Contains Urdu dialogues.
***
Shanzah's POV:
"Adi!" Warda screams from behind, making me jump in shock.
"Phew! Kya ho gaya, larki? Jaan hi nikaal deti ho tum to," i reply.
"Oho, kya ho gaya? Itna bhi kya kisi ke khayalon main gum hona?" she teases.
"Aray, nahin to?" I try to hide the blush. "Esi koyi baat nahin hai."
"Achha? Khair, chhoren in sab baaton ko. Ye bataen kab hai mulaaqat aap ki?" She winks.
"Kya? Kon si mulaaqat?" I try not to admit.
"Hawww, itna bhola ban'ne ki koyi zaroorat nahin hai. Mujh se to na chhupaen." She makes a puppy face.
"Achha achha, nahin chhupati. Kal hi hai mulaaqat," i reply, blushing.
"Achha. Wese aap chali jayen gi? Mera matlab hai, wo...panic attacks? Aap jaa paen gi na, pakka?" she asks worriedly.
"Sach bataun to main bilkul jaana nahin chahti," i say, making a sad look on my face.
"Aray, ese kyun keh rahi hain?" she asks with concern on her face.
"Sach hi keh rahi hun..." I stop in mid of the sentence.
I start thinking to myself before i get into senses back by Warda squeezing my hand. I look up to her and she gestures me towards my left. I look up to find none other than Mr. Ahmad coming our way.
I quickly get nervous and squeeze my eyes shut while turning back. She squeezes my hand again.
"Warda, yahan se chalo, please?" i say.
"Aray? Kuchh nahin hota. Please?" She hugs me by the side.
"Ugh!" i exclaim.
"Dekhen, Adi, wo bhi kya samjhen ge ke aap ko un se chir hai. Aap ke behavior se to esa lagta hai jese unhon ne koyi gunah kar diya ho?" she tries to explain. "Achha, ab normal ho jayen. Tch, at least koshish to karen! Main aap ke saath hi hun."
"Uh...," i stutter as he approaches nearer and sits on the bench opposite us two.
"Kesi hain aap?" he asks.
"Main theek hun...," i reply.
"Aap log baaten karen, mujhe zara kaam hai, main aati hun thori der main," Warda excuses and quickly goes away.
Ise to main...
I sit there blankly, playing with the corner of my dupatta.
"Kya huwa, aap ki tabiyat theek nahin lag rahi?" he asks, concern clear in his tone.
"Main... main theek hun," i simply reply.
"Wo... Mujhe aap se kuchh baat karni thi...," he tries to make words to say what he wants to.
"Ji... Kahiye," i reply.
"Wo...us din...jab aap baarish main bheeg rahi thin, tab aap ka boht dil kar raha tha baarish main bheegne ka, lekin phir...phir jab achanak bijli karakna shuru huwi to...to main ne mehsoos kia ke aap yakdam se boht zyada ghabra gayi hain...or phir aap behosh bhi ho gayin? Kya itna dar lagta hai aap ko bijli se? Ya phir koyi or baat hai?" he asks, hesitantly.
"Uh...," i try to talk, but i suddenly have these panic attacks, which have me struggling with breathing.
Is Warda ki bachi ko to main dekh lun gi, mujhe akela chhor kar chali gayi.
"Actually..."
Is baar main behosh huwi na to is main saara ka saara qasoor meri pyari saheli ka hoga. My blood boils thinking about how she told me she'd be there and then left.
"Ji ji, kahen na please?" he asks, "Dekhen please jo bhi baat hai, jo pareshani hai, aap mujhe bata sakti hain."
"Uh... Esi koyi baat nahin..." I pause. "Ji! Main boht pareshan thi! Mujhe lag raha tha ke kuchh ghalat hone wala hai..or kal aap ne dekha na ke kya ho gaya? Jo kuchh kal huwa wo sab aap... Aap ka koyi qasoor nahin hai mere kisi panic attack kay peechhay."
I suddenly realize what i just said. Shit! I just told him that he gives me panic attacks.
I quickly get up and run towards girls' restroom. I go inside and start crying. I cry continuously for a few minutes and then open the tap and wash my face with clean water.
