"Jesse," Marnie gave me a concerned look as she watched me scratching the table I was sitting at with my fingernails. Everyone in the cabin was chatting, and Jordan's friends wouldn't shut up about what her and Dallas were doing.
"I'm fine," I lied to Marnie, touching the table further. I wasn't okay, and she knew that. But what was I supposed to do? She didn't like me, she loved Dallas. The thought itself made my stomach twist. She couldn't love Dallas, could she? Even if I told her how I felt and she actually believed me, there's no promise that she'd actually feel the same way about me.
She hates me.
After Chelsea finished saying something about how she was sure Dallas and Jordan were doing something in Cabin C, she left the cabin to go and see. None of her friends knew I was listening in on their conversation, but I was. The entire time. And I needed Jordan to come back here soon, or I'd walk right over to the cabin and kick Dallas' ass.
Sometime later, the door was being thrown open by Chelsea. Everyone's attention immediately focused on her. But... Where was Jordan?
"Guess what, guess what, guess what!" She cried, her mouth hanging open.
"What?" AJ asked, raising an eyebrow. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what was happening.
"Yolanda just got asked out on a date! And she said yes!" Chelsea began, and I started breathing again. I didn't even realize I held my breath while waiting for her to say what happened. Unfortunately for me, that wasn't the only thing. "But there's something even better than that! I went to Cabin C and what did I see? Dallas and Jordan! Making out! On a bed!" She blurted out.
My heart stopped beating and Marnie shot me a look. The door barged open a second time, revealing Jordan looking tired and embarrassed. She looked over to AJ, Lexi and Chelsea, then to Marnie. Finally, her eyes landed on me, and I leaned back in the chair I was sitting on.
I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.
Marnie was frowning when her eyes locked with mine, and I brushed it off as nothing. "Jesse...?" She spoke softly. I simply closed my eyes and shook my head. When I opened them again, Jordan was still looking at me, and I couldn't take my eyes off of her.
"Jordan!" Lexi squealed and held on to Jordan's arm tightly. "It's what you've always wanted! Ever since you were little! Why don't you look excited? We're all excited!"
Jordan couldn't look away from me, and it was making me extremely self conscious. Did she want me to do something? Was I supposed to react differently? I was scared if I said something, my voice would crack. All I had to do was pretend I didn't care.
"I... I am excited," she laughed nervously. Why was she acting like this? "Of course I'm excited. How could I not be? I mean... it's Dallas."
"I know!" Lexi giggled. "This is so exciting!"
"Are you sure that you're not in love with him? Because you seemed so sure of it when you were younger." AJ now asked, walking up to the two girls. I tensed up. She wasn't in love with him. Jordan was not in love with Dallas.
"I- I don't know," Jordan stuttered, shaking her head. "I... really don't know.
If this conversation didn't stop soon, I was going to punch a hole through a wall.
"You told us that you loved him before," Lexi reminded Jordan, giggling as she said it. "So you probably do still love him now! Aw, that's just so sweet!"
I couldn't help myself. I stood up from the chair, making it screech against the floor and fall backward. I didn't look back as I exited through the door. Jordan probably didn't even care that I left. I heard Marnie excuse herself and come chasing after me.
I was storming off to the side of the cabin when Marnie grabbed my hand, begging me to stop and talk to her.
"Jesse! Stop walking away!" She cried, holding onto my left hand as tightly as she could. I couldn't sit in that fucking room anymore with people talking about how much Jordan loved Dallas. Why should I even care if she loves him her not? "Jesse, it's alright!"
I didn't reply to my cousin as I lifted my right hand and threw it against the side of the cabin. Marnie let out a squeak as it dropped back to my side, scratched and bleeding. Take away one pain by focusing on another. That's how I've been living my life up to this point.
"It's alright, Jesse, it's alright!" Marnie continued trying to reassure me as her eyes looked over to the dent in the cabin. I knew I'd be regretting this later, but I needed to take my mind off of everyone inside that cabin.
"It's not alright," I shook my head, looking toward the ground.
"It's fine," Marnie tried keeping her voice firm. "It doesn't mean anything, Jesse. It doesn't mean anything."
"I love her," I said quietly, shaking. "And you think that what happened means nothing? Are you blind?"
Marnie held her hands up. "I don't know her, Jesse. You do. If you think it means something, then maybe it does. I wouldn't know. But let me tell you, I've done things with a lot of guys-"
I pulled a face and she rolled her eyes. "Oh, stop making that face, you knew I did, and it didn't mean anything. I was just upset because of what had happened with Seth, because I really loved him. Not the other guys, but him."
"I don't get what you see in that guy," I shook my head again. "The guy's a freaking criminal, and you go around with him like it's nothing!"
I really wasn't in the position to talk, but I never killed someone before. I couldn't. Whenever it was the time, I'd always back out, because if I was ever caught, I'd never get to see Jordan again. Marnie knew about the gang, she knew about my past, but she didn't judge me. Why was I judging Seth?
"He's a good guy, Jesse," Marnie snapped at me. "He's a really good guy. He may seem tough and gruff on the outside, but he's really sweet and kind after you get to know him. He wasn't always like that; before what happened, he was nice to everyone. But after people started to treat him like a monster, he changed. He was mean to people that he wasn't close to. But he's really nice.
"You know what he's done! He's not a good person!" I shouted at her.
