smiled to my self seeing Abel sleeping peaceful in his bed. Then I went to the room next door opening the cracked door even more to see Thomas asleep in his crib.
"Oh my gosh.." Charlie whispered as she peaked her head in Abel's room then slowly walked into Thomas's room her hand was over her heart. I couldn't help but to feel this sense of pride that came over me while i watched her look at both of my sons
"They are so perfect." she hushed out to me as she walked over to Thomas and watched him for a moment. She turned to look at me before walking out of the room then going back into Abel's.
"How old are they?" She asked.
"Thomas is three, Abel just turned six not too long ago." I told her. Charlie smiled while she watched Abel sleep then turned towards me before walking out of the room.
"They're at the best ages. I have two nieces in New York- my god daughters. They're both five. It's a fun age age." She told me and I smiled at her raising up one brow. She really had made herself a little family up there.
"God daughters, huh?" I asked and her smile widened.
"Yeah, two of my best friends got married and for whatever reason made me their god mother." She said.
"They must trust you a lot. As they should." I told her as I stared into her intense green eyes. She leaned her back against the wall next to Abel's room as she continued to look up at me.
"Do they get along?" She asked me and I nodded at her.
"Yeah... always have. Abel is a smart kid though he picks up on everything. He's gotten a little protective over Thomas in the last year." I told her. Suddenly the flirtatious demeanor that I was carrying started to fade away replacing it with a serious and vulnerable one. There was just something about Charlie that made me feel safe and comfortable enough to tell her my inner secrets.
"I think I'm ruining them." The words came out of my mouth before I could even stop them. I watched as she shook her head at me.
"Oh Jax... I'm sure you're not." She told me.
"Abel's been asking if his daddy is a bad man and if I hurt people. I've tried to hide this side of this life from him but some how he's still seeing it." I whispered out.
"Kids pick up on the smallest things... With the shit that's been going on I'm not surprised that he's noticed. You wear your heart on your sleeve, you always have." She whispered back to me. I gave her a snort and a small smile. Only if she knew just how much shit had really been going on. I told her everything earlier but it was still different hearing it versus living it.
"Maybe it's just that parent guilt Gemma keeps telling me about." I told her. We stood there just staring at each other enjoying the silence between us. I wondered what she could have been thinking about. If she too thought I was a bad man now.
"Hm, Daddy Jax... Who would have ever thought." She smiled at me and rubbed her hands on her jeans. She only did that we're she was nervous. Why was she nervous?
"Yeah it's crazy to think. I didn't think so either. But they're mine and I'm lucky to have them." She nodded at my words.
"You must be tired. You can take the bed. I'll crash on the couch. Rooms around the corner and down the hall." I told her and she eyed me for a while crossing her arms over her chest after I closed the door to both of the boy's rooms. She stuck her hip out and I knew I was in trouble.
"What?" I asked her.
"I'm not even going to get into this with you about giving me the bed. When was the last time you had a good night sleep?" I shrugged at her. I honestly couldn't remember.
"Guess a year... Maybe more" I told her and she nodded.
"I can tell. Since you won't agree with me sleeping on the couch we can just share the bed." She told me and I raised a brow trying to fight the smirk that was coming over my lips.
"Oh please Jax." She said with a roll of her eyes.
"We can share a bed and not have sex. We used to share many nights together without fucking." She told me. The smirk I was trying to hide came to my lips anyway.
"I remember that a little differently." I told her. She shook her head at me with a small smile on her face then headed towards the bedroom.
"Just keep Jackson in your pants and we won't have a problem." She told me. I bit down on my bottom lip watching her walk before I followed.
Charlie
"No promises." He told me. I didn't have to turn around to know that he had that smirk of his face. That smirk always got me in trouble one way or another. Turning the knob to door of his room I pushed it open then turned on the lights before walking into his room. Once the lights were on it was easy to tell that his room displayed how his life was currently: a little messy. I smiled to myself letting out a breathy laugh. He never could keep his room clean.
"I don't really clean too much these days." He told me and I shrugged. It didn't brother me.
"You never did." I said setting my bag down on his bed. He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a black t-shirt with the reaper on it. He tossed me the shirt and I caught it.
"Thanks." I told him. I dug through my bag looking for the shorts that I swore were in there. Looking up at him he gave me a puzzled look.
"Can I borrow some boxers too?" I asked him. He chuckled letting his smirk come back to his face.
"I'd be fine with you just wearing your panties." He said to me and I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Oh I'm sure you would. Boxers, please?" I asked again. He went back to his dresser opened a drawer and then tossed me his navy blue boxers. I caught them then looked around the room.
