Chapter Twenty-Eight
Temperance stepped gingerly out into the sunlight. It was bright and hot and felt good against her skin, though her eyes squinted at the sudden onslaught.
Nearly three weeks she had been laying on her stomach with very little movement as the wounds on her back had worked on scabbing over. Several had had to be stitched because they had been so severe and Temperance was grateful that Wilma was educated in such things.
Temperance looked up at the bright sun and the peaceful blue sky full of blue clouds and marveled at just how mocking it all seemed.
Today was not a happy day. Today was the day that the verdict of Tanner's trial would be announced and he would be sentenced. Temperance had been unable to testify in person on his behalf but she had sent in a written testimony that Patrick Starr had come out and picked up.
Felix had been in the courtroom during it all and had said that things weren't looking very well for Tanner. The guilt Temperance felt inside was nearly crippling. Tanner had done what he had done because of her.... If she hadn't put that rifle down, if she hadn't opened that door, if she had never gone to him with her problems in the first place, then Tanner would not be facing a noose.
"Are ya sure ya can handle a trip to town, Temperance?" Wilma asked gently.
Temperance nodded. "I have no choice," she replied. "I have to be there for Tanner."
"I understand," Wilma laid a gentle hand on Temperance's shoulder and Temperance tensed and moved away from the touch. Human contact caused her heart to race and breathing to become difficult--even from Wilma whom she trusted.
Wilma sighed and walked past her. "I'll have Felix ready a cart with plenty of soft blankets. You're probably going to be in a lot of pain, Temperance."
Temperance simply sighed. "Pain is nothing new to me."
The ride to town was painful and it took much longer than normal as Felix kept the pace slow and attempted to pick the least rutted routes possible. It left Temperance with plenty of time to think about herself and her life.
Trevor was gone. She was a free woman. Free to leave the plantation and have a life anywhere she chose and yet.... She couldn't think of anywhere else that she would go.
The only people in the world that she knew lived here. True, most of the old slaves had chosen to leave after Trevor's death and Tanner's arrest but there were still ten here. Five men that Temperance had never spoken to other than in passing, Felix, Wilma and three young girls, twelve, thirteen and sixteen who had been too young to simply go off on their own.
And if Tanner was found innocent he would be back as well. Temperance couldn't think of anywhere else she could possibly live. She only hoped that Tanner would be allowed to live and that he would still want her here. He had been forced to shoot his brother in the back because of her... maybe that would cause him to want her gone.
Getting out of the wagon at the courthouse in town proved to be a spectacle. Cries had arisen when people had realized that she was Trevor's battered widow. She was the woman who, in the eyes of the town, had caused the brothers to feud and had led to one murdering the other in a cold blooded jealous rage.
Wilma led Temperance inside with Felix attempting to fight back the crowd. Temperance was forced to stand--she could have sat in one of the rows of seats but negros were not permitted to sit and she would not sit without her friends.
Temperance was nervous in the crowd. She stiffened whenever anyone bumped against her. Her heart beat violently against her ribs when a man made eye contact. She wanted to run and yet she had to stay--she had to hear what was going to become of Tanner.
The courtroom became hushed as Tanner was led inside. Temperance felt her heart constrict at the sight of him. He was pale, he seemed to have lost whatever weight he had gained and his face was gaunt and covered in a beard. His blue/gray eyes met hers and for a moment they sparked with life. Temperance raised her hand in acknowledgment and he did the same though she realized that his hands were shackled together.
A pin could have been heard dropping and striking against the wooden planks of the floor when the judge asked the jury to release their verdict.
Guilty.
The word hang heavy in the air and seemed to suck every ounce of the precious oxygen away from her. Temperance was gasping in lung full after lung full but it didn't seem to be enough.
Fighting hard to remain focused she turned her attention to the judge. "The circumstances surrounding this case are simply terrible," he admitted after a lengthy pause. "We've heard several testimonies and accounts of the victims cruelty and his unjust and wicked actions that led to the defendants decision to end his life. Tanner Montgomery, because of the details of the case and the extenuating circumstances I am not going to sentence you to death by hanging. Instead you will serve a term of no less than twenty-five years in Stiton Prison in the state of Virginia."
Temperance's world stopped spinning. Twenty-five years? Tanner would be an old man before he ever saw freedom again.
All because of her.
Tanner turned in his seat and his eyes met hers. Temperance felt the tears on her cheeks and saw the concern in his gaze. When his lips curved in the tiniest of smiles, Temperance broke down.
