I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.
I peeked down from the window to see the cold hard ground staring up at me.
I can't fucking do this.
My chest was heaving. It was at least thirty feet to the ground. Gravel, I might add. I'd wrapped bed sheets around my knees and feet to absorb as much of the shock as possible, but a broken limb was still very likely. Inevitable, even.
I looked down again.
I can't do it.
I should have climbed back in the window and started banging on the door. Someone would find me eventually and then I could get to Alex.
But it would be too late by then.
I wanted to puke and cry and scream. And I was certain I was about to do all three when a noise stopped me.
It was far off, and it took me a second to realize what it was.
Applause.
The ceremony was starting.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I could hear Alex in my mind then.
"Just jump, you git," he said. "You're acting like a right pussy."
"No, Alex, YOU'RE acting like a pussy," I shot back to invisible Alex. "YOU'RE the one marrying a fucking psychopath because you're too afraid to leave her."
Invisible Alex didn't respond. Probably because he wasn't real. And the real one was about to consummate a fake marriage in a matter of minutes if I didn't jump.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
I can't do this.
But for Alex,
I will.
And then I let go.
The fall only lasted a few seconds. But the second I hit the ground it felt like my entire body had been hit by a truck. My feet flew out from under me and I landed on my knees. The sheets absorbed the shock, but they didn't stop me from flying forward into the ground, my arms locked underneath me.
That's when I felt the snap. And shortly after that, searing pain in my left wrist.
"JESUS FUUUUUU-"
I rolled over on my back. The pain was white hot and intense. And I might have laid there until death came to call, but then I heard the sound again. More applause.
No time for pain.
I stood up, trying my best to kick the sheets off of my legs as I ran straight for the vineyard. I was clutching my arm against my chest as I dashed through the vineyard, taking as many short cuts as I could. The vines were scratching at my skin but I had to make it to him.
I had to.
I flew through rows of vines, straight toward the small castle on the hill where the wedding was taking place. My wrist felt like it was on fire, but I couldn't stop.
I ran out of the vineyard and started up the small hill to the castle. The doors were wide open, like a gaping mouth just waiting for me. My skin was hot and I couldn't breathe.
I stumbled over the threshold of the castle and into the ceremony. I stopped at the end of the long aisle, unsure of how this whole wedding crasher thing worked. I didn't really know what I expected; maybe everyone turning to gape at me, or something dramatic like that.
But nobody saw me. Not even the officiary.
Alex and Estella stood at the altar, hand in hand. Neither of them saw me, either. Miles, Rob, and James stood on the left behind Alex, while the Maddie's stood with Estella on the right. The whole place was decorated with twisting vines and orchids. It was a beautiful wedding, really.
Too bad I had to end it.
The officiary kept talking. Some shite about marriage and its importance. Faith and love and trust and all of that bullshit. Meanwhile, I was trying to figure out what the fuck I should do.
But before I could think too hard about it, the officiary paused.
"And f there are any objections to this marriage," he said, "Speak now or forever hold your peace."
This was my chance.
I started to run down the aisle.
The officiary looked back down at his book. "Well, now that-"
"I object."
"-we don't have any objections we can carry on-"
"I OBJECT!"
Everything stopped at once. The officiary. Me. Time itself. The chairs squeaked as everybody turned to look at me.
Their stares were horrified. Mouths and eyes wide open as they looked at the dirt-covered caterer with a broken wrist as she stood to object this perfect wedding.
But the only person I was looking at was Alex.
He seemed to be the last one to notice me. He turned to look at me and my heart felt like it had stopped beating.
"Stop," I told him, because I didn't know what else to say.
His face was unreadable. My hands were shaking now. I didn't know what to say. I was here in front of him, something I'd jumped out of a fucking window for, and I had absolutely no words.
That's when his face twisted into confusion, and then anger.
"What the hell are you doing?" he said. His hands were still connected with Estella's, who was staring at me like I had just rose from the dead.
I guess in a way I had.
Estella yelled for security in a shrill voice. I didn't even flinch.
"Alex," I said carefully.
He started to shake his head in a way that kind of broke my heart. It was as if he was trying to tell me how stupid I was, and that I should turn around and leave.
I didn't move.
"What are you doing?" he repeated.
"What does it look like I'm doing, you git?" I said. "I'm stopping your fucking wedding."
The guests erupted into gasps and whispers. Estella called for security again. Meanwhile, Alex looked like he wanted to murder me. Which was understandable.
"I can't believe you're doing this," he said.
"Alex-"
"No," he cut me off. "It's one thing for you to lead me on and then leave just to get revenge on me for leaving you in Sheffield all those years ago, but this is low, Dav. Even for you."
"It isn't like that," I said. "Everything I said was true except-"
But before I had even finished my sentence two guards were on either side of me. One of them grabbed me around the middle and started to pull me back down the aisle while the other began promptly apologizing to Estella and Alex.
Alex's eyes stayed on mine as I was being pulled out. I was trying to fight the guard but there wasn't much I could do with a broken fucking wrist. Alex only looked at me for another moment before his eyes went back to Estella.
