"SO... LET ME get this straight, yeah? You're telling me that Bernard, right- our Bernard, is part of some elaborate scheme that was developed in the birth of this city and all planned out to avoid the possibility of an uprising? That everyone- everyone down there," Julian says, jabbing an index towards the snowy ground, "is going to die?"
"Pretty much."
"That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard."
"It's not, I swear, I saw it--" I start, but Julian cuts me off with humourless, hysteric laughter that echoes down the empty street. Suddenly paranoid that it'll attract a nearby drone, I lunge forwards and clamp a firm hand onto Julian's mouth, staring at them firmly. "Stop," I snap. They respond by ripping themselves away.
A wheezy cough sounds, and I spin around. I'd forgotten about Vance, who sits there, legs stretched out across the snow-dusted pavement, back against the glass facade of a building. His face is drained of all colour, his cheekbones accentuating his gaunt-looking features. I can see his fingers trembling in his lap through the plumes of my breath. I make eye contact with him and give him a hard look, expecting him to back me up.
"It makes sense, Julian," he begins, and is cut off by another cough. But his affirmation doesn't help anyone, or anything, for that matter, as Julian whips their head around to look at us both, fuming. I swear I can see the snowflakes melting before they touch Julian's flushed cheeks.
Fists clenched and arms rigid beside their body, Julian shakes, staying rooted to the spot, as if they're fighting the overwhelming urge to punch one of us in the face. Honestly, I can't blame them. I'm rather familiar with the feeling. "You-" they start, darkened eyes zipping over to land on me. "I bet this is you. You've done this. You needed some excuse to get you both the fuck out of there, and you've made this up. It's not possible." They draw in a deep breath. "Bernard- it's- no. It's not fucking possible. He's like a father to me. He'd never do that to me. To us. The people down there are the people he protects, not the people he's dooming. It's not bloody possible."
My expression remains stoic. "Cut the sentiment, Julian. What's done is done," I say sharply. "Now. Do you want to stay out here and wait for someone to come and arrest us, or do you want to come and get to safety?"
Julian marches up to me and grabs me by the lapels of my itchy, uncomfortable coat, drawing my face inches away from theirs. "We're not done with this conversation," they snap, and trod over to Vance to help him to his feet. He looks sickly and confused, and utterly out of it.
"Where are we going?"
"Shut up and walk, Julian," I answer, righting my coat with a sharp tug before starting to lead the way. I remember every path I've ever taken in this city, and I find Vance's apartment with such ease that I'm relatively pleased with myself.
I dig Vance's keys out of his coat pocket without asking (the poor man doesn't look like he'd be able to give me verbal permission anyways) and lead us up the stairs and into his glass apartment.
The door gets stuck halfway as I open it, and it soon becomes apparent why. A chair lies sandwiched between the wall and the door, on its side, one leg broken. We walk on the broken coffee mugs and crockery that once occupied the space in Vance's kitchen cupboards. The glass-topped dining table has been flipped over, the surface lined with a spider's web of cracks. A broken vase lies in the corner, amongst a pile of papers. We kick up pieces of ripped paper with every footstep, dust dancing in the sunbeams that enter in through the apartment walls, surrounding us.
Julian bends down and picks up a broken picture frame. "Was this your family?" They ask Vance, who nods a reply, his wide eyes looking over his wrecked- his vandalised apartment.
Vance suddenly freezes, then, and slowly, with trembling hands, takes the picture frame from Julian and undoes the back, sliding the photo out. "Thank you," he whispers, and folds it up, slipping it into his pocket. He stands apart from us as he takes a few steps forward, towards the large, floor-to-ceiling windows that make up the walls of the dining room. What I see before me is an upended life of luxury. Vance turns around to face us both; back to the sunlight, dimmed by blotted grey clouds. He looks sullen, empty. The shadows lay heavy bags under his eyes and sharpen the lines of his angular face. In that moment, he looks thirty years his senior. "I'd like you to leave," he suddenly says.
I clench my jaw. "No. We need everything you have on them. We need to know everything."
"Please leave. You've taken enough. You know enough."
Before I even open my mouth, Julian lays a hand on my upper arm, and gives me a hard stare. "The man's in pain, Evanna, can't you see that?" They say, as if he isn't there.
"No." My answer is stubborn and demanding. I turn back to Vance, storm over to him until our chests are practically touching. He's taller than me. The eyes that meet mine are pale blue and full of... of humanity. "You have to help us. You have to help us, you coward!"
"Evanna. Stop." I yank my arm away from Julian, but five minutes later finds us both at the foot of the building, scarves wrapped around our faces; in Julian's case, to keep out the cold; in mine, to cover my face. I'm scowling so much I can hardly see.
Julian stands there with their hands shoved deep in their coat pockets; I can hear their noisy breathing from a mile off.
"Ugh," comes a muffled comment. Julian's grey, itchy-looking scarf is tugged up right up to their eyes. "My breath smells awful."
"Shut up," I snap, and grab Julian by the wrist, yanking them towards me, our faces mere centimetres apart. "What was all that about? You're a fool, Julian! He knows things- important things, that can help us!"
The twinkle in Julian's eyes does nothing but infuriate me,and I twist their wrist, making them stagger forwards slightly in an attempt to ease the pain.
