I feel like this chapter is a little scrappy... I mean, at one point I thought of this really amazing paragraph, but as soon as I opened up wattpad to write it, it disappeared out of my mind so I'm sorry about how sloppy it sort of is around the middle.
Disclaimer; this chapter breaks the PG-13 barrier, which means I'll soon be giving this book a Mature rating. Also, I'm really not great at these scenes, so they're not highly detailed either.
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The sun had set a while ago, and Ben and I were sat on a grassy patch near the fire. He has spread his legs out in front on him, so I took the opportunity to sit in between them and rest my body against his warm chest.
Wyatt and his girlfriend were nearby, I think we all silently made an agreement to split up and do our own things until we start to leave. I don't think they'd enjoy mine or Ben's company when we're all cuddled up like this and going on about the same dilemma about our relationship, and besides, I felt a little awkward myself seeing those two act all cute and in love in front of me too.
For a split second, it felt like it was just Ben and I, together here, by ourselves, so I knew how it felt. Nothing mattered with Ben here, it was as if he was my only priority, and the only person who I'd ever allow to pass judgement. Trust me to be the sensitive one out of everyone I know, I had always been the one to give into everybody else's judgement, no matter what it was; I was always the skinny, lanky freak and Ben was always the brooding nerd, so I guess we were outcasts together.
The warmth of the fire was comforting, as was Ben's forearm that was wrapped around me. Nothing had been spoken between us for over five minutes, which was actually a lot of time. It might've been from tiredness, or it might've been from the fact we were relishing in this moment. Either way, I wondered what he was thinking. I already knew how much of an enigma this guy was, and I was determined to be the one person who was able to crack him. At this stage, I should be able to.
I was already making progress noticeably, but since Ben was an endless stream of surprises, a new mission popped up each day. Small things that he'd do would usually go completely unnoticed, like the fact he'd lift his right eyebrow when he's confused, and when he's posing or making a point, he'd lift only his left brow up. Sometimes, usually when he's cooking or he's cleaning, he'd hum - usually a song he's into at that moment, but if it's a throwback, then he's in a good mood, and it would usually be the same three throwbacks.
I turned my head to face him, and caught him staring in the distance with his lips pursed together - he's impatient. I turned my whole body around to focus on him, all the while wondering if he notices small things about me like I do with him. It was fair to say Ben's entire persona screamed observant, because he'd never approached something or someone without some sort of scrutiny and revision in his head beforehand. It would be rare for him to ever have a moment of uncertainty without clarity.
"D-do you, like... uh.. think you know me well enough?" I trembled, feeling a rainfall of embarrassment wash over me.
"Of course." he said, showing no hesitation or hinderance.
"Alright." I said, feeling a little rebellious. "Prove it."
He smirked in return and straightened up. "You get super jealous, and sometimes it really obvious. You turn your head to the side and grit your teeth, or you look like you're on the verge of tears."
"What–" I butt in.
"I'm not done." he bit his lip, "you're a big foodie, so let's talk about that. You're favourite flavour of ice cream is pistachio, you hate fried food, you say you don't drink fizzy drinks, but sometimes you sneak a little Dr. Pepper, so I make sure to buy some cans for you for when you stay over, and lastly, you're currently obsessed with marshmallow fluff, even more obsessed than you are of peanut butter, which is saying something."
I looked at him, completely dumbfounded.
"Okay.. fair enough." I bite my lip. "Well done, Matthews."
He smiled triumphantly. "See, it's not the fact I'm good at noticing these things, it's that I really love–"
What?
"–that it's a sign that I'm falling for you, and I couldn't care any less about what anyone thinks."
"I feel the same way." I grabbed his hands in my own. "it seems stupid, but I'm done relating everything back to the past, especially about how my feelings have altered from when I fancied you back on school."
"Is that so?"
"Definitely. I didn't think I could love you anymore than I did in school, but of course that's proven to be so wrong."
He looked at me with his eyes narrowed and his head facing slightly up. A look I've not seen before, but a look that I'd love to learn about.
He relaxed his shoulders and exhaled before saying his next sentence. "I'm glad we've grown so much from the dark past, it's really obvious we're dealing with it amazingly."
"Me too. All it does is drag us down." I mumbled, "it feels like we're making all these new memories to replace - no wait, not replace, to outweigh the old ones."
"Exactly. I'm sick of the guilt, and how childish I was back then. I had no emotional control at all, and my mindset was in the entirely wrong place." he looked away.
I caresses his cheek, and turned his head to face me again, and I smirked. "Aren't you sick of the same old talk?"
"Well yeah-"
"We're not moving in the right direction if all we're doing is traumatising ourselves reverting back to the exact same speech. You know what? I'm sick of talking about the same old thing."
"I guess you're right there." he gave a small smile and pushed my hand off his face, and instead, intwined our fingers together. "Okay, we can talk about right now, right at this moment."