I had to do something I was almost out of time. A few more meters and I would be out of the wedding completely and the ceremony would continue on without me.
And Alex would be hers.
"Alex," I pleaded. "Alex!"
He didn't look. I needed to do something. Fast.
And I knew what I had to do. I had to speak the words I'd been holding back for all these years.
"Alex," I said again, and this time his eyes flicked to mine.
This was my chance.
My first and my last.
"I'm in love with you."
Time seemed to stop in that moment. Everything around me was frozen, all except for Alex. He just stared at me for what felt like an eternity.
"Did you hear me you fucking idiot?" I yelled at him. "I said I'm in love with you!"
"You're lying," he finally said, as if the notion was completely impossible.
"No, Alex," I said, my voice catching in my throat. "For once I'm actually telling you the truth."
Alex held up a hand to the guard. The guard didn't stop at first, not until Alex told him to fuck off. The guard's arms unwrapped themselves from me. I stumbled forward, trying to catch my balance.
Estella's eyes went back and forth between and Alex and me furiously.
"You possibly can't let her stay, Alex," she said. "She's going to ruin everything."
I slit my eyes at her. "At least I won't be doing it on purpose for attention. Or did you crash the car for the money? Or was it both?"
Alex's brows furrowed and he looked at Estella. "What is she talking about?"
"Don't listen to her," Estella said. "She's a liar."
"She's right," I told him. "I am a liar. I've lied to you for as long as I could remember."
Alex's eyes flicked back to mine. Those beautiful eyes, like reverse full moons. I couldn't let him get away.
I took a deep breath.
"I lied to you those nights we would sit up on your roof and talk about everything," I started. "I lied to you at the Peak and the Hellcat and everywhere in between. I've been lying to you for the past month while you were preparing to marry this fucking twat. I pretended that I loved you, but it wasn't the truth. I don't love you, Al. I am in love with you. Madly."
More gasps from the crowd. The Maddie's looked like they were about to faint. I wanted to roll my eyes at how dramatic they were all being. But then again, I kind of was breaking up a wedding, so I guess it was understandable.
Alex stared at me, perplexed. "But you said that night-"
"I know what I said. I'm a liar, remember?"
Estella was yelling now. Maybe she had been the entire time. I don't know. The only person in the room I could focus on was Alex.
His face was guarded. "I don't know what you want me to do, Dav."
"I want you to leave with me. Right now. I don't know where the fuck we'll go, or how the fuck we'll get there, but I want to just go."
"CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE GET HER OUT OF MY WEDDING!" Estella yelled.
"How about you shut your whore mouth?"
Every single pair of eyes in the room followed the voice to none other than Miles Kane, who was standing there with his arms crossed.
"What?" he said, shrugging. "Emilia already ruined the wedding. Let her fucking speak."
Estella stared at Miles like he'd just shot her. I was going to have to thank him for that later.
Alex pulled his hands out of Estella's then and took a step toward me. "Why didn't you tell me any of this that night that I, um, admitted my feelings?"
My eyes slid over to Estella. She stared at me, daring me to make a wrong move.
"Whatever you're about to say," she hissed, "Think about it. Hard."
She looked at Alex and I knew exactly what she meant. If I said anything about her blackmailing me, she would tell everyone about Alex's secret.
But it wasn't his secret.
"I didn't tell you because Estella blackmailed me."
He froze. "What?"
"She knew how we felt about each other. She told me if I didn't leave that night then she would tell everyone that-"
"That Alex wrecked his car and put a man in a coma because he was fucked up on drugs." Estella loudly interrupted, speaking directly to the crowd. She was shaking her head like it was painful for her to say. Fake bitch.
The crowd went wild, breaking out in a storm of sharp voices.
Now it was Alex's turn to look like somebody had shot him. He was just frozen, his eyes shifting around the room.
"Are you happy?" Estella said to me. "So now you've made your little speech, but you probably just ruined Alex's life. How are you going to sleep at night knowing this is all your fault?"
"Very well thanks," I said. "Because Alex wasn't the one driving the car."
She stopped.
"You were."
More noise from the crowd. Estella crossed her arms, unfazed.
"Don't be ridiculous," she said. "If that were true, how would I be able to hide it from him this long?"
"The only way you have an advantage over anyone in this world. Money."
She scoffed. "You weren't even there."
"Maybe," I said. "But you know who was? Matt. And it's a coincidence that he wasn't invited to the wedding today, isn't it?"
"He was invited," Alex said. "But he told Estella that he couldn't make it and..." he trailed off, his eyes drifting over to Estella.
He was starting to put it together.
"It was fake, Al," I said. "All of it. She brainwashed you into thinking you did all of this so you would depend on her. She separated you from your friends, your family. And if you marry her, it's only going to get worse."
"This is insane!" Estella laughed coldly. "You can't actually believe her, Alex."
He didn't say anything.
"And I'm just going to take a wild guess that she has no evidence to back it up," she said.
Okay. She got me there.
"I don't," I admitted. "Not with me, at least. She paid all of the doctors and the police off. But she couldn't pay Matt off. Or Nick, or Jamie. The only reason they haven't told you is because Estella told them that you can't talk about the crash at all."