"Easy there, hun. You and I need all our four hands," they reason, not a hint of satisfying fear in their voice. I tighten my grip, hear Julian sharply inhale, and then finally let go. "Thanks."
"Come on. We need to find somewhere to stay, and quickly. We don't need a drone coming this way and ratting us out. We can try the labs again. With enough luck we'll be able to reach them." Without the Red Hand's help, though. "Keep up."
▿
"The snow tastes different out here."
"Why are you tasting the snow?" Julian and I are outside of the city, making our way towards the laboratories. We tread with soundless footsteps in the powdery snow, our pale outfits and the thickly-falling snow camouflaging us effectively enough. Nevertheless, I find myself looking over my shoulder for any signs of danger every other second.
Julian notices my paranoia, of course. "Stop that," they say, grabbing my arm and pulling me forwards so my head snaps back to the front reflexively as I stumble. I let out a soft grunt, pull my arm from their grasp, and right myself, picking up the pace. "Nobody's following us." I tell Julian that if they'd killed the guard at the wall, we would have less to worry about. Julian's adamant that knocking her out the way we did will scare her into silence- or it'll land her in hospital with a fractured skull, and buy us time before she decides to talk. I'm doubtful of either.
Julian lets out a long sigh, a soft laugh, and to my horror, takes my hand. "Maybe we should just keep walking. Go past the laboratory, just walk and walk and walk. Just you and me."
"You wouldn't last three days in the cold."
Julian's response is more laughter.
The laboratory looks exactly as we left it from the outside, steel door slightly ajar. Snowflakes spurred on by the wind tumble around our heels and chase each other around our ankles as we step inside. The welcome mat is a dusting of snow that's made its way indoors. Our footfalls against the tiled flooring resonate down the long hallway lined with rooms just like the one I woke up in. Barring some of the path straight ahead is a smattering of broken technology. Wires dangle from the ceiling. A needle swings from an IV drip that somehow ended up in the corridor like a morbid pendulum.
"It looks so... abandoned," Julian says, as though they've never been here before.
"Almost a little too abandoned," I mutter back, and take another step forward, attempting to retrace our steps. Another left. Then a right. Everywhere we go, things appear to be broken. Either that, or they're frozen over, or covered in thick layers of dust. Several times I whip around, following something that's moved in the corner of my eye, but it's always Julian's reflection that I catch in the glass panes on either side of the corridors we walk. Julian holds the firearm out, although they seem to be making no effort to hide our presence. Once, Julian trips over a wire, crashes into me, and uses my shoulders to stop themselves from falling. They laugh the clumsiness off, and I respond with a very haughty shut up. As we approach the all-too-familiar laboratory I was once in, I start formulating a plan.
"We need to look at the full contents of the chip Vance gave me," I say, keeping my voice low. I don't like the way it reverberates across every wall. The corridor widens enough so we can walk shoulder-to shoulder. Julian sticks to me like an annoying burr, even though they've got enough room to wedge an inch or two of air between us. I'm practically scraping myself against the wall. "We'll be able to come up with a concrete plan once we know everything we can know. Perhaps there'll be things in the lab that can help us. And after-"
"After," Julian interrupts, making me set my face into an expression of annoyance, "we go back and get everyone out. We have to save them-" I make to open my mouth to contradict them, but Julian doesn't even let me get an angry sigh in. "We have to save them," they repeat. "I grew up with most of those people. I still don't believe Bernard could do that- and I'm not going to let the hundreds of people I love and know get slaughtered in some planned mass genocide. I don't give a flying fuck what their original plan is, but it's not going to happen. Not on my watch, no--" Their voice falters in their throat as they look up, and pull me to a stop, where I've been gazing at the floor with a furrowed brow.
"Wh-" My head jerks up. I feel my ribcage shudder with a staggered exhale.
A wizened voice that's as familiar as the laboratory walls surrounding us sounds. "Well, well, well. Evanna. We've been expecting you."
A/N: HEY HEY HEYYYYY
my friends
oh my goodness
what's it been, almost a year since I last wrote a proper chapter and updated?? this is insane. anyways, I owe you all an apology, and hopefully this chapter sort of makes up for the lack of updates. not to worry, I'm hoping they'll be more regular. here's what's going on in my life.
ya girl has finished her first year of med school. yeah, it's tough. yeah, it's hella stressful, and yes, it's been pushing shiver to my low-priorities list. but, since it's just my first year, I have a long-ass summer holiday (three months!! woot) in which I plan on doing a hell of a lot of reading, and, you guessed it- writing. my friend and I had a long sit-down at a cafe once where we discussed each others' books, and honestly, he's helped me realise what a mess shiver really is. mostly because I didn't actually plan the story before I wrote it. oops.
nevertheless, I'm going to plan out the rest of the story, finish shiver (hopefully) during the holidays, and then use this draft as a scaffold for the bad boy that will be the edited and much better version of this book. it goes without saying, though, that I couldn't have gotten this far and this into writing without you guys. your stream of endless support and love has really spurred me to continue shiver - even after its unplanned hiatus. thank you all for over 9k votes, and for over 150k reads. shiver got freaking featured, too. I'm still not over that. who knew this thing would get featured? it's thanks to you guys, really. I'm speechless and so thankful- and frankly, so honoured to be part of such a supportive community.
I love you all, and as always, don't forget to give this a little star if you liked it; and let me know what you think of the new chapter after a long period of silence.
love,
sarah xx