When i come outside, i see him standing afar with a worried look on his face. Meanwhile, Warda appears from the other side, coming my way. I quickly walk towards the opposite side.
"Adi!" she screams from behind, but i don't respond. I just keep walking.
As i walk, i see Wali (the guy who likes Warda) coming my way. I stop.
"Kya huwa?" he asks.
"Kuchh nahin," i say and continue to walk my way far from all of them.
"Ruk jaaen na, please!" she calls from behind.
"Achha, ruk gayi. Kaho," i say rudely.
"Ese to baat na karen na, please." She makes an innocent face.
"To kese baat karun?" i ask.
"Aap royi hain?" she asks, watching me closely.
"Kya farq parta hai?" i say with no-tone.
"Kyun nahin parta farq? Sab ko farq parta hai," she tries to clear herself.
"Achha? Kis ko?" i ask sarcastically.
"Mujhe farq parta hai, Ahmad bhai ko farq parta hai, or ham sab ko boht farq parta hai," she says.
"Tumhen farq parta hota to is tarah mujhe akela na chhortin," i complain.
"Mujhe farq parta hai, ham sab ko farq parta hai tabhi main ne aap ko wahan akela chhora." She smiles.
"Tum samajhti hi nahin ho. Ab kya hesiyat reh gayi hogi meri un ki nazar main? Kya sochte hon ge wo mere baare main? Main...un se ghabrati hun...ugh. Mujhe boht bura lag raha hai ye sab soch kar," i try to scold her.
"Shhhh! Kuchh nahin sochte wo! Wo waheen khare hain, sab sun chuke hain wo. Wo sab sahi sochte hain!" She gestures towards my back, and i turn around to find him standing there.
"Itni fikar kyun karti hain aap?" he asks.
I blush hard.
"Na-naheen," i stutter. "I am sorry..."
"Aray, sorry kyun?" he asks.
"Main ne misbehave kar liya tha na?" I remind.
"Koyi baat nahin, main sab jaanta hun." He smiles.
"Ehm ehm..." Warda fake coughs to remind us of her presence. "Mujhe lagta hai ke foran aap donon ka Nikkah parhwa lena chahiye ab, kya khayal hai?"
She winks at me.
"Jab ye chahen," he says.
I blush so hard.
"Kyun Adi, kab rakhen phir Nikkah?" she asks.
"Chup karo, shareer larki!" i complain and she winks.
***
Nikkah takes place after the end of our studies.
"Shiza," he calls me after Qazi Sahab goes away.
"Ji?" i reply.
"How about your panic--"
"I am fine."
Just then Warda comes our way.
"Kyun, Adi, ab kesi tabiyat hai aap ki?" She winks.
I just blush.
"Wali bhai kese hain?" i ask.
"Wo..." She blushes. "Theek hi hon ge..."
"Aw!" i exclaim.
"Ahmad bhai! Aap ko khabardaar kar rahi hun. Ainda kabhi wo fazool ke panics in ke qareeb nahin aane chahiyen, theek hai?" she says in a warning tone.
"Kabhi nahin, or kuchh?" he replies.
***
After Rukhsati, when i was thinking of those panics, he entered the room.
I was struggling with my breath before he came near me and took my hands in his. My heartbeat went faster. But when he put my hand on his heart, i froze. I felt nothing but his heart near me. His heart was beating at the same pace as mine.
Suddenly, i realized i was feeling relaxed. I was calm.
"How're you feeling, Mrs. Ahmad?" My heart skipped a beat at his words.
"I am fine," i replied.
"Just fine?" he asked.
"No, i am so happy," i replied.
"I am actually asking about your panic--"
"I don't have any. I am complete now. Those panics were just because of the fears. The fears of everything," i replied.
"You are the sweetest. You are mine. You are Mrs. Ahmad Hassan. I can't believe you are mine. It was always a faraway dream," he said.
"You complete me," i replied.
"I love you."
"I... I love you, too."
And with that, my panic attacks had their own death. This was a new Shiza. A stronger Shiza. A braver Shiza.
***
One night, when i was--maybe--trying to sleep, i wrote this. It wasn't intended, it wasn't planned, it just spontaneously happened. It was written in almost two hours.
And it featured my name before this. (Hence why i'm not changing the title.)
And i know it's not my best work, but meh.