His head began to turn toward her but I stopped him.
"Don't look at her for approval, Alex," I said. "She's going to lie."
Alex looked like he didn't know what to believe.
"And what about you?" Estella said. "You just admitted that you've been lying to him for years."
"I've been lying to him because I'm insanely in love with him. Not because I want all of his money and fame."
"But you-"
"No," I cut her off. "This isn't about you anymore."
I looked back to Alex. "I'm sorry that you had to find all of this out right now. And I'm sorry that I lied to you and got us both in this mess. But I had to do this. You can't marry her."
He took a step down from the altar toward me. "Why can't I marry her?"
He knew why. He just wanted to hear me say it.
"You can't marry her because you belong with me."
Another step. "And what happens if I stay?"
"Don't."
He looked like he wanted to come closer, but was hesitant. "How do I know that you're not lying right now about all of this?"
Shit. There wasn't really any way that I could prove to him that Estella was lying, or that the crash had been purposeful.
But there was a way I could prove to him that what I felt was real.
"Chapter 15, page 205," I said.
He stared at me, confused. "What?
"She was in love with him," I recited. "She loved him today and tomorrow and yesterday. But he couldn't see her. He never could. To him, she was always just the best friend that he ran to when other girls broke him.
"What are you-"
"She was in pain because she loved him," I said, cutting him off. "She loved him, she fucking loved him."
Something in his face changed and he seemed to understand.
"Your book," he said, his voice barely there.
"And when he left, she swore her whole world had fallen cold and dead, like the ashes cascading off of the cigarette he held between his lips that very last night."
"Dav..."
"But she loved him still. The broken boy, with all of her broken heart."
He shook his head slowly. "It was about me, wasn't it?"
"Of course it was you dumbass," I said. "You'd know that if you ever read it."
"I just thought..."
"It doesn't matter," I told him. "Anything in the past doesn't matter. I'm here and so are you and maybe it's not the most convenient place for this conversation, but I don't give a fuck anymore."
Alex looked like he was about to say something but Estella interrupted him.
"You can't actually believe her," she said, her voice growing desperate.
He kept his eyes on me as he took another step away from her.
Now she was angry. Her fists were balled at her side and her perfect skin was red.
"I swear to God if you take one more step away from me Alex Turner," she said. "You will regret it for the rest of your life.
He stopped, turning over his shoulder to look at her.
"Do you know they only thing I will ever regret?" he said.
Her face was tight. "What?"
I turned back to look at me. "That I was too scared to be the person I should have been."
And then he started to walk.
I felt so many things at once. Relief. Happiness. Total fucking shock.
It had happened. It had finally happened.
But now that he was coming toward me, I didn't know what to do. He had left Estella, but that didn't necessarily mean that he had chosen me. I completely understood if he didn't. I had lied to him. Betrayed him, even.
He stopped in front of me, and I was getting ready to explain that I completely understood if he didn't want anything to do with me when suddenly he grabbed either side of my face and pulled my lips to his.
The crowd went absolutely insane. Not in a good way, either. Well, except for Miles. I could hear him yelling "FUCK YEAH" from the altar.
I pulled back from him. "Alex."
He looked annoyed. "I swear to God if you're about to tell me that you faked that whole thing just to be a good friend and stop me from marrying Estella then-"
"No," I told him. "Everything I said was true. But..."
He raised an eyebrow. "But what?"
I searched his face, something in my chest sinking. "But... why me?"
"Shut up," he said, rolling his eyes.
"I'm serious, Alexander. I mean, I don't know if this kiss means that you want to, um, be something with me, but if it does then-"
"I said shut up, git. I choose you. Whatever that means."
He paused for a moment, pushing a piece of hair out of my eyes. "I'll always choose you."
Alright. Fuck. That's all he needed to say.
I took his hand and started to pull him back down the aisle toward the doors like it was our own sort of reverse wedding.
Estella was yelling. Miles was going crazy. I'm sure one of the Maddie's had fainted by now. The crowd was wild with loud voices.
But we couldn't hear them. We walked, my hand in his, and escaped. Together.
"Okay, quick question," Alex said right as we stepped out of the castle and into the sunlight. "Why in the fuck are you wearing a chef uniform? And why are you holding your wrist up to your chest like that?"
"Caterer," I corrected him. "And I saw it in the car after the guard handcuffed to the door and-"
"Please tell me you didn't break your wrist escaping the cuffs."
"Oh. No. That happened when I jumped out of the window."
"Wait, what?"
"It's a long story."
He stopped right then and there and turned to me. He held my face in his hands, looking at me incredulously. "You're fucking insane, do you know that?"
"Very aware."
He continued to look at me like I was crazy, but then he broke out into the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen.
He brought his lips to mine. His hands found their way around my waist and all at once I was absolutely lost in him. We kissed like we hadn't just killed Estella's dreams, or shocked an entire wedding, or had a broken wrist pinned between us.
We kissed like he and I were the only people left in the universe.
Me and Alex.
My Alex.
Finally.
He pulled back, his lips lingering over mine. "Idiot."
I couldn't stop my smile.
"Idiot."