"You wouldn't understand, Jesse!" Marnie cried, shaking her head. I shut my mouth instantly. "The only thing you ever think about is her! Just tell her how you feel already or she'll go off with that other guy! You love her, Jesse, I know you do! It's obvious you do! I'm surprised she hasn't figured it out already.
I huffed, "she isn't very bright."
"Well, then I guess the only way for her to find out is for you to tell her," she crossed her arms. "You've done things in your past, Jesse, just like Seth has. I accepted him for who he was. I'm sure she'll accept you for who you are as well."
I said nothing and turned away from her.
"Seth's not the bad guy, Jesse," Marnie whispered to me. "He's good. I was the bad one. You already know what I did. Seth's not the bad guy, Jesse... And I'm thankful for that. Seth takes care of everything for me... There aren't any bad guys in my life..."
I looked up at her now, breaking a little more. "Yes there is."
"What? Who?" Marnie asked in confusion.
"Me," I said, backing away. I couldn't have gotten more than a few steps away when she clutched my arm and started tearing up.
"Jesse, don't call yourself a bad guy!" She cried, burying her face in my shoulder. I held her, trying my best not to tear up as well. "You're not a bad guy! Just because you had some problems in the past doesn't mean that you're a bad guy!"
"Marnie, even though I've told you a lot..." I trailed off, not being able to look at her anymore. "...You'll never be able to know everything. And neither can she. Because if she knew, there's no way she'd be able to accept me. And if I knew that she couldn't accept me, there's no point in going on anymore."
The thought itself frightened me. Jordan could never know. It would always be that way. Leaving Marnie behind, I started heading back toward the door of the cabin. Before I could turn the corner, a voice called out, "Jesse!"
"Hi Aimee," I said simply, facing the smiling girl. She wrapped her arms around mine and I furrowed my eyebrows. "Do you need something?"
"I can't just talk to you?" She giggled, looking up at me. I wanted to push her off, I wasn't in the mood right now. "I love talking to you, Jesse!"
I sighed, and Aimee didn't even notice. She was too busy holding on to me like I was going to run away if she let go, which I probably would do. A loud snapping sound came from behind me, making both Aimee and I turn our heads to see where it came from.
My eyes widened, but Aimee's narrowed. Jordan looked completely lost and confused. Was she spying on us?
"What are you doing here?" Aimee demanded, her grip on my arm tightening. Would I be able to push her off my arm? "Don't you have better things to do then to spy on us?"
"I wasn't spying!" Jordan defended, crossing her arms.
"Where's Dallas?" Aimee asked, and I tensed up right beside her. I knew what she was about to say wouldn't be good, so I braced myself. "Just go fuck him or something. We all know you want to."
Jordan's eyes widened and a look of disgust found it's way on my face. Not this again...
"Just like you did with Bruce?" Jordan's eyes narrowed.
Aimee glared, but smiled smugly soon after. "Yep. Just like I did with Bruce."
Jordan stepped forward, and I was worried about where this was going. I wasn't in the mood to stop a fight right now.
"Now, shoo," Aimee waved Jordan away. "Jesse and I have some important business together."
"He's not going to sleep with you," Jordan snapped, catching me off guard. She sounded like a jealous girlfriend, and I wasn't going to lie, I actually kind of enjoyed it. But it wasn't that much of a surprise. I like almost everything she does. "He's not that kind of guy."
I had to admit, it shocked me to hear her saying these things. I never thought I'd ever see Jordan arguing with some other girl about me.
"Well, that isn't up to you, now is it?" Aimee sneered, still glaring at Jordan. No, it was mine.
"Actually," Jordan started walking closer until she was right next to me. Her arm looped with mine and I stared at her in surprise. "It is. Because guess what, Aimee. I'm his girlfriend."
What was she doing?
"You are not," Aimee snapped, removing her arm from mine so she could face Jordan. "You two hate each other."
"Feelings change," Jordan shrugged, holding on to my arm even tighter. Now she really was acting like a jealous girlfriend.
"Not your guy's feelings," Aimee narrowed her eyes at us. "You both despise each other! You used to tell me how much you wished he would just disappear!"
She held on to me tighter, and I couldn't help but let myself think she was jealous. Chances are, it's to annoy Aimee. And by the looks of it, she she wasn't going to give up.
"Feelings change," Jordan said again.
"Prove it," Aimee demanded, crossing her arms. Why did she care so much? There wasn't anything great about me. She never showed any interest in me until now. "Kiss. Now."
"Listen, Aimee-" I started, ready to end this. Jordan wouldn't kiss me for revenge, she's not that dedicated. Before I could finish speaking, Jordan grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled my lips down to hers.
Jordan was kissing me. She was actually kissing me. Taking advantage of this moment, I started kissing her back. My arms wrapped around her waist as I pulled her closer. I wanted nothing more than to be closer. We pulled away far too quickly and Aimee face turned as red as her hair.
"Fine," Aimee snapped, turning away just to turn back a second later. "But just you wait, Jordan Emery, I'm going to steal your man just like I stole Lexi's. You know me well enough to know that I'm the type of girl who always gets what she wants, and what I want right now? Jesse Jacobsen."
Jordan glared right back at Aimee, stepping in front of me protectively. Where was my voice the whole time this was happening? "And you know me well enough to know that I'm the type of girl that doesn't lose."
Aimee scoffed and I saw this as a good time to leave. "We'll see about that."
Jordan turned around, noticing I was gone before she started walking away herself. Aimee called after me, which only made me start walking faster.
I couldn't stop thinking about Jordan. She kissed me. She kissed me.
Not only that, she kissed me first.