"Can I change in bathroom?" I asked.
"Of course. It's down the hall." He told me before I left. Closing the bathroom door I found the switch to the lights and turned it on to only stare at myself in the mirror leaning against the sink.
"Calm down Charlie. You're okay... He doesn't have to know." I told myself closing my eyes for a brief moment as I took in a deep breath.
"Don't let those baby blue eyes get to you. You didn't come back to fall in love again." I shook my head. Getting a hold of my emotions. I slid off my jacket then pulled my shirt off along with my other clothing then slipped on Jax's shirt. I took in one more deep calming breath nodding at myself in the mirror. I gathered my clothes, left the bathroom to walk back to his room. My eyes landed on a sight that I thought I would never see again; Jax pulling off his shirt to revel his well toned and muscular body. He was standing in nothing besides his boxers I couldn't help but stare. I took another deep breath in but it came out shaky once I released the breath. I was staring at the reaper tattoo on his back. The tattoo I did... He turned to face me and smiled a little.
"Don't worry Jackson is staying in." He told me and I laughed. I walked over to the opposite of the bed he was standing on stuffing my clothes back into my bag. This all felt too natural, too surreal.
"You look nice in my clothes." He told me, his tone was flirtatious and I didn't look up at him. I knew he was just trying to break the nervous tension that was in the air but I also couldn't get myself to look at him while we were like this. I may have talked a big game earlier but I also couldn't deny the tingling sensation my core felt when I looked at him.
"Your back tat still looks good on you." I told him. I finally looked up at him. My eyes taking in every detail of his bare torso. A frown came to me when I saw he had a new tattoo of Abel's name on his chest.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Someone else tattooed you." For some reason it upset to know that he had another artist. I didn't like the idea of someone else poking him with a needle besides me. That was my job, he made it clear to me that I was the only one he wanted to tattoo him for the rest of his life. I felt betrayed all over again. I pushed my eyebrows together hearing him laugh at me and smile.
"Not to push your buttons Darlin' you weren't here when I got it. I would have loved for you to do it. I really only trust you with ink on my skin." I rolled my eyes at him stuffing the rest of my items back into my bag- angrily. He was right I wasn't here to do it. I shouldn't be upset but I was. It wasn't my fault that I wasn't here to do tattoo him. It was his fault. Before I knew it his hands were touching my arms turning me around to face him.
"Charlie.. I'm sorry I got a tattoo that wasn't done by you. Makes you feel any better the reaper and the one on my arm were still the only two I had until I got this one." I looked up into those eyes and I knew I shouldn't have as soon as I did it. My heart beat slowed and I didn't care how close we were and I didn't care about keeping my emotions back. The back of his hand was starting to stroke my arm. He was staring at me I had no other choice but to stare back
"I shouldn't have left..."I Whispered.
Wait what did I just say.
"No... It was good for you." He told me shaking his head.
"I'm sorry I cheated on you. Even if it was with Tara. I shouldn't have. You were my rock and when you left I was a mess." He told me. My heart melted but at the same time it was pounding in my chest. I knew I was in trouble.
"No Jax...I wasn't being a good Old Lady. I should have gotten past it and I didn't. You're suppose to look past things like that... That's what Gemma always said and I didn't." I told him looking down I could already feel the tears building on my waterlines. I took in a sharp breath through my nose to push back my tears.
"Charlie... Stop." He said. He waited to speak again until I met his gaze again.
"I said and did some shit back then that I didn't mean. Out of all the lies I have to keep now this is one that I don't want to live with anymore." He said to me.
"I'm so sorry, Charlie, I did it on purpose. I wasn't bored with you. I cheated on you for a reason. I knew that if I just told you that I cheated, you would never believe me but if you caught me-" He cut himself off and just closed his eyes shaking his head slowly then he stared down at me again. I could see the pain in his eyes and it only seemed to intensify once he saw the pain in mine.
"I didn't want you to be stuck in Charming. Stuck here with the same guy doing the same shady shit in a motorcycle club wearing the same cut everyday worrying and wondering what I'm doing and if I'm coming home. You deserved better than that life." He told me, his eyes never looking away from mine.
"You didn't need to be here when you could have been off in Paris. My reasons were good but..I needed you when you left and seeing you hurt." He said, then closed his eyes again and shook his head as if he was trying to get an image out of his head.
"Still haunts me and for that I am truly sorry." He told me, opening his eyes once again.
I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I stared at him for a second before I let my years of pent up emotion out.
