Drake looked down at Blaise’s sleeping form, her silvery blonde hair spilling over his shoulder and chest. Even her skin had a glowing pallor to it, innocent and so very beautiful.
He’d known that coming here would be difficult; that the brilliance of her eyes and softness of her skin would lure him in, trap him. It was his arrogance, confidence and ultimately his hatred that had pushed him to take the offer.
It was the offer of a lifetime.
So what was holding him back? There was nothing that could stop him, nothing. Nothing except himself, it seemed.
She even had a scent of purity- light and airy.
Drake berated himself for thinking like that, but his soul hungered for that liveliness, that light. He gritted his teeth, reigning in his growing frustration and disappointment in himself.
His fingers dug into his palms as he carefully stood, leaving Blaise alone on the couch.
She looked so small; curled up beside that stupid animal she called Bear, so alone. Drake shook his head, clearing the perpetrating thoughts from his head. Not today.
That was the thought that always rang clear in his mind, no matter what he did. It was only when that thought faded that he would be able to rest.
Drake had to wonder if it ever would.
Before he left, he ran his hand across her forehead, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
****
I had the strangest feeling of silence when I awoke. Nightmares had failed to plague me at all during the night- or day, whatever it was. I felt like a black abyss had consumed me as I slept. It was a strange sensation to explain, and I doubted that I could ever fully describe it.
The second thing I noticed was the absence of Drake’s strong body beside me, the non-existence of his reassuring arms around my shoulders.
I sighed, pushing myself up from my position on the sofa and rolled my shoulders to release the stiffness in them.
Apparently, somewhere during the hours that I had slept, Bear had gotten hot and had removed himself to the kitchen floor. Stretching, I looked at the time on the cable box under the TV.
After the day I’d had, two o’clock was not what I was expecting. Disgruntled, I ran my fingers through my hair and got to my feet. On the counter, my iPhone vibrated, reminding me that Jenna had been worried. Or so Drake had said.
Still slow with sleep, I sauntered into the kitchen and scooped up the phone, pressing the talk button.
“Hello?”
“Blaise!” I could hear the underlying accusatory tone in her voice, but the relief was the most evident.
“Hey Jenna, I’m sorry I didn’t-”
“You should be! Jeez, you had me thinking you were dead in a ditch somewhere and-”
“I’m fine, you know-” I started, but Jenna wasn’t having it.
“… Especially after that scene in the mall with those guys and Alex-” Jenna’s voice gradually grew in volume, and I had to bite back a smile.
“Jenna! Listen to me! I’m alright.” I matched her in loudness, at least, and she finally fell silent.
“Sorry, I have a lot of siblings, you have to fight to be heard.” A short silence, she sighed. “Just don’t do that again okay?” The accusation was out of her voice, and she generally sounded like she’d been worried for me.
Was it really so alien, that feeling? It was to me, but it was so comforting. I didn’t feel so alone anymore.
“I promise to answer every call you give me from now on.” I swore, unable to keep the smile off of my face.
“How about you promise me something else?” Jenna said suddenly, apparently seizing the moment.
Reluctantly, I answered, “I guess I can.”
“You’re so coming with me to this party, out of town.” She squealed, though it was a little more toned down.
The word party did not bring up great images for me. Last time, I was pretty sure that I did get strangled.
“I don’t know Jenna, parties are really not my thing.”
I expected her to protest, to guilt me into it, but she didn’t push the subject any further. She was so unlike Morgan.
“If you won’t do that, you’ll do something else with me, for definite?”
That refreshing smile crept onto my face once more, “Definitely.”
“Well, I’m going to go convince my sister to take me to that party, see you later!” Jenna hung up.
Though she was gone, I could still feel her energy racing through my veins. It was insane.
I felt the need to call Alex, and apologize for my strange behavior this morning, but was hesitant to do so. Perhaps it was better that I just leave it until Monday at school.
Even so, I couldn’t just sit around for the rest of the day.
I sat down at my desk and powered up my laptop. After it had turned on I logged in and started my search.
The search for Blaise Anthony.
***
Needless to say, after hours of searching, I came up with nothing but random Facebook profiles that had nothing to do with me and some business profiles.
In the back of my head, I had known that it wouldn’t be that easy. Finding even family trees took longer than that. I had just hoped that maybe I’d find something. Strangely enough, I had also hoped to find nothing.
It may not have made any sense, even to me, but it was a fact.
I sat back in my chair, staring through strained eyes onto the endless opened web pages, each even less helpful than the last.
Honestly, what else could I do when I knew nothing about myself? It was a pointless search, a fool’s game. I felt like the whole world knew who I was, everyone around me, but I was the last to be clued in on the big joke.
Or was I just looking to far into it?
Sighing, I shut the laptop and closed my eyes. After slowing my whirring thoughts, I opened my eyes.
A small slip of white paper sat on the top of my computer, scrawled on in gorgeous, simple cursive.
Startled, I whipped my head around, looking for someone in my apartment, though I knew it was futile.
