I felt my heart thump against my chest once the room fell into silence.
'Do you want to play a game?'
What did that even mean. Samantha just stared at me with an evil glint in her eye seeing the reaction she got from the class. Rue and the boys were glaring daggers at Samantha, if looks could kill I swear they'd have to bury here five times for each of there gazes. Obviously I was missing something here, I'm not surprised, I'm new. Samantha found the perfect new play thing, and her 'game' didn't sound pleasant. Everyone was at the edge of there seat, waiting for my answer, yearning for my demise. I wasn't scared though, I was gonna die soon. Of course I couldn't just come out and say that. I wasn't a stranger to bullying, and pain was an old friend of mine so I guess there's nothing to be afraid of. At this conclusion I relaxed, I felt my shoulders slump and my expression soften. Samantha wasn't expecting this, her face held confusion but she flipped her hair and erased it instantly.
I had come to a decision on how I'd respond, all this pondering had gone down in mere seconds after the question had been asked, it felt a lot longer though. I took a deep breath and steadied thundering heart beat. Once calm I spoke.
"No." I said simply.
Shock over comes her spray tanned face, her lips purse and her blue eyes widen in shock. She couldn't even hide her reaction with a decent hair flip.
"W-what?" She stuttered. I liked the reaction I got out of her. Like most snobby, self-centered, rich person, she wasn't accustomed to the word 'no' much. A week ago I wouldn't have dared to stand up, I wouldn't even blink before following her command. But a week ago I hadn't given up, a week ago I hadn't been taken to another level of abuse by my father, a week ago...I hadn't stopped having the will to fight.
Fighting to survive, I wasn't living I was surviving. Just a moving body flowing with others, my mark never to left on the world. Surviving meant keeping my head down, no friends, no love, no happiness. I fought to survive, I didn't know anything else was possible. But meeting the boys showed my not surviving but living. When you lived the world had endless colors, it was always as simple as right or wrong, and people like me got redemption. Living meant no fear, I survived because of fear. I want to live. I want to live. I want to live.
These words chanted in my head. I hadn't changed my mind about killing myself but while I was alive, I wanted to be free. I was tired of being afraid.
"No Samantha. I do not want to play your game." I stated flatly. The shock on her face made me stifle a snicker. Why would I have said yes? She wasn't forcing me to. Did she think because she asked I'd have no choice but to say yes? Her nose flared and anger filled her eyes. It reminded me of my father and I found myself looking away which I hated. She took that opportunity to speak.
"It's adorable how you thought I was asking. Listen I want you to come toy party tomorrow and have a sing off with me." She spat harshly at first but by the end her voice got high pitched, more of a shriek. Was she serious? I wasn't even in a singer major! So basically she wanted someone she knew she could win against so she could humiliate them and boost her ego. That's so cruel, I can't even imagine how many people she used this trick on. Everyone was too afraid to say no because of who she was.
"No." I said with a little bit more of an edge in my voice. She was annoying me now.
"What? You scared you'll lose?" She spat. She flipped her hair two more times trying to regain her confidence in how this conversation would end. I scoffed harshly.
"No. I'm totally positive I'll win against someone who specializes in what we're competing against." I spat with as much sarcasm as I could muster. I saw a few shocked faces from people watching us out of the corner of my eye. I even saw glares from Samantha's minions.
Samantha stomped her foot like a five year old having a tantrum. I was sure her heel would break uder the pressure.
"So you are afraid you'll lose? Well to prove me wrong you'll have to battle me at my party." She chirped sassisly, uncertainty in her eyes. Why did she think I want to prove her wrong? I don't have to defend my pride or anything. And why was she so confident? Her voice was mediocre at best. She only got in with money.
"Listen, I'm not going to compete with you." I snapped. I tapped my pencil impatiently on my desk, wondering why the teacher wasn't here five minutes after class had started. I'm starting to think the whole universe is out to get me. No worries it'll get it's wish of my demise when I end it all. Samantha used her last resort, her trump card.