"Uh... the sky is nice." I mused dumbly, staring up.
"No, you idiot." He chuckled. "I'll start, since you're oblivious. I think right now, I'm the happiest I've been in a long while."
"Cute." I snorted.
"Don't make fun of me." he pushed my shoulder playfully.
"Alright. Right now, I'm the happiest I've ever been."
"Really?"
"Yeah.. I am." I said slowly, just to revise my sentence and make sure all over again that what I said is true.
"I'm excited about university, we'll be together, it won't be as if I have to see you monthly or something like I would've if we took separate paths."
"I can relate. I feel a lot more optimistic about making it through the year with you around. I wouldn't be able to handle the distance." I contemplated. "Props to you for making me fall for you. I feel frustrated by it, but sort of glad."
"You're an odd person, you know that?"
"I do." I chuckled. "Honestly though, I'm glad we've come this far."
"So do I. I didn't think at all that my future would turn out this way, I didn't really give any thought about relationships and stuff, it was all academic based."
"Hmm." I said in agreement and a few moments of silence, I shifted my eyes down to our hands.
"Don't you think we talk t' much about our relationship, though?" He spoke up.
"There's nothing wrong with that." I shrugged.
"No I mean... we talk a lot, but it feels like we don't show each other just how we feel."
I glanced down again to our hands, feeling my cheeks flush.
"Flynny." He said softly, causing my heart to flutter like mad. "Don't you agree?"
"It's difficult to tell," I mumbled, closing my eyes. I might've looked calm on the outside, but inside I was trying so hard to hold back.
"Is it? How so?"
"Well I'm pretty sure you know that I had a lot of meaningless flings in school." I finally worked up enough courage to meet his eyes. "That's what's so worrying. How meaningless everything was, because I don't want that with you, I want to feel something."
He stayed quiet, so I continued. "It's been a long time since I've done anything meaningful. I'm not quite sure how I'd feel with you. I don't want to feel let down, and right now, I feel like I'm kidding myself if think otherwise."
He bit his lip.
"Fine, you're scared that you've turned into a braindead bumboy, mentally scarred from past affairs, but who's to say that you'd never be able to reverse it? How would you know if you're so obsessed with avoiding it for that very reason?" he explained, and tugged at my legs, forcibly pulling me closer to him. I had no other choice but to straddle his waist.
"If you ask me," he whispered lowly by my ear, I shivered involuntarily. "you're being a drama queen."
My eyes widened and I turned my head to face him again, but instead met his lips. I kept them connected, as if it was the only thing that could keep me alive, and found myself gripping onto his shirt tightly, clenching up the soft fabric in my fists.
He bought both of his hands up to caress my face, and his fingers tensed as he attempted to bring my face even closer to his as if that was even possible, which it most definitely wasn't.
"I hate you." I mumbled as I stared into his eyes.
"Good, use that anger."
"Ben!" I laughed. Trust Ben to be inappropriate, especially at a time like this. I've only seen this side of him when he tells jokes, because most of them are rude and definitely anything but innocent. Sure, he's had two tequila shots, only firing up his confidence and his creativity in bad jokes, but he's a large person, so I was convinced that it would take a lot more. Of course, he only let me have one shot, but only because I was pleading. He was adamant on not allowing me to mix the alcohol with my medication.
I looked around us, noticing very few people around us, but only because they moved away, further away from us. I felt my face got hot, and I let go of his shirt and straightened out the creases I had just made.
"Let's go someplace else."
"Like where? We can't leave Wyatt."
"We won't." he got up off the grass and helped me get up. I could tell he was holding back from letting go of my hand just so I fall back on my arse. He intwined my right hand with his left, and he was enthusiastically pulling me towards the car. I had to practically run to match his pace.
He dug into his pocket and grabbed the keys, unlocking the car with unimaginable speed. He jumped into the drivers seat and I jumped into the passenger side. The car was cold too, so we had to spend a few minutes fumbling with the heater and radio before he decided to plug in his phone and play some chilled late night tunes.
I cleared my throat, almost as soon as Ben reprimanded me for it because it apparently caused 'the vibe to be even more awkward'. I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't feel awkward around him, and he shouldn't feel awkward around me either.
I leaned over, placing my hand on his thigh to balance myself so I could kiss him. He kissed back eagerly, and caressed my face. His lips were addictive, like a drug to me, and they were red and plump, so I enjoyed biting them.
I sat up slowly, without breaking the kiss, but unfortunately my unorthodox self hit my head on the roof the car, causing me to bite down hard on his lip and lose my grip on his thigh.
I let out a string of cuss words the same time he did, before giggling like a child at my stupidity. Thankfully, he soon joined in, and I clambered on his lap.
He turned his head around to look at the completely empty backseat. There was no junk, no jackets, hoodies or empty water bottles.
"The back windows are blacked out."
