Chapter Thirty-Nine
"Good morning, everyone," Temperance stated brightly as she stepped into the kitchen the next morning.
Wilma, Sophia, Sarah and Millie looked up from the food they were eating and stared wide-eyed at her with varying degrees of shock.
"Uh..hello, child," Wilma replied, the first to recover and stand to welcome Temperance to the kitchen.
"Is there room for me at the table?" Temperance asked.
"Of course," Wilma quickly walked to the stove to make a plate and Temperance shook her head.
"Sit down, Wilma. I can make my own plate."
Temperance could feel them all watching her closely as she went about preparing her breakfast plate and then sat down at the crowded table between Wilma and Sophia. Both of their bodies bumping against her was the closest physical contact she had had aside from cuddling with her son in a long time and while it filled her with a touch of unease, Temperance forced herself to ignore it.
These were her friends--or at least they had once been. She did not need to fear them. She couldn't blame them for the way they were looking at her or for their confused silence. Temperance hadn't been to the kitchen this early without Jackson in a long time--and she hadn't greeted them, eaten with them or acted interested in conversation in even longer.
"You all should finish your breakfast," Temperance urged.
Slowly everyone but Wilma picked up their forks and went back to their meal, though they were picking at it more than they were eating it. Wilma tilted her head and frowned. "You seem different this morning," she stated.
Temperance was quiet for a moment and then she nodded. "I feel different this morning."
The talk she and Tanner had had the night before combined with what Wilma had said to her that afternoon had opened Temperance's eyes to quite a few things. She had realized that she was keeping walls around herself in order to keep from losing those she cared about but in doing so she had essentially lost those she cared about.
And the unexpected didn't necessarily have to be bad. She certainly hadn't expected Tanner to ask her to be his wife. She hadn't expected the man would vow such an undying devotion and willingness to sacrifice things he could have with other women just so he could have her by his side.
She hadn't expected Tanner to come riding in and give her son a father--a family. Yes, the unexpected could be heartbreaking at times but it could also be heartwarming, earth spinning and wonderful. And Temperance was starting to believe it was worth the risk. Hope and happiness might just be worth risking the pain that came with the bad.
"Did you rest well?" Sophia questioned, her voice meek and quiet just like she was.
"No," Temperance admitted. "I barely slept at all."
In truth, she had been up until very nearly dawn with Tanner. They had talked about many things. Simple things. Favorite foods, activities, books and seasons. Tanner had told her stories about growing up in such a wealthy home. With Trevor and their father around it had been tense and miserable but Tanner spoke fondly of his mother and claimed that she had been a saint and an angel trapped in a marriage to a man who treated her like dirt beneath his boots.
It seemed that Trevor had come upon his abusive ways naturally.
Temperance had told Tanner bits and pieces of her life. Speaking of her family was still something very painful for her but she talked about the things she missed the most. The quiet mornings with her mama and sisters or the evenings spent sitting in front of the fire quilting with her mama after her sisters had gone to bed. She missed her father's laugh, her brother's teasing, her sister's antics and their innocence....
Sharing all of that had been quite therapeutic somehow and left her feeling lighter than she had in years. Yes, last night had been a good night. Temperance had already known that she loved Tanner but now she saw that they truly liked one another as well. She had smiled with him while rambling on into the early hours of the morning.
Tanner was the only person, other than Jackson, who had seen her smile in many many years. She had a feeling that he was her dream just as he had said that she was his. How strange! That a man would see her as a dream!
Did Temperance want to marry Tanner?
She nibbled at her lip.
The answer should be a resounding absolute yes but there was one thing holding her back. Marriage meant marital duties and even though she knew that Tanner would not push her, she also knew it wasn't right to deny him those things that a husband should get from his wife.
"It's been a long time since you ate with us, Temperance," Wilma spoke, pulling Temperance from her confused and muddled thoughts. "Jackson and all the men are still sleeping soundly. Is something...wrong?"
"No," Temperance shook her head. "No, for the first time in a long time I can say that I think things are going to be alright."