With quivering hands I picked up the note and read the script.
Don’t try so hard to figure it out. It’s better left alone.
My breath caught in my throat. The handwriting was the same as the other notes, but I hadn’t seen these in a long time. How did this person know what I was doing, thinking? Was this related to the voices in my head? It had to be related to the fact that I couldn’t remember anything.
It was becoming difficult to separate weird from normal.
Once again, the world was tugged like a rug from under my feet. Like all the other times, panic urged me to act on instinct. I knew by now what that meant: calling Alex.
This time, my call went to voicemail.
Unlike the other time, I was collected enough to formulate a sentence.
“Hey, it might sound really ridiculous, but I have to talk to you… in person. I just need to talk to someone, before I go insane. So please meet me outside the…” I realized that I should have thought this through a little more, and took a deep breath. “Outside the school, I guess.” It was the only place I knew how to get to, besides the park; it was the only obvious choice. “This is Blaise, by the way.”
I hung up before I could sound anymore clueless and stupid. Because I knew that he hadn’t gotten the message straight away, I took my time in brushing my hair and grabbing something to eat.
Truthfully, my nerves were frayed. What had I been thinking, calling Alex? What was I honestly going to tell him? He’d think I had come totally unwound. At this point, I might’ve started thinking that exact thing.
I knew that I was going to tell him everything, or else I’d never find out what was happening to me.
I drove to the school, with a sleepy Bear leaning against the window in the passenger seat. Once we got there, I waited.
First fifteen minutes, then half an hour. The minutes melted onwards, until I’d been waiting for an hour and fifteen minutes. I mulled over how time had passed today, how it had seemed so long.
It was frustrating, not having Alex show up, but it was inevitable. Perhaps he still hadn’t gotten the message. I shouldn’t have assumed that he’d drop everything to meet me, in any case.
Just as I was about to leave, headlights swung in the parking lot and I saw the familiar flash of blonde hair in the window. Relief welled up in my chest. He pulled in beside my car and cut the engine.
Suddenly, I didn’t feel so calm and collected anymore. What if he really didn’t believe anything I told him? What if he pulled up that annoying barrier, making me feel inferior and so out of the loop again? Questions and worries raced through my mind, but I kept a lid on them.
I opened my car door and slid out, meeting Alex between our cars.
“You called?” He asked, though it was more like a statement.
Alex’s grey blue eyes shone with amusement as he looked at me, leaning against my car.
“Yeah, I did. I just… needed to talk to you about something.” My voice was tight, and slightly breathless.
The hint of a smile dissipated from his face as he looked at me, “About what?”
“It’s just, these weird things keep happening to me and I just…” I sighed and fumbled for the words that were out of reach.
His eyes were steely and hard now, lacking humor, “Needed to tell someone?”
Alex’s stare made me uncomfortable, I was seriously debating whether to say it was all a joke. Somehow, I doubted he’d laugh it off.
So, instead of chickening out, I took a deep breath and started from the beginning. I told him about my confusion when I woke up, the strange notes that I’d been left in the beginning, how I’d come to meet Bear and all the nightmares and disturbances that I’d met in these short few weeks.
Throughout it, his eyes never wavered, nor softened, placed solely and intently on me. I kept my eyes cast anywhere but straight back at him. Where I used to think he had a kind of angelic look to him, he came across as soulless now.
It was silent, and my heart raced.
“I think it’s better that you leave it alone, whatever it is that’s going on with you.” He answered simply, devoid of emotion, but his voice was careful.
I think it’s better that you leave it alone.
The phrase was familiar, and I latched onto it for dear life, “What did you just say?” I demanded, raising my eyes to bore straight back into his. I could see him backtracking in his mind, weighing out what he had previously said. “‘I think it’s better that you leave it alone,’” I pointed at him accusingly. “That’s what the note said today, or something like that.”
Alex’s eyebrows rose and his jaw loosened before he recovered his stoic mask, “I must have just taken the words from what you told me, accidentally.”
“No,” Fervently, I shook my head, becoming more and more sure in what I was saying. “No, I never told you about that specific note.”
“Blaise, I really think you need to calm down.” Alex raised his hands, palms up.
I realized that my voice had grown frantic, slightly hysterical. At that point in time, I was unable to care.
“You know something, I know you do!”
“I think that you’re not making much sense right now, maybe we should talk on Monday.” He started to turn around, and I couldn’t grasp any weaknesses in his voice, the telltale sign of a lie.
It was all a little too deflective and perfect.
I lunged forward and grabbed his arm, feeling raw tingling through the hand that gripped his forearm. “You have to know something.” I’d been reduced to pathetic begging.
Alex turned on me, jerking his arm out of my grasp, fire smoldering in his flint blue eyes, “I don’t know anything. Get that into your head, now, okay?”
His tone was sharp, and it bit straight into my soul.
As he slid into his car and drove away, I hoped that he would look back, at least once, but he didn’t.