Felix attempted to hug her and she let out a scream--though she wasn't conscious of doing so--and pulled away from him. She tripped and struck her back against the support post for the balcony.
Pain radiated through her battered body. She gagged, paled and nearly fell to the ground.
Suddenly a pair of strong hands steadied her even as guards yelled out for their prisoner to come back.
Temperance looked up into Tanner's eyes. "Don't you blame yourself for this, Temp. I did what needed to be done and I'd do it again a million times. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You're gonna be just fine."
Temperance couldn't respond to him. She couldn't seem to form words. Between the pain in her back and the pain in her heart she was left paralyzed.
The guards jerked Tanner away and led him from the building.
Temperance was ushered back to the wagon as reporters attempted to ask her questions but their inquiries fell upon deaf ears. Only one thing kept echoing in Temperance's mind.
Twenty-five years....
***
Temperance stood upon the porch and watched Felix riding in. It had been a month since the trial had ended and Tanner had been shipped off to Virginia. Life had been at a virtual standstill for Temperance in that month.
She barely ate, barely slept, barely spoke. She couldn't remember the last time she had smiled or felt any joy at all--she was dead inside. The only feeling she ever did feel was sadness and despair.
Trevor might be dead but the damage to Temperance was already done.
Tanner had left her in charge of the plantation and had had the deed notarized in her name until he could return one day but Temperance took no part in the day to day operations. She left that to the workers who were left and she remained locked either in her room all day or sitting here on this porch.
Nothing in life meant anything any longer. And she was hiding a secret... a secret that plagued her mind and took what little peace she had had left in her soul.
"Hello, Miss Temperance," Felix smiled as he dismounted. Temperance felt that usual nervousness creep in when she realized they were alone at the porch.
She knew it was foolish. She knew that Felix would never hurt her and yet a part of her mind was left unconvinced, skittish and prone to attacks of anxiety whenever she found herself alone with any man.
"Hello, Felix," Temperance replied quietly.
"I have a letter for ya." Felix pulled an envelope from the inside of his vest. "Might put a smile on your face," he added hopefully.
Temperance took the envelope and without a word she went back inside. She locked herself in her bedroom, sat down upon the bed and stared down at the envelope Felix had handed her.
It was from Tanner.
Felix had gone to visit the man and take him a care package that Temperance and the others had put together. Apparently Tanner had sent something in return.
With trembling hands and more than a bit of apprehension, Temperance opened the envelope and unfolded the letter.
Dearest Temperance,
As I sit here and write this I am first eager to let you know that it isn't as bad here as I had feared it would be. The food is good and the guards are much nicer than those in the prison camps I called home for so long. So please don't worry about me. I will be just fine.
I worry about you.
The light was gone from your eyes in the courthouse that day. Please don't do that. Don't let my brother win.
You are a beautiful light for this earth, Temperance, and to deprive the world of seeing your glow and your smile would be a disservice that no one deserves. I have yet to truly see that smile for myself but I know it's there and I know it is breathtaking.
I am going to be honest in my words to you because I feel I can be--I trust you just as you once said you trusted me. I love you, Temperance. I know it isn't fair of me to say since it will be a lifetime before I can return to you, but I love you. I was locked in prisons and saw only darkness and such horrible sights that you would not believe for so very long... I thought I was dead inside, Temperance, but the sight of you, the sound of your voice, the kinship I saw in your eyes--it brought me back from the brink.
I'm not asking you to wait on me should you meet someone else that brings you to life but please know that not all men are Trevor's or Yancy's. Not all men are bad. I would never hurt you, never force you, never cause you to feel anything less than perfect.
With those words I'll end this letter. I'm not sure why I have told you the truth that's in my heart. I'm sorry if you find it a burden to be loved by a man locked away from you.
Find happiness, Temp. Let your light shine and don't you dare hide away in fear.
Always and Forever Yours
Tanner
Sobs wracked Temperance's thin frame as she clutched the letter to her breast.
He loved her.
How desperately she wanted to tell him she would wait for him. She wasn't sure that she loved him--wasn't sure that she even knew what that was. She couldn't give him what other women could--couldn't even think about those types of duties without nearly vomiting and growing short of breath--but she wanted to be near Tanner. He was the only person in so very long to cause her to feel safe...
But she couldn't tell him that.
She couldn't write him back.
She couldn't be as honest about what was in her heart as he had been about what was in his.
She laid her hand over her stomach and stared out the French doors. How did you tell a man that you wanted him to be yours when you knew the truth. How could you ask him to be with you when you knew you were carrying the child of the man he had murdered--the man who had raped you--in your womb?