Taking the time to travel and explore this new expanse of territory helped to put me into a fresh perspective.
Why were we put onto this earth?
Recently, I experienced the worst nightmare I have created. I sat in my bed at my university, muffling my sobs in a shaky attempt to not wake my roommate as I sat alone, fearing death.
You heard me correctly: I fear death. I still remain fearful.
Something was wrong with me. I was going to die. And I chose the easy way out.
I had a serum injected into me that would enlarge every vein in my body until I died within twenty-four hours. I felt pain traveling throughout my veins that transcended the dream world into reality. I ran frantically, desperately calling my parents only for them to hang up on me and tell me that they were too busy driving to talk. I exchanged text messages with my mother, begging her to turn back time and fix what I had done. I had never fully appreciated or lived my life and I regretted my decisions. I needed this serum out. She sent me a photo of my dog because I would never be able to say goodbye to him. I continued running, bumping into a pedestrian. I pulled on the collar of my shirt, my veins bulging from my neck as I screamed "I'm dying, I'm dying." All she could do was look at me with a ghostly-pale face, unable to mutter a word. The pain suffocated me as I fought for air, constantly eyeing the clock as I waited for the moment that I would die.
I am crying as I write this because I remember the anguish and heartbreak I witnessed from a figment of my imagination. I had never felt more alone even with my roommate sleeping in the bed next to mine. I had no one to hold me in my bed, wipe my tears, and gently rock me to sleep. I didn't have my parents to come to me and shower me with hugs and kisses. I had no one.
I no longer had my Savior to console me during a time of need. There are people who have come to accept the idea of death, whether for philosophical or religious reasons. But I have not.
Because I realized that I may die without my Savior. And I wasn't doing anything about it.
I needed to do something about it.