Temperance was surprised by the happy smiles that lit up the faces of the four women around her. "And does this sudden change of outlook on life have anything to do with your late night encounter with Tanner?" Wilma teased.
Temperance frowned. "How did you know...?"
"I was on my way to the outhouse and saw both of you on the balcony.. I didn't mean to snoop!" Millie quickly assured her. "I was just happy to see you smiling."
Temperance shifted in her seat and pushed her eggs around on her plate. "It has a lot to do with him, yes. But Wilma said some things to me yesterday that helped as well." Temperance looked at teach of the women in turn. "I owe all of you an apology."
"What are ya talkin' about, child?" Wilma asked gently.
Temperance sighed and thought about what she wanted to say. "I pushed each and every one of you away when what I should have done was pulled you closer. We all went through hell because of Trevor and those men and it wasn't right of me to turn my back on you."
"Temperance, child, none of us are mad at you for how you dealt with your pain..." Wilma began.
"That's just it," Temperance interrupted as she sat her fork down. "I didn't deal with it. I locked it all up and locked myself up with it." She glanced up at the ceiling and blinked back tears. "But I am going to work on healing now. I have an amazing son, I have a man who loves me and I have you--my friends. I feel like finally, after all these years, I can honestly say that we're all going to be okay."
A happy smile lit up Wilma's face. "Child, ya have no idea how happy I am to hear that!" she exclaimed with her hand on her heart. "Can I hug ya, child?"
Temperance nodded. "Please do... I think I've been needing that for a while."
Without making her wait any longer, Wilma wrapped her in a warm hug that soothed Temperance's soul and filled up a few of those broken empty spaces still left inside.
"Mommy!" Jackson's happy voice and the sound of his pounding feet had Temperance pulling away from Wilma. She stood just in time to catch Jackson in her arms as he launched himself at her. "Mommy, I woke daddy up!"
Temperance looked up from her son's perfect face and saw Tanner stumble into the kitchen as well. His face was lined from being pressed against a pillow, his blond hair was disheveled and his shirt was wrinkled and untucked.
He took Temperance's breath.
"Jackson, you shouldn't have done that. Daddy needs his sleep," Temperance scolded, finding that it wasn't awkward in the least to give Tanner that name for her son. In her dreams, Tanner had been Jackson's father, and now, because Tanner was such a loving and amazing man, he had made that dream a reality.
"It's alright," Tanner insisted. He stepped forward and laid a gentle hand on Temperance's elbow before kissing the top of her head. "He has some bony knees when he jumps on your ribs though. We need to feed that boy some lard."
"Jackson! You jumped on him?" Temperance exclaimed with a shake of her head.
"What?" Jackson shrugged his shoulders. "He laughed. He wasn't mad."
"That's right," Tanner ruffled the boy's hair and smiled proudly. "I wasn't mad at all. First time in my life I ever got woke up by my son. I couldn't be mad about that if I tried."
"Mommy, he was sleeping outside!" Jackson giggled. "I want to sleep outside!"
"He's lucky he didn't get all wet," Temperance noted, thinking of the storm that had managed to go around them.
"Can I sleep outside tonight?" Jackson asked excitedly.
Temperance sat him on his feet and was about to say no when Tanner laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I wouldn't mind some company just for the night--as long as the weather permits."
Temperance nodded. "That's fine with me then."
"Mommy, you can come too! We can have a camp out!" Jackson exclaimed excitedly before running to the counter and snatching a biscuit. Crumbs fell down his chest as he took a big bite and Temperance laughed lightly.
"Holy hell...." Tanner's muttered curse drew Temperance's attention away from her son and she realized that everyone was staring at her with surprise.
"What?" she whispered, feeling more than a little uncomfortable with all the attention.
"You got a real nice laugh, Temp," Tanner informed her. "I'd never heard it before."
Temperance bit her lip and thought back. "I haven't laughed in a long time." she admitted. "Not since my family died."
Tanner smiled and touched her cheek. "Welcome back, Temp."