"You're kidding me right?"I questioned. I shook my head at him taking a step back as he took a step toward me.
"You cheated on me on purpose!?" I asked him.
"Charlie, listen" Jax said, taking another step towards me.
"No Jax. For years I've been going around wondering what I did wrong! Trying to figure out why you didn't love me anymore and you fucking did that shit on purpose!" I yelled at him and he held his head down like a child getting in trouble by their parents.
"The hell's wrong with you!?" I questioned and he just shook his head. Half of me wanted me to change my clothes and march my ass out of this house but I didn't.
"I didn't want you to end up like Gemma!" He yelled out.
"My mom's life is the club. Everything that she does is based on the club and for the club! I did not want that for you! I had to get you out Charlie. I knew the only way I could do it was if I hurt you. Gemma has done some...awful things for the club- for me. If I didn't do it the way I did it- you would have asked me to leave with you and I would have tried. But my mom.. I got you out the safest way I knew how." He told me. Jax had never been big on crying but here he was standing in front of me with a tear stained face as he confused his reasons to me. I didn't want to believe him. I had spent years making myself hate him for doing something so wrong to me but in reality he was hurting. I shook my head at him once again.
"So you're saying that you knew that the only thing I wasn't okay with was you cheating on me and you decided to do it in our bed so that you could 'save' me from the club?" I asked through clenched teeth. I could feel my tears spilling over and falling onto my face.
"I know. It's fucked up. God I wanted to tell you so many times about what actually happened but I just couldn't. I just wanted you to be safe and happy Charlie, that's all I ever wanted for you." He told me. He took another step towards me and I took another step back.
"That wasn't your choice to make! I was more than happy with my life. I was happy with you. I was perfectly content living in our apartment above my studio. Fuck Jackson, if you had known-" I cut myself off before I told him something that I wasn't ready to tell him yet.
"The things I've done..." I shook my head at him in anger. My years of heartache were for nothing. If he had just let me stay I wouldn't have had to live the life that I did.
"I know and I'm sorry." He whispered out.
"It's been real fucking hard to deal with the shit that happened to Tara. The aftermath from it... If it was you... I couldn't- I wouldn't- I can't even imagine what would have happened to me if it was you Charlie." He told me and somehow that answer only made me even more upset at him.
"You know damn well that wouldn't have happened to me!" I yelled at him.
"You don't know that!" He yelled at me and I put my hands on his chest shoving him back a little.
"Yes I do! From what you told me Tara couldn't handle this! And I could have!" I yelled back at him.
"I thought getting you out was the best thing for you!" He said grabbing me by my shoulders but I smacked his hands away shoving him back again.
"Well you did such a great job, Jax! You broke the one person who truly loved you." I said to him. He stared at me for a few seconds gathering himself before he spoke again.
"If you want to make me the bad guy for the rest of our lives I'm fine with it! I did break the one promise that you asked me not to. I cheated on you with Tara for my own selfish reason because I'd rather live in a world where you exist than in a world where you don't."He said. My stupid stupid man. I thought to myself. I pulled my bottom lip in as we both stared at each other. Tears running down both of our faces. Mine were out of anger I could tell his were out of regret.
"Charlie. I'm begging you. I don't have it in me to fight with you. I don't have anything left to hide or lie about. I'm the villain in everyone's story and I know it. I don't want to be the villain in yours anymore. I'm just asking for you to forgive me." He said. This was the most vulnerable I had ever seen him. He was in fact broken. The Jax that I knew even though he ripped my heart out with what he did was still stoic in a way. But this version of him wasn't, he didn't have much fight left him. Meanwhile I had all the fight in me. I looked at him and all he had to give. He fell to his knees in front of me. I gave him a nod and closed the gap between us. I stood in front of him placing my hand on the back of his head softly as he leaned his head into my stomach. I had spent years loving him, mourning our relationship, hating him, then finally forgiving him. But just in one night I was already back to hating him then loving him again. I wondered how long it would take me to forgive him this time. I knew in my gut that I would sooner fall back in love with him then I would forgive him for making a choice that he didn't need to make. Somehow we both agreed on going to bed. It was awkward at first. I hadn't been in bed with anyone in awhile, let alone someone that I had this much sexual tension with. I could tell that Jax was in the same boat. He stayed on his side and I stayed on mine. He turned off the lights and almost instantly I could hear his breathing change. He was already asleep. I took a deep breath trying to steady my heart and closed my eyes.
"What am I going to do?" I asked myself before I drifted off to sleep.