I wanted the week to be over fast. I wanted the wedding to just come and go so that I could forget about it all.
But of course, that didn't happen.
Each day rolled slowly into the next. I had a routine going. Sleep until noon, sulk until six, then drink at the Hellcat for whatever remained of the day.
I was trying to forget. But all it was doing was making me remember.
When I woke up Friday morning, my stomach was in knots and I wanted to throw up. It could have been the hangover making me sick, but I knew very well it wasn't.
Alex was getting married tomorrow.
And there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I didn't even get out of bed until afternoon. I skipped my usual sulk and went straight to the Hellcat. The sooner I started drinking, the sooner the pain would be gone.
I pulled on jeans and a sweater and headed out. The air was humid, but I was cold. Lue was working, but he'd learned the last few days that I wasn't in the mood to talk. He gave me a Dandelion and Burdock and left me to myself.
I don't know how long I was sitting there. Hours, surely. The sun disappeared and more people started filtering into the bar. I didn't care enough to turn around and look, though. That's probably why I didn't notice Matt was there until he was sitting right beside me.
"What in the actual fuck are you doing here?" he asked me, bewildered. "And why do you look like you got hit by a bus?"
"Hey, Matt."
"Davenport," he said, his tone going serious. "You should be in France right now."
"So should you."
"Well it's kind of hard to go to a wedding you didn't get invited to," he said.
"Wait, what? I thought you guys were flying out there today?"
Matt ordered a beer and cracked it open. "Yeah, we did too. But here we are the day before the wedding and no plane tickets. And conveniently, both Alex and Estella's phones are shut off."
"Are you serious?"
He took a drink. "Yep."
I narrowed my eyes. "Estella."
"She the reason you're not there?" Matt asked.
"Kind of," I said.
He looked at me for a long time. "Something happened."
"Obviously."
"Are you going to talk about it?"
I took a deep breath. "There's nothing to say. Alex is marrying Estella, and I realized that I just couldn't watch him go through with it. So I came back."
"Because you hate who he's marrying."
"Partly."
The corner of his mouth lifted slightly. "And because you're in love with him and have been since we were kids."
I took a drink, deciding not to answer.
"He used to be in love with you too, you know that right?"
I stared at him. "What do you mean?"
He laughed. "It was obvious, especially after we moved to London. He told me about the fight you two had the night before he moved. The one on the roof. He was gutted, Davenport. He thought you didn't care."
"What? Why would he think that?"
He shrugged. "I guess he wanted you to tell him to stay."
My heart felt like it was breaking all over again.
"How could I?" I said. "I was trying to let him do what was best for him."
"I know that. I just don't think he did for a long time."
We settled into silence for a moment. My mind was spinning. I should have told him to stay. If I had, everything would be different.
"Have you never listened to any of our music?" he said. " It's all clearly about you. Even the newer stuff."
This conversation was only making me feel worse. I didn't want to know any of it, because it couldn't change anything.
Alex was still in France, getting ready to get married.
And I was here, still thinking about him. Just like I'd always been.
Just like I'd always be.
I was going to ask him to change the subject but he said something that stopped me.
"I think it would be you two getting married if it weren't for his and Estella's accident, really," he said. "He didn't even like her that much before it happened. But after it he just kind of depended on her emotionally, and she was there for him. I have a theory that the whole crash was purposeful, but Nick just says I watch too many conspiracy theory documentaries."
"He told me about it the other day," I said. "It broke my heart."
Matt looked at me a little weird. "Why?"
"It just did."
"Well, I guess you'd know better than me," he said, shrugging. "Alex has never said a word about the accident to me. Neither has Estella, really. We don't' talk about it."
"That's understandable. The guilt eats Al alive. I can see it."
Matt's eyebrows pulled together. "Why would the guilt eat him alive?"
I was confused as to why he even had to ask, but then again he just said Al never talked about it.
"He blames himself because he was fucked up," I said. "Even though accidents happen to everyone."
"Oh," Matt said, but he still didn't look all the way there.
"I'm just glad he wasn't hurt," I said, trying to get the subject off of Alex's liability in the crash.
"Me too. He doesn't remember any of it because of how messed up he was, which is good."
A spark of anger flashed through me. That stupid fucker should have never gotten behind the wheel if he was that drunk or high. I had the urge to tell him that immediately because I cared so much about him, but it died down when I realized that I would probably never speak to him again.
And then the pain returned. I took a gulp of my Dandelion and Burdock.
"But I'm telling you right now," Matt said. "If that crazy bitch would have left Al with more than a concussion in that accident, I think I would have killed her."
"What?" I said, only half listening.
"I said if the accident would have been worse, I would have killed Estella. Becuase I still have my theory that it was intentional."
I stared at him, beyond confused. "Why would you have killed Estella?"
He looked puzzled at my bemusement. And that's when he said it, as casually as he would have recalled yesterday's weather.
"Because Estella was driving."
I choked mid drink.
Oh my god.
"What did you just say?"
I couldn't have heard him right.
"You're acting weird, Davenport," Matt said. "Are you sure you're not dr-"
"Matt!" I slammed my drink down and grabbed him by the shoulders. "What did you just say to me?"
"I asked if you were drunk-"
My frustration was boiling inside of me. "No, before that."
He had to think for a moment. "I uh, said that Estella was driving. What does this have to do with anything?"
