The next morning was slow. No one was home and I was waiting for them to tell me the plans for tonight. I couldn't wait. I went in the pool for awhile, then I took a hot shower, and then I got in my sweats and watched a movie, all just to pass the time. The boys finally got home after my second movie and after I ate. It was three and they all plopped down on the couch, Michael laying across my lap.
"Ugh. I'm so bored! What are we going to do, Mike," I complained.
"Oh, don't we have that game at 6, guys," Michael sat up, shaking Luke to make him look up from his phone.
"Well, we better get going then," Calum said, standing up. It was four now and we needed to get on our way to this 'game'.
"What are we doing," I asked, bewildered.
"We're going to a baseball game, cuz," Michael cheered and they all ran up, me following. I changed into some jeans that were rolled up to my mid-calves, a light tank top, and my regular converses. I went and knocked on Michael's door and he answered quickly.
"What can I do for you," he smiled.
"Do you have a baseball hat I could wear?"
"Um, not but I think Ashton or Calum might. Try asking them," he suggested and I was surprised he even allowed me to do that. He shut the door again and I moved across the hall to Ashton's door. He answered in a tight tee shirt with a cartoon indian on it.
"Aw, you're aren't shirtless. The tradition does not continue," I pouted and then laughed.
"I don't know. I can make the tradition continue," he said, pulling at the hem of his shirt.
"Um, no. I just came to see if you had a baseball hat I could wear."
"I do have a hat with this cute little bear on it you can wear," he smiled, going to get the hat. He came back with a blue snapback with a red C and a little bear on it. He placed it on my head and grabbed my hand.
"Thank you," I said.
"You look so adorable," he smiled, giving me a small kiss. Luke's door opened and he brought with him the tickets in his hand. We all went down to the kitchen and he handed them out. Each of us got one, but he held two in his hand.
"What the other one for," Calum asked him.
"If you guys don't mind, I am bringing this girl I've been talking to for awhile. Her name is Daisy and she is really nice," he told us.
"Well that's fine with me. So she is like your girlfriend now," Michael asked.
"Yeah. We've texted quite a lot. I think I'll ask her soon."
"Hm. Well good for you," Michael smiled and then went for the door. We all followed and then got in the car. We had to pick up Daisy first and then we were on our way to our first baseball game. The line of cars made it seem as if they were closed and we figured out why when we got up to the carpark entrance; the guy exchanging our money for a parking card was excruciatingly slow and I was %100 sure that he had an extreme case of OCD. We eventually parked and then walked inside to find our seats. Luke and Daisy were definitely hopeless romantics. Neither one of them could keep their hands off each other. Ashton and I walked side by side, our shoulders slightly touching every few seconds and I kept wanting to hold his hand or have him put his arm around my waist but I would just swallow the idea and focus on walking. We found our seats about twenty minutes before the game so we decided on who was going to get food and who was going to stay.
"Mikey, I wanna get a jersey before the game. Please can I go," I begged. Michael already decided that him and Calum were going to get the food, so Ashton would be the only person to go with me because I'm sure Luke wouldn't leave Daisy's side.
"Fine, but you have to take someone with you," he told me and I immediately grabbed Ashton's arm.
"Come on, let's go, muff," I cheered and dragged him out of the isle. Michael and Calum followed behind and then turned the opposite way to get food. We went hand in hand finally to the gift shop and I picked out a red jersey with the Angel's logo on it. I bought it and then we went off into a small, clear space to take the tags off and put it on. Ashton helped me rip the tags off and then handed it back to me.
"Sure you don't want to help me put it on," I smirked at him and he lit up, grabbing the shirt back and helping me slip it over my head and down my torso. He grabbed ahold of my waist right after it was on and pulled me close. I snuggled me head into his chest and we just stayed like that for awhile, saying nothing, in the middle of all the hustle.
"I wish it could be like this all the time," he mumbled and I looked up at him.
"Me too," I frowned.
"Why can't it be then," he asked, sounding a little angry.
"It just can't, Ash," I told him.
"Oh come on, Payson. We both want to just come out so what's holding you back," he started to yell.
"Calm down. It's not you, I just - We just," I paused, "can't. Not yet." I backed away from him and started back to our seats. I put a smile on my face, sat next to Michael, and shoved a nacho in my mouth.
"Do you like your jersey," he asked and I nodded my head with a smile. The baseball game was quite long and I wasn't sure what was going on but we had fun eating and talking and just being there. Ashton was still in a bad mood and I didn't blame him. I felt bad, but I just still am not ready. After it ended, it was late at night and we took Daisy home. The drive home wasn't too long but Ashton and Michael did fall asleep. On the ride home, I got an email from Violet's mom. It had no subject so I just suspected it was a check up. We made it home and I decided to change first. I slipped into the comfiest pyjama's I have and then checked my email. I opened up one from my mother which is subjected, "Are you okay?" I opened it and all it read was:
I heard the news. Call me if you need someone. I'm so sorry.