"Battle me or I'll Black List you from practicing until The Formal!" She screeched. I heard a few gasps.
"Samantha!" I hear Rue snap behind me harshly, his tone was warning. I had no idea how that was even possible, Black Listing was a thing only teachers could do. It was funny in a way, she thought I cared about not being able to play. I was only gonna play once, which is on The Formal. It may sound kinda stupid not practicing for the most important performance of the semester, but I'm not gonna subject myself to more flashbacks then are needed. She looked like she was certain I would give in, like I'd beg for her not to. She was certain her father had enough money to get me Black Listed. Little did she know my father would never let that happen, this was his school.
I did something I knew non of them expected. I laughed.
I couldn't help it, her attempts were actually funny. I sobered up quickly though, my face turning serious. I rose from my seat so now under was standing and face to face with her. I looked her straight in the eye when I spoke.
"No. Do. Your. Worst. Samantha." I spat venomously. Who am I and what have I done with Sonata!?! Where did all this confidence come from? I guess knowing your gonna die makes you sassy huh?
There's still a small chance technically of me not ending my life. A chance of the boys not giving up on me, and me not having a mental breakdown when I play violin in month or two. Oh and not to mention the trauma of my father stealing that last thing I held on to by raping me because I look like my dead mother......but I find that scenario highly unlikely.
I was knocked out my thoughts when I felt my face slightly jerk to the side and a tiny bit of pain in my right cheek. My sense instantly concluded I had been slapped. How did my father get here? When? Why? How? Wait a minute.......I was brought back to reality when I realized there's no way my father hit that soft. I turned to see Samantha with a red face. Did she just slap me? Oh. Hell. No. I was full of sudden anger. Something I wasn't used to either. I had an urge to lunge and beat the hell out of her. But I hate violence if you hadn't guessed already, violence didn't solve anything and I was not about to use it ever.
"Wow. Your hits aren't enough to hurt a five year old girl." I shrugged and cocked my head to the side. "You get an A for effort I guess." I said flatly.
And with those words I had sat back down and continued drawing. Everyone's mouths hung open in shock. I basked in their shock. I looked back to Rue and winked. Him and the boys were all smirking at my success. By this time Samantha had stomped off in a hissy fit. I turned back In my seat and like clockwork the sluty teacher arrives. Her lipstick was smeared and her clothes were disheveled. It didn't take a genius to figure out why she was fifteen minutes late. It disgusted me how people would partake in that type of stuff on purpose. It always hurt and it made you feel dirty and sick. Even kissing.
But than again I had my first kiss when I was ten with a forty year old man who claimed to be showing me his normal fatherly love, so who am I to judge?
I chuckled out loud at that. I'm so dirty I'm worse than the gum at the bottom of your shoe. And hear I am judging people. If I died I'd just be removing some of it's filth. The rest of class Rue made me stay awake and not sleep threw the whole thing. I didn't want to sleep anyway, I knew my father and his touching along with David's would be there waiting in sleep. I stayed awake drowning in my thoughts, I suddenly felt a lump in my throat from reminding myself how far my father had tried to go last night. It wasn't a dream. There's no ways I'd cry in class, but it's hard when I started thinking about how I had to go back to that monster and protect myself again after school.
Suddenly I felt a warm grimy hand on my inner thigh, making it way up my skirt, it's fingernails dragged against my skin as it went higher and higher until it reached....I jolted and immediately looked down to see who it was. My heart was beating so much it hurt and the walls began to close in on me. But there was nothing, I was just imagining it, there was no hand, no one was touching me. I cursed myself for my fear getting a hold of me. It felt so real, I could feel the texture of his skin lingering on my thigh. Tears stung my eyes but I quickly blinked them back, stop Sonata not here. I felt someone tap my shoulder and keep winced a bit, I swung my head to the right and saw Alex looked concerned. 'You ok?' He mouthed with furrowed brows. I saved him a stiff nod and turned my attention back to the teacher, I knew all the material she was teaching but I need to focus on something other than that hand.
A single tear cascaded down my cheek but I wiped faster than the speed of light.