"You don't have to tell me twice." I smirked, crawling into the back seat carefully, making sure to not hit my head.
His weight pressed onto me as he lowered himself down, chest to chest. Our long legs were tangled together and our hands all over the place. Mine were undoing his buttons vigorously, and his hands were running down my body, underneath my shirt which he untucked.
I leaned upwards enthusiastically so our lips wouldn't break apart. My abs started hurting after seconds, but I didn't want to quit.
Then all of a sudden he pushed me back down on the seat and smirked down at me, almost hungrily. A playful glint settling in his irises.
"Slow down." He mumbled, his voice merely a whisper.
"Uhm.. sorry."
"S'alright." He smiled, connecting his lips to mine, gradually deepening the kiss, almost professionally. Ben was an incredible kisser, which took me aback at first when we started going out, but now I was so used to it, that I didn't waste time overthinking it.
I let out an embarrassing moan as he intwined our hands together and put them above my head, but then he let go and started undoing my buttons. It was when he reached the last few buttons that he went for my neck, peppering kisses all the way from my ear and down to my collarbone.
A series of sounds left my lips, and even I was surprised by them, Ben didn't seem to notice all that much however, or perhaps he did but he didn't mind. He seemed far too focused on leaving a mark.
The music in the background picked up beat, and although the speaker was right by my ear, it felt like it was fading away ever so slowly, but was never quiet enough to block out completely.
I made use of my hands finally when he pulled away from my neck. I started undoing his buttons, this time not rushing anything. I finally pulled the shirt off him and admired the beauty that was hidden beneath.
My hands ran over the ripples of his abs, tracing the outline with my index finger. I couldn't get over how toned he was underneath, everything about him was enough to hold me in wonder. In admiration.
He chuckled. "It's all yours."
"Wh-what?"
"You 'erd."
I felt my cheeks heat up a million degrees, and I was actually speechless. What was I supposed to say to that? Where the hell did this confidence come from? It couldn't have been the alcohol...
"Good." I muttered back, brushing my hand over his nipple. He grinned, that much was clear enough even in the darkness that surrounded us.
I reached for his belt and waited for him to flinch, but he never did. Even as I elongated it all, teasing him for my own entertainment. He didn't seem all that fazed, so I pulled down his pants, leaving him on just his boxers and an unbuttoned shirt.
He stared down at my torso hungrily, and licked his lips before he lowered down on me once more and kissed me again, all the while, undoing my belt and pulling off my trousers, tossing them aside. The warmth of his chest against mine and our bodies pressed against each other was enough to drive me absolutely crazy, but he got revenge for my teasing by slipping his hands beneath the fabric of my boxers and running his hands all over my thigh and arse.
I felt so... dirty, doing this all in the backseat of his car, but part of me tried to convince myself that it really didn't matter all that much.
He pulled me onto his lap, and I gladly took the opportunity to get revenge for the hickey he left. He groaned and I licked and sucked at the crook of his neck, and ran his tense fingers through my hair, completely dishevelling it. I felt a sense of accomplishment seeing the purple mark on his neck.
I caressed his face and stared into his eyes, and he smirked back at me and pulled my body even closer to his, as if that was even possible. I could feel him under me, and my eyes widened at the length. I wasn't sure if that was just how big he was, or if it's an erection since I've never sat this close to it.
"We could stop now, if that's what you want." I whispered, but he just shook his head and met my lips again. I pressed my chest against his and wrapped my arms around his neck. He liked it especially when I ran my fingers through his hair and started grinding on him, working my hips back and forth slowly.
The material between us seemed too constricting, but I wasn't sure if going that far would've been too much, so we continued on grinding, and Ben finally let out a moan and fucking hell, it was the best thing I've ever heard.
He bought his hands down to cup my arse and control the speed that my hips were rocking at, and as we built up speed I worried about anybody outside that could hear us. Nothing was spoken between us, there was just heavy breaths and moans and the occasional cuss word but it was loud enough for the car beside us to know what we were up to.
"Flynn." He groaned, his voice deep and thick with desperation.
Our sweaty chests collided with each other at each sway of my hips. My hands still ran through his curls and caressed his face while his hands continued on guiding my hips, pushing my forward with incredible force and strength.
I felt like I was in bliss once he started slowing down. His fingers became less tense and less painful against my skin, and then when I looked down, I saw that his boxers were now soaked and patchy, and I started to feel lightheaded, especially when he reached down and palmed me through the thin material.
My hips jolted forward as I finished, as I could only sit there and try to steady my breathing. I fell against him, nestling into the crook of his shoulder.
"Fuck." I breathed out, pecking his cheek.
"I know, that was incredible." He replied, his voice just as raspy. I could feel the vibrations of his words on my chest.
I met his lips again, and stared at him as we silently agreed with each other that we'd go for another round, perhaps after we catch our breath and build up enough energy.
This was going to be an interesting evening.