Holy shit.
"Matt, how do you know this?"
"Uh, the doctor at the hospital," he said. "I remember talking to the cops, but none of them would say anything to me about it. It was almost like they were hiding it. Almost like..."
"Almost like someone had paid them off," I said, more to myself than him.
Oh my god.
The accident wasn't Alex's fault.
It was Estella's.
And she had purposely kept him in the dark because he couldn't remember anything. She had manipulated him into thinking that she'd hidden his secret from the world because she loved him so much.
But it wasn't his secret.
It was hers.
"Why didn't you ever tell Alex?" I said, leaping from the barstool and rushing to put my jacket on.
Matt looked absolutely bewildered. "What do you mean never told him? He never talked about the accident. And I know Estella told him everything..."
He trailed off then, his eyes growing wide. He understood.
"She lied, didn't she?"
I was already taking off to the door and Matt was right behind me. I pulled my phone out and tried calling Alex. No answer. I tried both Estella and Miles, but it was the same.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I shoved my phone back in my pocket and pushed through the crowd.
"She blackmailed me," I told him, yelling over the noise of the bar. "Alex and I were going to leave together but she told me that if I didn't leave him that she'd sell the story and ruin his career."
"Holy fuck," he said. "That evil bitch."
I was shoving people out of my way now trying to get to the door. "And so now he's going to marry her in 20 hours."
"Okay, but so what? You can just tell him the truth when he gets back and they can divorce or whatever."
"No, Matt," I said. "You know she's smarter than that."
We made it to the door then. I pushed it open and started running. There was no time to wait for a cab.
"He didn't sign a prenup," Matt said struggling to catch up to me. "Do you think..?"
"Do I think that she'll threaten to take all of his money if he leaves her when we tell him the truth? Fuck yes I do, Matthew!"
"Oh fuck," he said. "This is bad."
"Very bad."
"What are we going to do?"
"I don't know," I said. How was I supposed to get a plane ticket to France in 18 hours? It was impossible. Especially considering the fact that I was completely broke.
"Wait!"I said, stopping abruptly. "Luke."
Matt crashed into me, nearly knocking both of us down. "Luke?"
"Luke Pritchard," I said, pulling out my phone as fast as I could.
"As in the guy from the Kooks?"
I didn't have time to answer him before I had Luke on the phone. It only rung twice before he answered.
"Emilia!" he said. "How are-"
"You're playing in Paris, right?"
"Well, yeah-"
"I need to get to France. Like now."
"Uhh-"
"And I need your help," I said. "I didn't know who else to call, and you said the other week that you were playing in Paris sometime this month and I was just hoping-"
My voice broke off, realizing how futile my attempt was. What were the chances of tonight behind the night he went to Paris?
"I'm sorry," he said, confirming my fears. "We just got to Paris yesterday. What's this all about?"
My stomach sank with dread. Of course. I'd just missed it.
"I thought you were already in France for Alex's wedding," he said.
"It's a long story," I told him, trying to talk around the lump in my throat and the giant knot in my stomach.
"Oh," he said, seeming to understand. "Alex."
I didn't have the heart to answer.
"I wish I could help you," he said. "I really do. But I don't know what to tell you."
"It's okay," I said to him. And it was okay. I knew he'd help me if he could.
But that didn't change the fact that my only hope of getting to Alex was gone. I guess it was a sign that I needed to give up.
It was over.
"Thanks anyway, Luke," I said, my voice barely there. "Good luck at your show."
I pulled the phone away from my ear, ready to hang up when he spoke again.
"Wait."
"What?" I said.
"Hold on just one second."
There was some rustling on the other end, and I could hear him talking to another person but it was too quiet to make out what he was saying.
"Um, Emilia," he said. "You won't belive this."
"What?"
"Our production crew isn't flying out here until tomorrow night."
My heart sank again. "I don't have until tomorrow night, Luke."
"I know," he said. "But Hugh broke our speaker so our sound guy is flying out tonight."
Tonight.
The air left my lungs. "When?"
"He's on the red eye at Heathrow. His flight leaves at 11."
I looked at my phone.
8:05.
Fuck.
"There's no way we can make it to Heathrow in under 3 hours," I said to him.
"Emilia," he said, his voice going serious. "This is about Alex, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"And you love him?"
"Yes."
"Then I'm telling our sound guy to not get on that plane. You're going to use his ticket and you're coming to France."
"But-"
"I'll see you in Paris at 2. We'll have a car waiting."
"You don't have to do this, Luke," I said. "Really."
I could almost hear his smile over the phone. "What are friends for? Now go, you don't have much time."
He hung up, and I didn't even have time to be shocked. I immediatley called Elliot, ignoring Matt's endless questions.
"Come pick me up," I said before he could even say 'hello'. "I'm right outside the Hellcat."
"Are you drunk? Becuase I really don't want-"
"Elliot Michael Majors, get your ass to the Hellcat right now because the future of my life and Alex's depends on you."
That's all it took.
"Give me ten minutes," he said and hung up.
"What's going on?" Matt asked when my phone was finally back in my pocket.
I looked up to him them, something inside of me shifting. I no longer felt helpless or sad. I was determined, more so than I had ever been in my life.
Becuase if I didn't get Alex in time, everything I'd waited my whole life for would be gone.
So I looked at Matt and said simply,
"I'm going to stop the wedding."