I was very confused so I just ignored it and checked the one from Ms. Tyler. It read:
My dearest Payson,
It took me so long to write this and still I am not sure the right words to say. About three days ago from when I wrote this, I was informed that Violet was in a car crash on the way home from a weekend trip. She was not the one driving but the accident was fatal. Violet is dead, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. These are hard times for all of us. Don't feel obliged to come to the funeral. Enjoy your vacation. I'm sure that is what she would have wanted.
My shared condolences,
The Tyler Family
I couldn't look at it any more. I couldn't even see it if I wanted to becuase my eyes were so filled with tears. I slumped off of my chair and then the banging on the door suddenly filled my ears. I went and unlocked it before sliding down the wall and sobbing. I didn't care who it was but I just couldn't take this anymore. Violet was my only friend who could stand everything I've been through and now she is gone. Forever. An arm wrapped around me and pulled my in close. I stuffed my face into their chest and smelled the familiar sent of boy and wood. Ashton. He placed a kiss on my head and mumbled something.
"Baby, tell me what's wrong," he said again.
"It's Violet," I cried between heavy breaths.
"What did she do?"
"She died," I cried out.
"What?" He was just as shocked. "What happened?"
"Violet was in--" I sobbed once again just thinking about it.
"Okay, let's try to calm down first. Okay, baby?" I nodded my head. "Okay, okay. Deep breaths. In, out. In, out." I did what he told me but nothing was helping. My only friend is gone and I just wanted to cry and stay in this one spot forever. Someone came in the door and Ashton quickly told him, "Quick, get Michael." They boy ran off and Michael came back, immediately running to my side.
"My Gosh, Ashton. What happened," he asked, quickly taking me from Ash's comforting embrace. Ashton whispered what happened and then Michael looked back at me, getting teary eyed too.
"How? How did that happen," he raised his voice.
"Car crash. Read the email on my computer," I quickly got out before the sobs came back. He rushed up to my desk and read it, starting to cry as well but not as much.
"My God, I'm so sorry Payson," he told me with hard, heavy breaths. "I know how much she meant to you. She meant a lot to the both of us." We sat there in each other's arms, the rest of the boys standing at the doorway. I took a second to look up at them and saw Ashton getting teary eyed too. I couldn't let him cry so I sucked it up, wiped my eyes and blew my nose into a tissue. I stood up straight and helped Michael off the floor.
"I think I'm going to try and sleep. You should too. I'll see you tomorrow," I told him and he walked out the door.
"Are you sure you are okay? You seem to be in denial," Michalel asked me.
"I am not okay. I just want to be alone," I half smiled and he turned around to go back to his room. Everyone went back to their rooms and I went out to the balcony. Ashton was out on his too.
"I'm sorry," he said, staring out at the night sky.
"It's okay. I'm just kind of upset I didn't get to see her before it happened."
"Yeah. I know what you mean. Are you going to the funeral?"
"I can't. I'm not going to fly back for one day just to be reminded of her again. I'll email her mom and then we can try to forget. It's just," I was saying and he came over to sit next to me, "she was my only friend."
"That can't be true," he told me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
"Well, besides Michael, she was the one friend I had that stood by me through the tough times. So, yeah, she was basically my only friend."
"Hm, well I'm right here if you need me. And I'm sorry about the way I acted today. I shouldn't have pushed you to do something you didn't want to do."
"I forgive you and it is something I want to do, but I just can't."
"Why not," he shot back and I stood up.
"Ashton, there are some things--"
"What? What is holding you back?"
"Ashton! I lied to Michael for two years! Two years! Then I break up with him just so I can lie to Michael again! I can't just keep lying to him. He doesn't deserve that. And when I do tell him, there is a chance that he might never talk to me again so no. I can't tell him yet!"
"But you said it yourself, you don't want to keep lying to him so why are you?!" We were full on in fight mode now, standing over each other defensively and flailing our arms about in the air.
"Because it's gone too far too fast and I don't want to lose you! He will be so mad and I can't let him take you away from me," I started tearing up and I couldn't take it anymore. I just sunk to the ground. He came down to my level and held me. No words, no argument, just holding me and holding me tight as if to make everything better.
"Okay, I understand but I can't fully love you until this isn't just some secret relationship that you'll fling to the side when we go home. I want to know you aren't ashamed of me."
"Ashton," I looked up at him, shocked, "I'm not ashamed of you. I never was and I never will be. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. It's just the possibility of jeopardising the relationship with my cousin."
"I don't think he will let some stupid thing like that stop your relationship you had your whole life. Look how easily he forgave you about Christian. I mean that was for two years. This was just for a couple weeks."
"But this was right under his nose and he could make accusations. I mean, we have been sneaking into each other's bedrooms at night. I'm sure his little mind will put two and two together when two and two weren't even put together in the fist place. Ashton, I'm just afraid."
"And there is nothing wrong with that, but we are going home in a week and I don't want to leave here without telling him."
"Then why don't we make a deal," I offered. "If I don't tell Michael about this by Tuesday, the day we go home, then you can tell him yourself. Okay?"
"Okay. Deal," he nodded his head and kissed my cheek. "Now let's go to bed." I laughed and he helped me up and back to the bed.
We lied there in silence for awhile and then I whispered, "Why were you crying?"
He answered quietly, "Because I can't stand to see you cry."